How could he claim to be that man when he wasn’t sure what she wanted? “I don’t know what to say.”
“There’s nothing to say. You’ve done nothing wrong. We had a deal and you’ve kept to it.”
“Are you asking — ?”
“I’m not asking for anything.”
“It seems like you want me to say I don’t love Carrie anymore.”
“No. That’s not what I want. I just wish you could love me a little too.”
A little?
She wanted him to love her a
little
? That wasn’t possible. He already loved her so much more than a lot. But was it enough? Was it what she wanted? What was it Tiptoe had said?
“Sometimes all it takes is the right person saying the right thing. That’s not so hard, especially if it’s true anyway.”
That might be so, but didn’t it also have to be the right time? This wasn’t it. She would never believe him.
“But that’s not what you signed up for.” She closed her eyes. “If I were a better mother, if I could overcome my selfishness, I’d leave now before Emma gets any older. That would be best for her.”
“No!” Not going to happen. Absolutely not.
“This was a huge mistake. In time, you would have been ready to love again. Emma could have grown up in a home with a healthy marriage — where her daddy didn’t think of his love as dead and buried.”
Back to that. Well, he couldn’t address that. He was too shaky on the fine points. He needed to sort it out, not to mention wait until she wasn’t mad. Maybe buy a piece of jewelry and some flowers when he told her. Yes. That would be the thing to do. But there was a subject he could discuss with certainty and right now.
“No one else could love Emma the way you do. Leaving wouldn’t be in her best interest.”
Or mine.
“Wouldn’t it? Well, it doesn’t matter. I can’t leave her. And there are other complications. I don’t know what I’m going to do.”
Relief shot through him. She wasn’t going to leave. It didn’t even matter that it was Emma, not him, she couldn’t leave. It was the same thing and it would buy him time. Everything would be fine. No matter what these other complications were — and that was not a can of worms he was going to open, not today — he was grateful for them. By tomorrow, he would have thought of a way to set all this right and they could go back to normal.
“But I do know this,” Lanie said, “until I work this out, I’m moving back across the hall.”
Cold washed over him. “What do you mean?” he asked slowly.
“Don’t worry. I’ll still take care of Emma like I’ve been doing. But I’m not going to sleep with you anymore.”
Full-throttle panic shot through him. “No. Absolutely not. Not going to happen. I can’t let you leave my bed. I can’t stand it.”
“Well, I guess we’re both running into some things we can’t stand today. We’ll see how that works out for everybody.” She lifted her chin in a way that let him know in no uncertain terms that she had gone from mad to furious. Better not to push it. But he had to work fast.
He reached out and fingered the sapphire necklace that she’d worn constantly since Mother’s Day. “Do you want some earrings to match this? Or maybe another necklace? A diamond or an emerald?”
She said nothing but shook her head and gave him a bewildered look that clearly said
What the hell are you talking about?
Her cell phone rang and she reached for it. “Are you? All right. Yes. I’m coming right now.” She turned to him. “That was Missy. She and Lucy were having their hair done but they’re finished. I’m going to meet them. Tolly’s already there.”
She didn’t give him time to answer but picked up the frog boots and raincoat again and headed into the living room. She knelt down to dress Emma for the flood. “There’s some homemade pimento cheese in the refrigerator,” she said. “And I got some of that good bread with the seeds that you like. Here, Emma. Lift your foot. No. Other foot.” She paused to look up at him. “If you don’t want that, there’s some grilled chicken from last night.”
How could she stand there and talk about pimento cheese and chicken when she planned to leave him alone in his bed at the mercy of the spiked boot?
“There! All ready.” Lanie pulled Emma’s hood up and reached for her umbrella and Emma’s backpack. “Kiss daddy goodbye.”
“I’ll help you down with everything.” He took Emma’s hand and reached for the backpack.
When Luke opened the back door, it had stopped raining.
“Maybe you don’t have to go now,” he said hopefully.
“No.” Lanie looked at the sky and pointed. “This isn’t much of a reprieve. It’s going to rain all night.” True enough. Black clouds rolled across the sky, making it look like a lava lamp in motion.
