Surviving High School (15 page)

After class, Emily waited as the other students filtered out of the room, then calmly walked over to Mr. McBride’s desk.

“About earlier,” she said. “I’m sorry. I—”

“Not yet,” he said, marking a large D-minus atop another student’s essay. “We’re expecting one more guest.”

Confused, Emily turned to see Alicia Prez walk into the room.

“Ah, there she is,” said Mr. McBride. “Please take a seat.”

Alicia and Emily both sat down at desks near the front of the room.

“Just because I fell asleep once?” asked Emily. “How did you even have time to call her?”

“We were planning to meet with you already,” he said, still not looking up from the paper. “Your little nap merely allowed me a chance to punctuate the statement we’re about to make.”

“I’ve been getting reports from a lot of your teachers that your performance is slipping in class,” said Alicia. “Nothing
too drastic—just a little drop from stellar down to above average. But what’s got a lot of people worried is the way you look—it’s like you can barely keep your eyes open.”

“I haven’t been getting much sleep lately,” Emily confessed.

“Not too many students push themselves as hard as you do,” said Alicia, scooting her desk closer to Emily. “There are plenty of students taking nothing but honors classes—and plenty more athletes—but to try to do both—”

“I’m doing fine,” said Emily, standing up. She turned to Mr. McBride. “What’s my grade in this class right now?”

He looked down at his notebook.

“B-minus.”

She picked up her backpack, feeling her face glowing red with embarrassment.

“Fine,” she said. “Then I’ll just have to work harder.”

“Emily,” said Alicia, “that’s not what we’re trying to—”

But Emily didn’t want to hear any more. It was just too much to take, especially from Alicia, who had been so proud of her before. She got up and left the room without another word.

“Hello?” called Kimi. “Earth to Emily! Are you ready?”

Emily sat on a bench outside the fitting rooms at the huge Macy’s at the center of the mall as Kimi prepared to show her yet another dress. This would be the twelfth one she’d tried on, each more hideous than the last.

“Ready!” said Emily, trying not to let her exhaustion creep into her voice. As she and Kimi had scoured clothing
racks in every corner of the mall, Emily realized two things: one, that she had never
really
gone dress shopping before, and two, that she didn’t like it.

On each of her previous trips to the mall, Emily had come with her mom, or on infrequent, stressful occasions, her dad. She’d seen clothes as something functional—a way to ward off the cold and rain. She’d barely cared how she looked.

This was
real
dress shopping. Hitting every store at the mall with a girlfriend in tow, trying on any dress that looked even remotely flattering on the rack. By the time they’d been shopping for an hour, Emily’s calves and feet ached, and she’d had to beg Kimi for a break so she could sit while Kimi tried on more dresses.

Still, shopping wasn’t all bad. Normally Emily would have cringed at the thought of spending a Saturday afternoon this way, but given her current stress level, any distraction was a welcome one.

“What do you think?” asked Kimi as she emerged from the fitting room and twirled in a full-length green ball gown. This one hugged Kimi’s body strangely, making her appear almost cylindrical instead of curvy.

“You look like a big cucumber,” said Emily after a few seconds. “But maybe that’s what you’re going for?”

Kimi’s face fell.

“That’s not even attractive by vegetable standards.”

She turned to go back to the dressing room.

“Whatever I end up getting, it has to be hotter than
any
possible dress Dominique and Lindsay could possibly
find!” she shouted from behind the dressing-room door. “I need to look so good that
they
look like real estate agents in comparison!”

“Just don’t overdo it,” pleaded Emily. “Remember, it’s homecoming, not prom. The ball gowns are just a little—much.”

“This is impossible!” shouted Kimi, frustrated. “I may as well just go naked, like in my recurring nightmare.”

“We’ll find something—don’t worry,” said Emily, but her heart wasn’t in it, and the words came out flat.

“So what’s with you?” shouted Kimi. “Is everything okay?”

