Stranger Than Witches (The Witches of Secret Hallow Book 3) (11 page)

K
imberly flew and flew
, but no matter how far she went, she couldn’t shake her anger, her grief, her sadness.

Mary O’Malley hadn’t come.

She
hadn’t come
.

And now Maddock wanted her gone.

The thing was, both Kimberly’s instinct and Maddock were right. She had been wrong to think that leaving would make her feel better. If anything, it made her feel a thousand times worse to be away from her son. Each flap of her wings put a few more feet between Kimberly and her son. Her husband. Her familiar. And every few feet hurt worse than the last.

But as Maddock had insisted, it was also true that she had needed the space to focus on herself for a little while.

She didn’t feel like she was burdening anyone else with her grief, with her anger at herself, or with her anger at her mother. She was just…flying. There was nothing but Kimberly and the sky.

It was amazing how freeing it was to just exist as herself, the eagle that she had spent so long denying.

And it was amazing just how horrible the thought left her feeling.

Kimberly kept going.

She plunged into the depths of the mountains outside of Secret Hallow.

The village was located in the Pacific Northwest, as far as mundane geography went. It was accessible by a road not too far from Seattle, at least.

That meant that it shouldn’t have been far for Kimberly to fly before running into civilization.

But she didn’t.

And it wasn’t exactly like she was flying in circles, either. It was merely that the forest and ocean coastline was endless.

It wasn’t long before sunset that she saw the wolf.

One wolf. Solitary.

For all the talk of lone wolves, Kimberly knew it wasn’t common to see them by themselves, especially one looking in good condition. She thought that she recognized the white-gray shaggy fur and the lean body of the beast.

And actually…she knew the markings on the wolf, too.

At least Kimberly didn’t have to worry that an injury or some kind of problem had kept Mary away from the farm.

Kimberly’s instinct—or maybe fate—had led her toward her mother.

Mary went to drink from a stream, and Kimberly landed on a branch noisily, rustling the branches together with her wings.

It worked as an attention-getting gesture; Mary looked up, tilting her head quizzically.

Kimberly hadn’t told Mary that she could shapeshift into a hawk, so she hadn’t expected her mother to recognize her. But there was knowing in her eyes. Mary saw the magic in Kimberly, and she recognized her kindred.

Kimberly took to the air again, doing a circle around the clearing they were in before landing on the same branch again. Once she was sure her mother’s eyes were on her, she nodded toward the east where there was a large break in trees.

Mary nodded like she understood, and they both took off in the same direction.

The open air gave Kimberly the opportunity to get a great view of the wolf. She had never gotten much of an opportunity to see her mother as a wolf before. On the rare occasions that Mary had been around during Kimberly’s childhood, she had been in her human form, wishing that she were a wolf. The instant she took on all fours, she’d gone into the wild.

But now Kimberly got to see her mother as a wolf. She was indistinguishable from the real thing. Maddock had chased a few wolves away from their livestock before, and the only difference between those and Mary were the brightness of her fur. Even in her animal form, the magic that allowed her to change all but poured from her flesh.

No wonder Mary had recognized her.

Now that Kimberly knew what she was seeing, she believed that she would recognize a fellow shapeshifter anywhere.

She swooped to the side as the wolf ran, watching the muscles in Mary’s legs flex and her fur flutter as the breeze moved through it.

Kimberly wondered if running felt as incredible to Mary as flying did to Kimberly.

If it did, then could Kimberly really blame her mother for running away from her life, her children, her home?

Wasn’t that what Kimberly had done that day, too?

There was no judgment left in her. Only despair, and the deep, driving need to be with her son.

After they crossed the field, Mary continued to run. She took them through forest with a high canopy and widely-spaced trees. It let them both weave through trees and get protection from the outside world, something that Kimberly needed acutely even with her human instincts.

It didn’t feel like there was anything else in the world at all besides the occasional flash of an insect or a smaller bird in the corner of Kimberly’s vision. She could tune out the distant sound of cars all too easily.

But it didn’t last forever. Before too long, Mary slowed and walked to a set of rocks, changing into a human.

When her mouth returned, Mary was laughing, her breath heavy.

“You…you put me through my paces,” she said, wiping at her forehead. “Aren’t you tired yet?”

