Authors: Jessica Gunhammer
I ended up not going down to the boat docks last night. I couldn’t bring myself to do it after the amazing but awkward kiss that Nate and I had shared. I walked back to the campsite and laid down in bed. It didn’t take but ten minu
tes for Tori and the guys to make their way back to look for me. When they came inside, I pretended to be asleep. I knew that I wouldn’t have to talk to Tori about what had happened because her mom was sleeping and they wouldn’t dare wake her up.
Today was going to be another story
. We were leaving and I had a good hour drive with her. I knew she was going to be prying for answers. Luckily, she must’ve known that something had happened between Nate and I because even though she gave me sympathetic looks all morning, she waited until he and Brent had left before she started asking any questions.
“Are you going to be okay? What happened last night? When Nate came down without you
, I got worried.” She and I grabbed the last of the things off the picnic table and tossed them in the trunk of the car.
“I don’t know. I’m so confused. I finally asked him what his deal was because he’s been giving me all these crazy mixed signals
. Then we kissed and things got all weird and he took off.”
“You guys kissed?” She didn’t sound as surprised as I thought she would.
“Yeah.”
“And then he ran away?” I’m glad I wasn’t the only one confuse
d by this.
“Pretty much.”
“Was it good at least?” Tori was always good at making me laugh.
“Of course it was. It was great
, actually.” My smile faded as I remembered how things had ended.
“I’m sorry. Guys are stupid.”
“You aren’t kidding.” I walked around to the passenger side of the car and got in. We didn’t talk for a while; she knew I wasn’t going to be in much of a talking mood. I had too many things running through my head right now.
“So, what are you going to do?” I jumped when she spoke. I was too used to the silence.
“I don’t know. What is there to do? He told me he can’t.”
“He can’t what?”
“I don’t know? Kiss me, I guess? Be with me? I don’t know.”
“Why?”
“If I knew that I probably wouldn’t be so confused right now!” I didn’t mean to snap at her but this emotional rollercoaster and the amount of alcohol and lack of sleep I had last night didn’t make me feel up to answering all these questions. Or talking at all, for that matter.
“Well, that’s a start. Find out why.” She was right. It wouldn’t hurt to ask him. He seemed so freaked out when he took off last night, I
had no idea what to think. I didn’t know if he had a girlfriend or if he just wasn’t in to me or what. It would at least help me get some closure if I knew what was going on. Out of all the things I thought would happen on my summer break, this was the last thing on my list.
***
Tori dropped me off at my house before she went home. I was glad she didn’t insist I go back to her house because I wasn’t in the mood to run into Nate. I just wanted to be alone and I needed sleep desperately. I was happy it was Monday because my parents were both at work. I wasn’t in the mood to be interrogated.
Every time I went anywhere or did anything
, they always asked: what’d you do? Who was there? Did you have fun? Was anyone else there? Were so and so’s parent’s there? Was there alcohol? What about drugs? I’m eighteen and they act as if I’m fifteen. They are way too overprotective and that’s why I liked to spend most of my time at Tori’s. They liked her and didn’t ask
as
many questions if they knew I was with her. If they only knew what really happened when we got together.
I went upstairs and showered then climbed in bed. I picked my phone up off the nightstand and noticed I had a text message
from an unknown number. My stomach dropped, was it from who I thought? I opened the message and it read:
Hey Summer this is Nate.
If you get a chance…
Do you think we could talk?
How did he even get my number? Tori had to have given it to him. What do I say to him? I mean I guess I do want to talk. But should I text him back now? Or let him sweat it out a little bit? I laid back in my bed contemplating back and forth on whether or not to text him back right now, or at all.
I decided
it would probably be best if I waited and texted him back when I was actually able to hold my eyes open and think straight. I read the message one more time before I set my phone back on my nightstand. I was somewhat hoping he would just ignore me and I’d just have to live with the fact that he was a complete douchebag and I’d eventually get over it. But now I felt even worse because I realized maybe he does actually care about me.
I laid in bed and replayed the weekend over and over in my head and thought about the many possibilities of how things could have went down and how
they really did go down. I realized that even if I would’ve known this is how the weekend would’ve ended, I still would have done everything that I did, exactly how I did it. Just to be able to share that kiss with Nate and have that connection with him—a connection that I’ve never felt, or even came close to feeling with anyone else. Everyone should have that feeling at least once in their life, even if it’s just for a moment.
