SWAB (A Young Adult Dystopian Novel) (34 page)

We stopped in front of a large, two-story building. Red magnolias lined the upper balcony. I could tell from the wrought-iron bars and copper roof that this building had been here before the settlement, the remnants of pre-scarb time.

“Wait here,” Sophia said, leaving me on the walkway with the six humans. I held my breath. I was finally going to see Ray and show him that becoming scarb hadn’t changed anything for us.

Chapter Thirty-One

The Things That Don’t Change

After Sophia went inside the two-story building, I heard human voices coming from the upper balcony with the red magnolias. I couldn’t help but be excited. One voice was deeper, male. He sounded angry.
Ray.
Sure enough, Ray’s tall figure appeared on the balcony after a moment. He looked down over the edge at me, a deep scowl furrowing his brow.

“Why’d you bring her here?” he turned on Sophia sharply. “You want her to learn all our secrets so she can march here in a few months and try to take us out? If she lives that long,” he sneered. It was insulting that he thought so little of me. He was the one who taught me to survive.
Why should that change now that I was scarb? I’m fully capable of taking care of myself.

“She couldn’t even escape a pack of desert bandits,” he spat. He was right. If he and his humans hadn’t shown up, I don’t know how I would have gotten us out of Veto’s camp.

Sophia stood there with her arms crossed. “She says she just wants to talk with you.” Ray scrunched up his nose, but he considered her. There was something between them. I saw it in the way she bossed him as a leader should, but there was tenderness in the way she did it. It was in the way he looked at her. It wasn’t the way he used to look at me, but it made my blood chill.

“Just go talk to her,” Sophia insisted, softer now, touching his hand. I bristled.

He sighed, then disappeared from the balcony.

When he came out of the building, I wasn’t sure I was ready to face him. I’d never expected him to move on so quickly. I didn’t know how to process it. I could barely meet his eyes, those brown eyes that had once been so full of life and brightness.

“What do you want?” he asked sharply, cringing as if anticipating my voice in his mind. This wasn’t at all what I had expected. I hadn’t been sure what would happen when I found the human settlement, but I’d imagined our encounter to be less rough, not so public. But this was the best I was going to get. Six spear tips told me that.

“I couldn’t just leave,” I stuttered, my heart on the verge of teetering off some high edge. “Don’t you realize how hard I looked for you? I came all this way, after they took you. I had to make sure you were okay.”

He kept his arms folded tightly across his chest. “I’m still human. Which is more than I can say for you.”His hate stung me. “But you should’ve been able to determine that last night,” he said coldly, “when I freed you from that scarb filth. Why’d you come here?”

I shifted my feet. How could I tell him? “Because Ray, I still—”

“Love me?” he finished for me, understanding and surprise hitting his eyes. Then there was sick amusement. “Oh, Cat,” he laughed. “How could you still hold on to that? Can’t you see that life’s over now?”

I guess I couldn’t. That was the problem. I still loved him, even though. I was a scarb. None of that had changed my feelings for him. I’d thought it wouldn’t change his feelings for me, either. He was Ray, he’d always been there for me. I couldn’t imagine a life—even a scarb life—without him. I’d lost my parents, I couldn’t bear to let anyone else go.

But apparently, he could imagine one without me. I looked from him to Sophia. Tears filled my eyes. I couldn’t stop them. They hissed as they hit the dusty ground.

Ray’s expression softened a little. He took a step toward me. “Cat, I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I didn’t realize you could still feel this way.”He lifted his hand and almost touched my shoulder but kept it hovering just above my skin. “I thought that when you became scarb—”

“You were wrong,” I said bitterly.

“I just didn’t think that scarb held onto things like what we had once they changed,” he explained.

“Maybe what we had was different,” I cut, not hiding my hurt from him

He closed his fingers and put his arm back down at his side. “Maybe,” he said softly. This was the Ray I knew. This was the Ray I’d given my heart to.

He stared at some spot on the ground, thinking. I did the same.

After a moment, I spoke. “Well, now you know I’m still here.”I touched my chest. He looked up at me. “I never stopped loving you, not for one moment,” I emphasized each word to be sure he felt them. “It wasn’t my choice to become scarb, or for things to be this way. But like Nathan said, we still have our choices, Ray. I may not have chosen to become scarb, but you’ll see I’m not going to be like any of them. I want people to be free to choose and live how they will, both scarb and human.

I won’t use humans or scarb to my own advantage, and I hope that someday others will see that all life is sacred, as well. I’m not better than anyone else, but I do want better for all of us.”

I took a step closer to Ray, close enough to touch him. He didn’t back away or blink. “I want happiness for you, Ray. You’re my happiness. You always were and you always will be. Being scarb will never change that. I’m not asking that you answer me now, but I do ask that you think about what I’ve told you.”I took a breath. “Someday, when you’re ready, I’ll come back. You loved me once,
even though I was human and flawed, just as I’m flawed still. See if you can find it in you to love me again.”

I kissed him once lightly on the cheek. I smiled into his handsome face, hoping that when I saw it again, I’d see the Ray I used to know.

I gave Sophia, whose black eyes were bored into me like two sharp stones, a nod of gratitude and then turned and left.

*****

As the walls of the settlement disappeared behind me, my heart was raw, but I was glad that I’d gone and told Ray what I needed to say. I’d become a scarb, challenged a queen and her entire colony, and still my love for him pulled through. Maybe it could pull through for him, too.
I won’t give up on him,
I determined as I headed back to Derrick and Nate and my scarb at their camp.
And I won’t allow anymore humans or scarb to suffer because of the swabs. I’m going to change this world if I have any say about it.
I didn’t know what the next day would bring, or even the next hour. Being a swab made life dangerous and volatile, but it also gave me the possibility to make a difference in a very distorted world. Beneath the barbs and the acid and the irises, I was still me. That was never going to change.