After buckling Emma in her car seat, Luke rounded the vehicle and just as Lanie was about to close the door he put his foot on the running board. She looked at his foot and bit her lip, impatient to leave. Distant thunder boomed and his stomach clinched. He wanted to stop Lanie from heading out into the storm, like he should have stopped Carrie, but that wasn’t rational. Besides, he knew there was no chance that she would let him drive them. She clearly didn’t want his company right now.
“Are you coming back?” he asked. “To dress for the ball?” At this point, he wasn’t sure if he was going to be allowed to go.
“Yes. I’m getting my hair done at four. I’ll be home after that.”
“Okay. See you then.” He bent and barely brushed his lips against hers. No arms around his neck, no cheek pressed against his, certainly no sparkly kiss — none of the things he’d taken for granted yesterday.
She didn’t wave as she drove away. Though he hadn’t been conscious of it before now, she’d always waved when they parted, even if she was just leaving the room. He missed that wave. He let his eyes drift to the sky. How far could he run before the bottom dropped out again? Probably not far enough.
Luke had run through downtown, around the historical residential district, and was about to circle back when a city police car pulled up beside him. Christ Almighty, what now? It was Police Chief Rayford Stumps, probably wanting to pass the time of day, which Luke was in no mood for. It wouldn’t be anything official. If Rayford needed a warrant, he’d contact a city judge.
“Judge Avery,” Rayford said through his open window.
“Rayford.” Luke bent over and rested his hands on his knees, winded. There was a time when he’d been able to run a 5K like it was a walk across the room but he wasn’t so sure about the Memorial Day race. There was no chance he’d win and now he was worried about even finishing. He hadn’t cared much before, but now the thought of failing in front of Lanie was inconceivable — provided she was even there to witness it. Rayford Stumps was talking but he couldn’t quite key into it.
“Uh huh,” he said.
Was Lanie really going to leave his bed? Maybe he could turn it around tonight at the ball. Hadn’t Lanie said Emma was to spend the night at the Braggs’? Yes. Something about no point in moving her. They’d pick her up the next morning. Perfect. He would go Reed’s Jewelry and buy Lanie something. Yes. Pearls to get married in. He’d give them to her right before they left for the dance. He would apologize again. They’d dance and have a few drinks. He could make her laugh. And before the night was over —
“Judge!” Rayford raised his voice. “Are you listening to me?”
“Sorry. Sorry, Rayford. What were you saying?”
“About the automobile accident.”
Oh, no. Not now. Everyone on the planet, at one time or the other, wanted to talk about Carrie and Jake’s wreck.
Not now, Rayford. Preferably never, but not now!
“I don’t know how bad yet,” Rayford was saying.
Then it hit him — not Carrie. Lanie, but just like Carrie. All the air left his body and his ears began to ring.
“Where is she? Is she — ?”
“She’s hurt,” Rayford said quickly.
Hurt.
Hurt
didn’t have to be a devastating word. The sky opened up but he stood silently, letting the rain soak him.
“Get in,” Rayford said. “I’ll take you to the hospital.”
It was easy to get in the car, easy to do what Rayford directed. The other time there had been no one to tell him what to do. He’d had to make all the decisions, bad decisions that led to failing everyone.
“Where?” Luke asked. It was the only word he could manage.
“Out on County Club Road at the curve, about forty-five minutes ago. We’ve been looking for you. No other vehicle involved. Looks like she hydroplaned and hit a tree.”
Just like Carrie.
Except Lanie wasn’t dead, not yet. And Jake wasn’t with her. Oh, God! County Club Road. She could have been on her way to Missy’s or back.
“Was Emma with her?”
Rayford jerked his head around. “Your little girl? No one said so. Should she have been?”
“Lanie was taking her to the Braggs’ house and then going to the country club.”
“The Braggs’?” Luke could practically see Rayford drawing a map in his mind. “It could be either way.”
“Tell me — ”
“Judge.” Rayford held up a hand. “I don’t know anything else. If I did, bad or good, I’d tell you. There’s no easier way in these situations.” Rayford stopped at a red light.
“Turn on the siren,” Luke said.
There was no more talk until Rayford screeched in front of the ER entrance. “I’ll find out about your little girl.”
The sterile hospital air felt like isopropyl alcohol that had been in the freezer. There was a line at the counter. He barreled to the front.
“Hey!” said the man behind him.
