Summer Of My Secret Angel (33 page)

I didn’t have the slightest clue where he
might have to go, but it squeezed my heart to think of not being
able to see Julian every day. Why did she think he couldn’t stay in
France?

“Maybe I can.”

“What do you mean
you
can
?”

“I mean, there is a way. But she’s not ready
to accept it yet. It’ll take time to make her understand.” Julian’s
voice changed from low to loud in short intervals as his footsteps
approached the door then faded away.

“Is that why you’re reluctant to help me all
of a sudden? Are you playing for time?”

A hard thud on the door made me jump. Julian
must have slumped with his back against it. His voice was extremely
close when he said, “Is that so wrong? What’s a few more days? A
couple more weeks.”

What kind of game was he playing? I didn’t
understand what he expected to happen in that time. And most of
all, I didn’t understand why my mother needed him to help her.

“Would you please look at me, Julian? My
time is up. It’s been up for a while now. You can’t keep this
charade going forever. As much as I wish it was different, as much
as I long to watch Jona become a grown woman, I feel I have to
go.”

She was dying. I heard the resolution in her
tone.

Hands clapped over my mouth and nose, I
struggled to breathe. My mother expected her death. She faced it so
calmly. Why in the world would this bother me, after hating this
woman for most of my life? My chest shouldn’t be aching the way it
did.

And then there was the part Julian played in
this game. Was he the one responsible for her still being alive
when she knew better? My heart and throat constricted with fright.
I couldn’t stop the cold shiver running over my body.

“And my daughter must be happy again. If you
refuse to leave her alone, I’ll put a stop to it. I won’t let you
continue your care of me.”

“You asked for help, Charlene. And here I
am. Now do not interfere with my plans.”

“Your interest has changed. That revokes my
deal with your boss.” My mother’s voice toned down a notch, growing
almost humble. “Does
he
know about your plans?”

Julian’s exhausted laugh grew fainter as he
walked away from the door. “Do you honestly think there is one tiny
thing in this world he doesn’t know about? In fact, I had no idea
there was a possibility for me to stay until he told me so a short
while ago.”

“But it’s wrong!” Charlene exclaimed. “You
don’t belong here.”

“Love can never be wrong. And that is what
both of you have to learn.”

The intense serenity of Julian’s lecture and
the softness of his tone invaded me like hot chocolate running down
my throat on a cold winter’s day.

“Love can be wrong, if it’s going to be
taken away in the end.” My mother spoke in a suppressed way, yet
the anger and frustration were clearly audible. “I want the best
for Jona. And if this means I have to die without finding
forgiveness first, then I’ll pay that price.”

Swallowing hard, I tried to recap. They had
a deal. With me as its focus. And Julian was keeping my mother
alive against nature.

Oh. My. God
.
Realization
struck me. He was some sort of alien. With powers beyond
belief.

Panic surged though me, climaxing in a
mental scream. All the new information swimming in my head made my
brain spin like a mad carousel. Stumbling sideways then backward, I
staggered through the hallway, trying to get a hold of something
solid. Of myself. The screeching in my mind got more intense as I
trembled.

“Seems like you got what you wanted,”
Julian’s resolute statement drifted through the door. “Your
daughter is outside. I suppose she’s been listening all along.”

How did he know? I hadn’t made a sound,
other than my breathing and even that I was finding difficult with
the hysteria screaming in my mind.

I jerked around just in time to see him
coming out of the room. A dim shine fell on the tiles in the
hallway. Behind Julian, on the far end of the room, Charlene sat on
her bed, wrapped in a green bathrobe, her look one of horror. But
Julian closed the door fast and cut her off from my view.

Darkness swallowed the hallway once more.
But this time an alien was with me.

He stared at me for the length of a breath,
maybe giving me time to make an escape. But when I gazed at his
blue eyes that sparkled even in the dark, there was no chance I
could run away. In fact, there was only one direction I could move.
Toward him.

It was like getting hooked by a fishing rod
and being reeled in. Mentally, I fought against the urge, but my
body wouldn’t obey. The most I could do was stay where I was.

