Swan Song (Book Three of the Icarus Trilogy) (39 page)

Ryan,

You'll never be ready for this.  It's cruel and I know for a fact that you don't want it.  I know because I never wanted it and I see quite a bit of myself in you.  Neither of us wanted to be anything important, no matter what we said.  I was more than content to stand in the background; contributing but not in the spotlight.  It didn't matter to me if I was the center of attention or if I was the most important person in the room.  That was never my role; that was never my intention.

And just like me, this destiny has been thrust upon you.  I'll let you know off the bat that it's almost a thankless job.  Everyone might appreciate you, but only in the way that everyone can throw their responsibility onto your shoulders.  If you couldn't tell, that's the real reason I chose Atlas.  I never wanted these burdens, I never wanted this responsibility, but it was forced onto my shoulders all the same.  I was trapped by my ability to stand against even impossible odds.

Now my time is over, Ryan.  It's time for me to remove myself from the equation.  I don't expect to make it back here, and if you read this and I do, in fact, negotiate a cease-fire, know that every single word is true no matter what.  I can't stand this anymore, Ryan.  I've lost too many friends; too many people I considered family.

I've wanted to die for some time now.

That's what leading a revolution does to you.  It was selfish of me, but as soon as we thought about using you as a messiah figure the only thing I could think about was passing this mantle to you.  The only thing on my mind was creating a successor and preparing you to take over my leadership once you were ready.  I wanted it to end.

And now that we're finally at this point the only thing I can feel is guilt.

You never wanted this.  I could see it in your eyes every time I spoke with you; every time that we created a plan or worried over our tactics.  Ryan, you were never meant for this, just like I was never meant for this.  But what I respect about you, and what I have seen from myself, as vain as it is, is that you took this burden anyway.  God, Ryan, I don't know if I've ever felt as guilty as when I threw you into this trap.  But you still took it.  You hungered for your redemption.

I'm telling you right now that you don't have to.  I'm telling you right now that you have no obligation to this resistance or to the memory of your dead or dying friends.  There is plenty to respect from them and I can't see of any way of truly honoring their sacrifice, but you have done more than enough.  For a man who committed suicide, for a former thief, you have more than turned your life around.  You have become a hero; you have become the kind of man that people look up to.  You have become more than so many other people in your position.

You can stop now, Ryan.  You don't have to make my mistakes.  You could stop now and let other people take your burden.  You don't have to die in this revolution and no one will judge you.  Ryan Jenkins has done more than enough for this revolution and it will continue on without you.

But that's where the line is drawn.  You can continue anyway.  You can become the kind of hero that
YOU
are proud of.  You can
CHOOSE
to continue fighting and be the man you want to be.  If that's who you are, if that's the kind of man that you were meant to be or the kind of man you want to be...

Then you are a better man and a far better leader than I could have hoped for.  I'm willing to die for this revolution.

If you are willing to live, then you have always been the man to lead our people to freedom.

With Love, Understanding and complete and total admiration,

Thomas Xavier

Ryan Jenkins looked up from the page in his hand and didn't bother to hide the tears streaming down his face.  He didn't care if people thought he was weak; Ryan knew that this emotion was a strength.  This was his connection to the human race; there was no denying it at this turn of events.  The only option was to embrace it.

"He meant that message for me, but I can't help but think that everyone can take a lesson from his words.  So often we have considered our missions as suicidal; so often they were just sacrifices for the greater good.  But Thomas touched on something with this last letter.  We were meant to live.  Every single one of us was meant to find some sort of meaning, some sort of incentive to live through this revolution and experience the freedom that we were always supposed to have."

"Thomas said that I am now the leader of this revolution, but I refuse to take full responsibility for every soul in this room, for every soul in the Earth Freedom Initiative.  Atlas said that I could run away and live a life of piece, but this is not my intention."

"I have no right to lead this resistance and no right to consider you my men or my troops.  If anything, you fight
with
me, not
for
me.  Thus I will not accept volunteers or men fighting for my cause," Ryan said as he looked over his audience, seeing their confidence bolstered by his words.

"I seek equals.  I seek men who will fight and die
beside
me.  I will not hide behind these walls or the alleys by Babylon Tower.  I ask for people to fight with me, not to follow.  Fight for yourselves and your futures.  This is
our
resistance, not
my
resistance."

"When we attack Babylon Tower tomorrow, we will not do this as a leader and his followers.  We will be fighting as equals; we will be fighting for our rights and the rights of the people we love and respect.  We will be fighting for all of the people we have lost and all the people who no longer have a future.  We will not be fighting for glory, even if that is what we may earn."

"Tomorrow we fight for humanity.  And tomorrow humanity shall learn from our example."

________________________________________________________________________

Darius looked up from the desk of his teacher.  Atlas had left last words for Ryan, but not his student; not the man who had followed Thomas for years.  Nothing was left to Darius except the wishes of an old man; that Templeton should help out Ryan Jenkins in this last battle.  The student was no favored son, no hero of the songs.  Darius would only work in the background, just another unimportant character like his code name.

There was a part of him that wanted to throw his arms about and destroy this room and all its furniture.  His mentor had shown favor to another and had abandoned him.  Darius wanted to be furious and destroy the legacy of that teacher with the graying hair about his temples.

