Summer Kisses (96 page)

Tommy buried his face in Matt’s chest. “The bad men was burning me with cigarettes.”

Matt closed his eyes. He never should’ve told him what had been done to him. “Shhh—that’s never going to happen to you.”

“Daddy.” Tommy sniffled. “Can I sleep with you and Mommy?”

A warm feeling stole over Matt. His son had referred to him as his daddy while talking to Abby, but he’d never actually called him that before. “Sure.” He chuckled. “Why don’t you wait in the hall for a moment while your mom puts something on?”

His son whispered loudly, “How come you and Mommy don’t have any ‘jamas on?”

“Wait in the hall, and we’ll talk about that in a minute.”

Tommy left the room while Matt woke Abby and helped her into her nightgown. “Go back to sleep.” He pressed his lips to her brow, then pushed the door open. “Okay, Bud, come on in.”

After positioning their son between Abby and himself, Matt pulled the covers over the three of them and closed his eyes.

“Well? How come?” Tommy whispered in his ear.

So much for hoping his son would forget his question. “A lot of grown-ups don’t wear pajamas, Tom. You know Mommy and I are married, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, husbands and wives make love so they can have babies. They need to be as close as possible to each other then, and clothes get in the way.”

“Are you and Mommy gonna make a baby?”

He hugged Tommy and sighed. “I hope someday we will. Maybe even two or three of them. Would you like that?”

“Yeah, that’d be coooool.” Tommy was silent for a few seconds. “Dad, were you and Mommy doin’ that?”

“No, and that’s not something you should ask about. It’s private. From now on, I want you to knock and wait until we say it’s all right for you to come in our room. All right?”

“Okay.” Tommy was quiet for another few moments. “Daddy, when I grow up, will I be as big as you?”

After his son got an eyeful of him sleeping nude, Matt wasn’t sure if Tommy meant his stature or just his pecker. Either way the answer was the same. “Probably. You look just like I did when I was your age.”

~*~

Abby lay in the dark, squeezing back her tears. Matt had done a great job of answering their son’s embarrassing questions. He had such a natural gift with children. It wasn’t fair to wait until he became emotionally involved before she destroyed his dreams.

Somehow, she had to find the courage to tell him.
Tomorrow.

Matt woke to the smell of coffee and bacon with Tommy sprawled next to him, squeezing Mr. T. Bear. He shook his son gently. “Come on, Buddy, it’s time to wake up for school.”

After pulling on just his jeans, Matt padded into the kitchen. He poured a cup of coffee and slipped his arms around Abby, covering her mouth in a probing kiss. “Ummm—coffee, bacon, and Abby—the perfect breakfast.”

When he drew back, she glanced toward the hallway. “Did you wake Tommy up?”

“Yup.” He sank into the chair at the table and leaned back, his bare feet stretched out in front of him.

“I talked to Lucy earlier.” Abby transferred the bacon from the pan to a plate. “She said when she walks Royce to the bus stop she’d stop by and pick Tommy up.”

“The way you two look out for each other, a stranger would swear you were sisters.” He sipped his coffee, mentally reliving the wonderful night sleeping with his child cuddled between him and his wife. Suddenly, he felt very married.

How could he give this all up if Abby decided she couldn’t love the man he’d become?

Glancing over at her, he smiled. “I’m going to call my parents and sister later today. I want to invite them for a visit. Do you mind if they stay with us?”

“Not at all. I’d enjoy having them.” Abby stepped to the hallway and called, “Tommy, your breakfast is ready.”

Their son raced to the table and gulped down his juice as soon as his butt hit the chair.

Matt chuckled. “Whoa, slow down.”

He served Tommy some eggs and bacon from the platter Abby put on the table. The child shoveled the food into himself almost as fast as Matt put it on his son’s plate. “I can’t,” Tommy mumbled past a mouthful. “I gotta eat a lot.”

“Why?”

“So I’ll grow bigger faster.”

“No, Bud.” Matt chuckled. “The only thing eating more will do is make you fat. Don’t be in such a hurry to grow up. Your mom wants you to be a little boy a while longer. At least, until we have a baby for her to take care of.” He winked at Abby. She spun her back to him and stood motionless at the sink.

