It seemed unfair that Mark had been the one to get a story when Keila had secretly been waiting for the interior decorator to go on record. Part of her needed to hear a denial that matched Jake’s.
“Um, we weren’t sure if you’d read it, but just in case, we thought it would be better if you got it from us than from some stranger on the street,” Simone explained, interrupting Keila’s scattered thoughts.
Keila folded her friends into a quick hug and said, “Thanks, guys, and I’m sorry I seem out of it lately.”
On Friday, Keila finally had the afternoon off. Robbie asked her to come down and help him at his dance studio and she was relieved to have something to do that didn’t involve thinking. In fact, there was nothing she wanted to do more than dance.
The weather had varied greatly that first week of December, and that Friday in particular was brutal. Keila nearly froze her butt off during her short walk to Robbie’s studio. She entered, put her stuff down, and left her long trench coat on a moment longer as she walked around to get warm. The lone sound of her heeled boots clicking on the hardwood floors began to bother her and she finally stopped pacing, peeled her coat and gloves off, and began to wonder where Robbie was. She looked up at the mirrored front wall at the sound of the back door opening, expecting to see Robbie’s reflection.
She was stunned when Jake walked into the room instead, his black leather-gloved hands fixing the collar of his long, elegant coat; he looked as remote and unfeeling as ever. He stopped and just watched her. For a long time, neither spoke.
It took all Keila had to hide her emotions. Seeing him there so unexpectedly, his powerful blue eyes gazing at her in such a serious manner, his handsome face set in stone, all she could think about was how badly she wanted him to gather her in his arms, smile warmly down at her again, and promise her he cared about her and everything else was a lie.
The yearning came from a place so deep within she had to look away. Completely overwhelmed, it took that inconvenient feeling at that inconvenient moment for her to figure out she was in love with him. She knew she was about to get hurt.
It terrified her to know he had that power over her. Knowing she couldn’t tamp down her emotions, she focused hard on her anger; anger at herself for being so stupid, at Robbie for deceiving her, and at Jake for being so unemotional when he had to know she was hurting over the articles.
“So, Robbie tricked me into coming here to meet you?” she broke the silence, her voice shaky.
Jake remained impassive. “I needed to speak to you in person and thought he might be the one to help me out.”
“Well, obviously you were right. I’m here. So speak.”
“I wanted you to know that I didn’t lie to you. When I told you I’d never brought another woman to the house, what I’d meant was that I’d never
stayed
there with anyone. Julia’s an old friend and she only came to give me her opinion on it before I bought it, and the other woman was an interior decorator I’d hired.”
Though Jake was
saying
everything she badly needed to hear, his voice was so smooth and unmoved that the words rang hollow. The more she watched Jake, the more Keila found strength to push back her feelings. As tempted as she was to believe him, his hard expression coupled with such a convenient explanation halted her.
She watched him closely; her mind spinning with Cate’s admission, that Jake had said their weekend had been
a whole lot of nothing,
Tania’s warnings about logical ulterior motives, and her own past suspicions. She took a deep breath and said, “Don’t worry Jake, I’m not about to go the press with some sob story about how you betrayed me.”
Jake’s eyes finally gained intensity. “That’s not why I’m here — ” He paused and looked down, shaking his head as if he regretted coming. “I don’t like leaving loose ends and I don’t like the idea of you thinking I tricked you into being with me, or anything along those lines, okay?”
She was a loose end? “Right. Like you didn’t like the thought of me taking the L late at night, and didn’t like the thought of me crying over Mark and Jessie Thanksgiving weekend. How convenient for you that your conscience has a sweet spot for me. I’m sure the fact that it helped your campaign to be linked to me never crossed your mind now that you’re really behind in the polls,” she said, taking a few angry steps in his direction.
“
What?
” Jake’s eyes flashed.
“I guess you never counted on the rain making the pictures of us so blurry I was unrecognizable to the press, or on
unexpected, clear
pictures of you there with other women surfacing!” she shot back.