Kimberly landed on the ground at the same time she shifted back. It was easier than ever, just as easy as taking on her eagle form had been when she had been angry at Maddock.

“Very tired,” Kimberly said.

“It’s strange to see you here,” Mary said. “I thought you were in Secret Hallow.”

“And I thought that you were going to come to see me there.”

Mary’s smile faltered.

“Let’s walk,” she said.

Kimberly felt fragile as she followed her mother to the closest part of the stream. Being in her human form made the emotions she felt more intense somehow, and turning back into the bird and flying away…well. She’d done that enough.

Despite Mary’s nice dress, Kimberly’s mother had no compunctions about kneeling on the leaf-covered forest floor and leaning forward to grab water out of the stream. After a couple mouthfuls, Mary looked at Kimberly, raising a questioning eyebrow. Kimberly shook her head, and Mary continued to drink.

When she was done, Mary asked, “So what were you doing this far out? Looking for me?”

“Don’t flatter yourself.” Kimberly gazed in the direction of the farm. She wasn’t sure where she was, exactly, but she couldn’t have lost the farm if she’d wanted to. Wherever she had been going, and no matter how long it had taken, Kimberly would always be able to find her way home. “I left them.”

“Who?”

Kimberly’s throat felt tight. She swallowed thickly and said, “My family. I’m just like you. I couldn’t control the eagle anymore.”

“What?”

“Do I have to spell it out for you?” Kimberly uncrossed her arms. “I was upset you didn’t show up for Beltane. I was overwhelmed. The magic…it keeps calling to me, just like it was calling to you, so I left. Sound familiar?”

Mary looked…upset? Her chin was wobbling a bit like she wanted to cry.

Kimberly’s breath caught. She’d never seen her mother upset, and there was a part of her that felt an awful lot like her childhood self that wanted to hug her.

“I caused this,” Mary whispered.

“The animal caused this,” Kimberly said. It felt important that her mother should know that she just wasn’t that important. That being out of Kimberly’s life for twenty years meant that she didn’t have a right to lay claim to anything that Kimberly was dealing with, whether good or bad. “It’s our magic. The shapeshifting thing. It makes us run away from our families.”

“Oh, daughter,” Mary said. She rose to her feet. “It wasn’t the wolf.”

Kimberly frowned. “What wasn’t?”

“Why…why I left. It wasn’t the wolf.” Mary was shaking as she said it, and Kimberly felt herself beginning to shake, too.

“I don’t understand.”

“It’s one of the things I’ve wanted to tell you and Jason, in case you inherited this magic. Which you obviously did.” There was something that resembled pride on Mary’s face, quickly replaced by another stricken expression. “I didn’t love your father anymore, and raising you and Jason…it’s not that you weren’t wonderful children. But I was at home by myself, and I didn’t have a coven like you do, and…”

She paused, watching Kimberly’s face like she was expecting some kind of reaction. When she didn’t get one—Kimberly felt like she was frozen—Mary went on.

“I was weak,” Mary said. “It was too much for me, and I was weak. I couldn’t handle any of it. I didn’t leave because of the wolf. I left because…”

She didn’t finish the sentence.

Kimberly filled in the blanks for her, though.

Mary had left because she hadn’t loved her children as much as she’d loved her independence.

That was something else that Kimberly had been wrong to think—that her mother had no power over her anymore.

But the way that her heart was shattering made it clear that wasn’t true at all.

It felt like being abandoned all over again.

“I can’t get that time back,” Mary said, eyes brimming with tears. “I’ve gotten all the alone time a person could want, and it’s…it wasn’t all that I hoped it would be. And I tried to go to your ritual. I swear I did. But when I reached the borders of Secret Hallow, I was filled with uncertainty. I wasn’t sure if my presence would make anything better.”

“Did you consider what would happen if you didn’t show up at all?” Kimberly asked.

Mary’s blank look said enough.

She hadn’t thought that far.

In fact, she probably hadn’t been trying to decide if her presence would improve Kimberly’s life at all. She’d probably only been thinking of herself. What it would do for her life to have family in it again.

All the freedom she would lose if she was expected to show up for family events, spend time with her grandchildren, join the coven in spells.

