Authors: Julia Williams
‘Ouch, my head hurts.’ Kezzie woke to find sun pouring through her bedroom window, and the realization that she was lying on top of her duvet dressed in her t-shirt and knickers. How had she got there?
She blinked. Her throat felt dry and rough, her head ached and she thought that if she moved too fast she might just throw up. She had no memory of getting undressed. No memory of coming to bed. Shit, shit and double shit. What had she done?
She vaguely remembered smoking a joint in the garden, drinking like it was going out of fashion, and staggering up the stairs snogging – oh no—
‘Oh my God, Troy!’ She sat bolt upright on the bed. Had she really been snogging Troy? What on earth must she have been thinking? Well, that was the problem of course. Rational thought hadn’t come into anything. Otherwise she wouldn’t have ended up all over Lauren’s ex, who hitherto hadn’t impressed her in the slightest. Though she did vaguely recall an alcohol-hazed attraction.
And where on earth was Troy now? Please God nothing worse had happened.
Gingerly, she got out of bed, threw some clothes on, and went downstairs to see what carnage awaited her. ‘Urgh,’ she said, surveying the scene. The place looked hideous.
There was something to be said for Richard’s methodical approach to life. He’d have had everything tidied in bin bags and put away the previous night, rather than be left with the fag ends, beer cans, spilt wine and empty crisp packets that greeted Kezzie. ‘Double urgh.’ Someone had left a whole can of Special Brew, another person hadn’t quite finished their vodka. It was too early in the morning to even think about alcohol, let alone smell the remains of someone’s leftovers. Someone was curled up in a sleeping bag under the dining room table. Someone rolled over and sat up. Oh my God, Troy. What was he still doing there?
‘Well, hi there, sexy,’ said Troy. ‘Why don’t you come and snuggle down with me?’
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea,’ said Kezzie.
‘You seemed so keen last night.’ Troy actually winked at her. Kezzie felt like she wanted to throw up.
‘Last night should never have happened,’ said Kezzie firmly, wishing she knew exactly what
had
happened.
‘And you and me were
so
good together,’ said Troy.
‘Oh my God we didn’t?’ Kezzie swallowed. She hadn’t felt so mortified since her student days, when she’d woken up after an all nighter next to the right-wing president of the Student Conservative Society.
‘No,’ admitted Troy, ‘sadly not. But not from want of trying. You know it’s not very good for a guy’s ego when his latest conquest collapses in a drunken heap on the bed.’
‘Sorry,’ said Kezzie, awkwardly. ‘Actually, what do I mean? I’m not sorry. I didn’t mean to lead you on. I was drunk and I was stoned. Under normal circumstances I wouldn’t have touched you with a bargepole.’
‘That’s flattering,’ said Troy.
‘But true,’ said Kezzie. ‘You. Me. It’s a car crash waiting to happen. But if it makes you feel better, it’s not you, it’s me.’
‘It never is,’ said Troy.
‘In this case, it really is,’ said Kezzie. ‘I’m not over my ex, and I’m a complete mess relationship-wise. You really would be better off without me.’
‘It’s OK,’ said Troy. ‘Spare me the remorse. I’m not
that
into you.’
Now it was her turn to feel deflated, and more embarrassed than she thought it was possible to be, Kezzie escaped into the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea.
‘Hair of the dog?’ Gavin emerged from the lounge where he and Flick had kipped.
‘I think I might just throw up,’ said Kezzie.
‘What you need is a nice fry-up and some fresh air,’ announced Flick, who had followed him out, looking disgustingly chipper. ‘Is there are a decent café round here?’
‘There’s a good one on the High Street,’ said Kezzie. ‘Anything’s got to be better than clearing up this mess.’ She could almost hear Richard tut under his breath, and say
You’ll only have to do it later
.
‘Bugger off out of my head, Richard,’ she muttered. ‘It’s my life, not yours.’
Joel, too, awoke with a hangover. But unlike Kezzie, he didn’t have the luxury of sleeping it off. He was woken by a screaming Sam at 6 a.m. A late night hadn’t affected his internal alarm clock at all. Reluctantly Joel got himself out of bed, sorted Sam out, and then poured himself a cup of strong, black coffee. It was 7 a.m. and the day stretched ahead of him – one when he was also going to have to drive over to Chiverton to take his mum out for lunch. It was, Joel felt, going to be a very long day.
