Jerald rolled onto his back. When he finally spoke, his voice sounded quiet, unlike his normal rumble. “All right. I’ll go to the barbecue with you. Happy?”
“No. I want an answer.”
“I haven’t been out as long as you, okay? There’s still a lot of people who don’t know. I’m
not
ashamed of you. I’m just…still learning and getting used to this. Okay? Kate fucked me over hard, you know that. It took me a long time to get to the point where I knew another shoe wouldn’t hit the floor with you.”
That was some of the deepest emotional honesty Jerald had ever copped to in their two-plus years together. Despite being an eloquent man, Jerald rarely expressed his emotions like that. He usually kept them carefully hidden behind a solid fortress.
Huge breakthrough for the tough guy.
Alan propped himself up on one elbow. “If you want,” he quietly offered, “we can go tomorrow night in separate cars. I’ll behave myself. Hands off. Just friends.”
It wasn’t what Alan wanted, but after Jerald agreed to try living together, and then opening up like that, Alan wanted to give ground to reciprocate. If nothing else during their relationship, Alan had learned the fastest way to draw Jerald out was to always back down when Jerald gave ground rather than trying to bully him into something. Jerald always followed him and gave ground of his own when he did that, because then he didn’t feel pressured.
“We don’t have to go in separate cars. I do want to go with you.” He took a deep breath and slowly let it out before looking at Alan. “How can you be so patient with me? I know I’m a pain in the ass.”
Alan kissed him. “You’re
my
pain in the ass, that’s why.” Alan knew he was the only one who ever got to see Jerald vulnerable like this.
“I love you,” Jerald whispered.
Alan smiled. “I love you too, tough guy. When you going to let me totally move you out of that shit hole trailer and in with me?” After Jerald’s divorce, Kate had gotten the house and nearly everything in it. Fortunately, Jerald only had to pay her a year of alimony. Financially, he was still recovering from the debacle. Jerald had rented the cheap place south of Bayport from a friend of his. Alan owned his house, which he’d inherited from his parents. Built only seven years earlier, they’d paid it off with the sale of other property they’d owned, taking advantage of the real estate boom before the market tanked.
“Give me a little more time for that, okay? Let’s see how a trial arrangement goes. I’ll keep the trailer for now, keep my other crap there, my books and stuff. I’ll start bringing my work truck home here. Deal?”
“I’d like to wake up next to you every day.”
“You’re going to get sick of me. You just wait and see. I’ll drive you nuts.”
“That’s a short trip, buddy. One I’m happy to take with you behind the wheel.”
“I’m set in my ways and a pain in the ass to live with.”
Alan smirked. “So? You give great head. I’m willing to overlook other imperfections.”
Jerald laughed. “I’m still waiting for you to come to your senses and get rid of me.”
Alan sat up and grabbed Jerald’s chin. “Listen to me. I’m
not
going anywhere. If you want to run away, go ahead. Get it through your head I’m always going to be right here waiting for you to come back.”
Sometimes Alan wondered if Jerald would ever fully overcome his fear of their relationship. Alan knew Jerald didn’t fear him so much as he couldn’t let go of past heartaches and betrayals. Alan didn’t know a lot about Jerald’s past because the man didn’t want to talk about it. Alan knew only that Jerald’s parents had died violently, and he spent most of his childhood frequently shuffled between distant relatives and foster homes. It was also one of the reasons he’d gone into law enforcement.
“I know,” Jerald softly said. “I know you are.”
Jerald kissed him goodnight. Alan closed his eyes, content and happy to know he’d moved one step closer to having Jerald Carter living with him full time.
* * * *
After a few minutes, Jerald heard Alan’s breathing slow and deepen, indicating he’d fallen asleep. He studied the other man as he lay in his arms. How
did
Alan put up with him? He must be in love. Alan was the “what you see is what you get” kind of guy, laid back and easy going. And then him. Barely out of the closet. In fact, standing in the closet doorway with one hand on the doorknob, ready to yank it shut and lock himself inside at the slightest hint of trouble.