And then he came for me.

Even though his demanding stride scared me,
I stood rooted until he grabbed my hand. He pulled me with him,
upstairs. The alien found his way easily in the dark.

To my very surprise, Julian led me into my
room, but didn’t stop when the door shut behind us. Without
pausing, he proceeded to the balcony.

“Julian, wait. Don’t—” My plea bounced off
his back. His hand curled tighter around my good one, and I stood
no chance against his pull.

A cool wind brushed my face. The night sky
was illuminated with a million stars and a harvest moon hanging
low. Julian stopped and turned. He closed the little space between
us and gazed into my eyes, cupped my face, and pressed his lips to
mine.

Together with time, my heart stopped. For an
infinite moment, Julian and I melted into each other. His kiss was
fierce and demanding, and still, I had yet to come across something
equally as tender in my life. It felt as if he’d poured his very
soul into this kiss.

And my heart opened for him to enter
fully.

I didn’t know how long we stood entangled.
But when he pulled back, the pain of being ripped apart soared
through me. I yearned to stay with him as one being. Forever.

“I love you, Jona,” he whispered with no one
but me and the stars to hear.

And deep inside me, I felt I loved him, too,
no matter who or
what
he was. I was devoted to this man with
my mind, body, and soul. But I’ve never said those words to anyone
before. And however long he waited on my reply, the words wouldn’t
come through my dry, tight throat.

With a long sigh, Julian closed his eyes and
touched his lips to mine for another tender moment. Then he stepped
back, turned, and walked across the balcony toward his room. A
heavy burden seemed to press on his shoulders, urging me to run
after him. Or to call him back at least. But tongue-tied and
frozen, I watched him disappear through the floating curtains.

1. SHE WIPED THEM ALL OFF THE TABLE
   

“
SEVENTY-SIX BOTTLES of wine in the box.
Seventy-six bottles of wine. Take one out and dip it into water,
seventy-five bottles of wine in the box…”
I sang.

Warm water ran from the faucet into the
kitchen sink. For the past couple of hours I had performed the
monotonous task of rinsing one empty bottle after the other. This
annoying song had crept into my mind, and I couldn’t get it out but
kept singing under my breath.

I turned the bottles upside down on a wide
towel spread on the table where they could dry.

Because of my injured left hand, which still
felt just fine, Marie had forbidden me to go out with them to work
in the field today. Afraid the dirt would make my wound worse, she
gave me an easy task to fill the boring morning hours. Rinsing a
stack of bottles that Albert had retrieved from the cellar;
single-handedly.

The bottles were covered with more dust than
Captain Blackbeard’s rum bottle. Soon they’d be refilled with new
wine from this season’s crop.

About forty more waited in the box, but my
bursting bladder urged me to rush upstairs. I didn’t stop when the
door to my mother’s room opened and she popped her head out.

“Julian, is that you?” she asked
hoarsely.

“No!” I shouted down, then slammed the door
to my room shut and went into the bathroom.

What did she need that alien for today? Did
she want to discuss
me
again? If she wanted to talk to him,
she would have to wait until he came back or take a stroll out to
the vinery. I sure as hell wasn’t going to get him for her. Not
after he’d left the house without a glance at me this morning.

A few minutes later, I was on my way back
downstairs but whirled about once more. Leaning over the sink and
rinsing the bottles had drenched my t-shirt. The fabric stuck to my
skin and irritated me, so I went back and changed my clothes.

Downstairs, a door opened, and my mother’s
panicked voice echoed in the house. “Marie?”

“Oh, give it a break. You know she’s not
here,” I muttered to myself. Buttoning my fresh shirt, I went out
into the hallway and leaned over the banister. “Marie’s out!
Everyone is!”

I cringed at the shrieking sound of glass
breaking. If Charlene had knocked over the bottles in the kitchen,
I was going to make her clean up the mess by herself.

A wave of anger washed over me as I stormed
down the winding staircase and strode toward the kitchen. The first
thing that came into view was a sea of green shards spread all over
the floor.