***
When I woke up, the first thing I did was pick up my phone. I opened my messages and re-read the one from Nate before I replied:
When and Where?
I watched the screen as I waited for him to reply, his answer was almost instant.
Happy Joes? 20 minutes?
I left my answer short and to the point.
Ok.
I looked at the clock and knew my parents would both be home from work. I pulled up the movies and times on my phone. Great! There was a movie that started in thirty minutes. I pulled on a pair of jeans and a tank top and applied some makeup before heading downstairs to face the parents.
I walked into the living room
, where they were both having a glass of red wine and watching some crime show on TV.
“Hey!” I went over and sat on the recliner chair next to the sofa. “You guys weren’t here when I got home. I made plans to go to a movie with Tori. I hope that’s ok
ay?”
My dad looked at his watch. “It’s a little late
, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, but she’s been waiting for this movie to come out for weeks and she really wanted to go. I thought maybe you guys could make an exception? I know I’ve been gone all weekend, but I’ll stay home the next couple nights, I promise.”
“I think that should be okay.” My mom smiled at me. “But come straight home after and don’t forget to come in and tell us when you’re here.”
I nodded my head. “Thanks.” I got up and started for the front door.
“And tell Tori we said hi and that she should come over for dinner some time.”
“I will! Bye!”
I walked into the restaurant and looked around for Nate. I was kind of surprised he picked somewhere so public, and popular for that matter. This was one of the best places for pizza and wings in town. I noticed him sitting in a booth in the corner of the room. He was looking down at his menu and he looked…nervous. He didn’t look up once until I was sliding into the seat across from him.
“Sorry I’m late. My parents don’t let me leave the house much.”
“It’s okay.” A small smile formed on his lips. “You’re eighteen, right?”
“Yes. But their house, their rules.” Nate nodded his head and took a drink of his beer. I looked around to keep from having to make eye contact.
“I was going to order you a drink but then I realized I don’t know what you drink.” I opened the menu that sat on the table in front of me.
“There’s a lot you don’t know about me.”
“You’re right.” He seemed surprised at the coldness in my voice. “There is.”
The waitress came over and I ordered a soda. When she left
, things went back to being awkward again. Neither of us said anything and I didn’t want to be the one to have to bring everything up. When the waitress came back with my drink and Nate ordered a pizza, I decided I better say something or this was going to be one long night.
“So do you have a girlfriend?”
“What? No. Who told you that?”
“No one. I just
saw you with that girl that night at the barn.”
“No
, she’s not my girlfriend. She used to be, but not anymore.”
“Okay
, then do you not like me ‘like that’ or whatever?”
“No! I do.”
“Then why…why did you run off after we kissed the other night?”
“I don’t know.”
“You don’t know? That’s the best answer you can give me? You don’t know?”
“I’m sorry.”
“Why did you even want to meet up? I thought you wanted to talk?”
“I do
.”
“So talk!” He looked down at his menu and didn’t say another word. “This was a com
plete waste of time.” I slid out of the booth. “I don’t even know what I was thinking coming here. I’m so stupid.”
“You’re not stupid.”
“I’m not? Then why the hell am I standing here
hoping
that
maybe
this guy, who is still pretty much a stranger to me, is going to tell me something like, I don’t know, ‘hey Summer, I like you, maybe we should try this whole dating thing.’ If that doesn’t make me stupid, then I don’t know what does.” I grabbed my purse and walked across the restaurant and out the door to the parking lot.
I halfway hoped he would chase after me. I
wanted
him to chase after me so bad. But I made it all the way to my car and got in before I looked back. He was nowhere in sight. What was wrong with me? I’d never been like this before. I’d never wanted someone to want me so bad in my life. For him to let me just walk away like that killed me.
I waited in my car for another thirty minutes
, trying to pass time before I went home. If I got home too early, my parents would be all over me. I looked up just in time to see Nate walking out of the restaurant. He was talking to someone on the phone, flailing his arms around like he was in some kind of heated argument. I’m glad he didn’t know what kind of car I drove. He probably figured I left a long time ago. I watched him hang up the phone, jump on his bike, and take off out of the parking lot.
I
pulled my phone out of my purse and dialed Tori’s number.
“Hello?”
“Hey. Do you know if your brother has talked to Nate recently?
”
“No…
why?” I went on and told her about what had happened during our little meet up.
“Well, that sounds…intense.”
“Yeah, just a little.” I looked at the clock and sighed. “I better go. I gotta get home. I told my parents I was going to a movie with you.”
