Sunder (16 page)

He took my hand in his, laughing and walking in amongst the sidewalks filled with kids. We blended, truth
be
told.

He slid a hand up my arm and pulled my tote bag off, carrying it for me. With his other hand he delicately stroked my fingers. “I knew school was ending, and I hoped you wanted to see me as badly as I wanted to see you.” It made me grin but then he muttered, “I don’t recognize myself when I’m with you. It’s like I close off the man I am and somehow, magically I become the man I want to be. Even if this can’t last, I will always have that. I will always remember being enough and being loved and loving back.”

And there it was. There was the thing I needed to hear. My changes were coming, I could feel myself losing him, but then he would say something like that, and I would remember it all.
All of the love and the passion that we would squeak into the week or so we had, it would have to fuel a lifetime.

He gave me a sideways glance. “To the apartment?”

I smiled. “No. I think that your bad behavior has cost you.”

He laughed. “I could make you go there.”

“No, you couldn’t.”

His smile turned childish. He nodded. “You should probably run. You’ll need the head start.”

I gasped. “I’m wearing heels. I can’t run. They’re Jimmy Choos.”

He opened the zipper on my tote bag and held it open. I wanted to think he was joking, but his lip was toying with a grin. He wasn’t kidding. I narrowed my gaze and slipped my shoes off, dropping them into the bag. “How long is my head start?”

“I’ll count to a hundred.”

“No way! Two hundred.”

“Hurry up!” He closed his eyes.
                                                                                

I almost screamed, turning and running as fast as I could in the opposite direction from the apartment. What he didn’t realize was that I was a fast runner. I ducked through yards, jumped fences and hid in a bush, when I figured I was far enough. I had always been a soccer star. I was a champ at sports. The whole wolf genes were probably to blame but whatever.

I sat there, holding my breath.

Hands grabbed me from inside of the bush, lifting me high in the air. I did scream, but his hand slipped across my lips. He kissed my cheek. “Guess we are going to play things my way.”

I struggled but it was no use.

Briton

They had done everything he could imagine, and yet, he wasn’t sated. He wanted more. He was always going to want more. She was like a fountain that didn’t quench thirst.

She looked down at their hands, where she was drawing patterns in his palm, making it itchy. “Your family doesn’t seem very popular for founding the town.”

He chuckled and looked at her lips, lost in how they felt against his. “We are not. There is a lot of history here.” He glanced down on her. “Do you know it?”

“No.” She shook her head. He had a feeling she was lying, her loyalty already attached to the wolves. It hurt a little. She continued, “I thought my dad hardly knew Judith when he married her. He had made it sound like he hoped she would live in Chicago with us, but the timing was perfect for him to move here. A practice came up for sale. So my ‘over-qualified for the job’ surgeon father bought a family practice here in bumpkinville.”

“Odd thing to do.”

“Very odd thing. Turns out he knew what I was all along. My mom was a wolf who got sick with lupus. So he married Judith and they brought me here, to help me. Why are you back here? I mean, besides your family being here, but you never knew they were.”

“No. I had no idea they were alive. I don’t know why I came back. I have been traveling a long time. I just needed to come home,” he sighed. “I needed to rest. We never rest away from here. We live like survivors. It’s unsettling and the body tires of being on edge and alert at all times. And once upon a time, this was home. It was the last place I was really happy.” He spoke in a way it made him uneasy, like he had to keep talking. He smiled. “Tell me something you don't want to.”

Her eyes widened. Whatever it was, she didn't want to say, but she knew it instantly. He could see her second-guessing herself. She opened her
mouth,
still thinking about answering and then said it. He could tell it was what she wanted to say because her eyes left his, like she was ashamed. “I love you.”

His dead heart burst inside of himself. She loved him. She had not wanted to say it, but it was her sad truth. He couldn't fight the look that crossed his face. She started to laugh. “You asked.”

“It’s not that I didn't want to hear that—I did. But I didn't want that to be the thing you didn't want to say.” He leaned forward, laying a soft kiss on her pouting bottom lip. “I want you to say it.”

“For a whole week?”

Her bitterness made him smile wider. “This week will become my whole life. So yes, for a whole week I want to hear you say you love me.”

