Striker (39 page)

‘Play games? Y’know, when it comes to playing games then I can only have picked up tips from the master, Ryan.’

‘Whoa! You’re still pissed off with me, then?’

‘Glad to see the ego hasn’t stopped you from being perceptive.’

‘Come on, Amber,’ Ryan groaned, sliding his arm around her waist, pulling her close. ‘You look incredible, babe. And I can’t ignore that.’

‘What? Even though you’re surrounded by heaven knows how many glamorous young things all vying for your attention?’

‘It’s not the same, though, is it?’

‘Isn’t it?’

‘No. I like the idea of you being there, at home, waiting for me…’

Amber quickly disentangled herself from his grip, backing away from him. ‘Yes, well, there we have the problem, Ryan. You want the best of both worlds, don’t you? You like the idea of me being there at home, waiting for you, as long as you can have all this shit, too.’ She quickly looked around, making sure none of the other girls were within earshot. ‘I’m not Debbie, Ryan.
She
might put up with
Gary
and whatever it is that
he
puts her through, but I can’t do that. I’ve got more self-respect.’ She felt a touch uncomfortable saying those words, considering what had just happened with Jim, but it was true. She wasn’t going to be the kind of girlfriend who put up with the kind of lifestyle Ryan seemed to be slipping back into. And he needed to know that. ‘You’ve got a lot of thinking to do, Ryan. You’ve got decisions to make.’

‘Amber…’ He reached out to take her hand but she pulled it away, shaking her head.

‘I care about you, Ryan. So much. But there are some things I just can’t do.’

‘Amber… hang on… Shit!’

She turned and walked away from him, swerving through the mass of people inside this glitzy new club – which wasn’t totally Amber’s style, if she was truthful – over to where Debbie was busy organising more drinks for them all.

‘What kind of mood is he in?’ she asked as Amber approached.

‘Close to self-destruction, I reckon,’ Amber sighed, gratefully accepting another glass of something cold and sparkling.

‘He’s had that kind of day,’ Debbie said, crossing her legs as Amber sat down beside her. ‘They put themselves up on this ridiculous pedestal and then, when they come to places like this and find people who only insist on raising that pedestal even higher, it goes to their heads until they think they’re one step away from God. I’ve seen it all before, chick. He’ll come down, eventually. They all do.’

‘Maybe,’ Amber sighed, watching Ryan as he hit the dance floor, pulling a blonde who couldn’t have been older than nineteen against him, moving his body against hers as she stared up into his eyes, silently promising him things he’d probably gratefully accept later on. ‘I just don’t know if I’m cut out for this, Debbie.’

‘Do you love him?’

Amber looked at her new friend. ‘I don’t know. I really don’t know. I mean, I care about him…’

‘Then you just have to work out if that’s enough. Amber. Believe me, I know Ryan better than you think, and this isn’t really the person he wants to be. I honestly believe he wants to change, he just doesn’t know how to. And he’s scared. And when guys like him get scared they throw themselves into something they think will keep the status quo intact because that’s what’s best for them, but it isn’t.’

Amber looked back over at Ryan. He was with the darker haired, slightly older girl now, his hands all over her body which was poured into a dress so tight Amber thought she might need to be sucked out of it.

‘He’s doing that on purpose,’ Debbie said.

Amber looked at her, frowning slightly. ‘Sorry?’

‘Ryan. He’s doing that on purpose, dancing close to those girls, acting the way he is. He wasn’t doing it before he’d spoken to you, was he?’

‘I… I don’t…’

‘He wasn’t. I was watching him. But he’s doing it now. He’s trying to get a reaction, Amber. He’s trying to make you jealous.’

‘He doesn’t need to do that,’ Amber said, turning her attention back to Ryan.

‘Well, he thinks he does. He loves you, Amber. I can see it when I talk to him, I can feel it when he talks about you.’

‘So why’s he acting like a first-rate idiot?’

