Surfacing (Spark Saga) (21 page)

             
“Not really.”

             
“Zach, what’s up?  You always tell me stuff.”

             
It’s almost time for class, so I tell her to meet me after school and we’ll talk.  She seems excited about the idea, nods in agreement, and takes off down the hallway with a wave, telling me she’ll talk to me soon.  I close my locker a bit too hard and head to class, still wondering why Dani hasn’t tracked me down yet.  We usually always talk before class.

              Throughout the day, my thoughts tumble from the image of Dani leaning in that car window, to Tess and Alex dancing close, then hugging next to the lockers, to Fun’s idea of “the worst is yet to come” to the white chrysanthemums at my father’s grave, to —believe it or not—that blasted Robert Frost poem.  I can’t get the thing out of my head.  And on top of everything else, by the end of the day, I’m pretty much convinced that I am going mad.  I mean, what normal person would have such a range of random thoughts going through his head during the course of a day?

             
As I stand next to my locker waiting to meet Lacey, it occurs to me that it might be sort of cool to go back in time and meet some famous person—Robert Frost, for example.  I mean, ask him what on earth he was thinking.  I’d be sure to get an “A” on my next English paper.  I have to smile at the thought.  And, I make a mental note to ask my father, in my next message, if he’d ever considered doing such a thing—going back in time to talk to someone like that—or if he even
did
do that.  I find myself getting excited at the thought of hearing the details, and that’s when I decide, yet again, that I am losing it.  What high school football player gives a rat’s about meeting Robert Frost?  About hearing if his father’s time travels filled him with invaluable insight from intellectuals and poets?  Insanity.  And yet, still intriguing.

             
Enter Lacey Wade.  “Hey, feeling better?”

             
Before I have a chance to respond, Dani comes up behind me and throws her arms around my neck.  “Hey sweetie!”

             
I bristle slightly and give Lacey an apologetic smile.  She says, “Hey Dani.  Congrats on Homecoming.”

             
They chit chat for a few minutes while I cram my stuff in my locker.  Then, Lacey says she’ll see us later and Dani is standing there with her hand on her hip, as if she’s about ready to ask me something serious.

             
Instead, I beat her to it.  “So where have you been all day?”

             
“I dunno.  Basking in the adoration of my subjects?”

             
This doesn’t sound like something she’d come up with on her own.  “Where’d you get
that
?”

             
Her smile derails me momentarily.  Sort of like a luminous, broken clock.  And all of a sudden, I, too, am one of her subjects.

Tess

             
I am laying on top of my bed, thinking about turning off the light.  I have put away my dress and washed my face and my legs hurt from dancing.  My eyes are getting heavy when my phone dings.  Cricket is texting me.

             
-did he kiss you goodnight?

             
-what do you think?

             
-i’m thinking…YES!!!

             
-mhm…

             
-you two are sooo cute together

             
-and you had too much to drink

             
-only a little…

             
-so, you and Kurt had a thing going on

             
-OMG he’s a sweetheart!

             
-btw, you ready to give up ice cream?

             
-what??

             
-zach pulled me outside to talk tonight

             
-about what? 

             
-stars… it was kinda weird… then Alex showed up, so we didn’t really get to talk

             
-i told you so…wonder what’s up with that?  I mean, Dani was off doing her own thing

             
-i dunno.. no biggie.  Anyway, i’m sorry we didn’t get to do the graveyard thing

             
-no prob…we’ll do it another time… anyway, had fun tonight

             
-me too…ok, ttyl

             
I haven’t had a chance to really think about what happened tonight.  It all went by so fast.  First, I couldn’t believe Alex and I were dancing together, then he started whispering in my ear.  I remember thinking…
he must be just messing with me.
  And then, it got real—fast.    Before I knew it, we were boyfriend and girlfriend, and we were sitting together on that loveseat at John Davis’s party…Alex playing with my hair, more whispering, kissing.  My stomach whirls, remembering every small detail.  I don’t know why I didn’t see it before—that he liked me—or why I didn’t even know that I liked him, too.  Funny how blind we can be sometimes.

             
Every detail…I remember Alex tucking a piece of my hair behind my ear, drawing a heart on my knee with his finger.  The realization that I really do have a working memory is like waking up, very suddenly, from a nightmare that I’m stuck in the same scene in a movie, going through it again and again, and never finishing it. 

             
I feel relieved for a moment of feeling normal again.  With thoughts of Alex and me, I drift off to sleep.

             
The next morning, I wake up with my head still throbbing and I feel completely exhausted.  I’m awake for like three seconds, then I slip back into sleep.  When I wake up three hours later, my mom has left me a bagel and some juice by my bed, along with a note that she went out shopping for a while.  I check my phone and there is one text from Cricket and two from Alex:

             
-i’m sorry u don’t feel good… feel better soon.

             
-i miss u

             
The second one was just a few minutes ago.  I reply:

             
-feeling a little better… just woke up

             
-good to hear… what was going on anyway?

             
-bad headache… and just tired

             
-are u up for me swinging by after school or are u going to be napping?

