Sweet Christmas Kisses (29 page)

"So you'll stay?" he said.

"How could you doubt it?"

"I hoped I hadn't put you off. I was overthinking things, letting my past dictate my future."

"I forgive you." She tapped him on the end of his nose as he sometimes did to her, and he laughed.

"We make a good team caring for the children."

"We do."

"I don't expect you to do all the child care and household tasks, though. I know you want to continue nursing."

"Let me think about it. I love looking after the girls." At this moment, Kelly couldn't get her thoughts in order to make any decisions. Her heart danced, happiness bubbling inside her like a bottle of champagne ready to pop its cork. Then she remembered the au pair.

"What about Monique?" Kelly didn't want to put anyone out of a job, but the prospect of an au pair living with them 24/7 was not appealing.

"Monique thought she might have to stay in France to care for her grandmother. I'll give her a call tomorrow and tell her my plans. I'm sure she won't mind."

A sleepy murmur issued from the baby monitor on the nightstand, followed by soft chattering.

"Annabelle, I bet," Kelly said.

Sean nodded. "Looks like it's time to get up."

Much as Kelly loved being curled in bed with Sean, she was looking forward to seeing the girls. This would be a wonderful Christmas Day, her first Christmas playing mum to this family she hoped might one day really be hers.

Kelly put the turkey in the oven and started making the stuffing, humming along to the Christmas carols on the radio. Childish giggles and Sean's laughter kept pulling her gaze over her shoulder to where he played with his daughters on the thick rug in front of the fire.

He lay on his back as the two little girls jumped on him, squealing with excitement. Kelly wiped off her hands, grabbed her mobile phone, and snapped a few pictures of the family fun.

It still hadn't quite sunk in that Sean wanted her to stay on, to live with him. During the next week they could discuss the arrangements, but not today. Christmas Day was a time for carefree fun. The children had the right idea.

She and Sean had decided the girls should spread out opening their presents over the day so they didn't get overexcited. After breakfast they unwrapped a plastic play kitchen with an oven, sink, pans, and utensils. They didn't really know what to do with it yet, but they enjoyed chewing on the plastic vegetables and hitting Sean with the pans.

Sean left them playing in the large cardboard box the toy had come in, and joined Kelly in the kitchen. "What can I do to help?"

Kelly pointed at the potatoes. "Peel those if you like, but you don't have to. I want you to enjoy yourself with the girls."

He stepped behind her, circled his arms around her waist, and kissed her neck, making her go all tickly. "I want you to enjoy yourself too. So let me help with lunch, then we can both relax."

They prepared the vegetables and trimmings, sipping glasses of wine, and laughing together at the children's antics. For the first time in her adult life, she was part of a family. Memories of her childhood swirled back, of the happy times with her parents and sister. She rarely saw them now they lived in Australia. Her mum and dad had emigrated to be near their grandchildren after Kelly's sister, Joanne, married an Aussie.

Kelly had flown down to spend Christmas with them a few years ago when she had leave from the army. The experience had been uncomfortable, everyone handling her with kid gloves. Her family had changed how they behaved around her once they knew she couldn't have children, as if every mention of her nephew and nieces would upset her. That was partly why she preferred not to tell people about her issue.

Thinking of her parents made Kelly pause and pull the mobile phone from her jeans pocket. She scrolled through the numbers to find that of her sister's place where her Mum and Dad would be on Christmas Day. Australia was ten hours ahead of the UK, so if she intended to wish them Merry Christmas, she needed to do it now.

"Going to make a call?" Sean asked.

"Yeah. I'll just speak to Mum and Dad quickly."

She wandered along the hall to the back door and stepped outside as she dialed. Her sister, Joanne, answered.

"Hi, Jo. It's Kelly. Just called to say Merry Christmas."

"Back at you, girl. It's great to hear from you. Why didn't you fly out to see us? I thought you had leave this Christmas."

Guilt whispered through Kelly and she shoved it aside. "I'm helping a friend look after his children."

"Is he good-looking?"

"Actually, yes."

"Then I forgive you. Mum's just come inside. She wants a chat."

"Merry Christmas, Mum."

While Kelly talked to her mother, she kicked ice off the step outside the back door, imagining her mum, dad and sister basking in the Australian sun.