“You’ll have to wait your turn, sir,” the clerk said.
“Where is my fiancée? Lanie Heaven.” He had to see that she was okay, had to find out about Emma.
“Sit down,” she said. “Someone will be with you soon.”
He recognized time wasting when he saw it. He also recognized a pair of double doors with a sign that said,
No Admittance Without Authorization.
As he bolted toward them, a voice called out, “Sir, you cannot — ”
In fact, he could. The door opened right up when he pushed it.
A woman wearing green scrubs was hot on his heels. “Sir, stop or I’ll call security.”
“Good luck with that,” he barked as he started pushing aside curtains. “That will be an off duty policeman and I’m a circuit judge.”
Empty cubicle. He reached for another curtain.
“Stop it!” she said. “Stop it, right now!”
Kid getting stitches. He moved on to the next cubical but this time the doctor placed herself in his path.
“Are you Judge Lucas Avery?”
Finally. “Yes. Where’s my fiancée?”
“I’m Doctor Gamble. Follow me.” She led him to a cubicle and pulled the curtain. He steeled himself for the worst but he didn’t expect an empty room.
“Where is she?”
“She’s been getting a CT scan. They’re about to bring her back down. I just got the call.”
“Is she alive?” He had to ask.
Her face softened a little. “Yes, though she has a subdural hematoma.”
“Speak English.”
“In simple terms, there is bleeding between the brain tissue and the layer of tissue next to the skull. In most cases, the blood will absorb back into the brain without complications. Though I won’t lie to you — brain injury is tricky. The good news is she was conscious when she was brought in. Not lucid, but that’s common. Her vitals were good. Her hemoglobin level was excellent, which means there’s no indication of internal injury. Her leg is broken. When she gets back down here, we’ll reduce the fracture.” Dr. Gamble pursed her lips. Now the worse news was coming. Luke could smell it. “We don’t know about the baby yet.”
Oh, God, no. Not Emma. For a second he’d forgotten. How could he have forgotten? He had to get to her.
“Where is she?”
“I told you she’s on her way back down.” Dr. Gamble looked confused. Just what they needed — a confused doctor.
“Judge.” Rayford Stumps stuck his head in the cubicle. “I talked to Harris Bragg. Emma’s there, safe and sound. Harris said to say he’ll be here as soon as the sitter comes.”
Relief shot through him. The doctor was wrong.
Yet she kept talking. “After we take care of her leg, we’ll do a sonogram and see what’s going on.”
Sonogram. Baby. Lanie was pregnant?
The doctor looked at her clipboard. “Judging from her HGC hormone level, I put her at about six weeks. Is that right?”
He nodded, though he had no idea. Maybe Lanie didn’t know herself.
“Is she on any medication, apart from the prenatal vitamins we found in her purse?”
Prenatal vitamins. She knew. That’s why she had been pushing for a wedding date. How like her to think an out-of-wedlock pregnancy would be a scandal. She was probably afraid it would affect his chances of being elected, afraid that it would reflect on his father’s good name. And she had known when she’d heard what he said to the fortuneteller.
He wanted to bang his head against the wall, give
himself
a subdural hematoma.
“Is she?” the doctor said impatiently. “On any other medication?”
“Not that I know of.”
“Does she have any health issues or preexisting conditions?”
“Not that I know of.” What kind of man was he, not to know those things about the mother of child? No. The mother of his
children
— Emma, this baby, and the babies to come.
“Has she been under any stress?”
Well, Doctor, one might say so. She got engaged to an asshole, got pregnant, and felt that he was
such
an asshole that she couldn’t tell him.
“There have been a lot of changes in her life lately.” The doctor frowned. She didn’t like that.
If he had to pick between the baby he would love and the woman he was in love with, there was no question.
In love.
There were the words that he had not been able to find earlier, but they had been true then and they were true now.
“Listen,” he said. “You do your best for Lanie. Don’t consider anything else. The — that is, everything else is secondary.”
“We only have one patient, Judge Avery.” She looked over his shoulder. “And here she is.”
Her forehead was bandaged and she lay perfectly still. He stepped aside so they could wheel the bed into place. There were bleeping, flashing things hooked up to her. That was good. By the time he’d gotten to Jake, there’d been no monitors. Carrie had never been taken to the hospital.