Authors: Julia Williams
‘I have no idea,’ said Kezzie, ‘but it’s got to be worth a try.’
Joel snuck in to the Summer Fest meeting, late again. It was packed. Thanks to Eileen’s amazing efforts with flyers and posters, there probably wasn’t a soul left in Heartsease who didn’t know about it, and she’d managed to drum up lots more volunteers. Even Joel, who didn’t go down into Heartsease that often, was aware that there was a growing enthusiasm about the event. He searched around for somewhere to sit, and, having immediately clocked that there was a spare seat next to Lauren, he tried in vain to look for another one. There wasn’t another one. Lauren spotted him scan the room, and waved him over. Damn. He’d have to sit next to her now.
He struggled his way past several other people and slid gratefully into his seat, conscious of Lauren’s nearness to him, of how lovely she looked, of how awkward he felt. Apart from brief conversations on her doorstep, he had barely spoken to her for several weeks. Their old easy intimacy seemed to have vanished into the mist since Troy had moved in. He was the unspoken barrier between them.
Lauren gave him a shy smile, and whispered, ‘You OK?’
‘Fine,’ Joel replied. ‘You?’
‘Great,’ said Lauren.
‘Good,’ said Joel. ‘That’s good.’
He felt despairing. Was this the best they could do? Making inane comments at one another? He tried again.
‘Have I missed anything?’ he whispered. Cynthia was in full stride, demanding to know why it was going to be necessary to close the High Street for the day.
‘It hasn’t really started properly,’ said Lauren.
‘That’s a relief,’ said Joel. ‘Sam wouldn’t settle for Christine and I couldn’t get away.’
‘Did you give him Snuffles?’
Snuffles was Sam’s favourite rabbit, without which he wouldn’t go to sleep.
‘Unfortunately Snuffles is in the wash, having had a bottle of milk poured all over him,’ said Joel. ‘I had to prise him out of Sam’s grasp.’
‘Bet that went down well,’ grinned Lauren, and Joel felt a surge of pleasure. That was better. This was the Lauren he knew. Lauren was the only person he could talk to like this about Sam, but over the last few weeks their conversations had become stilted and forced. He had taken her so much for granted, and now he missed her.
‘Are you really OK?’ Lauren asked.
‘Of course, why?’ said Joel.
‘Only,’ Lauren looked embarrassed, ‘I thought you might be upset with me.’
‘Why should I be upset with you?’
‘Because of the party, and what I said,’ said Lauren. ‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you.’
It wrenched Joel’s heart in two to see her being so kind and thoughtful and wasting all that loveliness on Troy.
‘You haven’t offended me,’ he lied.
‘And you don’t mind about me and Troy?’
The million dollar question. Of course he minded. But he couldn’t say anything, not if he wanted to retain their friendship.
‘It’s none of my business,’ said Joel. ‘What you do is up to you.’
‘You don’t have to pretend,’ said Lauren. ‘I’ve had everyone from my mum to Kezzie telling me what an idiot I’m being. Kezzie in particular was most vehement about it, so I’m assuming you agree with them.’
‘Look, Lauren,’ said Joel, feeling even more awkward, ‘what I or anyone else thinks about it is neither here or there, so long as
you’re
happy.’
‘I am,’ said Lauren firmly, and she looked it.
‘Then I’m happy for you,’ said Joel, wishing he meant it.
Eileen called them to order at that moment, and the meeting got underway.
‘Well, we’ve got less than two months to go,’ said Eileen, ‘and I think things are coming along a treat. Thanks to all of you who’ve been working so hard putting flyers up everywhere. And a big thanks to Keith, who I know has been breaking his back in the café doing special promotions designed to get his customers to come back on the day.’
‘It all makes great business sense, darling,’ gushed Keith, ‘I’m not
that
altruistic.’
‘I’ve been on the phone to the people at Radio Chiverton and I’m pleased to announce they are going to spend the whole day here. Joel has done a great job getting us New Horizons who are going to open the proceedings, and they may even play. Tony, how are we getting on with the field, have we got all the relevant permissions to use it yet?’