Debbie looked at Amber, taking a sip of her champagne cocktail. ‘You’ve been around footballers all your life, chick. So I think you already know the answer to that one.’

Amber sat back, running a hand through her hair. She really wanted to confide in someone about the whole mess she was getting into with Jim, but she knew she could never do that. She couldn’t tell anybody because if it ever got out…

‘Let him get today out of his system,’ Debbie smiled, leaning forward and placing a hand on Amber’s arm. ‘Let him act like the hero he thinks he is and then talk to him. Because I think you care enough about him not to throw it all away just yet.’

And, despite everything that was going on with Jim, Amber knew Debbie was right. She just had to work out whether she was up to riding the emotional roller-coaster that stretched out ahead of her because, all of a sudden, Amber Sullivan’s quiet, organised life had disappeared. And she had no idea if it would ever return.

Chapter Fifteen

‘Amber, can I have a word?’ Kevin asked.

Amber looked up, his voice shaking her out of a daydream she hadn’t been enjoying all that much. ‘Sorry? Did you… did you say something?’

‘A word, Amber. In my office.’

Amber watched him walk away, her stomach sinking. She didn’t have a good feeling about this. The tone of his voice told her he wasn’t pulling her aside for a friendly chat over a cup of coffee and a doughnut.

Sighing, she pushed her chair back and followed him into his office, closing the door behind her.
 

‘Sit down,’ he said, indicating the chair in front of his desk.

Amber said nothing, just sat down and crossed her legs, clasping her hands together on her lap.

‘I think you know why I’ve called you in here, don’t you?’ Kevin perched himself on the edge of his desk, his eyes meeting Amber’s.

She nodded. ‘Yeah. Yeah, I think I know.’

‘I’m worried about you, Amber. These past few weeks, it’s like a different person has turned up for work, and believe me, when you’ve worked with someone as long as I’ve worked with you it can be quite unsettling. So, you gonna tell me what’s up?’

‘Nothing’s up, Kevin,’ Amber swallowed, knowing that was a lie. And one look at Kevin’s arched eyebrow told her
he
knew that, too.
 

‘Your work’s been suffering, kiddo. You might have noticed I’ve been sending others out to do jobs I’d much rather you had done but – and I hate to say this, because I know you, Amber, and I know this isn’t like you – I can’t trust you to do the job properly right now.’

‘Kevin…’

‘No, Amber, let me finish,’ Kevin interrupted, holding a hand up to stop her from talking. ‘Your head is elsewhere, sweetheart. It’s obvious. And I can only assume this has got everything to do with Ryan Fisher. Am I right?’

Not entirely
, Amber thought.
 
He was only part of the problem. If it was just Ryan she could probably deal with it all, but throwing Jim into the equation just messed things up even more. And that’s why her head was all over the place. Oh, Ryan wasn’t innocent, far from it. His nights out were becoming more frequent, his time spent with her less and less, but then, she had someone else there to occupy that time, didn’t she?
 

‘You’re doing it again,’ Kevin said, his voice once again jolting Amber from her thoughts. ‘Look, Amber. When was the last time you had a holiday? A proper holiday? And by that I mean more than a few days away from this place?’

She frowned slightly, not sure where this was leading. ‘I don’t know…’

‘Exactly. That’s my point, sweetheart. You can’t remember the last time you had a proper break, can you?’

‘No, but…’

‘Take some time off.’

‘Kevin! No. I don’t
want
to take some time off…’

‘I’m not asking you, Amber. I’m telling you. It’s nearly Christmas…’

‘And we’re really busy…’

‘We’ll cope. This place won’t fall apart without you.’