"Okay, well, I'd better go."

"Maybe we'll see you in the New Year," her mother said hopefully.

"Maybe." As Kelly cut the connection, she sighed. She was going to be far too busy to make a trip to the other side of the world.

As she wandered back to the living room ready to join the girls to unwrap another present, the doorbell rang.

"I'll give you one guess who that is," Sean said.

"Your brother?"

Sean nodded.

"Did he talk to you about joining the army?"

"He called while I was at the hospital on Christmas Eve. I don't know what he's decided, though." Sean lifted his eyebrows and went to answer the door.

Daniel sauntered in grinning, a bag of presents in his hand. He leaned over the kitchen island to kiss Kelly's cheek. "Merry Christmas. Where are my lovely little nieces?" He spotted them playing and crouched as they toddled towards him, both squealing with excitement. They obviously knew who he was and liked him.

"Zoe and Belles, my Christmas babies. Uncle Dan has presents for you. I know how much girls like presents."

"We're rationing presents," Sean said, following his brother back.

"Rationing presents. That's not the Christmas spirit. What a mean old daddy you have." He grinned at Sean as he put an arm around each baby and nuzzled their cheeks until they giggled.

"So, are you joining us for lunch?" Kelly asked.

"If you'll have me. I'm persona non grata at home. I told Dad I wanted to leave the practice yesterday evening." Daniel gave Sean an apologetic smile. "He blames you for turning the head of this gullible boy, by the way. He thinks you talked me into joining the army."

Sean shrugged and grabbed a wineglass from the cupboard. "He hasn't spoken to me for months anyway. I called to speak to Mum yesterday morning and he hung up on me. Want a glass of wine?"

"Why not. It started snowing as I arrived, so I won't be driving home. A tiny sprinkling of snow and my car skids around like a snowboard."

They all turned and stared out the wall of windows along the river frontage. Fat snowflakes tumbled out of the sky to cover the decking in a white fluffy coat.

Kelly picked Annabelle up and wandered to the window, pointing up at the sky. "Do you see the white stuff falling? That's snow. It's very cold but lots of fun to play with." Kelly unlatched the window in front of her and scraped a bunch of fresh snow into her hand.

Annabelle stuck her fingers in the white mush, squealed, and shoved a handful in her mouth. Zoe toddled over to join them and Kelly crouched to show the other twin. Zoe touched the snow warily before wiping her hand on her clothes.

****

After a sumptuous turkey dinner, the adults sat on the sofa with the babies climbing across their laps, and handed out presents.

Kelly unwrapped a pretty heart-shaped pendant from Sean. He fastened it around her neck and kissed her. "Sorry it's not very exciting. I didn't have long to choose."

"It's beautiful." She had only bought him a sweater, not knowing what else to get.

A little after four, the phone rang. Sean picked it up and wandered to the window, staring out at the deepening snow.

"A boy! Congratulations. I'll tell Kelly. See you soon."

Kelly rose, her heart thumping. "Alice has had her baby?"

"Yes, this morning. Cam said we can go and visit if we want."

"I'd love to."

"I'll babysit." Both girls were crawling over Daniel with chocolate around their mouths. He didn't seem to mind and obviously adored them.

"Right. That's settled then. You know where the clean diapers are if you need them." Sean slapped his brother on the back with a grin.

"Not going to happen, mate," Daniel answered. He winked at Kelly as she kissed both babies before hurrying to put on her coat.

The snow was a few inches thick, but not a problem for the SUV. By the time they arrived at the hospital, darkness had fallen.

Sean stopped in his private parking space close to the entrance and they went up to the maternity level.

"Merry Christmas, sir," a nurse said.

"Happy holidays, Colonel Fabian." A young doctor gave Sean a thumbs-up as he stepped out of the elevator.

Sean smiled politely and greeted his colleagues.

A nurse directed them to Alice's room. She sat propped up in bed against some pillows, a tiny bundle in her arms.

"Oh, Alice." Tears pricked Kelly's eyes as she rushed to the bedside and gazed down at the newborn's sweet little face. "He's lovely."

"He's definitely a Knight. Look at all the dark hair." Alice kissed the baby's fluffy topknot.

