Summer Kisses (49 page)

“I wanted to see where you were going with this. It’s good to know that some things never change. You still can’t cook.”

“I beg your pardon. I produced cookies and European hot chocolate out of thin air.” Sarcasm was one of her favorite forms of communication.

“Some things should never materialize. Oreos don’t count as cooking. Have you ever read the ingredients?” He picked up the last one. “Full of chemicals and carbohydrates.”

“Those happen to be my two favorite food groups.” She grabbed the cookie out of his hand and popped it in her mouth. “Mmm.”

His eyes fastened on her mouth. “I’m not going to pretend that wasn’t hot.”

“You want me bad,” Lucky whispered.

“Since the day I first saw you.” His voice was steady, and love shone in his eyes.

Lucky couldn’t look away, and a tidal wave of saliva flooded her mouth, so she swallowed several times. Ricky had never looked at her like that. Will looked at her the way her friend Betts’s husband, Gabe, looked at Betts. It all fit. Will had always been there, watched her when he thought she wasn’t looking, and went out of his way not to touch her. In the beginning, she’d thought it was because he didn’t like her, but it was the opposite.

Will loved her and had always loved her. What was she supposed to say? She was attracted to him, liked being with him, but she didn’t think she was capable of loving anyone again.

She couldn’t string him along, it wasn’t right. “I … um—”

“Uncle Will, Cuddles tinkled on the floor. What do I do?” Dawnie’s head popped in from around the corner.

“Paper towels and cleaner.” He stood and stretched. “The cleaner is under the sink.”

Saved by tinkle. Will loved her. How had she missed it all of these years? And how did she make a life that included him without hurting him?

It was raining cats and dogs, but Lucky needed to hear a voice of reason. Mama Cherie would have to do. Since it was well after midnight and both Betts and Charlie were probably asleep, she hightailed it out of the kitchen before Will got back. It was cowardice, but she couldn’t help it. He loved her, and she couldn’t promise the same. The thought of hurting him nauseated her.

Lucky grabbed an umbrella stationed on a hook by the back door and ran out into the night. She needed a heavy dose of Mama’s weird wisdom.

Sheets of rain pelted her as she struggled with the umbrella, finally wrestling it open five feet from Mama’s trailer. Disco music boomed in between thunder claps. Apparently, Mama was gettin’ down. Lucky grimaced. Hopefully, she was alone.

Lucky pounded on the door as rivers of rain coursed from the trailer’s roof and splatted on the umbrella. Mama didn’t answer. She pounded harder. Still no answer. Lucky adding kicking to her pounding. The music stopped, and Mama peeked out the window next to the door. Recognition dawned, and she opened the door.

“Hells bells, you’re soaked. Are the kids okay?” Mama pulled Lucky in and led her to the banquette seat in the back. A disco ball rotated from the ceiling swirling little circles of light around the room.

“Everyone’s fine. I just…” She didn’t know where to begin.

Mama threw a robe over her silver leather bikini. For a split second, Lucky thought about asking and then remembered that Mama didn’t have boundaries.

Mama handed Lucky a couple of towels and slid into the seat opposite Lucky. “Start at the beginning.”

Was there a beginning? Did she and Will have a beginning? Technically, tonight should have been it, but it felt more like the middle. Their beginning had started years ago.

Mama reached above her, opened the cabinet, and pulled out a bag of Cajun Tater King spicy potato chips. “That look of thoughtful introspection’s giving me the munchies. I think potato chips go well with soul searching.”

She tugged the bag open and popped a handful of chips in her mouth.

“I tried to kiss Will, and then he kissed me back.” Lucky wanted to pick her words, but they kept falling out of her mouth. “I liked it.”

“This calls for a toast.” Mama opened a bin under the banquette and pulled out a champagne bucket with a bottle of Dom Perignon on ice. “I stole the bottle from your wine cellar.”

“You always have champagne on ice?”

“It goes well with potato chips.” Mama reached behind her and pulled out two champagne flutes. “Y’all aren’t the only people who idolize Marilyn Monroe. I love
The Seven Year Itch
.”

Since it had always been one of Mama’s life goals to join The Marilyns, Betts, Charlie, and Lucky had decided long ago that Mama needed some wholesome-ish goals, so they’d denied her bid for membership.

“I’m not much of a Dom fan … it’s too dry.” Lucky pushed her glass away.