“I don’t know that I deserve another chance,” Mary said. “And now…” She cut off with a strangled noise and turned away, raising a hand to her mouth.

I’m not like her
.

The thought was loud and clear in Kimberly’s head, and with it came rolling relief.

She
wasn’t
like her mother.

She loved Keene and parenting him, even if homeschooling was a bit of a disaster. She loved Maddock and their farm. She loved the coven, even if all their power scared her sometimes.

Kimberly thought of very little except how she could be with them and help them.

Mary O’Malley did not.

And the allure of Kimberly’s eagle must have been the normal allure of magic, nothing more than the search for an outlet to her power, which was entirely natural to witchlings coming into their abilities. But since Mary’s transformation had coincided with leaving her family, Kimberly had simply assumed that hers must, too.

Maddock had been right all along. About
everything
.

“I’m not like you,” Kimberly said aloud, sounding confused.

Mary sniffled. “I was scared. Still am, really. You…I don’t know much about where you’re living, but you have so much love. I can tell. It radiates off you. I’ve never had that love.”

“I don’t understand you,” Kimberly said. “You’re only wasting more time by staying away. You can’t get that back, either. And you won’t find love by avoiding it. The only way that you can get love is by embracing it and allowing yourself to fall in face-first.”

Mary nodded, eyes welling with tears. “I want another chance, if you’ll give it to me.”

“You don’t need me to give you another chance. Nothing I do will change what you’ve done to yourself,” Kimberly said. “You have to make the choice all on your own. Think about it. You know where to find me once you’re ready—if you’re ever ready.”

Kimberly didn’t want to wait any longer. She turned back into the eagle and took to the sky, turning immediately to the connection she never wanted to lose.

She was going home.

K
imberly didn’t make
it back the same day. Flying with her mother had left her drained, and after another hour, she had to find a tree to sleep for the night.

Sleeping in a tree was exactly the kind of solitude she might have expected to enjoy. But she didn’t. She could only think of her plush mattress at home, her downy comforter, the pillows—and much more importantly, Maddock, who would surely be snuggling Keene to sleep.

How would Keene feel without his mother there to hold him all night? He often slept on his own, but he was used to having his mother whenever he felt like he needed her. What if he awoke in the darkness of night and wanted Kimberly, only to realize that she wasn’t there?

Maddock would care for him, surely. He was fully capable of meeting his son’s emotional needs.

That was the thought that followed Kimberly through her spiral into sleep.

Her husband would care for her son. They would be okay.

And soon, she would be home.

I am not Mary O’Malley
.

She fell asleep thinking that.

She awoke thinking it, too.

Kimberly set out just before sunrise the next day, even though her eagle’s vision wasn’t as good without full light to help. She was much better rested after even just a few restless hours on a branch.

It turned out that, no matter how wild Kimberly’s soul might have been, she still enjoyed sleeping in a quiet house.

It occurred to her, as she flew, that Maddock and Keene were probably upset by her absence. Maybe they were even angry. And who would blame them? She had left in a huff. She had been missing for hours. She hadn’t returned by Keene’s bedtime.

Kimberly was furious enough at herself for the entire family.

She wouldn’t avoid the emotional fallout, though. She had earned every second of hatred that they would fling in her face. And she would take it, because she loved them. Because she wanted to make this
right
.

By the time she made it back to the farm, it was mid-morning, and Maddock and Keene were playing together outside. Kimberly didn’t know if she’d been happier in her entire life when she was circling over their heads and hearing Keene laugh and Maddock smile back.

She hung overhead for a few minutes, just so that she could watch them.

Well. Not
just
to watch them.

Her determination to take whatever anger they might have felt was less confident now that she was facing reality.

Instead, she lingered, allowing herself to drink in the sight of her men at play.

Keene was clambering over the farm equipment, which was turned off, while Maddock threw hay around. Occasionally, the wee boy leaped off of the seat into his father’s arms, and Maddock was always ready. Keene was clearly trying to catch him off guard so he could fling himself into the hay, but his father caught him every time.

Each time Maddock caught Keene, his peals of laughter reached a new pitch. Maddock tossed him into the air, much higher than Kimberly was comfortable with. But Keene loved it.