Cameron came in with a drink for Alice and put it on the side table. "What do you think of Harry Knight?"

"He's adorable, Cam. Congratulations. I'm so happy for you." She hugged her dear friend, poignant tears overflowing her eyes. She was delighted to see him and Alice together with their new baby.

"Would you like to hold him?" Alice said.

"Oh, yes please, if you don't mind."

"I know how much you love babies. I remember when I arrived at the field hospital with Sami. You were over the moon to take him off my hands while I had my operation."

Alice held out her baby. Kelly lifted the tiny boy from her arms, cradling him against her chest, her breath tight in her lungs. His little eyes opened and he stared at her. "Hello, you darling boy."

Sean stepped close and wrapped his arm around her waist, squeezing gently. "He looks like you, Cam," he said.

She imagined holding her own baby boy, one with blond hair and blue eyes like the man at her side. Longing as sharp and painful as shards of glass pierced her heart.

Sean had held his two girls as newborns and enjoyed this stage of fatherhood. He had his family. By staying with him, she wasn't depriving him of this. Her breath eased but the pain still stabbed her chest. Whatever she told herself, she would give anything to have her own baby.

"Thank you for letting me hold him. He's a little angel. You're very lucky." She passed tiny Harry Knight across to his proud father and they chatted for a few minutes, then she and Sean left the new parents in peace to enjoy their baby.

Sean gripped her hand as they crossed the marble and stainless steel hospital foyer and stepped out into the chilly air. Flakes of snow spiraled down from the dark sky, hitting her in the face as she angled her head up.

They crunched across the icy car park and Sean opened the SUV door for her to climb in. When he joined her, he turned up the heater to warm the vehicle.

"You're quiet again, Kell. Something upsets you about Alice's baby?"

"Gosh, no. I'm thrilled for them. I'm just a little tired, that's all." She wasn't looking forward to telling Sean that she couldn't have children. If they were in a relationship he deserved to know, but not yet. She didn't want to spoil Christmas Day for them both.

Sean turned the radio to a channel playing Christmas songs and drove off, humming along. "You know, I'd love to have a baby boy one day, a brother for Zoe and Annabelle," he said thoughtfully.

Kelly froze. She gripped the seat belt, digging her nails in the fabric as pain knotted her gut. She didn't want to deprive him of another baby if he really wanted one, but he did have two girls. Why couldn't that be enough?

She was so absorbed in her thoughts she didn't notice Sean staring at her. "You're worrying me, Kell. Tell me what's the matter so I can help."

The wipers swiped away snowflakes, beating rhythmically while Bing Crosby crooned "White Christmas."

There was no gentle way to say this, no easing into the subject. "I should have told you before. I can't have children."

"Are you sure? There're lots of treatments for infertility these days."

"There's no treatment for a hysterectomy. I had endometrial cancer when I was twenty-three."

"Aw hell, I'm sorry." Sean scraped a hand back through his hair. He stopped at a road junction on a quiet country lane, leaned over, and pulled her into his arms. "My poor love. Sorry if I sounded insensitive. I should have thought before I spoke."

Nausea clenched Kelly's stomach. Was he going to make a big thing out of this like her family had? Once people knew about her problem, they treated her differently. "It's okay. You didn't know. It was a long time ago. Let's just forget about it."

"Is there any risk of the cancer returning?"

Kelly wriggled out of his arms and sat back to get some space. "No. Can we leave the subject alone? It's not really something I want to discuss at Christmas. Today's supposed to be relaxing."

"Okay." His troubled gaze lingered on her face and she stared out the windshield, willing him to drive on.

"Look, my comment about wanting another baby was just a throwaway thought after seeing Cameron's son. I'm happy with my two girls, honestly."

The sick tension in her belly tightened. Was he only saying that because he now knew her medical history or did he really mean it?

He grasped her clenched fingers in her lap and stroked gently. "We'll say no more about it if you like."

"Thanks." Tension crawled up her back and gripped the muscles in her neck until her head ached. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you before."

"It's not an issue. Honestly." He rubbed a hand over his face. "Okay, well, I guess we'd better get home before my brother is forced to change a diaper." Sean drove on, the only sound the slashing windshield wipers.