‘Nearly sorted,’ said Tony. ‘I don’t think it will be a problem.’
‘Brilliant,’ continued Eileen. ‘I am also pleased to announce that Sally and Andy from the Labourer’s Legs are kindly hosting the Pimms tent, and as you know, George Anderson from the butcher’s is providing a hog roast and barbecue all day. I hope you like his minty lamb sausages!’
That raised a laugh; George Anderson’s minty lamb sausages were legendary in Heartsease.
Cynthia sniffed. ‘Are we to assume that this “Summer Fest” is losing all the traditional elements of our normal fete? I hope there’s still going to be a tombola at least.’
‘You can be in charge of it,’ assured Eileen. ‘We’re planning to have all the traditional stalls in the field along with fun activities for the children. As you know, the High Street is going to be closed, and there will be plenty of interesting stalls to catch the eye there, and we’ll be having the choir singing madrigals at lunchtime.
‘In the afternoon, the Mayor of Chiverton is going to re-open the Memorial Gardens, which I think you’ll agree look stunning. And we’ve also got several of our community opening their gardens to the public in the afternoon, including that belonging to our very own Joel. As most of you probably know, Joel’s great great grandfather, Edward Handford, created a knot garden at Lovelace Cottage and Kezzie has been helping Joel restore it. It’s well worth going to have a look if you’ve got time.’
‘That sounds terrific, Eileen,’ said Tony. ‘I think the rest of the committee and I all have to thank you for your immense hard work.’
There was a heartfelt round of clapping and Eileen blushed.
‘Well, I couldn’t do it without all of you,’ she said. ‘So thank you so much. Now, is there any other business?’
‘Have we thought any more about how we’re going to use the funds we raise?’ Joel asked. ‘I know we’re planning to upgrade the playground equipment, but as I think some of you may have heard, Kezzie and I managed to confront the lads who’ve been vandalizing the gardens. Part of the problem is they’re bored. So we’re hoping that the idea of turning the old pavilion into a drop-in centre for teens is still on the cards. I think it would benefit the village enormously.’
Cynthia sniffed loudly. ‘They need a short sharp shock,’ she said. ‘They shouldn’t be rewarded for bad behaviour.’
‘They’re not bad kids,’ said Joel, ‘and I think they’ve learnt their lesson: they just need somewhere to go.’
‘I agree,’ said Tony, ‘and I promise to raise it as a matter of some urgency at the next Parish Council meeting.’
The meeting broke up then, and Lauren got up to go.
‘Would you like a lift?’ said Joel.
‘Thanks,’ said Lauren. ‘If it’s not too much trouble.’
‘Nothing would ever be too much trouble for you,’ said Joel, and then kicked himself for sounding corny.
Joel drove Lauren home in silence. His emotions were too churned up for him to speak. To be sitting so close to her, and yet knowing how far away from him she was, left him in a state of utter despair.
‘You’re quiet,’ said Lauren, as she got out of the car.
‘Got a lot on my mind,’ said Joel. ‘Work, you know.’
‘So long as it’s nothing to do with me.’
‘No, of course not,’ Joel forced a smile. ‘I’m pleased you’re happy.’
But as he watched her walk up the path to a waiting Troy, he felt like kicking himself. Because he’d been so stupid, and hadn’t seen how he felt about Lauren, he’d left her wide open for Troy’s return. It should have been him with Lauren, not Troy. He’d blown his chance.
Kezzie was working late on Joel’s garden. As the evenings got longer she found it increasingly hard to tear herself away, particularly when the garden was finally beginning to take shape and she was able to see the sort of garden Edward had wanted to create. Well, at least she hoped it was how he’d wanted it. She often thought about Edward when she was out there, patiently working on the garden just as she had done, preparing a wedding present for the
woman he loved. She wondered if anyone would love her that much ever again. She’d thought Richard might have done once, but that possibility was gone for good.
She often felt as if Edward Handford were there when she was in the garden, a friendly ghost looking over her shoulder. Sometimes, as the early summer afternoon faded to dusk, she imagined she could see him, standing on the steps of the house, looking towards her, as if approving. She knew it was fanciful, but she liked to think they were connected. She hoped he would have been pleased with her restoration.