Everything most definitely
wasn’t
okay. Emily had just found out her sister had been having a secret relationship with Nick Brown, her dad was getting suspicious about the bags under her eyes, and with Quals for Junior Nationals just around the corner, her muscles ached and she felt like she might pass out at any moment.

“Do you ever worry you don’t really know the people in your life?” asked Emily. “Like, sure, you know the surface things about them. But deep down there’s a whole other self you can never access.”

“Definitely!” shouted Kimi. “Like on my dates with Phil, the guy could spend two hours talking about the new sound system his cousin just hooked up, with, like, sixteen different speakers positioned at precise angles to mimic true, movie-quality surround sound—but if I asked him what his relationship with his brother is like, he’d stare at me like I just burped or something.”

“Yeah,” said Emily. “That’s—too bad.” She loved Kimi, but the girl could be entirely dense sometimes. She hadn’t even considered that Emily might have something important she wanted to talk about. Still, in a way, she appreciated Kimi’s boy-crazy tirades; they were a nice change of pace from all the drama going on in Emily’s own life.

Kimi emerged from the dressing room in a white shimmering dress that came down just over her knees. Cinched at the waist, it accentuated Kimi’s natural curves. Emily couldn’t believe it. Kimi didn’t just look good. She looked like she’d walked in off the cover of
Cosmo
—or at least
Seventeen.

“That’s it,” said Emily. “That’s the one.”

“I knew it!” said Kimi triumphantly. “That’s why I saved it for last.”

Thanks for that
, thought Emily.

“Now it’s your turn,” said Kimi. “I’ve got a few ideas already!”

As they walked through the store, Emily pushed a cart that Kimi proceeded to drape with dresses as she updated Emily on her latest dating news.

“Okay, so, to recap. I broke the bad news to Phil on Wednesday. He took it well and said he still wanted to be friends, which, ironically, made him seem pretty sweet. I put it into his spreadsheet, and it gave him a nice little score boost—but not enough to make me regret dumping him.”

“You do realize how crazy you sound, right?” asked Emily.

“Oh, definitely,” said Kimi. “But I’m also the only girl at school
guaranteed
to have an amazing homecoming date. Present company excluded, of course.”

“Thanks.”

Kimi reached into a sale rack full of random dresses, pulled out a short burgundy one, and threw it onto the cart.

“How did you even see that?” asked Emily.

“I’m a shopping veteran,” said Kimi. “Plus, my mom taught me everything she knows. I’ve got a sixth sense, a sales sense—kind of like Spidey sense. But for shopping. Swimming is your superpower. This is mine.”

“So wait,” said Emily. “If you and Phil broke up—”

“Right! I didn’t finish telling you yet,” said Kimi. “On Thursday, I caught Marcus at his locker and asked him if
he’d
like to go to homecoming. I talked about how sad I was about the breakup, and how he’d always seemed like a really sweet guy. He said he’d think about it, which basically means yes. Now I’m just waiting for him to call.”

She pulled another dress off the rack and threw it in the cart.

“Okay,” she said. “I think that’s enough to get you started.”

Half an hour later, Emily stood in the dressing room, checking out a long, black sequined gown that Kimi had tossed over the door to her. It sparkled in the overhead lights, even more so when she moved. She turned her body to check herself out in profile. She had to admit, she looked hot. After six
hideous, over-the-top dresses that Kimi had gushed over but Emily had loathed, maybe this was the one.

“Okay, Kimi,” she called. “I’m coming out!”

She opened the door, walked outside, and raised her arms.

“Ta-da!” she said. She had to admit, she was actually starting to have fun.

“Oooh,” said Kimi. “Very femme fatale. I could totally picture you slipping some poison into James Bond’s drink.”

“Is that a good thing?”

“It’s definitely hot,” said Kimi, who had gotten up from the bench and was circling Emily to check her out from multiple angles. “I’m just not sure if it’s
you
.”