But Darius wanted to wallow in his misery for just a while longer.  He had lost his family to that public display of idiocy; he had lost the opportunity to prove Thomas wrong.  Templeton had been right all along and there was no one who Darius could menace with that fact.  The one still-living person that he wanted to hate so desperately was a man who agreed with him.  The one person he wanted to overcome and prove wrong was the messiah figure standing on the other side of that desk.

"What, Ryan?  What do you want from me?" Darius asked, his eyes falling to the oak desk of his teacher.  Atlas would never sit down at this desk again; he would never preach about heroism or tactics or any other nonsense.  His neck had broken on that stage and the act had removed all further lessons.

"Everything, Darius.  That's what it's always been," Ryan said in a soft voice, not wanting to disgrace the memory of the teacher who had carried a revolution.  "I want your all; I want every single drop of sweat and blood and tears.  I don't want you to fight against me; I don't want to deal with your glares or your misdirected hatred.  I want you to fly into a rage and avenge the people who never had the chance to call for it.  I want you to fight beside me and take down this corrupt system."

"Oh, is that all?" Templeton said as he brought up his gaze to look at Ryan.  The artificial eye made noise as it rotated in its mooring, but Darius disregarded it.  He was more concerned with the anger ebbing out from the young man across the desk.  "After all this time you're
letting
me off my leash?  You're
letting
me avenge these people which we have sworn up and down to avenge?  How many times have you given this goddamned speech, Ryan?  How many times do I have to hear you bolster morale and prove that you're so fucking self-righteous?"

"Does it fucking matter, Darius?  Does it matter how many times I have to say these words?  Maybe you didn't realize it, but we were trying to do this right.  Tom and Carver and I, Hell, even you, were trying to win this war by swaying popular opinion.  We were trying to create an atmosphere where the EFI could sit down as a legitimate force."

"Good fucking lot that did," Darius started as his eyes fell to the desk once more, but almost immediately the two clenched fists of Ryan Jenkins slammed down and brought Templeton out of his despondency.

"
That
was what Thomas wanted.  I wanted every one of those motherfuckers dead, Darius.  I wanted to impale Jasper Montgomery on a goddamned spear and parade him around the streets.  I wanted EVERY SINGLE ONE of the people responsible for Eris to die in pain. 
Slowly
," Jenkins shouted, but soon he stood to his full height and regained control of himself.

"But cooler heads prevailed.  What we were doing was the right thing.  To go after all those men in power right at the start would have just proven us the violent dogs that Montgomery and his cronies claimed we were.  Tom's goals were the right ones, and believe me, Darius, he didn't die in vain.  Every moment of that man's life went towards that goal and here's the kicker, Templeton," Jenkins said before shaking his head and placing his hands on the desk once more.

"It fucking worked.  Everyone knows that Jasper is a monster, now.  Everyone knows that Atlas was just trying to help.  Which is why it's going to be so fucking satisfying when we go after Jasper
now
," Jenkins said, almost smiling at the fantasy.  Templeton shook his head, but part of him wanted to smile with the messiah figure.

"They're going to kill us, Jenkins.  We don't have enough people to take out his security, definitely not the EOSF that will fly in once they hear we're attacking.  It's suicide to try anything against that tower," Darius said, falling into pessimism, but when he looked at Ryan's eyes he saw something amazing.  The resolve in those eyes was enough to make Templeton's breath catch in his throat.

"This is our moment, Darius.  It's chaos out there and it's time for us to come out of the shadows.  Everyone, and I do mean
everyone
, knows that Jasper killed Eric Jones in cold blood, with no trial.  No private citizen is allowed to get away with that.  It's time we bring that bastard down to our level; he's not the living god he thinks he is," Jenkins said as he straightened up.

"Will you fight with me, Darius?  Will you be there to represent Atlas?"

"What?" Templeton asked, the question confusing him.

"He told me something once, Darius.  He told me that out of everyone in the EFI, he had spent the most time trying to teach you.  He told me that you had so much potential, but that you just needed perspective.  You were just a little too self-absorbed, he said," Ryan said as he walked around the desk and stood above his comrade.

"You better watch your step, Ryan," Templeton said, but his voice wavered under the effort.  He desperately wanted to know what this man was about to say.

"I am.  I know you can lash out and kill me without too much effort, Templeton.  But here's the truth of it, Darius, and I'm not sure you've realized it.  Thomas never wanted me to lead this revolution alone; the leader of the revolution is just a symbol.  When Tom was gone, he always meant for you to take over his role, Darius.  He didn’t abandon you, he just knew you were ready," Jenkins said as he stood above the older revolutionary.

"I need you to be there when I go after Jasper, Darius.  It's the right thing.  And goddamn if you're not a better shot than me.  It'll be like back of Eris.  You, me, Carver and everyone else will storm that tower and kill ourselves a monster," Ryan said, pleading with the revolutionary sitting in the chair.  Templeton looked up at Jenkins and sighed, realizing that he owed it to Atlas.  The bastard had made it one of his last requests.  Darius stood up and looked at the messiah figure with resignation.

"This is the second time you're leading me into a shooting gallery, Ryan.  Do you hate me that much?" Templeton said before scoffing.  Ryan shook his head and placed his arm on Templeton's shoulder.

"No, Darius.  I know you'll be just fine.  I'm more worried about me."  Templeton had to laugh at that.