Sweet Christmas Kisses (30 page)

Sean was losing Kelly and he didn't know what to do about it.

With a sinking sense of loss, he played with his babies on the sofa in the sitting room, helping them sort pictures of animals on the coffee table. Even though he chatted to them, most of his attention remained focused on Kelly as she prepared the children's lunch in the kitchen area.

Everything had gone wrong on the drive home from visiting Alice and the baby. After Kelly told him about her cancer and hysterectomy, she had transformed into a different woman.

She wouldn't discuss the subject and grew defensive and prickly when he mentioned it. He was worried about her, but she had shut him out. Every day she seemed to withdraw further into herself, tensing when he touched her. She'd even changed how she behaved with the children.

The happy, easy-going woman he knew had disappeared. He wouldn't have believed it possible if he hadn't seen it with his own eyes. The final straw came yesterday when she caught him researching endometrial cancer. She had been furious and retreated to her bedroom, slamming the door.

He walked on eggshells around her now, never knowing when he opened his mouth if she would take offense.

She obviously hadn't come to terms with the past. But if she wouldn't talk about it, what could he do? He only wanted to help her. He loved her.

"The girls' lunch is ready," she called.

He dragged himself out of his miserable thoughts. "Come on, you two. Time to fill those tummies."

Sean pasted on a smile and led his daughters by their hands through to the table. He lifted them into their high chairs one at a time before fastening the safety straps.

Kelly put a bowl of chicken and vegetables in front of each girl, then sat between them with a wet cloth, ready to wipe faces and hands.

"We'll eat shortly," she said. "Our sausage pie is still in the oven."

"Sounds great." Sean bent to kiss the top of her head. She tensed and didn't turn to put her arms around him as she used to. Her ramrod spine sent out a clear message—go away and leave me alone.

He gripped the back of his neck, at a loss to know how to mend things between them. "Are you all right, Kell?"

Her breath hissed in and she cast him a narrow-eyed glare. "Will you please stop asking me that or I'll go crazy. Yes. I'm all right. Okay?"

"Okay." Sean had to get out of there and think. He took the stairs two at a time, and shut himself in his bedroom. Wrenching open the glass door, he stepped out on the balcony and paced back and forth. He drew in long draughts of cold air to calm his raging emotions and clear his head.

He didn't have enough experience with women to know how to handle this, but his brother did. Daniel had a new girlfriend every few weeks. Sean stepped back inside, grabbed his mobile phone from the nightstand, and scrolled through his contacts.

"Yo, Sean. How are you, mate?" Daniel answered.

"I've been better."

"Kelly?"

"Yep."

Daniel had witnessed the meltdown in Sean's relationship with Kelly the day after Christmas and made a hasty exit. "Kell seems so easygoing. I thought your tiff would have blown over by now."

"It hasn't. She didn't even come to bed with me last night. She had a headache." It hurt that she'd rather sleep alone than be with him. If she felt bad, he was happy just to cuddle and look after her.

"Buy her a present, the more expensive the better. Jewelry usually does the trick for me."

Sean closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. He should have realized the women Daniel dated were as shallow as puddles and nothing like Kelly. "I don't think something sparkly is going to fix this."

He could almost hear Daniel's shrug. "I like Kell, but no woman's worth this much hassle. Plenty more fish in the sea."

"Yeah. Thanks." For nothing. Sean cut the connection and rested his hands on the balcony railing, staring at the meltwater rushing past in the river below.

An expensive bauble would not win Kelly over. He needed something to pierce that damn wall she'd thrown up around herself to keep him out, something to make her understand he loved her and cared for her.

Then an idea occurred to him. There was one piece of jewelry that was bound to get through to her. His heart pounded at the scary prospect of making a commitment he had vowed never to repeat. But it was the only way to show Kelly how much he loved her. It didn't matter if she couldn't have children. He wanted to be with her. He'd do whatever it took to make sure she felt loved and appreciated, just as she was.

