SVH12-When Love Dies (8 page)

Elizabeth was too choked up to speak, so she simply nodded. There was so much she wanted to say. She wanted to tell Tricia how sorry she was--and how glad she was to know her. But

she couldn't seem to get the words to come out of her mouth.

Tricia seemed to have read her mind. "Please don't feel sorry for me," she said. "It was terrible when I first found out. I didn't want to believe what the doctors were telling me. But it's not so bad anymore. I've accepted it. It's strange, but whenever I used to think about dying, it really scared me. I thought it was the worst thing that could ever happen to anybody."

"And it isn't?" asked Elizabeth.

"No," Tricia said with a sad little shake of her head. "Living without love is worse than dying."

Elizabeth dabbed at her eyes with a balled-up tissue she'd fished from the pocket of her uniform.

"What about your family?" she asked. "How are they taking it?"

Tricia shrugged resignedly. "I don't think they've really accepted it yet. They're still talking about cures. Deep down they know, but it's a hard thing to admit. Yesterday I caught Papa looking through an old album of my mother's pictures. I could tell he'd been crying. I felt terrible. He depends on me so much. I worry about how he'll get along without me."

"It won't be easy for Steven either," Elizabeth reminded her gently.

A look of pain crossed Tricia's face. "He'll get over it. You'll see. It'll be easier for him this

way. Just remember your promise, Liz. I'm counting on you."

"I--" She opened her mouth to tell Tricia that she didn't see how she could ever keep such a terrible promise, but she couldn't say no to the look of pleading on Tricia's face.

At that moment, one of the nurses walked in.

Tricia pressed Elizabeth's hand one last time. "Goodbye, Liz. And thanks for caring."

For the first time in her life Elizabeth realized how final the word goodbye could sound.

Chapter Ten

Elizabeth drove home in a stupor, hardly aware of Jessica's chatter beside her. She was too wrapped up in her thoughts about Tricia. If only there were some way of convincing Tricia what a terrible mistake she was making by not telling Steven! But she seemed so sure that what she was doing was right, even though it was obviously causing her tremendous pain. Elizabeth wished she could confide in her brother, but that was impossible, too. A promise was a promise, no matter how much she regretted making it.

"Elizabeth Wakefield, you haven't heard a

single word I've said!" Jessica's scolding tone broke through her dazed thoughts.

"Huh?" Elizabeth glanced over at her sister. "Sorry, Jess. I guess I had my mind on other stuff."

"What could be more important than this?" Jessica demanded petulantly. "The biggest celebrity in Sweet Valley is actually interested in me! Isn't that just the most fantastic thing you've ever heard?"

Elizabeth had forgotten all about Jeremy Frank. "Oh, that. Sure. I'm really happy for you."

"You don't sound as if you are. What's with you anyway? Ever since we left the hospital you've been acting like you're hypnotized or something. What gives?"

"Nothing," Elizabeth lied. There was no use dragging Jessica into this. Besides, Jessica was never any good at keeping secrets.

"You're not still mad at me because I fixed Steve up with Cara, are you?" Jessica asked.

Elizabeth sighed. "I just think you should have stayed out of it, that's all."

"It was for Steve's own good," Jessica insisted. "He was too stubborn to make a move, so I just gave him a little nudge."

"More like a big shove," Elizabeth said.

"Well, it worked, didn't it? He's forgotten all about Tricia now that he's got Cara."

Elizabeth frowned as she turned into their driveway. A tiny worm of fear uncurled inside

her stomach. Could Jessica be right? Was Steven really getting interested in Cara? It didn't seem possible, but then Steven had been terribly hurt. He was an easy mark for a rebound relationship. All she could do was pray that Jessica was wrong.

The next week was .misery for Elizabeth. In school she could hardly concentrate on what the teachers were saying. Homework was a total washout. Whenever she opened a book, all she could see was Tricia's sad, brave face. She kept hearing her voice: "Promise me you won't tell Steve."

But that promise was tearing her apart. How could she just stand by and do nothing while two people she cared about were suffering? Every instinct told Elizabeth that Tricia and Steven's breakup was wrong, yet she hated the idea of going back on a promise. It was Tricia's decision, after all. Did she have the right to interfere?

