Authors: Susan Mallery
“Been a long time,” he said with a grin. “It'll come back to you.”
“Riding bikes is for kids,” she said, pouting.
“Ever hear of the Tour de France?”
She sniffed. “That's some big race.”
“Right. Know what they ride?”
“Fine.” She rolled her eyes. “Kids and weird people.”
He held in a laugh.
They were a ways back from Liz and the kids. He lowered his voice.
“Who are you really mad at? Your dad for being in prison or Liz for wanting to move back to San Francisco?”
She turned away. “I'm mad at Liz.”
“I don't believe that.”
She glared at him, tears filling her eyes. “You don't know anything.”
“I know some. I know this is hard. I know you're about the bravest person I know, taking care of your sister like that. And I know Liz dropped everything to come here the second she got your e-mail.”
Melissa sucked in a breath. “Maybe.”
He didn't know if she was talking about herself or Liz and decided not to push it.
“I don't want to leave here and she's going to make me,” Melissa said.
Not a subject he could be neutral about, he thought. He didn't want Liz to go, either. But he also knew this was a chance for him to protect Liz's back and show her that he wasn't the bad guy in all of this.
“She's taking you away from all your friends and never letting you come back, huh?” he asked. “That sucks.”
Melissa glanced at him. “She said I could still see my friends. You know, on the weekends Tyler's with you. And I'll have my cell phone.”
He didn't say anything.
She sighed. “It won't be the same.”
“That's part of growing up. Things change.”
“But I don't want this.”
“That happens, too.”
There were a lot of things he didn't want. He didn't want to have missed the first eleven years of his son's life. But no matter how he yelled or complained or threatened, nothing about the situation would change.
“Sometimes you have to accept how things are,” he said as much to himself as to Melissa. “You can make it easy on yourself, or you can make it hard. The choice is yours.”
“Maybe I don't want to grow up,” she argued.
“After what you've already been through?” He smiled. “Sorry, Melissa. It's happening and you're turning out great.”
“Can we get ice cream?” Tyler asked, looking back at Ethan.
“I think ice cream is a good idea,” Liz agreed. She pointed to the stand up ahead. “Something dipped in chocolate would be very nice.”
Beside her, Abby laughed. “You really like chocolate.”
“I do. It's a chick thing.”
“Ice cream for everyone,” Ethan concurred. He turned to Melissa. “You okay?”
She nodded.
Fifteen minutes later they were all stretched out on
the grass, in the shade, eating ice cream. Abby stayed close to Liz, as did Tyler. Melissa was a few feet away, by herself. Ethan found himself wishing Liz were leaning against him the way Abby leaned against her. Because being angry didn't mean he stopped wanting her.
It had always been that way, he reminded himself. It had been the first day of his senior year of school. He'd been walking down the hallway when he'd spotted Liz. She'd had that shy, terrified look that told him she was unprepared for the transition from junior high.
Even then she'd been beautiful. Tall and slim, with curves in the right places. There'd been something about the way she'd carried herselfâwith a warning that you could look but you couldn't touch. She didn't make eye contact with anyone.
One of Ethan's friends had nudged him.
“See that girl there? She's Liz Sutton. I've heard she puts out as much as her mom. I hope it's true.”
Ethan didn't know what combination of events had started the rumors about Liz. Maybe the girls in school had resented how beautiful she was. Maybe the boys had hated that she wouldn't pay attention to them. But in a matter of weeks, everyone knew Liz Sutton had a reputation for being easy and cheap.
Even so, he'd been attracted to her. Not just for the potential sex, but because he'd seen something in her eyes. Something that called to him.
He'd spoken to her a few times that year. Or at least
he'd tried. She'd always turned away and disappeared with an ease that told him she was well practiced at vanishing. Then he'd graduated and gone off to college, nearly forgetting all about Liz.
Until the summer before his senior year. When he'd come home in May and literally run into her on the sidewalk. He'd taken one look at her and known he had to have her.