He loved to fly almost as much as his mommy did.

And she couldn’t stay away any longer. Their pink-cheeked joy was a stronger draw than the pull of gravity.

Hopefully her presence wouldn’t bring them down.

She took a breath, and she descended.

The flapping of her large wings and the ruffling of feathers was loud. When her shadow passed over Maddock, he looked up, and recognition filled his eyes.

He pointed and smiled. Keene looked, and he too smiled.

There wasn’t a hint of anger in them.

She pulled the magic of shapeshifting off of herself, shedding it like a robe moments before she landed effortlessly in the field. Dirt kicked up around her feet, and Maddock and Keene had frozen, staring her way.

Kimberly swallowed hard, struggling to find words.

She had never been a verbose woman, and spending an entire day in her eagle form hadn’t helped with that. But she needed to say something. Her family was just…staring.

“Hi?” Kimberly asked.

Keene smiled wider. “
Wow
.”

He ran forward and hugged her.

Keene blasted into her legs with exactly the same force that he ran into her on every other morning. She might have been filled with hesitation, but her wee bairn was not. Her eyes and throat burned as she ran her fingers through his thick hair, a color so similar to her own.

He was babbling something about how cool her change was—he was young enough that longer amounts of speech, especially excited ones, came out half with recognizable words, and half words that he was trying to make real ones. The happy tears stinging Kimberly’s eyes began to flow, tickling her cheeks and jaw.

Maddock came up and hugged her, too. “I knew you’d be back,” he said, just loud enough for only her to hear. “I missed you.”

“I missed you, too,” she said. “Every second. How did everything go last night?”

“It was good,” Maddock said.

“Good?”

“I got plenty done around the farm. Nana Winterblossom stopped by to help with Keene and clean up after her broomstick incident. I made dinner. The Ash sisters visited. Poke and Keene slept in their own bed, and I had apple cider on the porch alone.” He rattled it off impartially, as though none of it were a big deal.

It was a big deal. A really big deal.

They had been fine without her overnight, and still been happy to receive her the next morning.

Perhaps Kimberly truly could have it both ways. The occasional days in the forest, embracing her magic as an eagle shapeshifter. And a family back home, just like Thorn and his nestlings.

Maddock kissed her cheek and drew back. As he did, Kimberly could see someone over his shoulder, emerging from their sliding back door. It was Rowan, holding Siobhan like she always was, and she was grinning.

“Nice to see you’re back!” she said. “Are you happy to see her, too, Siobhan?”

Siobhan grinned a big smile, and there, visible in her gums…

“A tooth!” Kimberly cried. “She did it!” She scooped Siobhan out of Rowan’s arms, and slipped a finger into the baby’s mouth to feel her gums. There was one sharp nub on the bottom and a bump beside it. She was cutting a second tooth. Judging by the white line, it would erupt that day.

Teething pain would be over.

Siobhan giggled at having Kimberly’s hands in her mouth, drooling over her knuckles. She smelled like joy and coconut oil.

“Maddock made breakfast to share with us,” Rowan said. “I was just putting it away. You want some?”

“Rowan helped!” Keene cried from Kimberly’s legs. He’d clamped onto one and seemed very reluctant to let go.

Rowan laughed. “I did, as much as this one let me! Suppose she’ll be eating solid food faster than I’m ready for.” Rowan took her daughter back. It was only then that Kimberly noticed the baby was clutching a whole apple in both hands. She had gnawed huge chunks of it out.

Kimberly smiled and picked up Keene, who was much heavier than Siobhan. His weight was entirely welcome. He wrapped his arms around her neck, knees pressed to her hips, and she squeezed his back tightly.

Her baby, all grown up.

She cast a look at Maddock over Keene’s shoulder.

Perhaps it was the giddiness of being warmly received, and the nostalgia of holding a baby so much smaller than Keene, but the sight of Maddock filled her with a familiar longing. A longing she hadn’t felt in…oh, four years or so.

The longing to nest.

He was too distracted by playing with Siobhan to notice his wife making eyes at him. Siobhan had wrapped her chubby fist tightly around his thumb and was shaking it. He made silly faces at her, made all the sillier by the beard he was growing.