By nine o’clock, he and Sam were all played out, and Sam was clamouring for the park. So he got the buggy out, strapped Sam into it, and set off down the hill. He paused
at the end of Lauren’s road, wondering if she’d welcome him coming round with another apology, and decided that would make matters worse, and more embarrassing all round. He was kicking himself for first, allowing himself to get drunk, and second, letting go of his inhibitions enough for him to have made a complete fool of himself. He was never going to be able to face Lauren again.
At the Memorial Gardens, he found Tom working on the flowerbeds alone. Apparently he was the only one without a hangover, and had got up early to make the most of the day. Sam was happy in his buggy for a bit, so Joel helped Tom start on a bed they hadn’t touched the previous day. Gradually, the others appeared: Flo and June arriving first, laughing raucously at the state of them. ‘You youngsters!’ June said. ‘No staying power.’
‘In our day we’d dance all night and get up and do a day’s work in the factory,’ said Flo. ‘No stamina, this lot.’
Eventually Kezzie appeared looking rather green, followed by Gavin and Flick, who didn’t, and they all started working again in a desultory fashion.
‘Good night?’ grinned Joel, taking the opportunity to down tools and get ready to go to his mum’s.
‘Not really,’ said Kezzie. ‘I drank too much and made a total prat of myself.’
‘Ditto,’ said Joel.
‘Why? What did you do that’s worse than snogging Troy?’ said Kezzie.
‘Bloody hell,’ said Joel, who felt quite shocked. He’d been so sure that Troy was going to make a move on Lauren. What a two-faced bastard he was. ‘How on earth did you let that happen? I didn’t think you were keen on Troy.’
‘I’m not,’ said Kezzie, ‘and I know, I know, Lauren’s my friend, and I should have definitely not gone there. I feel really bad about it. But he does have a certain seedy charm,
and he was certainly more appealing through an alcoholic haze. I really am getting too old for this kind of thing. I think I may never drink again.’
‘You’re not the only one,’ said Joel with feeling. He cringed internally as he remembered the look on Lauren’s face.
‘So what did you do then?’ said Kezzie. ‘It can’t be as bad as that.’
Joel sighed. He couldn’t believe how cut up he was feeling about Lauren’s rejection of him, or what a fool he was for recognizing his feelings for her too late.
‘After I left the party I went round to Lauren’s and told her I was jealous of Troy and that I was in love with her,’ said Joel.
‘About time too,’ said Kezzie. ‘You two are made for each other.’
‘Unfortunately, Lauren doesn’t agree with you,’ said Joel, with a grimace.
‘Ah,’ said Kezzie.
‘In fact, she laughed in my face,’ said Joel, with a groan. ‘How humiliating is that?’
‘OK, you win on the humiliation front,’ said Kezzie. ‘How did you leave things?’
‘It is never to be spoken of again,’ said Joel. ‘What about you?’
‘Well, I was incredibly mature and ran out of the house,’ said Kezzie. ‘But basically I’m following the same idea as you.’
‘We’re pathetic,’ said Joel. ‘Lonely Hearts Club, eat your heart out.’
‘Oh well. At least
we’re
mates,’ said Kezzie. ‘And nothing can go wrong with
that
.’
Lauren didn’t have a hangover. But she’d had a bad night’s sleep nonetheless.
What on earth had Joel been thinking, coming on to her like that? OK it was obvious that the drink was talking, but really. She’d watched him seduce half the village. Why did he think he could get the better of her and that she’d fall for the charms that had broken hearts for miles around? Maybe it was her previous form with losers that made her seem like an easy target. If that was the case, then she was really cross. It implied Joel thought she was a pushover. And she wasn’t. Not any more.
Although … she had to admit. Despite her better judgement, Troy was beginning to win her round. He was kind and considerate whenever she worked in the pub, he had not missed a single day with the girls, who were really enjoying having him around, and she had to admit she’d been impressed by his plans for a community centre. Maybe he’d finally grown up and was preparing to settle down at last. If he was … Lauren allowed herself a brief wild daydream of them getting back together. All she’d ever wanted was the girls to have their dad, and Troy to want her again the way he’d wanted her when they first met.
The doorbell rang and Lauren immediately revised her opinion of Troy’s grown-up status.
‘You look a right mess,’ she said, surveying him with dismay. He hadn’t shaved, he was still in the clothes he was wearing the previous day, and he stank of beer and fags. She didn’t want the kids seeing him like this.
‘That’s a nice welcome,’ said Troy.
‘Well, it’s true,’ said Lauren in exasperation. ‘Have you looked in a mirror lately?’