****

Sean wandered back into the kitchen as Kelly was taking the sausage pie out of the oven. She glanced at him, trying to gauge his mood. The anxious air of concern in his eyes made her grit her teeth. Why couldn't he forget about her cancer and treat her like he had before? This was exactly what had happened when she told her family—they fussed and tried to wrap her in cotton wool.

"Lunch will be on the table in a moment," she said, aiming for a light, breezy tone.

"I'm not really hungry yet. I'll run out for a while and have something to eat when I come back."

Kelly's gaze jumped from the plates she had pulled from the warmer to Sean's face. "Where are you going?"

"Just into Oxford."

She waited for him to elaborate but he didn't. "Okay."

"See you later." He dropped a kiss on her cheek, said good-bye to the children, and headed out.

Kelly stared after him, her heart drumming. Why had he been so mysterious? Was he going out to get away from her? She'd noticed he'd spent less time with her since her revelation.

Maybe he'd had a rethink and decided he did want another baby. Perhaps she should do the decent thing and walk away like she had with Cameron, give Sean the opportunity to meet someone else who could have children.

Her relationship with Sean wasn't going to work out. She couldn't handle the way he fussed over her all the time. It was best if she went back to her original plan.

The charity job was still available. They were always short of qualified nurses with overseas experience. She would get tremendous satisfaction and fulfillment from working with the poor needy children in Somalia.

Kelly sat at the table alone and ate her sausage pie one slow mouthful at a time, the food tasting like sawdust. After struggling through half of it, she tossed the rest in the trash.

She carried the babies upstairs, then changed their diapers. Annabelle struggled and cried as Kelly laid her on the changing table. Even the children had become difficult over the last few days. They must be reacting to their father's strange mood.

A sigh wrenched from Kelly's chest as she finished with the fussy baby and changed Zoe. She'd felt as though she belonged here, yet after she told Sean her medical history, the happy family atmosphere had melted away with the snow. This was the last time she would ever tell anyone about her cancer and hysterectomy.

She fetched her laptop from her bedroom, sat cross-legged on the floor beside the babies, and fired off an e-mail to her contact at the charity. They were going to think she was schizophrenic; first she wanted to work overseas, then she didn't, now she did again.

The front door opened downstairs. Sean was back. Her heart leaped as excitement raced along her nerves, her instincts still not caught up with the change in their relationship. With a groan, she dropped her head in her hands. All she wanted to do was cry; instead she had to put on a brave face until she could leave.

"Kelly."

"In the nursery," she called back. "I'll be down in a moment." He probably wanted his lunch now.

Kelly shut her laptop, pushed herself up from the floor, and began the long task of helping the girls downstairs. They backed down on all fours so they didn't fall.

By the time they reached the kitchen, Sean had nearly finished the sausage pie she left on the counter for him. "Don't you want me to heat it up?"

"I popped it in the microwave."

"Oh. Right."

"This is tasty. A nice change from turkey leftovers."

"The turkey did seem to go on forever, didn't it?"

"Yep. We'll get a smaller one next year."

His words sent a jolt of hope through her. Was that just a turn of phrase, or did he really believe she would still be here next Christmas?

For the first time in a couple of days, she relaxed with Sean and smiled. He grinned back, the dimples she so loved appearing in his cheeks. She reached up and touched one, laughing when he grabbed her fingers and kissed them.

"Let's take the girls for a walk. It's nice outside, cold but clear and fresh."

"Okay, sounds good." They hadn't been out anywhere since the fateful trip to the hospital to see Alice and the baby.

Sean dashed upstairs, returning a few minutes later with the girls' all-in-one winter suits. He dressed Zoe while Kelly helped Annabelle suit up for the cold.

They carried the babies to the utility room and put them in their stroller before donning their own coats, scarves, and hats.

The crisp chill stung Kelly's cheeks as she stepped out of the warm house. The fresh air cleared her head and sharpened her thoughts. Birds swooped across the pale blue winter sky, and dead leaves fluttered on the ground as they set off along the riverside footpath.

"I needed to blow away the cobwebs," Sean said.

"Me too." Kelly walked on her own for a little while, then slipped her arm through Sean's as he pushed the stroller. He smiled at her, looking more like the man she had fallen in love with.