A set of knuckles rapped at the back door. Lucy bustled in with Royce who stared silently at Tommy seated next to Matt at the table.

“Morning, Sport, why do you look so unhappy?”

The little boy’s lower lip quivered.

“Royce wants you to be his real dad, too,” Tommy explained. “But I told him you’d love him just like me, anyways.”

Matt pulled Royce onto his lap. “Yesterday, when I asked if Abby could read your journal, you said she was the same as your mom. But she’s not really your mother, is she?

The child shrugged, and then shook his head.

“So why don’t you think I care as much about you?” Matt smiled and hugged him tightly. “Having the same last name and living together has nothing to do with how we feel about each other.”

Royce grinned, sliding off Matt’s lap to nibble on the strip of bacon Tommy handed him. Lucy wiped her eyes and smiled at Matt, soundlessly mouthing the words,
Thank you
.

While Abby put their son’s lunchbox in his backpack, Tommy sidled up to Matt and whispered in his ear, “Daddy, can people make babies during the daytime?”

He bit back a laugh. “Yes, Bud.”

Pulling Matt’s ear to his mouth again, Tommy murmured, “Could you and Mom make one while I’m at school so she won’t want me to be a little boy anymore?”

“It doesn’t work quite that way. We can try, but it only happens when God decides it’s the right time. I’ll see what I can do about it, though, okay?” Matt crushed Tommy to his chest. “I need a hug before you go.” He held his other arm out to Royce. “You, too, Sport.”

Once he squeezed the boys and they left, he rolled his eyes at Abby and chuckled. “Our son is a piece of work.”

She stepped behind him and gently kneaded his bare shoulders. “I know. He never fails to make me laugh.” She ran her fingers lightly over his scars. “I want to cry every time I look at what those animals did to you. And now that I know who you are, it hurts so much more.”

“Why? Because it was the man you loved who was tortured?”

“I guess so.”

He leaned on the table and buried his face in his hands. “Abby, please, you’ve got to let it go. I’m not suddenly going to transform back into the young guy you fell in love with.”

“I know that.” She wrapped her arms around his neck. “I don’t expect you to. I know what happened to you has left you with a lot more than just the scars I can see.”

He pulled her into his lap. “Do you feel anything for me? Not who I was. Who I am now? Or have I changed too much?”

“Yes, I have feelings for you. But I can’t let myself care too much while we’re in limbo.” She burrowed into his neck. “I don’t want my heart broken.”

“Me neither. That’s why I need to know if you can love me the way I am now. If I was sure you could....” His throat clogged with myriad emotions. He stared into her eyes.

Why didn’t he just face it? He didn’t have to be sure how Abby felt to know he’d fallen deeply, hopelessly in love with her. A cold sweat broke out on his brow, and the pit of his stomach felt as if he’d fallen out of a ten-story window.

What if she never loved him back?

All at once, seven years rolled away. He was in the back row of a dark theater, caressing Abby and gazing into her eyes by the light of the movie screen. She was so sweet. So trusting. So incredibly turned on.

What the hell was he waiting for? She wanted him to kiss her. To touch her.

He gazed at her face, overwhelmed by the tender feelings she stirred in him. She’d shared more of herself, talking to him for a few hours last night, than all the women who’d ever given their bodies to him. Abby’s trusting nature and honest zest for life completely disarmed him.

The black hole in his memory instantly overflowed with a rush of images of her smiling at him and laughing. The awe he felt the first time they made love flooded back.

Suddenly, there was no reason for his mind to keep how deeply he’d loved her locked away in his subconscious. He had as much at stake in loving Abby in the present as he’d had in the past.

She turned his face toward her, caressing his cheek. “Matt? Where are you? You went away on me again.”

He stared into her shimmering eyes and knew she was right. He
had
fallen in love with her that night at the movies. Whatever he’d felt then didn’t matter. The thought of not being her husband, now, was more pain than he could bear. His hands shook as he pulled her closer and crushed his mouth to hers, murmuring into her lips, “I’m not going anywhere, Sweetheart. Not as long as you’ll keep me.”