‘Haven’t dared,’ said Troy. ‘Any chance of a cuppa?’
‘Not until you’ve had a shower,’ said Lauren, ‘you stink.’
‘But you love me really,’ said Troy, with a cheeky grin. ‘Care to join me?’
‘Don’t push your luck,’ said Lauren. She put the kettle
on while Troy showered, feeling all at sea. Joel had unsettled her last night with his declaration of undying love. She was sure he didn’t mean it really, it was the booze talking, but now, holding him in the light against Troy, she felt confused. Lauren had been on the verge of letting Troy back into her life, but seeing him like this had put her off again. And while she didn’t think she wanted Joel either, there was a part of her that didn’t know
what
she wanted.
Troy emerged twenty minutes later looking much better, though he hadn’t shaved, and his stubble made him seem that bit more attractive.
‘Good night was it?’ Lauren kept her tone light to cover up her inner turmoil. Why did Troy make her feel like this? If only it was as straightforward as saying, he’s no good, I don’t fancy him.
‘So good, I crashed next door,’ said Troy.
‘Who’s the unlucky lady?’ said Lauren.
‘Why do you assume there has to be a lady?’ said Troy in plaintive tones.
‘Because you’re a predictable tosser,’ said Lauren. Despite herself, she felt disappointed. She’d thought Troy was on the verge of changing and becoming responsible, she’d clearly thought wrong.
‘I found a sleeping bag which seemed spare and crashed on the floor if you must know.’
‘Yeah, right,’ said Lauren. ‘I so believe that.’
‘It happens to be true.’ Troy looked quite hurt that she didn’t believe him.
‘Whatever,’ said Lauren, trying not to show her relief, ‘it’s none of my business. Where’s everyone else?’
‘They’re all back at the Memorial Gardens,’ said Troy. ‘I just thought with it being a sunny day, you and the girls might like to go for a picnic. If you get everything ready, I’ll pop home and come back and pick you up in half an hour.’
Though irritated with his assumption that she would prepare the picnic, Lauren couldn’t help being pleased that Troy had asked. It was worth it to see the girls’ faces as well.
‘OK, then,’ she said. ‘Lucky for you, I went shopping yesterday.’
‘I’ll be back soon,’ said Troy. ‘Don’t you go anywhere, now.’
‘And where would I go in Heartsease?’ said Lauren, laughing. ‘Go on, we’ll see you later.’
‘Come on, Sam,’ said Joel. ‘Here’s Nanny. We’re going to take her out for the day.’
His mother was waiting outside her flat, leaning on her stick. He always told her not to do that, but she nearly always insisted on being ready at least half an hour before he arrived, ‘just in case’. She never explained in case of what, and in vain Joel tried to persuade her it wouldn’t be much good if she tripped over, but she dismissed him with a ‘Don’t be daft, I can still get out of the house on my own, you know.’
‘Nana!’ said Sam, clapping his hands as Joel helped his mother to the car.
‘Who’s my beautiful boy?’ Joel’s mum kissed her grandson.
‘You do realize he’s actually saying banana, don’t you, Mum?’ teased Joel. ‘It’s his favourite fruit.’
‘Shh,’ said his mother. ‘He knows his beautiful nana when he sees her, don’t you, darling?’
‘Nana, Nana!’ Sam said again.
‘See,’ said his mum with a smug smile, ‘he does know it’s me.’
When they’d got to the old country pub Joel had chosen for lunch, he produced a folder with some of the documents he and Kezzie had found.
‘Oh, Mum, I thought you might be interested in looking
at some of the stuff Kezzie and I have found out about Edward Handford,’ said Joel. ‘We’re going to put together an exhibition for the Heartsease Summer Fete. Or rather Kezzie is. She seems to be pretty good at that kind of thing.’
‘That’s wonderful,’ said his mum. ‘And how’s the garden getting on?’
‘Brilliant,’ said Joel. ‘Kezzie’s done a great job. Next time, I’ll bring you over to have a look. Anyway, we’re a bit stuck with some of the photos, I’m not sure who everyone is and I wondered if you’d know.’
‘Show me,’ said his mother, as she put her reading glasses on.
‘Ah, now, that,’ she said, pointing out a picture of the family in the garden, ‘that picture I remember. My grandmother had a copy on her wall. She was Lily’s youngest daughter, you know. Her name was Tilly. That’s her, there,’ Joel’s mother pointed to a young woman who looked very sombre, ‘and that’s Connie, the eldest, and Harry the son. Very sad, that. He’s the one who died in the First World War. Edward and Lily are sitting down.’