Her eyes relaxed and she smiled wider than he had seen her since the whole monster revelation. “Then I love you, Briton.”

He wrapped himself around her but something happened. She trembled, like she was fighting something and moaned, clutching her stomach.

He had seen it before.

Sweat broke out on her skin instantly, as she writhed. It lasted a moment, leaving her breathless and still. Panic filled him. “Has that happened before?”

She shook her head.

He got up. “I’ll get you some water.” When he came back she was pale. He sat on the edge of the bed and passed it to her.

She sipped the water, shaking her head. “It’s starting, isn’t it?”

He nodded.

“What was it like when you changed?” The trembling stopped, but she was still glowing from the cold sweat.

“It hurt so much, I can’t even remember because my brain won’t let me. There was fire and ice and bones breaking and skin ripping, and yet, there was nothing. I cried and screamed and eventually just lay on the ground and waited to die.”

She sat in horror, staring at him and then burst into a fit of laughter. “Don't sugarcoat it for me or anything.”

He couldn't believe he had said that. “Forgive me. I’m sure it’s different for wolves. I’m sure I’ve heard that.” He was lying. He hated how much pain she would be in until the final change. It was much worse for wolves.

She gripped to the glass, looking lost in the water.

“It feels real for the first time, doesn't it?”

A slow and faint smile crept across her lips. “It does,” her voice was hollow.

“When I changed, I was hunting with a group of men from the village we were living in. I wasn't with anyone from my family. I had to remain completely silent as my body started to break down. It never felt real to me until that moment.” He got up and sat next to her, wrapping
himself
around her again. He kissed her head, savoring the smell of her.

She leaned back into him. “I keep thinking it’s some kind of nightmare.”

“But then we would be part of that nightmare.”

She turned and looked back. “But I have a feeling that no matter what happens, we would find each other.”

“We did this time.”

She looked confused but he didn't elaborate. He didn't want to scare her off with the soul mate thing. It was weird for him and he had grown up with the idea of it. He couldn't help but wonder how many times she had been born, looking for him. How many lives had she lived without true love? He had ruined it all by being born as a vampire. Had he been a man, they might have had a hundred lives together already. He held her tightly, trying not to think about the cruel fate that they were being dealt. They had finally found each other and they had a week, maybe two before they would become naturally unable to love each other.

He tried not to dwell but he could feel it eating at him.

Liv

I sat on the floor of the shower with the hot steam and water pouring down on me. Even with my legs pulled in around me, the cramps were brutal. It felt like hot pokers were moving around inside of me.

I shuddered from the pain, wincing and gagging.

It was the weirdest thing.

While the pain ate at my insides, my heart was still soaring thinking about the night before with Briton. Every stabbing pain and fiery jerk was fought with a memory of his smile or the way his hands felt when he gripped to me, like he was desperate to touch all of me.

I heaved again, accidentally letting a scream slip from my lips.

“Liv, why didn't you tell me these were coming?” Judith ran into my bathroom, pulling open the shower door and scooping me up in a towel, like I was a naked five-year-old. She was freaking strong. I didn't even care that she was holding me in the air, cradling me. My body was trying to rip apart. A second scream tore from me. She carried me to the bed, rocking me and kissing my forehead. “It’s okay, Liv. This is completely normal, just the first time. Then it gets easier. You just need to change. I think you’re a couple days away.”

The fit of pain passed as she said it. I lay there limp and exhausted, completely uncaring about her bare arms wrapped around my nearly bare body. I twitched, like my body was remembering the pain.

She lifted me, laying me back on my bed and tucked me in my sheets. I closed my eyes, and in a haze that resembled sleep, I could swear I saw Briton. He was standing at the foot of the bed and then he was lying with me. I could smell him and feel him around me. It made me feel safer. The pain never came again.

When I woke I had the feeling he was still there, but Judith was in my room. She was leaning against the bedpost, watching me wake up. My dad was sitting on the bed next to me. He rubbed his hand on my foot. “How are you feeling?”

I tried to assess the damage and exhaustion, but I wanted to go back to sleep. I moaned and rolled over.

“Liv, we need to talk.” He sounded serious. I knew what it was. I glanced back at him, waiting for it.