As the sun set slowly over the valley, casting golden shadows on the grass, she reluctantly packed her things away, and checked her watch. Damn, she was going to miss the meeting. Joel had called to her an hour before to ask her if she was going, and she’d said yes. Kezzie would have to check with him and Lauren what she’d missed.
Lauren. Kezzie felt really guilty about Lauren. Having failed dismally to confront Lauren with the truth about Troy and then argued with her about him, Kezzie had spent the last few weeks avoiding her. She was going to have to come up with an excuse as to why some time.
It was dusk as Kezzie walked down the path to her house, and she saw to her dismay that Troy was putting out the bins. It was the first time she’d seen him on his own since the party. How awkward. For the first time she wished that Jo had grown a great big hedge between the properties instead of having a white picket fence that looked as though it had come out of an episode of
Little House on the Prairie
.
‘Well, hi there, neighbour,’ said Troy, coming up rather too close. ‘I haven’t seen you in a while.’
‘I’ve been busy,’ said Kezzie, shortly. She didn’t want to talk to Troy. What was there to say to him?
‘That’s not very friendly,’ said Troy, ‘I was only making polite conversation.’
‘Look, Troy, I don’t want to be rude,’ said Kezzie, ‘but I’m tired and it’s late, and I don’t think it’s the best idea if we spend too much time together.’
‘I was only talking,’ said Troy, lighting a cigarette, ‘or don’t you trust yourself around me?’
‘Puh-lease,’ said Kezzie, ‘don’t flatter yourself. I am not interested in you.’
‘That’s what they all say,’ said Troy, winking.
He reeked of booze and fags. Kezzie was no angel and not that hot on responsibility, but even she wouldn’t have done that if she was babysitting young children.
‘Well, must get on,’ said Kezzie. ‘See you.’
‘Not soon enough,’ said Troy, lighting a cigarette and blowing smoke in her direction.
‘It is for me,’ said Kezzie, and fled inside. Really, he was the pits, and yet Lauren seemed blind to his faults. How on earth could Kezzie let her know the truth?
Lauren got out of Joel’s car with a feeling of relief. It had been awkward for the last few weeks. She couldn’t blame him for being reticent with her, given what he’d said to her at the party, but she was relieved there were no hard feelings. And at least he wasn’t on her case about Troy like everyone else. Kezzie in particular had a real downer on him. Lauren felt bad about it; she’d barely seen Kezzie for weeks. It seemed silly to be arguing over a bloke.
As Joel drove off, Lauren looked at her watch and, deciding it wasn’t too late, thought she may as well call in on Kezzie. She texted Troy to say she’d be back soon. He texted back with:
keeping the bed warm, babe
. It gave her a warm glow all over to think of him waiting for her. The long, lonely
years of going solo seemed to be over. She loved having someone at home to wait up for her.
Kezzie looked surprised to see Lauren at the door.
‘Sorry, I haven’t brought anything,’ she said. ‘I just wondered if you’d like to know how the meeting went.’
‘Oh yes, sure,’ said Kezzie. ‘Come on in.’
Lauren came in and accepted the glass of wine that Kezzie offered her, and they chatted for a few moments about the Summer Fest, and laughed about Cynthia’s general outrage at the world in general. When she’d been there for ten minutes or so, Lauren plucked up her courage and said, ‘I’m sorry, Kezzie. I’m kind of here under false pretences. I was a bit worried that I might have offended you somehow.’
‘You? Offended me?’ Kezzie looked stricken. ‘Of course you haven’t.’
‘Oh, it seemed as though you were avoiding me,’ said Lauren.
‘No, not at all,’ said Kezzie. ‘I’ve been busy with Joel’s garden and the Memorial Gardens.’
‘So you’re OK with me and Troy then?’ said Lauren.
‘Well …’ Kezzie looked awkward – almost guilty.