His initial interest had been about how she looked, but he'd quickly discovered there was a smart brain behind the green eyes. That Liz had a wicked sense of humor and yet a moral compass that appealed to him. He'd learned she was kind and self-aware and that no one else had ever kissed her. He'd been her firstâ¦for everything.
“Ethan, what are you thinking?” Liz asked. “You have the strangest look on your face.”
He smiled. “I was remembering that you were the smartest girl in school.”
Liz wrinkled her nose. “Hardly.”
Abby and Tyler both looked at him. “Really?” Tyler asked. “Mom was smart?”
“Hey, kiddo. I'm plenty smart now,” Liz pointed out.
He grinned at her, then turned back to Ethan.
“She was,” he told them. “All As in her classes. A scholarship to college.” Which she hadn't used because of him, he reminded himself.
“That was a long time ago,” Liz reminded, avoiding his gaze. “School was easy for me. I liked to read. Books were my friends.”
“Is that why you write now?” Melissa asked. “Because you used to read?”
“I'm sure that's part of it. One of the best ways to learn how to write is to read.”
“How can you have a book for a friend?” Abby asked. “You can't talk to them.”
“No, but they can take you away to another place. With books, the world feels safe.”
Abby and Melissa looked at each other, then back at her.
“Could you give me the name of some books to read?” Abby asked quietly.
“Sure. We can go to the library later.”
“I like to read, too,” Tyler said.
“Are you going to be a writer?” Melissa asked. “When you grow up?”
Tyler shook his head. “I want to build stuff, like my dad.”
Ethan happened to be looking at Liz as their son spoke. She didn't react at all, as if she'd already heard this. But to him, the information was new and filled him with a sense of pride. He waited for that to be followed by resentmentâafter all, he'd already lost so much.
The feelings were there, but not as intense as before. The loss, the anger was muted somehow. Less important. Liz had been rightâhe couldn't have a relationship in the present if he kept living in the past. What mattered with Tyler was today.
His gaze drifted over Liz's face. She was a part of
his son's life. He couldn't have one without dealing with the other. He'd loved Liz onceâas much as he could at that age. With a limited life experience and nothing much ever required of him. He'd been a child in a man's body. He was older now. But all that life experience hadn't made him a whole lot smarter when it came to Liz.
* * *
T
HE AFTERNOON OF BIKE RIDING
stretched into a dinner out, followed by a movie. By the time Ethan walked Liz and the kids home, it was after ten and everyone was tired.
Liz felt her own emotional exhaustion sucking at every step and knew the girls had to be ready to collapse, as well. For once, no one protested getting ready for bed. While she checked on the girls, Ethan said good-night to Tyler. They met downstairs. Liz was prepared to thank him for the day and show him the door, but something in his eyes stopped her. They were bright with an emotion she didn't recognize.
“I never got to do that before,” he revealed quietly. “Put him to bed.”
There was nothing accusatory in his tone, and still she felt as if he'd hit her in the stomach. Her body stiffened as guilt flooded her. Then like a montage in a movie, she saw her son's life as a series of pictures.
Somehow in the challenge of raising a baby alone, she'd forgotten about the magical moments Ethan had missed. The first smile, first step, first word. First day
of school, first friend. But even more painful were the everyday things she took for granted. The moments that made a relationship.
“I'm sorry,” she whispered and sank onto the sofa. “I'm so sorry.”
He sat next to her and wrapped his arms around her. For once, she let herself lean on someone as everything crashed in on her. Being back in town, the stress with her nieces, the reality of dealing with Ethan again. He might be the cause, but he was also the only safe haven she'd ever known. While their time together had ended badly, that was for another time. This was about now and maybe what could have been.
“I never wanted it to be like this,” she muttered, fighting tears.
He touched his fingers to her chin, easing her head up until they looked at each other.
“I know,” he told her.
“It's mostly your fault,” she declared with a sniff.
“I'll take some of the blame.”