~*~

Abby squeezed her eyes shut. She had to tell Matt about herself before she could let him make any promises to her. “Matt, you may change your—”

“I want to give you the present I made you,” he cut her off and stood, setting her down in the chair. “But you have to remember it’s a first effort. It’s not what I originally started making.” He held up his hands. “Stay here. I’ll go get it.”

She waited for his return, gnawing on her lip and trying to find the strength to say the words that would destroy his dreams. Finally, the basement door swung open, and Matt appeared at the top of the steps. Her throat swelled shut at the sight of the beautiful baby cradle he’d put so much effort and love into.

“Tommy asked if we could do something about filling this today.” Matt smiled. “I’m in love with you, Abby. I don’t ever want to leave you.”

She had to stop him. She’d never survive it when he inevitably had second thoughts. “Please don’t say anymore.” She covered her face and sobbed. “When you step back and see the big picture, you’ll realize you don’t really want me.”

He grabbed her shoulders and squeezed them. “What do you mean I won’t want you? When I think about living without you, I can hardly breathe.”

“Do you want me enough to give up the dream of ever seeing your baby sleeping in this beautiful cradle?” She ran her hand over its satin cherry finish. “I’ve seen you with Tommy and Royce. You’re a natural father.”

He frowned and enveloped her in his embrace. “Don’t you want to have another baby?”

“So much it tears me apart. But I can’t have any more children. Ever.”

His mouth dropped open. “What?” He drew back and stared at her. “Why not?”

“When I had Tommy, there were a lot of complications. I hemorrhaged, and they had to remove my uterus to save my life.” She sniffled, and her voice caught in a tiny hiccup. “I can’t ever give you the houseful of babies you want.”

His face twisted, and his eyes squeezed shut, concealing his anguish. Tears leaked from his lashes, and his chest shook from holding back the sobs he was trying valiantly to suppress.

She stroked his stubbled face. “I understand. We shouldn’t force a relationship that died. After what you’ve been through, you deserve to spend the rest of your life happy with a whole woman who can give you children.”

He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and whispered, “Abby, do you love me?”

Did he have to make her admit it before he left?

She loved him so much she had to let him go. No matter how much it hurt, she couldn’t try to hold him.

“Please tell me. I have to know. Do you love me—the man who came home to you—not the boy who died all those years ago?”

Turning her face away, she wiped her cheeks. “
No
. I love the man I married.” She sucked in a deep breath to compose herself and turned back to him. “I can’t love a man who goes off into his own little world all the time. I think we should both do as we originally planned. Robert doesn’t want children, and he loves me even though I—”

“No, Abby.”

“Yes. You could make a life with someone you can have kids with. Lucy thinks you’re wonderful. I know you like her. You could live with Royce and still see Tommy.”

~*~

Matt peered into Abby’s face and saw right through her lies. She loved him, damn it. It was shining in her eyes. The same trusting green eyes that gazed up at him from the sofa seven years before.

How could he ever heal the wound he’d inflicted on her by talking about all the children he wanted and making her a
cradle
of all things?

He wanted to smash the fucking thing.

It broke his heart that they’d never be able to have more kids. He’d missed seeing Abby’s body swell with his child and feeling their baby move inside her. He would’ve given anything to have seen Tommy learn to crawl and heard him say his first words.

He’d been denied all the wonder of seeing the new life they’d made come into the world. He ached to watch her nurse their baby.
Now, he never would
.

It wouldn’t do any good to deny he wanted more kids. He’d be lying.

And she would know it.

Besides, he only wanted to see
Abby
grow heavy with his child and to see his baby nursing at
her
breast. Not Lucy’s or some other woman’s. He refused to let her push him away to spare him from sharing in her heartbreak.

He swallowed past the lump in his throat. “That’s a fabulous plan, Babe. Marry me off to some woman I don’t love so I can spend the rest of my life lusting after her best friend.”

“If not Lucy, then someone else.”

“You expect me to only see my son on weekends? No, way. If I go, I’m taking Tommy with me,” he bluffed. “I’ve already lost too damn many years with him.”

Her face contorted, making her eyes disappear. “I’d never fight you for custody, Matt. You’re a wonderful father. And now that Tommy’s getting older, I know you can give him what he needs a lot better than I can.”

So much for threats. She loved him and Tommy so much she would actually let him take their son.