Making matters worse was the rumor that had been going around that Tricia had a new boyfriend. Elizabeth knew it wasn't true, but apparently there were a lot of people who believed it. On Friday Elizabeth was on her way to her locker between classes when she was accosted by Caroline Pearce, one of the biggest gossips in school.

"I saw you talking to Tricia Martin out on the

lawn last week," she said, her sharp eyes a contrast to the preppy primness of her neat red hair and plaid shirtwaist. "Did she say anything about her new boyfriend?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," Elizabeth muttered, trying to brush past her. But Caroline hung doggedly beside her.

"She probably just didn't want to tell you because of Steven. Lila said he looked older, so maybe he's a friend of Steven's. Hey, wouldn't that be something!"

Elizabeth turned to give Caroline a cold look. "It's all a bunch of dumb gossip," she said.

"Blame it on Lila," Caroline said with a shrug. "She's the one who started it. She said she saw them together."

"I don't believe it."

Caroline sniffed haughtily. "I don't see why not. Tricia's a Martin, after all. I wouldn't put anything past a Martin--including going out with her boyfriend's friend behind his back."

This was too much for Elizabeth. Bristling, she confronted Caroline. "For someone who talks a lot, you don't know very much!" she snapped, leaving Caroline to gape after her in openmouthed astonishment as she stalked off.

Despite her burning cheeks and the tears that stung her eyes, Elizabeth felt good to have finally told Caroline off after all the times she'd had to listen to her snobbish remarks. The trouble was, Caroline wasn't the only one who was

prejudiced against Tricia because of her family. Look at the way Jessica felt. It was so unfair! Elizabeth thought. If only they knew what Tricia was really like, how sweet and wonderful she was. If they knew about the sacrifice she was making, they'd be ashamed.

Elizabeth was digging into her locker when someone touched her elbow. It was Enid Rollins, her best friend, and at this moment a very welcome sight. Enid's cheeks were pink, as if she'd been running. Her large green eyes sparkled with excitement.

"Guess what? I did it--I-.got an A on my chemistry quiz! I was so afraid I wouldn't make it. You know how tough Mr. Russo can be, treating us all as if we're budding scientists and--" Enid stopped to look at Elizabeth. "Liz, what's the matter? You look like you're about to cry. Did you and Todd have a fight?" she asked quietly, remembering the last time Elizabeth had looked this upset--the time she and Todd had almost broken up.

Elizabeth shook her head mournfully. "I wish that was all it was."

"Come on, we have a few minutes before our next class." Gently Enid steered her friend over to one of the benches that lined the corridor. "Do you want to tell me about it?"

Elizabeth moaned. "I can't. It's a secret, and I promised I wouldn't tell."

Enid was far too discreet to pry. She only nodded in sympathy. She knew what it was like to have secrets. And that was what friendship was all about--understanding and trusting, even when you didn't know all the facts.

"Are you sorry you promised? Is that what's bothering you?" Enid asked as if she'd read Elizabeth's mind.

Elizabeth buried her face in her hands. "Oh, Enid, it's all wrong! Everything. I never should have promised. How can a secret be any good if it's destroying the people it's supposed to be helping?"

"Some secrets shouldn't be kept," Enid replied. "Remember how afraid I was when I was going out with Ronnie? I was so afraid he'd find out about the trouble I'd gotten into when I was younger. It turned out to be a good thing when he found out. It showed me what a narrow person he was."

"This is different," Elizabeth said. "It's not really my secret, so I can't make that decision. I wish I could. I feel so awful about it, I don't know if I can stand it!"

"It sounds like too much responsibility for one person," Enid advised thoughtfully. "I think you need to talk to someone. Someone older. Can you tell your parents?"

"No. They're too close. Oh, Enid, how can I tell anyone? I promised!"

Enid slipped an arm around Elizabeth's

trembling shoulders. "I can see what this is doing to you. Liz, you've got to tell somebody."

Elizabeth sensed that Enid was right, but she still remained uncertain. Who? she wondered. Who can I tell?

Chapter Eleven

"This is good, Liz. It shows a lot of feeling and enthusiasm. I think we should run it."