Maddock didn’t pull away quickly enough to avoid a baby yanking on that beard. He laughed while she yanked his chin down, bringing his head into range to slobber on his nose.

It had been too long since Maddock had been drooled on by a baby.

Kimberly squeezed Keene again. “Breakfast sounds great. I’m famished,” she told Rowan, and she followed Rowan inside the house.

Things looked…really nice in the living room, actually. Tidy. Kimberly felt a pang of guilt. “Did you do this?” she asked Rowan as she went into the kitchen.

“Nah!” Rowan called back. “I think that was Nana.”

Maddock nodded in confirmation as he came inside and closed the door. “And she told me to tell you not to feel bad about it. ‘A house with young children is never neat.’”

“Your impression of her voice is terrible,” Kimberly said fondly.

“I haven’t had enough mead to drink to pull Nana off,” Maddock agreed.

Rowan emerged with a plate and nodded at Kimberly. “If you don’t mind eating on your sofa, sit. I’m sure you’re tired.”

Kimberly couldn’t help but wince. She was tired, for sure; as freeing as hunting prey and flying around was, it was also no match for eating food from her kitchen and sleeping in her own bed. But considering how selfish it had been to leave…

“Hey,” Rowan said, her face turning mildly stern, “none of that. There’s no shame in taking some time for yourself.”

With a snort, Kimberly took the plate and lowered onto the couch. “Are you taking your own advice?” she asked Rowan.

“It’s not my advice. It’s Garrett’s.” Rowan had the grace to look a little sheepish. “And I’m working on it. The men are right, you know.”

“Perhaps,” Kimberly said. “Though it’s best not to say that where they can hear.”

“It’s difficult for mothers, you know,” Rowan said. “And I fear we put most of the burden on ourselves. Maddock and Garrett don’t believe we should be selfless, sacrificing self-identity to keep home and raise our children and run the entire coven. So why do we?”

Simply because Kimberly wanted to believe she could.

Perhaps she was theoretically capable. If she had been a saint, she would have been able to martyr herself for the sake of family.

But she wasn’t a saint.

Kimberly was a witch, a woman, an eagle—all of that atop mother and wife.

Perhaps it was okay for her to sometimes fly away and take time for herself.

Obviously, everyone was fine without her once in a while. They had an overabundance of support from the rest of Secret Hallow.

Siobhan was yanking at Rowan’s shirt. Rowan grinned and said, “This one’s hungry, too. Think I’ll feed her and go home, if you’re okay without me now?”

“Perfect,” Maddock said. “Thanks for helping me keep an eye on the little guy while I did predawn chores.”

“No problem. I have to keep an eye on Siobhan anyway!” Rowan blew Keene a kiss, and he flushed and tried to hide behind Kimberly. Kimberly waved in farewell, and Rowan went into the kitchen.

“Cauldrons!” Kimberly sighed as she smelled her eggs and bacon. She hadn’t noticed them when she’d been talking to Rowan. Now that she looked at the plate on the coffee table, she was suddenly, roaringly hungry. “I could eat an entire pumpkin.”

She dug in, too involved in her food to talk right away. Neither Keene nor Maddock seemed to mind. Keene stayed cuddled to her side, only emerging a little bit after Rowan’s absence.

Maddock took the chair on her other side, and Kimberly could tell he wasn’t staring at her, but she wasn’t entirely sure what he was doing.

When the gaping maw that was her stomach was slightly more appeased, Kimberly took the opportunity to wipe her mouth with her napkin and look at her husband. He smiled fondly at her.

She smiled back.

What a wonderful father he was.

“I see you feel guilty, but it’s okay,” he said. “Everyone was happy to assist around the farm. We all help each other out. We just ran Beltane, if you’ll remember. And we’re always supplying the entire village with food.”

“Yes, but…”

“But you’re doing magical workings like everyone else.” Maddock smiled. “And even if you weren’t, we all gather to help for other things, too. Childbirth, for one. You’re a part of this community, like everyone else.”

Kimberly nodded, and, for the first time in a very long time, she felt herself relax.

Still, she couldn’t help asking, “So you were okay?”

“We were,” Maddock said.

There wasn’t anything to say after that, so Kimberly started eating again.

It was really some of the best food she’d ever eaten.