Stubborn Love (18 page)

I shifted the packages around, pulling one out of the bag after the next; I came across one I had gotten for Paige. In the frenzy to get home, I grabbed the bag of gifts, not taking the time to sort out the ones for my mom. I continued pulling items out of the bag until the entire tree was surrounded.

I then began repacking the items I needed with me to return back to New York: a cowl-neck scarf for the ever-fashionable Christian and some exquisite vintage jewelry for Paige, which I was certain she was going to love. Staring at the final box my heart sank. I missed him; I didn’t want to, but I did. The last box was for Colin. Pushing it into the bag with the other items I attempted to shove him from my mind.

“Oh, Emmie!” my mom squealed as she walked into the living room, the gifts under the tree coming into view. “Please tell me you didn’t break the handmade gifts only rule.”

“All right, now I promise like ninety percent of the stuff is handmade, but I saw something at this flea market, and it was so you that I had to get it. I suppose it qualifies, though, since the girl I bought it from made it.”

“You shouldn’t spoil me so much,” my mom protested.

“You’re my mom, it’s kind of my job,” I replied with a grin.

“Your gifts are in the sunroom,” she noted. “Just let me go and—” she was interrupted by a knock at the door.

“Want me to get it?” I asked standing to my feet.

“It’s probably Billy. I’ll get it. Your gifts are on the table under the window. Would you mind grabbing them and slipping them under the tree?” she asked.

Billy was the newest resident at The Grove and since coming home, I discovered he had been spending a lot of time with my mother. He seemed very nice, but with his longer hair and full beard it sometimes felt like I was looking at the cover of one of my mom’s albums from the seventies. I was glad she had met someone though; I hated the idea of her being lonely while I was away.

Retrieving the gifts, I walked into the living room and slid them under our Charlie Brown-like tree. “Mom, you ready to open some gifts, lady?”

“Emmie,” I heard her soft voice from the opposite side of the room. Turning to look at her I could see something was concerning her.

“Is everything all right?” I asked, standing. When I stood I saw a sight over her shoulder, and I thought my eyes were deceiving me. Paige and Christian were standing in the entryway, smiles beaming back at me.

I hesitated for a moment. “Hey girl, Merry Christmas!” Paige yelled.

“Oh my God! What are you doing here?” I cried, rushing over and collapsing into her open arms.

After a moment of screaming and jumping in place we finally managed to pull away from each other long enough for her to answer me. “You didn’t think I was going to have Christmas without my bestie, did you?”

“Are they always like this?” my mother asked, looking over at Christian.

“You have no idea. I think she likes your daughter more than her own boyfriend.” Christian laughed.

“Can you blame her?” I asked with a half-smile. “I’m positively adorable.

My heart was still racing; I couldn’t believe she was actually here. No matter what I was going through with Colin, nothing changed what had developed between Paige and me.

“Emmie…” Paige began. I looked to her, sensing the hesitation.

“Is everything okay?” I asked. Based on her sudden change in facial expression, I immediately began thinking of the worst possible scenarios. My thoughts shifted to Colin—he was the only reason she would look at me that way. I was certain the curse of Clementine had landed him in the hospital, or worse. I hadn’t ended things soon enough obviously.

“Don’t kill me,” she said raising her hands defensively. With that, I knew he was safe, but Paige might not be very shortly.

“What did you do?” I demanded.

“I may have told Colin a few things that you told me not to,” Paige whispered, wincing when she finished her sentence, waiting for me to unleash holy hell on her.

But I didn’t because part of me was glad he knew, though I would never tell Paige that. “What did you say to him?”

She looked over at Christian and then to my mother uncomfortably. “Not much… He was flipping out after you hung up on him a couple nights ago, and he kept trying to call you back. He had it in his head you were with that Stryker creep and that was why you weren’t answering your phone.”

“Are you serious? That’s disgusting,” I snapped. It was becoming apparent that perhaps Colin didn’t know anything about me.

“Right? So you see why I had to set him straight.”

“Oh Lord, Paige,” I groaned. “Tell me everything you told him.”

“Not much, I swear. I told him he had it all wrong, and the minute he knew I had information he was relentless,” Paige stammered.

“Yeah. He can be that way,” I agreed.

“Tell me about it,” Christian interjected, obviously feeling slightly uncomfortable discussing his brother in the den of women.

“I told him he had it all wrong about Stryker and that he was a private investigator hired by your husband’s parents,” she explained.

“You didn’t!” I cried, the horror of it all on my face.

“Okay, I admit, that didn’t go over very well,” Paige continued. “I told him you’re not married anymore, but that I couldn’t tell him anything else.”

Christian leaned forward. “That’s when he decided we would all have to fly to Indiana during one of the most highly travelled holidays. That was awesome, by the way.”

“Shut up, Christian,” Paige said, delivering an elbow to his unsuspecting ribs.

“Wait, what? All? Colin came out with you?” My high from seeing my best friend on Christmas morning quickly faded into pure panic as I found out my ex was not far away.

Paige nodded, widening her eyes innocently. “He’s waiting for you by the car.”

Without a word I rushed to the front of the house, pulling the oversized cardigan I was wearing closer around my body and glancing out the front window. Sure enough, he was leaning against a black rental sedan, his ankles crossed, his face tucked down into his pea coat to avoid the harsh wind.

“No, he can’t—you have to get him out of here. I can’t talk to him,” I pleaded, turning back to the three sets of eyes staring at me.

Christian stepped forward. “Emmie, I have never seen my brother like this before. I don’t think I could drag him out of here.”

“I know it’s scary sweetheart,” my mother added, her face masked with concern.