‘Look, I know what you’re thinking,’ said Lauren. ‘And if it were the other way round, I’d be inclined to have the same opinion. Hell, I’m still not even quite sure I’m doing the right thing. I know I said I’d never have Troy back, but I do think he’s changed. And he’s so great with the girls, and he really does make me happy. It’s fantastic. Just what I always wanted it to be.’
‘Well, you know him best,’ said Kezzie. ‘So long as he doesn’t treat you badly again.’
‘Oh, he won’t,’ said Lauren fervently. ‘I know he won’t. This time, he’s staying for good.’
‘Well, that’s OK, then,’ said Kezzie.
‘Yes,’ said Lauren with a smile, ‘it is.’
The weeks were speeding by and already June was upon them. There were only a few short weeks until Summer Fest and Lauren was looking forward to it. This year was proving to be hot and sunny, and Lauren couldn’t help feeling the weather was reflecting her mood. She was so happy to be with Troy and slowly getting used to her new life with him. They had never had much chance just to
be
together before – when they’d first met, it had been such a whirlwind, exciting, thrilling, but not real. Then it had all gone wrong, and they had barely been living together any time at all, when he walked out on her. But now, she felt they were really establishing themselves as a couple and their relationship was putting down solid roots.
It was great having someone to share the little things with, like Izzie’s first tooth falling out and the girls learning to swim. She’d spent so long on her own with the twins, she appreciated having someone to talk to in the evenings most of all. Of course everything wasn’t perfect. Troy was hideously untidy and drank and smoked more than she liked, and he could be moody with the girls sometimes. He also had a habit of forgetting her rule about not smoking inside, which was particularly important in light of Izzie’s asthma. But they were quibbles. The children loved him, he made her happy. Life couldn’t be better.
True, she saw less of Kezzie and Joel now, but that was inevitable. She was in a full-time relationship; it stood to reason she’d have less time with her friends. She did feel guilty that Kezzie was still working hard at maintaining the Memorial Gardens, and Lauren didn’t get much of a chance to help her, but she was sure Kezzie would understand.
Eileen didn’t. She dropped in for coffee one day, when Troy was at work, and said, ‘Lauren, you are still on board for Summer Fest aren’t you? Only I hate to nag, but you’ve missed the last couple of meetings.’
Lauren felt guilty about that. She and Troy had been out a fair bit recently. Even her mum was getting narky about being asked to babysit so often. ‘I do have a life you know,’ she said, ‘and don’t forget I’m going up to Manchester to see your auntie Jan soon. I can’t always drop everything for you’. With her mum away, and Troy working, Lauren hadn’t been able to go to the last meeting.
‘I’m sorry,’ she said, ‘of course I’m still involved. I won’t let you down. It’s just that I’ve been a bit busy, what with stuff on at the girls’ school and the pub.’
‘I know,’ said Eileen. ‘I appreciate things have changed for you recently. I just hope you’re not going to forget everything else. It’s easy to do when you’re in love.’
‘No, no, of course I won’t,’ said Lauren, feeling even more guilty. She
had
been neglecting her friends.
‘I’m sure you won’t,’ said Eileen. ‘But be careful. People can let you down. It would be a shame if you let Troy come between you and your friends.’
‘He won’t let me down,’ predicted Lauren, confidently.
‘Hmm, I thought that about Ted,’ said Eileen. ‘Convinced myself of it for years. And look how that turned out. I just don’t want you to get hurt.’
‘I won’t, don’t worry,’ said Lauren, ‘but I appreciate what you’re saying.’
But after Eileen had gone, she did worry. Not about Troy leaving – she really didn’t think he would – but about her friends. She shouldn’t be feeling guilty all the time about not seeing them, should she? But she did. Lauren realized with a jolt that she hadn’t actually spoken to Kezzie beyond saying hello for the last three weeks. She should really do something about that. Maybe arrange to go out for a drink …
An opportunity presented itself sooner than she thought, when Joel came to pick Sam up that evening.
‘You like tennis, don’t you?’ he said.
‘Love it,’ said Lauren (impressed despite herself that he knew that). ‘Why?’