“Try this.” Mama reached around Lucky, opened another bin, and pulled out a handful of sugar cubes. She dropped two in Lucky’s glass.

“Is this a Swiss Army Knife Airstream? Do all these bins have bar items?” Lucky looked around at the after-market array of locking wooden bins installed into the back wall, ceiling, and floor. “What if I wanted a fresh piña colada? Could you produce one of those?”

Mama smiled. “Fresh coconut milk or Coco Lopez?”

“What about a Gibson Girl?” Lucky didn’t actually know what that was, but Sandra Bullock had ordered one in a movie once.

“Shaken or stirred?” Mama added a gracious nod to her superior tone.

Lucky shook her head. “You win. I’m out of drink names.”

She took a sip of the sugar-cubed champagne. It was better, but she preferred wine that tasted like Kool-Aid.

“Stop stalling.” Mama sipped her champagne and added two sugar cubes. She wrinkled her nose. “It is too dry. So what’s the deal with Will?”

“He loves me.” Lucky didn’t know how to ease into it.

Mama leaned forward and shrugged like there should be more. “And?”

“And I don’t love him back…” But that wasn’t strictly true. She did love him, but she wasn’t
in love
with him … right? That wasn’t true either. She liked him as a person, respected him, liked spending time with him, and wanted to sleep with him.

“Honey, you’re going to have to speak. I know you’re a private person and like to keep things in, but this is ridiculous. My powers of telepathy are on the fritz. You came all the way out here to talk it out, but all you’re doing is thinking real hard. I’m going to let you in on a little secret—I’m a way better talker than I am a thinker so … out loud, please, for us poor telepathically challenged.” Mama leaned back and sipped her champagne.

“I don’t know what to do about Will. He’s no longer brother-in-law material, but I don’t know if I’m ready for him to be boyfriend material.” Lucky knew she wasn’t making sense, but the situation didn’t make sense. “I loved Ricky, and I love Will, but it’s a different love … not flashy or showy. It’s private, and I don’t mean private as in not letting the world see, I mean personal.” Lucky took a sip and swallowed. “I don’t think I’m explaining it right.”

Mama slid her hand over and covered Lucky’s. “I think you’re doing fine. How about this? If you need a label, how about
lover
?” She patted Lucky’s hand. “Instead of analyzing it, just live it. Take your happiness where you can get it. Has Will told you how he feels or asked how you feel in return?”

“No, but … what about the girls, if things don’t work out between Will and me?” Lucky looked at Mama’s rhinestone-covered fingers covering her own. “I can’t lose the girls. I feel like they’re a part of me. They need me.” And she needed them. Holding Dawnie’s sleeping body had been a balm to her soul.

“What if it works out between you and Will?” Mama’s keen eyes stayed on Lucky’s face.

“I don’t know.” She hadn’t really thought about it, because she’d been too busy coming up with reasons for it not to work out. “I guess we would…” What? Be a family? Live happily ever after? In her adolescent dreams, happy ever after had always been the ending, but life wasn’t a fairy tale, and happy ever afters didn’t happen.

“Fall in love, make a beautiful family, and find happiness?” Mama dipped her index finger in her champagne and swirled it around, dislodging bubbles. “Is that so bad?”

“I don’t… No, it sounds wonderful. It’s just… What if I can’t love him back?” It was a hard thing to admit. Her emotions were still so tied up with hate, confusion, and grief she wasn’t sure if she could love again. She couldn’t lose herself in another person, not like she had with Ricky. Her hands shook. It felt like she was mired in quicksand and sinking deeper and deeper. “Yes, I’m attracted to him, but when he looked at me—he looked at me the way Gabe looks at Betts—I don’t know if I can do that.”

“Why?”

“I loved Ricky, but it had boundaries. I felt like I always had to be on my guard or walking on eggshells and work extra hard to make him love me—he never looked at me the way Will did. Besides you and Betts and Charlie, I’ve never really had anyone who knew me … really knew me and loved me anyway. It scares me. What if I don’t have it in me to love him back? It would crush him and kill me to hurt him.”