He looked at Judith and then sighed. “We know about you and the Thorlackson kid. We know you and he have been meeting. Josh mentioned it to his uncle.”

I nodded. “I have a week to be a normal kid before I turn into a man-eating savage wolf. Don't worry Dad, he won’t be my type much longer.” Judith snorted.

My dad looked confused. “Why?”

“Because he’s one of the other kind, not a wolf.” Judith grabbed his arm and nodded. “She’ll be fine.”

My dad’s face was drawn. I nodded. “I’ll be fine, Dad. Mom lived through it and so did Judith. I just need that first change.”

“You’re just taking it all so well.”

Judith smiled. “Honey, that's just who we are. We know on a cellular level. Wolves who don’t know what they are usually take the news well. It helps that she has a distraction.”

I grinned. “We weren’t very discreet.”

“This is why we told you not to see him.
We knew when you changed
,
it would be over
. We didn't want him to break your heart, sweetie.”

Pulling the covers closer to my face, I closed my eyes and moaned. “I want more sleep.”

I heard Judith say softly “It’s normal. We sleep a lot, plus she’s a teenager.” The love in her voice when she spoke to my dad made me feel better. At least he wasn't sitting in an apartment in Chicago worried sick and alone.

When the door closed again, I smiled. “How do you hide from her super senses?”

He lay down on the bed again. “I don't. She knows I’m here. I’m hiding from your dad’s not-so-super senses.”

I opened an eye to see his worried face. “I honestly thought she hated you.”

“We should have probably clued in that you weren’t just a shoe-obsessed girl when they forbid us to see each other.”

I snuggled into him, surprised by the shocking cold of his skin. “Get under the covers, you’re freezing.”

He shook his head. “You’re burning up. I’m still regular old me. You, however, are running a very high fever.”

I winced. “That's why I feel like death. I just thought it was ‘cause my body hates me.”

He kissed my neck, mumbling, “I love your body and I have a sneaky suspicion it loves me too!”

It made me smile. He made me smile.

“Liz came by to see you again. She’s really worried. Your dad keeps telling her you have the flu, but I suspect her mother has told her everything.”

I cringed. “Great. Now she’ll know I’m a freak—like you.”

“Hey! Leave me out of that, you’re your own special kind of freak. I’m nothing like you.”

“You’re worse.” I laughed when I said it.

We lay there in each other’s arms, spending every moment we had left.

But we had less than we thought.

He was
asleep,
something I had learned was more like being in a coma, when something changed inside of me. It was the strangest feeling.

My eyes fuzzed out for a moment, and when they cleared, I couldn't see the things I had liked about him before—even loved. His olive skin seemed unattractive and the way his lip stuck out slightly from his fangs didn’t make me want to suck it like it had before. Nothing was the way it had been. He was just a guy and no matter how hard I looked, I couldn't see him like I had. I remembered it—I remembered how he made me feel. I remembered how in love I was, but I couldn't reach it.

I couldn't fight the desire to be away from him. The night air was calling me.

It had been nine days since the ball. It felt like a lifetime.

I understood exactly why Judith had warned me against him. He had made a hole in my heart. I loved him, there was no doubt, but I couldn't feel it. It was like my brain had shut it off. I knew it was there. I knew it was
,
I could remember it clearer than anything.

I got up to take a shower, actually to hide in the shower.

There was a fear inside of me that I couldn't escape from. I didn't know if I would ever feel anything again.

He walked into the bathroom, pulling the door open and climbing in. He saw it instantly. His eyes burned and his lips pressed together. “It’s happening, isn’t it?”

I nodded.

He sat down next to me, like we were sitting in the rain. “It isn’t happening to me. I can’t see you any differently. You’re still you. I still love you more than any single thing in the world.”

Tears started to fall from my eyes. I hated the loss of my love. “I think I gave you my heart and when I change, you will keep it.”

He wiped my tears. “I will take care of it, always.”

It made me cry harder. “I am losing you and you are right here.”

He pulled me into his lap and held me, letting me cry about not loving him anymore. He wasn't petty or angry like I would have been. He just let me be
who
I was, asking for nothing in return. It made everything hurt more.