“It’s terrifying. If I go out there I might not be able to say no. I’m not ready for this. I need more time,” I moaned. All I could think about was crawling back into my bed, pulling the blankets over my head, pushing it all away. My face was suddenly hot, and I could feel the moisture building up behind my lids, close to tears already.

Lovingly, my mother picked up a jacket that was lying across the back of a chair near the door. She draped it over my shoulders and squeezed my arm gently. Coming close to my ear she whispered, “You can do this.”

I smiled. She had been my strength for so long. She picked me up when I had decided it hurt too much to continue breathing. She was the one who reminded me survival was just putting one foot in front of the other. She had survived so much pain herself, I couldn’t keep bringing my mess and dropping it in her lap.

Taking a deep breath, I made up my mind and opened the front door. Nobody said a word as I exited. I’m not sure if it was because they didn’t want to spook me, or if they simply didn’t know what to say.

As I approached him, I could see him stiffen, stand upright, and pull his strong jaw from the shelter of his coat. He smiled with only half of his mouth, and I felt my knees go weak. We both stayed quiet, neither sure who should speak the first word. I came to rest next to him, turning to look back at the modest, wooden framed home, pressing my back against the car to give me support.

“Merry Christmas.” Colin was the first to mutter words. I smiled; it was so Colin to open like that.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, deciding to stick with playing it cool.

“Paige said some things that needed some clarity, and well, honestly, I needed to see your face. You mom was nice enough to email me her address,” Colin explained.

“What?” The loving woman who always had my back had already taken sides. I had been double-crossed.

“Em, I love you. I don’t care about anything else other than being with you. Don’t you get that?” I couldn’t look at him as he spoke—it was killing me.

“You have no idea who I am. How can you say you love me?” I pushed back.

He turned toward me, trying to get me to look at him, but I still refused. “So tell me then, I’m listening. What is so terrible about you that I wouldn’t love you? That you’ve been married before? Paige told me. I’m not scared off that easily.”

He needed me to give him the cold, hard truth if he was going to let go of me. I faced him, looking up into his pained eyes. Damn it. That was a mistake. How can he look so damn sexy and sad at the same time. “You want to know who I am? All the wretched details? Would that make you happy?”

“All I’ve ever wanted is to get to know you. I don’t think anything you ever did would be as terrible as you think. At least not in my eyes.”

“We’ll see,” I began, starting to tremble as I spoke. “I was married. I got married right after high school, actually.”

“Emmie, a lot of people make that mistake.” Colin’s attempts to console me were only making me angry. The fact that he thought a simple divorce would be what upset me this much made me realize how much this information was going to level him.

“Damn it, Colin, do you want to know or not?” I snapped, shifting my eyes wildly as I struggled not to cry.

He nodded.

“His name was Ashton. A couple years in, the cracks started showing. I tried, but things just got worse. We were both miserable, even if he wasn’t willing to admit it. One night, he was wasted—he could barely stand. I told him I was done. He begged me, he cried. I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything except myself, and what I wanted. I was finally being selfish. I’d given him too much of myself for far too long. I wanted freedom—from him, from that God-forsaken suffocating small town. He told me if I left him he would kill himself. He had said it so many times I didn’t believe him. It was how he controlled me.”

As I retold the night I could see the scene unfolding as if it had only happened moment ago. I flinched as I heard the gun shot ring out in my thoughts. I couldn’t say the words to him. I couldn’t tell Colin that I drove a man I once loved to kill himself. How could I possibly tell the man I now loved that I was a murderer?

“Fuck, Em,” Colin whispered, pulling me close to him, resting his chin on the top of my head. He was so warm, I told myself to push him away, but my body wasn’t listening. “I’m so sorry you had to go through that, baby.”

“Don’t you get it? I’m the reason he’s dead,” I moaned, digging my face deeper into his chest, unable to stop the flood of sobs.

“No, you’re the reason I’m alive,” Colin whispered, pulling away slightly and lifting my face, our eyes locking. Pressing his thumbs against my ice cold dampened cheeks he wiped away my tears, pressing his lips to mine. I sniffed, barely able to breath from the crying fit, but losing the oxygen was worth it. His lips parted mine, instantly warming my body all over, despite the chill around us.

When our lips separated it felt like a piece of my own soul was being torn away. I wanted to surround myself with him, wear him like a coat that would protect me from all of the pain in the world. “You don’t hate me?” I asked in disbelief.

Colin laughed softly. “I’m crazy about you, Em. I could
never
hate you.”

I shook my head. “You don’t understand… I’m cursed. If you’re with me it will mean you only end up getting hurt.”

Colin took a firm hold of my arms, staring at me intensely. “Listen to me. My life started when you gave us a chance. Don’t take that away from either of us.”

It was no use—there were parts of me shouting to stay strong, but he was here, looking into my eyes, touching me. His presence created a helpless hunger in me I couldn’t resist. He was doing exactly what I knew he would if I saw him face to face. I was literally swooning.

“Well, I did already get you a Christmas gift.” I wondered if I had actually just said those ridiculous words.

He released a husky laugh, pleased with the progress he was making with me. “Oh yeah? What did you get me?”

Yup, I had said it.

“I brought it with me, actually,” I added, slipping my arm into his as we started walking toward the house.

“What is it?” he asked, clearly puzzled. But before I could answer he quickly asked, “Wait, so you knew I’d come after you? Is that what you’re saying?”

“I know everything, don’t you know that?” I retorted playfully. It was clear to me that Colin wasn’t going to let me get rid of him easily, and perhaps, if I were honest with myself for a moment, I didn’t want to let him go. I just needed to figure out how to get the rest of me to stop thinking about Ashton anytime I thought I might be experiencing a little too much happiness.

“I forget sometimes,” he said with a smile. Before we even reached the front porch the door flew open and an audience who had clearly been watching the entire show from the window greeted us.