“What are you accusing me of now, Keila?” Jake was looking down at her now, his eyes finally showing emotion.
Keila didn’t back down. “That’s right. You like numbers. Would you like me to draw you a neat little chart with the convenient demographics so you understand that I’m not stupid and that I’m on to you?”
“You don’t believe that!” Jake yelled.
Robbie walked in then, and, if possible, glared at Keila even harder than Jake. “What the hell, Keila? This isn’t like you,” he began, but he was interrupted by Jake.
“No, it’s
exactly
like her,” Jake said, standing straight. “She never tries to get to the bottom of anything — she just takes whatever surface excuse suits her best and runs with it.”
“Really, Jake? I’ve lost count of the times you’ve accused me of being overly emotional and now you’re implying
I
run away from my feelings? And
you,
who couldn’t even admit you remembered me, who nearly had a stroke over the
accidental
use of the word
forever
, and who just called me a loose end to my face,
you’re
the one gets to the bottom of things?” Keila demanded.
Jake’s face turned to granite once more. He looked at her one last time, turned and walked away.
Robbie walked toward Keila, his face full of reproach. “Why couldn’t you at least hear him out? Why are you sabotaging yourself this way?”
Keila couldn’t believe Robbie’s gall. First he’d deceived her and now he had the nerve to look upset with her. “You know, I hope someone took a clear picture of Jake walking out of here so
you
can be declared his new lover. I’m sure it’ll do wonders for his campaign and your dance studio.”
Robbie just shook his head at her, before wrapping her in his arms and saying, “And I just hope it was Tania and not me who messed you up so badly.”
Keila knew she had messed herself up all on her own, wanting so badly to outwit love and the anguish it seemed to inflict on those who fell hard and felt deeply.
“What am I supposed to do, Robbie? Just believe him? How stupid would I have to be to let myself believe in him when so many warning signs are there? You heard what Cate said. The weekend with me meant nothing to him.”
“Maybe Cate accidentally took it out of context? I mean, why else would he be here if he didn’t care?”
“Because I’m a loose end. And don’t tell me I’m taking that out of context, too. That’s the excuse every spin doctor out there puts out, even I know that. And I believe coming here is called damage control.”
Robbie sighed. “Okay, I see what you mean, but you should still try to keep an open mind.”
It was Keila’s turn to sigh. None of this should be happening. She should be in ecstasy over her career, without having that happiness interspersed with feeling all twisted up inside over some man.
Though his co-workers and friends would never have guessed it from watching his collected demeanor and hectic schedule, Jake wasn’t sure he’d ever felt so down and out, and he was relying on the people around him to keep him busy.
He’d been attending fundraisers for the youth centers and acquiring new equipment for the kids. He was also campaigning as hard as ever, hitting the pavement in every community, going to every meeting, and just trying to make people see he was addressing their concerns about life in their great city.
With only a few weeks to go before Christmas, Mike Summers played up his committed, family man bit to a nauseating degree and his team likened Jake’s lack of commitment in his personal life to a lack of commitment in general.
Whether they’d planned on voting for him or not, the people of Chicago had chosen their sides: those who’d decided to either believe Jake or figure his personal life didn’t matter one way or another, and those who’d decided to trust the muck and believe it
did
matter. To the latter, he was just like his father; a careless playboy, out of touch with the real world. Depending on which poll voters chose to believe, Jake was now down by at least nine percent. It seemed that only the kids at the youth center believed in him at this point, and they were too young to vote.
“You need to go on that show, the one with the chatty females,” Filip advised him over smooth, warming Scotch Manhattans at Filip’s house on Christmas Eve. Jake was set to attend a stiff annual Christmas dinner with his mother’s self-important, dwindling old-money side of the family while Filip was heading out to be with his warm, loud, welcoming family.