Mr. Collins, faculty adviser for The Oracle, held up the typewritten pages Elizabeth had turned in a few days earlier. It was the first in a series of articles she'd planned to call "A Candy Striper's Journal." She'd been enthusiastic about it when she started it, but now she could only shrug dispiritedly in spite of Mr. Collins's praise.

"Thanks," she said. "I guess I was feeling pretty enthusiastic when I wrote it."

"But you're not feeling that way now?" He perched on the edge of her desk, his sky-blue eyes intent on hers. "You're not thinking of

giving up volunteering at the hospital, are you?"

"No, I still love it." She couldn't meet his gaze. Could he tell that she'd been crying? "It's just that--well, sometimes it can get to you."

"I know. I feel the same way about teaching sometimes."

Mr. Collins smiled warmly. He was by far the handsomest teacher in school, but that wasn't what Elizabeth liked best about him. What mattered to her was that he was the easiest teacher to talk to. She'd gone to him more than once in difficult situations. He was always sympathetic, never judgmental. He led her toward discovering the wisest course of action rather than coming right out and telling her what to do.

Elizabeth could feel herself on the verge of tears again. "It's awful when someone is sick, really sick, and you know--"

"Hey, Mr. Collins," John Pfeifer interrupted, "you should check out these pictures of Monday's game. They really came out well!" John, sports editor of The Oracle, waved a batch of prints under Mr. Collins's nose.

"Be with you in a minute, John," he said. "Liz and I are going up to my office. Hold the fort until we get back, will you?" To Elizabeth he said, "There's something I want to talk to you about. If s probably better if we do it in private."

Elizabeth nodded glumly, following Mr. Collins to the door.

"Take your time, Mr. Collins! I've got everything under control!" John called out, darting off in the direction of the light board. He nearly collided with Olivia Davidson, who was carrying a huge cardboard layout advertising an evening of one-act plays sponsored by the drama club.

Mr. Collins removed a stack of papers from the seat of a chair in his cluttered office. He motioned for Elizabeth to sit.

"I know how busy you are, Liz," he began, "but I have a favor to ask. It's about Max Dellon. I'm afraid he's not going to pass the next English test without some help."

Elizabeth tried to put Tricia out of her mind and focus on what Mr. Collins was saying. Max Dellon was the lead guitarist for The Droids, Sweet Valley High's resident rock band. Elizabeth knew that under Max's tough-talking, arrogant image there was a serious, talented musician. He was a little mixed up, but basically a nice guy

"You're my best student," Mr. Collins went on. "I was hoping you could tutor Max. I've spoken with his parents about it, and they're willing to pay you for your time."

"Sure, Mr. Collins, I'd be glad to help," Elizabeth replied listlessly, her mind already drifting back to the conversation with Tricia.

"You don't seem very enthusiastic about it. Would you rather take a couple of days to think it over?" he asked kindly.

"No, that's OK. I--I guess I'm just not too enthusiastic about anything right now."

"So I see," he noted, adding gently, "Do you want to tell me what's bothering you, Liz?"

Elizabeth nodded, pressing her lips together to keep from crying. It was all right, she told herself. She could tell Mr. Collins. He would understand. He would help her decide what to do.

Suddenly the whole story came tumbling out-- Steven and Tricia's breakup, finding out about Tricia's illness, the awful promise she'd made to the dying girl. Mr. Collins just listened quietly until she'd finished. Then he sighed deeply, folding his hands in front of him on the desk.

"I see your dilemma," he said.

"How can I break my promise to Tricia?" Elizabeth asked, twisting her hands in her lap. "It's her decision whether or not to tell Steve."

'That's true," Mr. Collins agreed. "But it's an unwise decision, I think. I know she's only trying to protect Steven, but she may end up hurting him even more this way."

"That's exactly how I feel."

"Have you tried talking to her about it?"

"I tried, but she's made up her mind. She's convinced it's the best way, even though I know

she can't bear it. She really loves my brother, Mr. Collins. More than I ever realized."

"I'm sure she does, but Tricia's love is blinding her to the truth. She can't protect him from something like this. No one can."

"That's what I told her, but she wouldn't listen." In a burst of passion, she cried out, "It's not fair! Why did this have to happen? Tricia is one of the sweetest people I've ever known."

"Life can be very unfair sometimes," Mr. Collins agreed sadly.