‘Do you know who this is?’ Joel pointed to a young man in military uniform, standing next to Connie.
‘Oh, that must be Connie’s fiancé,’ said Mum.
‘I thought Connie married a bank manager,’ said Joel.
‘Oh, she did eventually. Uncle Phillip,’ said Mum. ‘But she lost her first fiancé at the Somme. Very tragic.’
‘Why didn’t we have anything to do with them and the house?’ said Joel.
‘I’m not really sure, to be honest,’ said Mum. ‘Connie and Tilly fell out. Something to do with Tilly’s husband, my granddad – whether Connie was in love with him or not, I don’t know. But anyway, Connie stayed looking after Edward here, on her own, and later when she married, Uncle Phillip moved in too. We only came to visit Edward
a couple of times when I was small, and both times Connie was out.’
Her face looked dreamy. ‘I remember going as a child once, and meeting Edward for the first time. I thought he’d be very stern and old, but he was sweet and rather sad. He could never get my name right. He always called me Lily.’
‘Maybe you reminded him of her,’ said Joel. ‘That’s sad in a way.’
‘Yes,’ said Mum. ‘My mother always said he never got over Lily’s death. They were very much in love I believe. Look here, you can see it from their wedding photos.’
It was true. Mum had found a very faded sepia photo in the folder, of Lily and Edward in formal wedding garb. Despite the severity of the photo style, you could see the sense of fun in Lily’s eyes, and the pleasure in Edward’s face, bubbling out of the photo.
‘The last time I saw Edward, I’ll never forget it. He was confined to his bedroom by then, and Connie had locked up the garden. I broke into it once – it was like a secret garden, but so sad and neglected. Only Edward used to ask after it, and no one would tell him how ruined it was. So I promised him I’d look after it. Hark at me. Only five, I was.’ She patted Joel’s hand. ‘I’m so glad you’re restoring the garden,’ she said. ‘It’s good for you to have a focus again. Give you something to think about.’
‘Yes,’ said Joel, acknowledging the unexpected truth of this. ‘It is.’
Lauren found she couldn’t feel irritated with Troy for long. He’d provided salmon and champagne as his contribution to the picnic. An extravagant, but not unwelcome gesture. It was such a novelty to have him spend any money on her, she couldn’t help but be pleased.
‘You clearly haven’t done picnics with small people
before,’ she laughed, as she produced sandwiches, grapes, tomatoes, cucumbers, mini sausages and crisps for the girls.
They’d come to a high spot on the Downs where there was a glorious view of the county. It looked stunning on this wonderfully sunny April day. The grass was high already and waving in the breeze, the fields were full of gorse and heather, and there were catkins on the chestnut trees. Swallows were swooping in the azure blue sky and chaffinches were chirping in the hedgerows.
The girls were having a great time running around, picking daisies, playing with a bat and ball, and imagining fairies in the undergrowth.
Troy turned out to be particularly adept at going along with that game, somewhat to Lauren’s surprise. She was doubly impressed, knowing how rough he must be feeling. But she was finding it restful watching them running and playing around together. It was as if she’d had a glimpse of an alternative life – one where they were a proper family.
‘Enough. Enough. You two have worn me out,’ said Troy laughing, as he came down and flopped next to her. The girls were still happily catching fairies.
‘How’s the hangover?’ said Lauren.
‘All the better for running around with my daughters,’ he said. ‘And one glass of champagne has done wonders to clear my head.’
‘So long as you make it just the one glass,’ said Lauren.
‘Of course,’ said Troy. ‘I’d never drink and drive with the girls in the car. You know I’d never do anything to hurt them.’
‘I know,’ said Lauren. And she did know. Troy may have made mistakes in his past, but he was making up for it now.
‘And what about you?’ said Troy. He gently laced his fingers round hers, and she didn’t pull away. ‘Do you still think I would hurt you?’
Lauren swallowed. The champagne had gone to her head,
giving her a pleasant fizzing feeling. The setting and the moment felt suitably romantic, and she felt herself weaken. But then she thought about Joel, and how confused he’d made her feel. And what a mess Troy had been only that morning. Was she ready to trust him again? Could they really let go of their past and give it another go?
‘I don’t know,’ she said. ‘I want to believe you won’t, but you let me down so badly before.’