End of Book One

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Origin

Chapter One

Golden sunlight streamed through brilliant aspen leaves as I walked along the mountain path toward the waterfall. It was early fall, but the air was still warm. This was one of my favorite times of the year, when summer left one final kiss upon the land. I hummed a lullaby my mother had used to sing to Nathan and me. I rounded an aspen thicket and found Ray sitting on a boulder by the waterfall. The song caught in my throat. Droplets of mist reflected on his black hair. His brown eyes drew me in, like warm mud between my toes. Familiar. Home. Mine. He smiled.

I ran into his open arms. “I’m so glad you are here, Cat,” he whispered.

I sighed. My heart was whole, safe. In his arms was exactly where I needed to be. I looked up into his face, and his lips were quickly upon mine. The spray of the falls made the hair on my arms rise as he kissed me deeply. He slid his hands off my back and touched my face with his fingers. I shivered as he slid them up my jaw and into my hair. He wrapped his hands around the base of my head. But then, he backed away and screamed.

He pulled his hands back, covered in blood. Gashes ran down each of his fingers. He looked from his hands to me, his face rippling in horror.

“What are you?” he asked.

I
brought my hand to the place Ray had touched on my head. There, among the strands of soft hair, I touched a sharp
barb. Like a knife, a knife made to cut through human flesh. How had I forgotten? I wasn’t human. Not anymore.

Ray answered with what we both knew. “You’re scarb.”

*****

I awoke from the dream with a start. Like I had tripped or fallen off a step. My body was instantly awake, adrenaline pumping through my veins, my muscles flexed. I stretched the tendons of my fingers, causing the plates of my chitin to pop and crack. I took a deep breath and carefully brought a hand up to the ridge of my head. My fingers traced the now-familiar line of barbs, like the peaks and valleys of a mountain range. Ray’s horror flashed again into my mind, cutting and sharp. It sliced my heart. To him, I was nothing more than a monster now.
Am I a monster?

The day was still early. The first light of the sun trickled over the distant desert mesas. Only Bram, who had the last night watch, was awake. The rest of the scarb slept in our crude camp. Nathan snored a few feet to my left, Derrick slept by my feet as always, and Iva had her head in Bram’s lap. He gave me a silent nod.

“All’s well,” he said. “There’s been no sign of danger.”

I thanked him, grateful to hear it. We were trespassing on Senhora Maria’s territory, and she could attack us at any time. But I was even more worried about Fuchsia. She’d put a bounty on my head for killing her sister, and even though we
hadn’t seen any sign of scarb or human life since we left the human settlement, I knew it wouldn’t last forever.

What are we going to do? A swab isn’t worth much without a colony to protect her scarb
.
I looked out across the flat, barren land.
We’re so vulnerable out here, like ants in the shadow of a toddler’s shoe—ready to be squashed at any moment.

I got up and folded the piece of tarp I used as a sleeping mat. It didn’t offer much comfort, but it kept the sand off my skin and we had to use whatever scraps we found to our advantage. I tucked the tarp into a small draw-string bag. The others would be up soon, and they would want water and food. I headed over to the patch of prickly pear cactus we had found the night before to scrounge up some breakfast. I flexed my knuckles, extending the sharp blue barbs on each, and used them to cut the fruit off and set it into my bag.

Iva joined me first. Then Derrick. He didn’t say anything as he helped harvest the fruit, but he watched me from the corner of his eye. He wasn’t happy with me for sneaking off to the human settlement, and it didn’t seem like he’d ever let me out of sight now.
I was surprised at how unshaken his loyalty was. I’d made my feelings for Ray pretty clear, but Derrick hadn’t budged. Awkward tension filled the space between us, annoying and strangely comforting at the same time.

Iva set two pears into my bag. “Have you given any thought to an alliance?” she asked. I immediately scowled at the thought of joining another swab. “I know it’s probably not something you want to consider,” she said.

She was right.

“I didn’t trust other swabs,” I said.

“But another colony could offer us protection.”

“Iva,” I said, dropping another fruit into my pouch, “I want to give my scarb protection. I don’t want to wander in the desert like this, but I can’t make an alliance with another swab. No swab would join another queen without being offered
something in return.” I motioned back to our camp. “I don’t have an impressive army. I don’t have any resources to barter.”

She brushed her brilliant red hair behind her shoulder. “You have a priceless gift,” she said.

It wasn’t hard to guess what she was alluding to. I was one of the only female scarb capable of reproducing. Emerald had tried to use me to breed her an army. I wasn’t going to do that for any scarb, even if it meant protecting mine.

“With no other known bearers, the colonies will run themselves into extinction in several decades,” Iva continued. “The Origin beetles didn’t count on that when they came to change us, but you can solve that.”

“You want me to make a bunch of scarb babies for whoever takes us in?” I cut open a prickly pear with one of my knuckle barbs. Clear juice ran down my hand.

“It would be an alliance,” Iva emphasized. “Not forced servitude.”

Derrick tried to hide beneath his cowboy hat, but I could see he was making a face.
Guess he’s not too keen on the idea either.

“I can see how an alliance would help us in the short term,” I said. But then I thought of Ray.
He already thinks I’m a monster. What would I be if I used my body to give us security?
“But I can’t do that, so don’t ask me.”