Then he had to spoil it. "Why did everything go wrong between us on Christmas Day?"

"Did it?"

"Come on, Kell. You know it did."

"Okay." She chewed her lip, not wanting to answer. Yet what did she have to lose? "One of the reasons I put off telling you about my hysterectomy was because I knew it would change how you treat me. I was right."

Sean's eyebrows rose. "I'm not the one who changed, you are. You've shut me out. I care about you, love. I want to be there for you, yet you won't talk to me."

Kelly pulled back her arm and halted. "I don't need any special treatment. Just treat me the same way you did before my confession."

"If you behaved how you used to, I could do that."

Kelly huffed with frustration. He was just like her family.

Sean parked the stroller beside a wooden bench and snapped on the brake. The babies were both asleep, huddled in their warm winter suits.

"Will you sit with me for a moment?"

Kelly plopped down on the bench, her shoulders aching with tension.

"I have a present for you."

"You've already given me something for Christmas."

"I know. This is an extra present. A special one."

He pulled a small box from his coat pocket wrapped in gold and tied with a gauzy silver ribbon.

Kelly's heart fluttered and leaped, her gaze rising from the gift to his face. He smiled, the warm affection in his blue eyes calming her fears like a soothing hand.

With a racing pulse, she took the gift and pulled away the paper to reveal a red velvet box. "More jewelry?" She cast a questioning glance his way.

"Open it and find out."

She raised the box lid to reveal a huge solitaire diamond ring. Her fluttering heart nearly burst from her chest. She pressed a hand over her ribs, struggling to draw breath.

"Is this a…"

"An engagement ring. Yes. It's the only way I could think of to prove I love you. You can shut me out and push me away all you like, but I'm not giving up on you. I don't want to lose you, Kell."

Tears pricked Kelly's eyes and stung her nose. She pressed her lips together tightly until the need to cry receded. Sean pulled off his glove and curved a warm palm around her cheek.

"Will you marry me, Kelly? Be my wife and mother to Zoe and Annabelle. We all love you and want you to stay with us."

Tears overflowed her lashes and ran down her cheeks. "I thought you didn't want me anymore."

He grunted with frustration and pulled her into his arms. "Of course I want you. I wish I'd never made that stupid comment about another baby. I want
you
, Kelly Grace. If down the line we decide we'd like another child, we can always adopt."

"You told me you wouldn't get married again." Kelly's words tumbled out in a blubbering muddle with her tears.

"I'm allowed to change my mind, aren't I?"

"Yes."

"Good." He stroked the hair away from her face where it was sticking to her wet cheeks. "You haven't answered me yet."

"Yes. I want to marry you."

"Wonderful." Sean dragged her onto his lap and rocked her, kissing away her tears. Kelly kissed him back, passion and desire flaring inside her. How she adored this kind, loving man who was willing to accept her with all her faults.

He knew her deepest, darkest secret, yet he still wanted her. Relief seared along her nerves and set her pulse racing as she curled against him. Framing his dear face between her hands, she smothered him in tiny kisses, making him laugh.

For so long she had dreamed of having her own children and he was giving her that dream. She would be the happiest wife and mother in the world with two adorable little daughters and the handsomest husband ever.

Kelly laughed with anticipation as she jumped out of the rental car outside her sister's house in Perth. She and Sean had left the cold temperatures of England to celebrate the New Year under the hot sun and blue skies of Australia.

"You go on ahead," Sean said to her. "I'll get the girls out."

"Yay, Kelly!" Joanne burst through her front door and dashed down the path to meet Kelly as she opened the gate. They hugged for a long time, the years melting away as if they had seen each other only yesterday. "It's been too long, you dirty stay-away."

"It was you who moved to the opposite end of the world."

"Darling, you're here." Kelly's mum and dad hurried out and grabbed her for hugs.

She held on to her mum for a long time, blinking back tears at the sight of all the gray in her mum's hair. The years had whizzed past. If it hadn't been for Sean, she might not have come to see her parents again.