“Shit, what have you done?” Glass crunched
under the soles of my boots as I entered. But at first sight, my
mother wasn’t around. Maybe Lou-Lou had come in and—

My gaze fell on a limp body on the floor.
Covered with fragments of glass and blood. My heart stopped. I spun
on the spot, cut a glance at the door and then back at Charlene. I
dragged a clawed hand through my hair and pressed the other over my
mouth. An eerie silence numbed my ears. What in the world was I to
do now?

Get back to your room.

Close the door.

Pretend nothing has happened.

I could ignore her. Wait until the rest of
the family came home. Julian would know what to do. He’d coddle her
as always. His regular check on her was overdue, anyway.

Seconds ticked away, and hysteria gripped me
around the throat. Where was he?

And what if he didn’t come?

This is it. She’s dead. It’s over. You can
breathe.

With the first long breath, tears sprang to
my eyes. Figuring out how to make my mind and tongue function
together was hard. I had her name in my head and wanted to speak it
out loud, to get a reaction from her. But when I opened my mouth I
couldn’t produce any real sound.

The passing moments seemed like an eternity
as I stared at the lifeless body in front of me. It was like I was
staring into an open grave at the cemetery. My skin went ice-cold.
I hated Marie for bringing me there yesterday.

“
Do you really want her to die with a
broken heart
?”

I shot around to see who’d said that. No one
stood behind me. Then I realized it was Julian’s words ringing in
my ears. And suddenly, the first memory from my early childhood
flashed in my mind. I remembered happy moments in my mother’s arms
as she hugged and loved me, twirled me around in the kitchen when
her violent boyfriend was out and it was only the two of us in the
flat.

I remembered chocolate fudge cakes. A
lullaby and goodnight kisses. Even the red velvet dress she had
sewn for my first day in nursery school surfaced in my mind. It had
taken a whole long week of my pleading until she had bought me the
matching red patent-leather shoes.

This woman was my mom.

She was the one who gave me life. A good
deal of it might have been miserable, but she’d tried to make up
for it by bringing me to Marie’s wonderful place with people around
who seemed to love me for no other reason than that I was part of
their family. And I loved them in return.

I didn’t want her to die. Or to suffer from
cancer and be in so much pain. And most of all, I didn’t want to
feel angry at her any longer. All I wished for in that moment was
peace for me and for this woman who I’d loved unconditionally so
many years ago.

Dragging my boots through the shards, I
stumbled to her side.

“Charlene?” My voice broke and I tried
again. “Charlene! Can you hear me? Mom?”

I skimmed the hair off her face. An acrid
smell wafting toward me made me wince. There were traces of vomit
around her mouth, stains on her shirt. Two scarlet streams of blood
ran from her nose over her top lip, and angled to the left,
dripping to the floor. Cuts dotted her face and hands.

Carefully, I wiped all the tiny pieces of
glass off of her then pressed my palm to her cheek. She was hot.
But at least her chest lifted slowly with steady breaths. I took
her face in my hands and said once more, “Mom? Look at me. If you
can hear me, please say something.”

She was silent.

I struggled to lift her from the hard stone
floor. Her upper body cradled in my arms, she finally opened her
eyes.

I freed her of any remaining shards of
glass, then gathered all my reserved strength, and heaved my mother
up from the floor. Half dragging and half carrying, I took her to
her room, where I lowered her to the bed and began stripping off
her shirt.

“Don’t—”

Her weak objection didn’t make me stop. This
wasn’t the moment for an argument. When her body lay undressed
before me, I gasped. Beneath her clothes, Charlene was nothing but
skin and bones. If I hadn’t seen her moving around the past couple
of weeks, I would have believed she was already dead.

On her nightstand sat a glass of water,
which I held to her lips so she could rinse her mouth and get rid
of the awful taste of vomit. The first mouthful she spewed into the
bucket next to her bed. Then she drank in slow sips.

From the closet, I grabbed a new shirt,
opening the window on my way. Fresh air drove the nauseating smell
out of the room.