‘I know,’ he said, and tucked a stray bit of hair behind her ear. ‘I was wrong. Very wrong. I’m so afraid of the responsibility, you see. I’ve realized now I shouldn’t run away. Seeing some of those kids in Southampton, and how much it affects them not having their dads about was another thing that made me see I had to be here for the girls. I won’t let them down again. I promise you. You do know that, don’t you?’
She looked into his eyes and saw only sincerity. Lauren hated herself for doubting him. Troy clearly thought he’d changed, and at least he was trying. Perhaps she should give him another chance. Throwing caution to the wind she leant over and kissed him full on the lips.
‘The past is the past,’ she said. ‘Let’s drink to the future.’
By the end of the day, the majority of the paths had been cleaned and cleared away and all the bedding plants were in. Kezzie was really pleased with the result. The gardens looked fabulous, the beds were bursting with colour, the lawn had been cut, and thanks to Tony, the paths were going to be relaid by the Parish Council during the week. It was a vast improvement on the way they had looked. Tony had turned up with a gardening friend, who’d packed all the rubbish which wouldn’t fit in the skips, into his van and taken it to the tip for recycling. Kezzie winked at Eileen, who’d come with them. Eileen blushed and looked away.
‘You’ve done a fantastic job,’ said Tony. ‘All of you. Eileen and I can’t thank you enough.’
‘No problem,’ said Flick. ‘It’s been great fun.’
‘This is the moment in
Ground Force
when they always brought in the champagne,’ said Kezzie. ‘Sadly, I don’t have any, but there is still some beer at mine if anyone can face it. I am, of course, exempting myself from this.’
Kezzie’s hangover and sense of paranoia had worsened as the day went on. She knew Troy and Lauren weren’t an item, and Lauren had been very clear that she wasn’t planning for them to be, but she felt she’d unwittingly strayed into Lauren’s territory, and she didn’t like it. Neither did she enjoy being secretive. She’d toyed with the idea of what to do all day, before coming to the conclusion that she should go round with a bottle of wine and fess up to Lauren. That way, they could (she hoped) have a good laugh about it, and get it out of the way, before gossip reached Lauren about what had happened. She liked Lauren, and the last thing she wanted was for there to be secrets between them.
Thus resolved, Kezzie tried to put her worries about Lauren and Troy aside, and enjoy the rest of the weekend with her friends. She was helped in this aim by a nice surprise on her return home. Not only had Troy gone (Kezzie had been worried he might have hung around), but Flo and June had put the time to good use and cleaned up.
‘Oh, thanks you two,’ said Kezzie. ‘You really didn’t need to.’
‘Nonsense,’ said Flo. ‘We haven’t had such a laugh in ages, have we, June? It was the least we could do.’
Everyone hung around till the late afternoon, before reluctantly packing up their things and clambering into Gavin’s minibus, which had always been used for gardening jobs.
‘You will come again soon, won’t you?’ said Kezzie wistfully. ‘I’ve missed you guys.’
‘Come back to London,’ urged Flick. ‘You can’t go burying yourself in the countryside forever.’
‘Maybe,’ said Kezzie, noncommittally. Part of her would love her old life back, but she had to admit she was putting roots down here. Living in Heartsease was doing her soul good. Leaving, if she ever did – Jo having emailed to say that she was having such a great time she was likely to be away for more than a year – would be a wrench.
Sloughing off the end of weekend melancholy feeling that overtook her once everyone had gone, Kezzie grabbed a bottle of wine. She felt she was just about well enough now to tackle the hair of the dog, and went round to Lauren’s to confess all.
The sun was setting as she went up the path, and she saw instantly through the window that Lauren wasn’t alone. She was with a man. Oh. Troy was round. That was embarrassing. Kezzie hesitated. Maybe Troy had had the same idea. It probably wasn’t the best time to call.
Kezzie could see Lauren turn to face Troy, laughing. And then to Kezzie’s astonishment, he pulled her towards him and kissed her on the lips.
Oh my God. The sneaky sod. Straight from trying to seduce her, right into Lauren’s arms. He really was the worst kind of shit. No wonder Lauren had been so down on him. But what had made her change her mind? Now what to do?
Paralysed by indecision, Kezzie eventually chose retreat as the best option. She’d come back tomorrow and try and find a way of telling Lauren then, when Troy wasn’t around. She took a final look up the path, to see Lauren drawing the curtains, still laughing. She looked so happy. How on earth was Kezzie going to be able to tell her the truth now?