‘That’s not what I meant,’ Amber said, with more than a touch of resignation in her voice. How had she let things get this bad? How hadn’t she noticed her concentration slipping and her mind wandering off to think about things that didn’t really matter? But then, Ryan
did
matter, didn’t he? He mattered a lot. And that was the problem. Because, at times, she felt more like a babysitter than a girlfriend so of course she’d been distracted. Although, she would’ve been less distracted if Jim hadn’t been on the scene. And there was another problem. She knew what Ryan was doing to himself, and she was trying to stop him from going down a road he needed to get off, but at the same time she didn’t feel Jim needed to know just how unstable Ryan’s behaviour could become. In spite of everything, Ryan lived to play football, and if Jim knew what was really going on then there was every possibility he would pull Ryan from the first team, and that was the last thing Ryan needed. But did
she
need all this stress? All the secrets and lies she was having to keep hidden? Now it was starting to affect her work, things suddenly felt a whole lot different. She’d thought she could cope with it all, but it seemed she was wrong. She couldn’t really cope at all.

‘I know what you meant,’ Kevin smiled, his voice quieter. ‘I care about you, Amber, I really do, and you know that. You know I wouldn’t make you do this if I didn’t think it was going to help. But I really do believe that some time off will do you the world of good. Sometimes work isn’t everything. And I think the whole problem with you is that you’re having a hard time dealing with the fact that
you’re
beginning to see that, too.’

She frowned again, looking at him. ‘I don’t…’

‘The hard-faced, ice-cold, feisty girl I know is going through a bit of a life-change. She just needs to learn to embrace it.’ He stood up, walking over to the window, shoving his hands in his pockets as he turned round to face her again. ‘There
is
room for everything, Amber. You
can
have it all.’

She
wasn’t sure that she could.

*

The afternoon stretched out in front of him like some never-ending movie he was bored of watching. Training was finished, a quick lunch time drink with
Gary
and a few of the lads was over, and now he was back home. Bored. It was the Red Star Christmas party that night so his evening was sorted, but getting through the afternoon was something else.

Amber was at work, he had no intention of calling his mam or dad because he wasn’t in the mood for any kind of lecture,
so
he was just going to have to find a way of amusing himself.

He was about to reach over and fire up the laptop when his mobile rang and he answered it immediately, not checking the caller ID first. Big mistake.

‘Are you at home?’

‘Where else would I be, Max?’

‘Oh, I don’t know, Ryan. You’ve been spotted in so many places lately, you could be almost anywhere.’

‘Yeah, you’re funny.’

‘Oh, I’m frigging hilarious, Ryan. Which is exactly what you’re fucking career is going to be if you don’t pull yourself together.’

‘Jesus, Max, I’m not a kid…’

‘Then stop acting like one. Grow up, look at what you have, and then think about what your life would be like if you lost it all. Because, carry on the way you are and that’s exactly what’s going to happen.’

Ryan sat down, running a hand through his hair. ‘I can control it, Max. It isn’t like before, I swear; I know what I’m doing.’

‘Famous last words, Ryan.’

‘Max…?’ But he’d already hung up, leaving Ryan staring at the phone. ‘What the…?’ Now he was pissed off. Now his afternoon had become even more frustrating. He needed something to take the edge off, something to see him through to party time – and he knew exactly what would take the edge off, but he was feeling lazy today. They could come to him for a change, even though it was a slightly risky thing to do. Somebody could see them, and it would only take one paparazzi photograph and an over-zealous reporter to start rumours that would spread like wildfire. But Ryan didn’t care, not today. He was in a rebellious mood. Or maybe it was just the boredom, either way he needed something to do.

Reaching for his phone again he tapped in a password that took him to a secret list of contacts. Not that he thought Amber was the type to go checking his phone, but there was nothing wrong in being ultra careful. In his position. Pressing
call
he spoke quickly to the voice on the other end of the line, making sure they knew exactly what to do before quickly scrolling down the list to find the second number he wanted. Once the edge was well and truly taken off he’d still need something to do, and with Amber at work
she
wasn’t going to be able to give him what he needed. He was going to have to look elsewhere for that. And he knew exactly where he could find it.