Meeting for the sweet drink had become a tradition, but it was the first time Jake had ever wondered what it would be like to be Filip: older, wiser, and the patriarch of a family who loved him and supported him.
“I think the hippie one likes you. She seems very perceptive,” Filip continued before Jake’s thoughts could take him further down that trail.
“You watch that show?” Jake shook his head, his manhood betrayed. “Those women want to skewer me, Filip, not interview me.
Especially
the hippie — I’m sure she’s already got an eye on a nice long, splintery stick with my name on it.”
“I think they just want to get to know you, Jake,” Filip laughed and shook his head at him. “And they’ve got a way about them. They even managed to make Mike Summers and his wife squirm when they kept innocently questioning them over trivial daily things that pertained to their perfect marriage.”
Jake remained silent … too offended by Filip’s idea to dignify it with a response. He took a last swig of his drink, swished it around his mouth, and got up to leave.
“Just promise me you’ll think about it. You should trust your wise elders more often, you know,” Filip said before getting up and engulfing Jake in a fatherly hug. Though Jake couldn’t fathom putting himself so out there, the way people tended to do on the popular talk show, he was caught in a wave of affection for Filip and said, “You know I trust the people I love, Filip. I’ll think about it.”
“At some point, you have to learn to put faith in others, Jake.” Filip seemed sad as he stepped back.
“I do put faith in others,” Jake shrugged.
“Not enough. People are right to question your commitment to the city when you can’t even commit to one woman.”
“They’re wrong. One has nothing to do with the other. That kind of commitment is messy, it involves another person and everything that person carries inside. If you’re asking me if I can give one person that much power over me, I can’t. But if you’re asking me if I can commit to the city, I know I can deliver, because progress is measurable and quantifiable. People aren’t.” Jake explained with more emotion than he had intended.
Filip squeezed his arm and Jake cleared his throat and looked down, so he wouldn’t have to see his friend’s concern.
Filip walked away then, and watching him go with such a heavy stride pained Jake. “You look tired,” he observed, after studying his old friend.
“I
am
tired,” Filip sighed, turning one last time. “You know, there are times I feel there’s still so much I need to witness in my life, and there are others when I just really miss my wife.
Her
thoughts and feeling were known to me, and I miss them. Tonight, I just really miss the woman I came home to for forty-five years.”
• • •
On Christmas Eve, after an early family dinner, Tania, Mia, and Keila were helping Graciela clean the house and prepare for the large family gathering the next day.
As thunder rolled and rain patted the windows outside, inside Graciela and Mia worked downstairs while Tania and Keila made up songs to make the chore livelier upstairs.
When they came up with a tune they liked for their lyrics, cleaning took a back seat. Keila took her violin out and plucked while Tania sang.
“It’s a rainy day and I feel it again, these thoughts of you they drag me down into hell. You messed with my mind and you messed with my heart, if I see you again, I’ll shoot your male parts. You just — ”
An
ahem
caught their attention and they turned to see Graciela, in full disapproving stance, at the door. “You have a visitor,” she said to Keila in her polite “we’ve got company
”
voice. Keila looked up and promptly did a double take.
Julia Hamilton, dressed as if she were going to a prep school prom, was standing right behind her mother.
Tania smiled her tight smile and followed Graciela out the door. Keila stood and motioned Julia in. Whatever Julia’s relationship with Jake was, she had always treated Keila with respect, so she would do the same.
Graciela could be heard saying, “So you two were making up awful songs upstairs while Mia and I worked our butts off downstairs?” Tania answered, “Yep, we’re starting a band, we’re calling ourselves ‘Twisted Ball-Busters,’” before the sound of their voices died away.
Julia let out something that sounded like a laugh and quietly asked, “Can I join your band?”
Keila finally smiled, asking, “That depends, are you twisted?”
“Like you wouldn’t believe,” Julia nodded, her eyes wide.
“Are you a ball-buster?” Keila asked, doubtfully.