As much as he hated Kate, she did him a favor by screwing around on him the way she had. She made it impossible for him not to embrace his anger, at least for a little while. Then a month after the divorce was final, Alan invited him to go fishing in the Keys for three days. Jerald took the time off and they drove down there towing Alan’s flats boat.
They’d known each other professionally for a few years before that. He’d chatted with Alan at the dock nearly every day, even had lunch together countless times. Jerald had been out on his boat as a passenger a few times too, when Alan had room, to fill in a paying charter group. He knew Alan always brought in legal catch. Checking his coolers was just a formality to make it look like he didn’t play favorites among the guides. Alan Walker always played by the rules.
He’d never found anyone with a bad word to say about Alan. Even the people who didn’t care for him didn’t speak badly of him, other than snide comments behind Alan’s back about his sexual preferences.
Jerald had known Alan was gay from third party chatter, but nothing in the man’s demeanor ever screamed “flaming queer.” If he hadn’t heard it from more than one source, he never would have believed the gossip. Alan just didn’t show up on his radar one way or another.
Until the Keys trip.
All the way down I-75, across Alligator Alley, and down the Florida Turnpike to U.S. 1, Alan let him talk. And talk.
And talk.
He knew Alan never spread rumors, never gossiped. Jerald felt fucking lonely and angry and needed to vent to someone. Anyone. He had no close friends and no family. The friends he thought he had were Kate’s, not his. From the way they avoided him after the divorce, even though she had cheated on him, he knew she’d gotten custody of them as well.
By the time they reached the resort in Marathon that first night, Jerald had done more talking to Alan than he had to anyone else. Ever.
Alan sat there and listened.
They went bonefishing the next morning. Jerald still talked. Alan quietly listened as he poled the boat across the flats while Jerald cast when and how Alan told him to. Jerald started drinking beer before lunch, loosening up even more.
Still, Alan listened.
By the time they returned to the dock a little before sunset that evening, he saw Alan in a new light. Maybe because of his own beer buzz, or Alan’s shaggy blond hair made even more yellow by the sun. Maybe it was those huge brown eyes, “doe eye,” his momma would have called them. Or the way his tanned and slimly athletic body looked in his baggy guide shirt and shorts, or the way he gracefully moved, like a cat. Even in a pitching boat, Alan never seemed to lose his balance.
After ordering a pizza for dinner and downing a few more beers, Jerald vaguely remembered staggering into Alan’s bedroom in their rented condo and falling onto his bed.
“I’m sick of women, and I’m fucking sick of being alone!” he screamed.
Then, for the first time in his adult life, he cried. He remembered curling up against Alan and sobbing like a fucking baby while Alan held him and softly murmured comforting words.
When he awoke the next morning, hung over as hell, he still lay in Alan’s bed. Fully dressed. Alan, also dressed, lay propped on one elbow and stared down at him with those big brown eyes. For the first time, Jerald noticed Alan’s long, blond eyelashes, almost like a girl’s.
Jerald sat up too quickly, then realized his mistake as his hangover headache pounded a bongo rhythm inside his skull. He lay back down with a groan.
“What happened?” Jerald croaked, the nasty morning after taste of beer coating his mouth with a thick, disgusting slime.
“You got stinking drunk, stumbled in here, said you’re sick of women and sick of being alone, and cried in my arms. Then you passed out.” He looked vaguely amused. “And has anyone ever told you that you snore like a freaking chainsaw when you sleep on your back?”
For some reason Alan’s final remark, delivered in that exact tone of voice, with those brown eyes staring at him, hit just the right combination of notes inside Jerald. He laughed, then moaned as his head pounded, then laughed again.
Alan smiled. “Glad to see you’re feeling better.”
“I’m sorry, man. I’m a sloppy drunk. Normally I don’t drink a lot for this very reason.”
“Gee, ya think? Besides, what are you sorry for?”
“For last night.” He groaned as he rubbed his face with his hands. “You must think I’m a fucking douche.”