“Al
l right, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
“Okay. Hey,
let me know if you hear anything about Nate.”
“Will do. Bye.”
**
*
The next morning I wasn’t up for doing much so I decided to go grab some tacos from my favorite taco place, then come back home and wait for Tori to get done shopping with her mom. I was sure she’d have all kinds of great horror stories to tell me about the outfits her mom tried to get her to buy, she always does.
I pulled in
to the parking lot of the restaurant and joined the line for the drive-thru. That was the plan, go through the drive-thru then go straight home to eat. That was until I saw a familiar motorcycle in a parking stall to my right. Okay, I could either go through and pretend I never saw the bike or I could go in and try and fix everything that happened last night. This must be a sign. I’m really into the “everything happens for a reason” thing. So I backed out of line and pulled into the empty spot next to the bike.
I walked inside and ordered my food before I even went to the tables to see if he was he
re. Of course he was here, I knew that was his bike. Oh man, what if he was here with someone? I never thought of that. Shit. I got my cup and went for the soda machine. I looked over my shoulder and saw him sitting at the table behind me. He looked up from his phone for a split second and made eye contact with me.
I went over to the table and slid into the seat across from him.
“Hey,” was all he said.
“Hey, I
saw your bike outside so I thought I’d come in and see if you were here.” I took a sip of my soda. “I didn’t like the way things went down last night; I’d like to try this again, if that’s okay.”
He smiled. “Of course. I was going to text you but you seemed pretty pissed off when you left.” He was right, I was pissed off and I was even more pissed off that he didn’t come after me when I stormed out of the restaurant.
“I guess you could say that.” A lady came out from the back and brought me my food. She set the tray down in front of me and continued on her way. “So, I’m just going to come out and say it. You said you like me, but why don’t you want to try and make something of this? And please just tell me—all I want is for you to be honest with me. I’ve been racking my brain trying to figure this whole thing out but I’m so confused.”
“I know.
” I could tell he was hesitant. “I’m…I’m not good enough for you, Summer. You’re supposed to be with someone like Brent, not someone like me.”
“Who says this?”
“No one. That’s just how it is. That’s how it would end up. You and me are complete opposites. Girls like you don’t end up with guys like me. It would never work, so why not just save us from the mess of everything and just figure it was what it was and now it’s time to move on.” I was at a loss for words. I wasn’t expecting that to come out of his mouth. I don’t know what I was expecting to hear from him but I know that wasn’t even on the list of scenarios I went through in my head.
“
Girls like me
? What does that even mean?”
“I’ll just be straight with you. We don’t know each other very well but I’ll tell you this, I hardly graduated from high sc
hool, I work a nine to five job, and I have no plans to go to college. I don’t have any kind of relationship with my parents and I’ve had to work for everything I’ve needed and wanted since I was fourteen. I have tattoos, piercings, gauged ears, and I drive a motorcycle. Your parents would take one look at me and tell you that you could never see me again. Where would I fit in to your life? I wouldn’t.”
“Oh really
? And since you know my life so well, how about you tell me everything you know.”
“I know you have str
ict parents and you obey and listen to everything they tell you. You plan on going to school to become a doctor because that’s what they want for you. You’ve been given everything and you’ve probably never worked a day in your life. Not to mention, your car could pay a year’s worth of my rent. You’re too straight laced, Summer, and I’m far from that.”
“Is that really what you see when you look at me?” I could feel tears starting to fill up the rims of my eyes. He just described everything I didn’t want to be, I
despised
people that were like that.
“Some of it
.” He shrugged. “Some of it’s what I’ve heard.” I wasn’t angry with him, I was more upset and hurt than anything. I felt that lump forming in my throat and I knew if I spoke I wouldn’t be able to hold back the tears any longer. So I said the only thing I knew I could get out.
“Okay.” I grabbed my purse off the bench next to me and scooted out of my seat. I headed straight for the door without turning back.
“Summer, wait!” I pushed the door open and made a run for my car. “Summer!” I heard him yell from behind me but I didn’t stop. I got in my car and pulled my sunglasses on over my eyes. I knew they weren’t going to hold the tears back any longer. I saw him walking towards my car, so I put it in drive and turned in the opposite direction. He attempted to jog after me, but when I pulled onto the main road, he stopped. I looked back in my rearview mirror and saw him standing on the curb. As I drove away, I stared into the mirror until I could no longer see him in the distance.