             
-i should be up…

             
-good, i’ll see u then…bye sweetie

             
-see u… <3

             
-<3

             
I think the last few days have just caught up to me.  A lot has happened.  I mean it’s not every week that you search for clues in a graveyard, go to your first school dance, and snag a boyfriend.  Maybe I’m just feeling the emotional stress, somehow triggered by the dream I had last night.  I hope it’s just that, and not somehow related to my head injury and memory loss.  Things have been going good, actually, and I haven’t even been missing my memories, really.  I mean there are a few holes here and there, but nothing major.

             
It occurs to me, what it would be like to go through life and suddenly have a bunch of forgotten or repressed memories suddenly surface.  What a shock it would be, to realize things have never been what they seemed to be.  I really hope that doesn’t happen to me… it would just be crazy and way too much drama.  I am reminded, again, of that movie,
It’s A Wonderful Life
, and how George Bailey got to see what the town would look like if he’d never been born.  It wasn’t the same.  He panics, but then ends up learning from it.  He appreciates his life because he realizes that all these people he’s influenced over the years would be missing something important.  He made a difference.  But it took seeing the world without him to learn that. 

What would my life look like if I were missing an important memory—a person, maybe—someone who made a huge impact on me?  First of all, wouldn’t they be really mad at me for forgetting what they did?  And second of all, how would it change me to suddenly know?

I sigh.  There’s no way to spontaneously jumpstart my memory.  The only thing I can do is start now, by making a point to be aware when someone does something nice for me or impacts me in a good way.  Starting now…

With that in mind, I get out my phone and send my mo
m a text:

-thank you, mom, for letting me stay home today… i feel much better.  Also, thank you for the breakfast.  It was yummy.  I love you.

             
Zach

             
All right.  It’s time to get to the bottom of this once and for all.  First of all, I have this freaking memory chip, and apparently, my dad is accessing it somehow.  Second of all, he wants me to destroy it.  Third, I had a very intense memory/dream about Tess and me that I just can’t seem to shake, despite her new budding romance with Alex.  Add to the mix the fact that Dani currently has me mesmerized, despite her questionable behavior, and I am one screwed up individual.

             
I go straight home from school, get out a notebook and start writing down all these points, and anything else that comes to mind—basically, what Miss Collins would call brainstorming.  After rambling for a few minutes, I start to make lists.

             
Things I Know For Sure

1. Somehow, either directly or indirectly, I have been given insight into my father’s mind and thoughts
   …. Either via my father himself, an insightful third person, or myself.
   
2. Whoever it is
   wants the memory chips to be destroyed.
   
3. I like Tess.
   
4. I like Dani.
   
5. Dani doesn’t act like she feels quite the same about me.
   
6. I want to do what’s right.
   
7. I am confused.
   

Things I Don’t Know, But Would Like To

1. Where is this “insight into my father’s mind and thoughts” coming from? 
   
2. Why my sudden interest and/or seeming proficiency in poetry?
   
3. What is it like to time travel (I’ve never done it)?  And, should I?
   
4. Is it possible to sync two memory chips together (i.e., mine and Tess’s) so that
   we both share the same memories?
   
5. Why doesn’t Tess seem to notice me
   at all
   ?  I mean, if what we supposedly have is so strong, then wouldn’t it make sense that some of it would transcend the mechanism (i.e., the memory chip)?  If my father is so worried about natural progression and emotion, then why no spark of anything from Tess?
   

Things That Are Significant But Might Otherwise Go Unnoticed

1. Robert Frost’s poem and the reference to the clock…that time is “neither wrong nor right.”
   
2. Fun song’s lyrics….
   Go on if you were thinking that the worst is yet to come…
   
3. Dani talking to John Davis before school.
   
4. Tess and Cricket showing up at the same graveyard where my father is buried.
   

I pause, lay my pen down and read back through.  I have the urge to underline “Is it possible to sync two memory chips,” so I do.  Then, I sit back in my chair and consider it.

             
Keen observations, I must say.
  If this were an English assignment, I’d probably get an “A” on it. 
Of course.  Now consider this:  Have you missed anything?

             
Ok, yes, indeed I have.  I add the following to my list of “Things I Don’t Know But Would Like To:”              Is my father really communicating to me via the mind? 

             
I would really like to know that, because these random thoughts are driving me crazy.  So I think, pushing my mind to its limits….
ARE you communicating with me?

             
The human brain only uses 10 percent of its capacity, did you know that?

             
I scoff.  That came straight out of my science textbook.  Of course.  This is just me, remembering things…making connections among things.  Maybe I’m getting smarter.  Or maybe…I’m losing it.

             
I am more frustrated now than when I started.  I close the notebook and throw it in my desk drawer.  Now what?

             
Time travel.  I have been all wrapped up in the idea of it…reading
The Time Machine
countless times, obsessing about what happened in the past with Tess…and what
will
happen…I have never even considered the fact that I have the ability to find out for myself.  I have a memory chip.  I have the research logs.  I have the simulator, for practice.