“Please don’t tell me I have to try on another dress.” Emily’s patience was nearly exhausted.

“Just one more!” insisted Kimi. “Please, please, please! I think I saw a really good one over on a thirty percent off rack! Go start changing, and I’ll get it for you.”

As Emily sadly walked back into the dressing room and stripped off the black dress, she thought about all of the other things she could be doing with this time: homework, laps, sleeping. That last one sounded pretty nice. She sat on the small seat in the corner of the dressing room and closed her eyes, feeling on the edge of dozing off.

So it was no coincidence that the blue dress’s appearance felt like something out of a dream. Emily opened her eyes to see the shimmering blue fabric sailing over the fitting-room door. It looked almost like a splash of water flying through
the air, as if Kimi had tossed a bucketful of it at Emily. But the dress that landed in her arms was indeed real and dry. Seeing it, she felt as she had when she first saw Ben Kale: that it was made for her.

Even before she tried it on, even before she walked out and saw Kimi’s eyes go wide, Emily knew: She had found her dress.

At ten twenty-five that night, Emily stood in front of her closet mirror, holding the dress up to her body and examining it in the light. She imagined Ben looking at her, a big, surprised smile on his face. “
You look so beautiful
,” said the fantasy Ben.
“I’d give anything to kiss a girl as pretty as you.”

She pursed her lips and half contemplated wearing it tonight, before she opened the window and felt the harsh autumn cold blow across her skin. She laid the dress out across her bed and put on her thickest coat. Better to surprise Ben at the dance anyway. A text appeared on her phone:
Rdy when u r.

A few minutes later, Emily walked toward Ben’s car. Her head felt like it was full of helium, and as she floated across the sidewalk, she stumbled from time to time. Had she ever been this tired in her life? She had passed the point of mere exhaustion and entered a state of blissful sleep deprivation where everything seemed hilarious. She hoped she wasn’t going crazy.

As she approached Ben, he took her in his arms and spun her around, and a warm spark of happiness filled her chest.
In these moments, when she was wrapped up in his arms, she knew that the lack of sleep and constant fear of getting caught were worth it. Because nothing else in her life made her feel like this, not swimming, not even winning races.

“What’s gotten into you?” asked Ben. “You’re, uh, holding me kind of tight.”

“Just don’t let go of me,” she said. “I’m worried I’ll float away.”

And he held her tight until she felt gravity return to normal.

After their usual coffee, he took her to the beach that night. The tide was low and, flashlight in hand, he led her down to look at starfish and sea urchins clinging to rocks in tide pools.

“Here,” he said. “Run your fingers along that one’s back. It feels like sandpaper. Oh, don’t touch that one, though. That one’s poisonous.”

She drew back her hand and looked at him suspiciously.

“How many girlfriends have you gotten killed on dates like this?”

Ben started counting on his fingers, as if trying to add them all up.

“Come on,” she said, drying her hand off on his T-shirt. “What else have you got to show me?”

“Believe me,” he said. “I’m just getting started.”

They followed the rocky coastline down toward a barren cliff face, and Ben shone his flashlight’s beam into a cave’s black mouth.

“There it is,” he said. “No one outside of my family seems to know about this place.”

“Is it safe?” asked Emily.

Ben shrugged.

“Seriously,” she said. “I’m not kidding.”

“I won’t let anything happen to you. You trust me?”

“I trust you.” She took his hand and followed him into the dark. After they’d walked a few steps in, Ben turned off his flashlight.

“What are you doing?” she asked.

“Just walk where I walk. You’ll understand in a minute.”

As they went deeper into the cave, Emily’s pulse quickened. How well did she even know Ben? What if he was just leading her toward some bottomless pit that he’d push her into? She imagined falling forever, knowing the boy she’d loved had betrayed her. Or what if he’d decided he couldn’t wait for that kiss any longer and was planning to do it here in the dark. Or what if—

“Okay,” he said. “We’re here. Count to three.”