‘I’ve got a couple of tickets for the first week of Wimbledon through work,’ said Joel, ‘but I can’t go, I’ve got too much on. I thought you and –’ he paused, as if uncomfortable saying the name ‘– Troy might like to go?’
‘Oh,’ said Lauren in surprise. ‘Well, that’s really kind. Troy isn’t a tennis fan though, he likes football more, but maybe Kezzie could come if you can spare her.’
‘I should think so,’ said Joel, ‘she’s doing more of a maintenance job in the garden right now.’
‘Right,’ said Lauren, ‘I’ll ask her.’
Kezzie had just finished work for the day and was looking forward to a long soak in the bath. The weather was fantastically hot, which was both a curse and a blessing for gardeners. Kezzie was going a lovely nut brown – she couldn’t remember ever having such a great tan – but equally she was bored with lugging watering cans down the garden. She’d finally managed to persuade Joel to reinstate the ancient tap just outside the knot garden, which clearly had been used for that purpose, so at least she could water the plants properly. She was praying that with the heatwave the council wouldn’t suddenly introduce a hosepipe ban.
But she was satisfied with her work. She’d completed the planting out of the knot garden, and now it was a question of time for it to take a proper shape. But the basics were there. She’d restored Edward’s heart-shaped pattern, with its huge heart at the centre and the interwoven initials of E and L. She’d recreated the gravel path that surrounded the central knot pattern, and dug out the borders around the edges, which were now overflowing with summer bedding: petunias, busy lizzies and lobelia. The pansies had all died back, but she knew they’d come back into their own in the autumn. She was proud of what she’d achieved and Joel had asked her to stay on and work on the main garden, which was in need of a radical overhaul. If she wanted to enter Chelsea, she already had something to show off. She had taken lots of pictures of both the garden and her designs, which she could send in with her entrance form in September. Thanks to working for Joel, she had gained the confidence to feel she had a garden worth entering.
The bath was running downstairs when there was a knock on the door.
Damn. Kezzie had gone upstairs to get undressed. She threw a dressing gown on and leapt back down the stairs.
‘Who is it?’ she called.
‘Only me,’ said Lauren’s voice. That was unusual. It had been weeks since Lauren had called round. She was so loved up with Troy it was almost as though the rest of the world didn’t exist. Despite her misgivings about the relationship, Kezzie had to admit Lauren did look incredibly happy every time she saw her.
‘Hi,’ said Kezzie. ‘Come on in, sorry about the dressing gown, I’m just about to leap in the bath. How are you?’
‘Fine,’ said Lauren, ‘well more than fine, I’m great actually. And you?’
‘Yeah, all good too,’ said Kezzie. ‘I’ve nearly finished Joel’s garden, and I’m really pleased with it. You should come and see it some time.’
‘I should,’ said Lauren. She looked slightly tentative, as if she weren’t sure about something.
‘I was wondering, are you free next Tuesday?’
‘I’d have to let Joel know I can’t work that day,’ said Kezzie, ‘but I’m sure he won’t mind. Why?’
‘I’ve got tickets for Wimbledon is why,’ said Lauren. ‘Joel couldn’t go, so he gave them to me and Troy hates tennis, so I thought you might like to join me.’
‘Oh wow,’ said Kezzie. ‘I love Wimbledon. That would be fantastic.’
‘That’s fab,’ said Lauren. ‘I’m so glad you can come.’
‘Who’s going to have the girls?’ said Kezzie. Unlike her, Lauren couldn’t just up and leave things.
‘Troy’s going to look after them,’ said Lauren. ‘And Eileen very kindly offered to have Sam as well.’
There was a pause, and then Lauren said in a rush, ‘I’m so sorry, Kezzie, I know I’ve hardly seen you recently but what with Troy and the girls, I don’t seem to have much time. You probably think I’ve been a pretty crap friend lately.’
Kezzie might well have been thinking that, but given what had happened with her and Troy, she didn’t feel she was one to talk about being a loyal friend.
‘What can I say?’ she teased. ‘You’re a woman in love.’