“I know for a fact that you can love and do love deeply. You have a heart as big as Texas, but it’s been broken so many times you think that it doesn’t work anymore. But you’re wrong. If you couldn’t love, then you wouldn’t have opened your heart to those girls. In fact, I don’t know many people who could look beyond the past to make a future. Happiness is within your reach. Don’t overthink it, just grab on to it and don’t let go.” Mama patted her hand and then withdrew it and sat back. “What if you don’t make any promises to Will or yourself, but just go with the flow and let things happen? You don’t need to commit to anything. Play it by ear … date him for a while.”

“I guess, but I don’t want to lead him on.” Lucky took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I should probably talk to him about it. I know it will hurt his feelings, but I have to be honest with him.”

“Honesty is one thing, but I’d hold off on the whole I-don’t-know-if-I-can-love-you speech. Just tell him that you’re not ready for anything permanent. And for now, you’re just going to enjoy each other’s company.”

Lucky nodded. “You’re right. We can be friends who date.” The tiniest spark of excitement skittered through her system and landed smack dab in the middle of her heart. It was hope.

She tried to stand, but Mama hooked a foot around Lucky’s calf and pulled her back down.

“I’m going to say something that will probably piss you off, but you need to hear it. Ricky might have been your first love, but he wasn’t the love of your life. Don’t let the hate and disappointment you feel for him ruin your chance at something special. Will isn’t Ricky—you know that, but I don’t think you understand that relationships come in different shapes and sizes. You were incredibly young when you married, and while you weren’t a virgin, you still didn’t have lots of life experience when it came to relationships. Don’t let your marriage to Ricky cloud your judgment. The life you might have with someone else will be very different than the life you had with Ricky. Don’t use him as a role model.”

There was sound logic there. Mama was right. Every relationship was different. “How did you get so smart?”

“It’s on account of my big boobs.” Mama grinned. “Life’s better with big boobs.”

Lucky’s bosom was substantial, but all it had gotten her were leers from strange men and low-back pain. Ricky had been her first love and not the love of her life. It was an interesting concept and one she needed to ponder.

Will was drenched to the skin and pacing a muddy hole in the living room carpet. He glanced down. Considering the blood-red travesty, a hole might be an improvement. This room needed wood floors—something dark—to counteract all the sunlight blasting the room in the afternoon. Now, lightning squiggles crackled across the sky as rain and wind roared like a bear. Lucky was out in this. Damn crazy woman! She could get hurt. He’d gone after her, but she wasn’t in her garage or the pool house, and her car was still here.

Mama’s trailer caught his eye. He hadn’t checked there. He stomped to the back door, when Lucky blew in on a gust of wind and rain.

“Where the hell have you been?” He pulled her in a tight hug. She was soaked to the bone.

“Sorry, I went to talk to Mama.” She hugged him back. “Crap. Dawnie. I told her she could sleep with me.”

“She’s in your bed surrounded by the Barbies and Cuddles. Hope you don’t mind a dog in your bed. She demanded that he was cold and needed to be under the covers.” He finger-combed her wet hair. She was safe and in his arms. His heart rate was returning to normal.

“Let’s get you out of those wet clothes.” That sounded like some cheesy line. “And me too.” That sounded worse. “I mean—”

“I know what you meant.” Lucky leaned back and kissed him lightly on the lips. “I’m cold and so are you.” She touched his cheek. “I can’t believe I never really saw you before.”

She kissed him lightly again. “We’re not having sex tonight, but I want to.”

“Wait, why aren’t we having sex tonight?” He could feel her tight nipples poking his chest. “I’m okay with the having sex thing, you know, in case you’re wondering.”

Her deep, husky laughter rumbled out. “Me too, but there’s too much past swirling around us tonight. And I’d like for you to take me out to dinner first on a date … where we get dressed up, flirt with each other, you pretend to listen to me while looking down my shirt, and I do my best to not imagine you naked.”

Will glanced at his watch. “I think Whataburger’s still open. I can be ready in ten minutes.”

She patted his cheek. “I need a little romance, and so do you. And there’s a five-year-old in my bed.”

She wanted to take it slow. He could do slow … in fact, slow had always been his speed. Lucky wanted to date him. Christ, she wanted to sleep with him. Going slow with her was so much more than he’d ever hoped for. He pulled her close and tucked her head under his chin. “May I have the pleasure of your company for dinner this evening? I’ll pick you up at your room at six.”

If she wanted romance, he could do romance. A candlelit dinner, a roaring fire, and some adult conversation. Something intimate and outdoors. She loved to be outside, especially at night. It sounded like the perfect evening to him.