“I can't believe you married Rayanne.”
She hadn't meant to say that and as soon as the words popped out, she covered her mouth.
“I take it back,” she said quickly. “I'm sure she was lovely.” After all, Pia had changed into a nice, normal person. Rayanne could have had the same sort of transformation.
He angled toward her, his hand resting on her shoulder. “You mean, why did I marry her?”
“I didn't ask you that. I'm assuming the normal kind of thing. Dating, falling in love, marriage.”
His dark gaze held hers. “You know about my bike crash in my senior year of college?”
She nodded.
“It was a moment of bad judgment or bad luck. I zigged when I should have zagged.” He shrugged. “I hit Josh's bike, but I was the one who went down. I was hurt bad enough that I couldn't race again.”
“That must have changed everything.” She remembered how he'd loved the sport. How winning mattered more than nearly anything. Without wanting to, she recalled the night he'd vowed that she was more important than anything else. How he loved her more than winning. She'd been young enough and foolish enough to want to believe him.
“I didn't take it well,” he admitted. “I was angry and blamed Josh. He felt guilty enough that we didn't talk for over ten years.”
That stunned her. “He was your best friend.”
“Yeah, well, we can both be stubborn. Things are fine now.”
“I hope so.”
“You're too softhearted.”
“I pretend-murder people for a living. How softhearted can I be?”
“I'll remember that.” He reached for her hand with his. “I finished school and came back to town. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, but I wasn't
going to do it here. A few weeks later, my dad dropped dead of a heart attack. I'm the oldest. Suddenly it was all up to me.”
“The family business,” she murmured. “You never wanted to go into construction.”
“I didn't have a choice. There were six people depending on me. My mom fell apart. The girls were still in high school, my brothers needed to finish college. So I did what had to be done. But I didn't like it.”
She hadn't liked being responsible for a newborn. Maybe that's what life was aboutâdoing the things that had to be done without expecting anything in return.
“I grew up those first few years,” he admitted. “Painfully, kicking and screaming. Then one day I realized I liked building things. I liked starting a project and seeing it through. By then nearly four years had gone by and I hadn't been out on a date. One day Rayanne walked into my office and asked me out. It shocked the hell out of me.”
Because Ethan wouldn't see himself as sexy, smart and dependable. Three irresistible qualities when it came to picking a husband.
“We started dating,” he said, averting his gaze. “One thing led to another. I liked her, but I knew she wasn't âthe one.' The day I planned to break up with her, she told me that she was pregnant.”
Liz did her best to keep her expression neutral. To not give in to the churning emotions inside her.
Pia had already told her that he'd married Rayanne
because she was pregnant. But she couldn't help feeling annoyed. No, more than annoyed.
There was a voice in her demanding why Rayanne and not her? Reminding the voice he hadn't known she was pregnant didn't make her feel any better.
“You seem to have a track record of unplanned pregnancies,” she told him. “Haven't you ever heard about birth control?”
One corner of his mouth turned up. “That's what my mom said. Only with a little more emotion.”
“I would think so. If we weren't having this very nice moment, I'd smack you on the back of the head and tell you to be more careful.”
“Yes, ma'am.”
She sighed. “So you married her. And then I showed up and because you'd told her about our relationship, she felt threatened.”
“Probably.”
“We've both really messed up,” she said.
“I guess we have.”
They smiled at each other then, and she found herself getting lost in his gaze. When he shifted toward her, she moved the last few inches, bringing her mouth to his.
This kiss was more tender than the last one. His firm mouth teased hers, making her melt even as she wrapped her arms around him.
He pulled her closer, their legs tangling on the sofa. She parted her lips and he eased inside, his tongue stroking hers. Need blossomed, but she ignored the
wanting. Not only were there three kids upstairs, she wasn't ready to make love with Ethan. Last time had been unplannedâan event driven by passion. She'd been able to walk away, only slightly scarred by the experience. This time would be different. This time there would be emotional complications and they were the last thing she needed.