‘Oh, shut up!’ said Lauren, blushing. ‘So, no hard feelings, then?’
‘None at all,’ said Kezzie.
‘We can have a girlie day out,’ said Lauren, ‘to make up for it.’
‘Sounds good to me,’ said Kezzie. ‘Thanks. I’d love to come.’
‘Thanks for the tickets, Joel,’ said Kezzie, next day, when he came home with Sam.
It had been another baking day, and she was exhausted but pleased with the progress she’d made. The garden was going to look fantastic by the time of the Summer Fest. She’d spent the day mainly tidying things up: weeding the flowerbeds, snipping the box, ivy and rosemary and entwining them round one another so they retained their shapes. She’d also planted the symbols that Edward had chosen to represent his children, in the outside patterns of the design: gardenia for the babies who’d died, petunias for Connie, white carnations for Harry and peonies for Tilly. And as the pièce de résistance, she planted a pink rose, as a symbol of married love in the centre of the garden. It was extremely satisfying and rewarding. Kezzie didn’t think she’d ever been prouder of a garden she’d worked on.
Joel looked as tuckered out as she did.
‘Oh, no problem. Glad they’re not going to waste.’
‘You look shattered, if you don’t mind my saying,’ said Kezzie.
‘I am,’ said Joel, pulling a face. ‘Work’s pretty stressful right now. With all these government cuts to funding I’m having to ask all the people who run our services to make savings. And every saving they make impinges on someone’s actual life. It’s pretty dispiriting. If I could only see a way out of it I would.’
‘Sounds grim,’ said Kezzie. ‘I’m so glad I’m doing something for myself now. It’s much more satisfying.’
‘Sadly, I don’t have much choice in the matter, although I do dream about setting up in business restoring old furniture. Maybe one day I will,’ said Joel. ‘Do you have to rush off? I promised Sammy boy a splash in the paddling pool before bedtime. I was just going to chill on the patio and have a Pimms. Do you fancy joining me?’
‘It’s so hot, I brought something to change into, but I’m a bit muddy,’ said Kezzie. ‘I feel like I’ve had a dust bath with one of your sparrows.’
‘Have a shower,’ said Joel. ‘You know where the bathroom is, don’t you? There are spare towels in the cupboard on the landing.’
By the time Kezzie emerged, half an hour later, Joel had made up some Pimms and lit a barbecue, while Sam tottered in and out of the paddling pool, sitting down occasionally. The evening was clear and calm and achingly hot.
Sam was clearly enjoying sitting on the pool seat, tipping buckets of water on his head.
Joel looked up from where he was busy grilling sausages to see Kezzie walk towards him in a flattering but simple halter-neck dress. Joel nearly dropped the sausage he was holding.
‘Are you all right? Only you look like you’ve seen a ghost.’
‘Sorry,’ Joel swallowed. ‘Stupid of me. The dress you’re wearing. Claire had one like it. You’re not at all like her. It was just suddenly in the light …’
‘Shall I go home and change into something else?’
‘No, no, you’re OK,’ said Joel, pulling himself together. ‘Come on, tea’s ready.’
But he couldn’t shake the melancholy feeling that had overcome him from the minute he saw Kezzie in that dress. And when he’d finally put a protesting Sam to bed, he came down and sank heavily into his chair. Gratefully he noticed that Kezzie had cleared up for him. They sat in silence for a few minutes when Kezzie suddenly said, ‘You can talk about her you know. Only I noticed you never do.’
Joel ran his hands through his hair.
‘You could talk about Richard and you don’t,’ said Joel.
‘Touché,’ said Kezzie. ‘But that’s different. He’s not dead.’
‘No one wants to hear about my grief,’ said Joel. ‘People move on. It embarrasses them.’
‘Well I do,’ said Kezzie. ‘For a start it seems to me that you beat yourself up about her unnecessarily. Why?’
‘Now that I really don’t want to discuss,’ said Joel. ‘I told you how everyone thinks I was the perfect husband and dad. And nothing could be further from the truth. You wouldn’t think much of me if I told you how it really was.’
‘Try me,’ said Kezzie.