Alan shrugged. “There’s a couple of reasons I brought you down here, Jer. For one, you’ve been acting like you’re about to rip someone’s head off. All the guides in the area are talking about taking up a collection to buy you a hooker or a hit man, whichever would do the most good. You’ve been acting pretty shitty for the past few months. We all understand why, believe me. It just didn’t make it any easier for us to deal with you on our end.”
Alan sat up. “For another, we’ve always had a good rapport, and I think you’re going through a rough time and need a friend. Add to that the fact that I like you. I’m not saying I’m going to put moves on you and freak you out and fuck up a good friendship, but I hoped maybe you’d loosen up a little. What happens on this trip stays on this trip, whether it’s you baring your soul or your ass or maybe both. I figured you needed a chance to cut loose without worrying what anyone else would say. Whether you simply want a friendly ear to talk to, or actually want do something, that’s up to you.”
Jerald laid there and blinked, stunned, as he stared at the younger man.
After a few moments, Alan spoke again. “I’ve watched you for a few years now. I don’t know if you’re straight or gay or bi or curious. I don’t care. I do know I’ve noticed you checking out asses a few times, whether you were aware of it or not.”
Jerald felt a deep heat fill his face, but he didn’t speak.
Alan continued. “Like I said, I’m not going to put moves on you. I especially won’t take advantage of someone who’s drunk. However, be advised the next time you show up in my bed, please do it sober, and definitely do it naked, because after sleeping next to you all night I’ve got a fucking hard-on right now that would cut glass. Unless you’re a cock tease. If that’s the case, you should have warned me so I could go whack off.”
Jerald harshly laughed. “Do you ever think about what you say before you say it?”
“Yeah. Doesn’t stop me from saying it. You’ve known me long enough to know I’m a no bullshit, no drama kind of guy. If you’d like to dig a little deeper and explore some options, feel free to make a pass at me. Normally I’m not this forward with someone like you who’s never been with a guy before.”
“Who said I’ve never been with a guy before?”
Alan arched an eyebrow at him.
“Okay, so no, I haven’t.”
Alan stretched, then pulled his shirt off as he stood. Alan had a nice, tight body. Naturally muscled and tanned from being outside all the time. “Now that I know you’re not going to puke in your sleep and choke on it and leave me with an embarrassing situation to deal with, having a dead officer of the law in my bed, I’m going to go take a shower and take care of this woody.” He stopped at the bedroom door and turned to Jerald. “I’ll leave the bathroom door open if you feel like having your back scrubbed. Or your front. No strings attached. If you want, we can pretend it never happened. It’s up to you.”
On that note, he walked into the bathroom.
Jerald lay there, stunned, his heart now pounding even harder than his headache.
His own cock had hardened, throbbing at the thought of taking a shower with Alan.
What the fuck?
He sat up again, carefully this time. Yeah, okay, so Alan had nailed him mentally in a few ways he’d never wanted to admit before.
Jerald couldn’t feel the floor under his feet as he walked into the bathroom. Alan had already started the shower and stood, naked, brushing his teeth at the sink. He had a nice, tight, firm ass a few shades lighter than the rest of his body. Alan obviously didn’t sunbathe in the buff. Jerald could reach out and…
Alan caught Jerald’s gaze in the mirror and held it until he finished brushing his teeth and turned around.
“Shower’s big enough for two, man.” Alan stepped in and pulled the shower curtain closed.
Jerald’s head still throbbed, but he also brushed his teeth to get rid of the nasty, stale morning after beer taste.
Then he stripped and stepped into the shower.
Those huge, brown eyes. Alan turned to him and pushed him so Jerald’s back pressed against the cool tile wall. When Alan dropped to his knees, he palmed Jerald’s sac with one hand. With the other, he slowly pumped Jerald’s now-throbbing cock before putting it in his mouth.
Fascinated to watch his cock disappearing between the other man’s lips, he couldn’t look away. Alan’s eyes closed.