The silence was painful. He had hurt her, but that had been inevitable. Hell of it was, it was only going to get worse. Dammit, he had known what was coming down.
“Call me,” she said quietly, and then the line went dead.
Seth leaned back against the seat once more. He could feel Greg’s eyes on him, but refused to engage in any kind of discussion. If Greg did know what was going on here, talking about it in the vicinity of anyone else would be stupid.
“You had so much going for you, Cavanaugh. What happened?”
Seth still didn’t look at him. Maybe Greg didn’t know. He hoped he didn’t. The man was a nice guy, a good cop. Knowing the truth could get him killed.
Three days later …
Seth stared out the grimy warehouse window—a perfect match for the filth he felt to his soul. Would this ever end? And how could he even ask himself that, when it had barely begun?
He’d been released a few hours ago. They’d let him sit for three days before setting bail. The fact that Hector Clemmons had posted the bail had been no surprise to anyone. That had been the plan all along.
In those three days, Seth had refused to see his family or Honor. What was the point … they were already hurt. It couldn’t get any worse, could it? Two days after his arrest, when Honor had shown up at his jail cell, demanding to see him, he’d learned it could get worse. Yeah, a hell of a lot worse.
He turned to the man sitting on an empty crate a few feet away. “I told you to keep her out of it.”
“I tried to, man … she was one determined woman.” Bill shook his head and added, “You knew the risks going in. Bad time to start a relationship.”
Jaw clenched in fury, Seth turned back to the window. Bill Keaton was right. He had no one to blame but himself. The minute he’d seen Honor, he’d wanted her. And damn it all, despite every instinct telling him to run the other way, he had pursued her. A relationship that had no future. Honor Stone represented everything good and decent in this world. And because of what he had agreed to do, Seth represented everything vile and corrupt.
“You could always tell her the truth.”
Bill’s words were said in a normal tone, but to Seth they sounded like the devil’s own temptation. As enticing as the words spoken to Eve to lure her with forbidden fruit.
“Exposing Honor to this shit would put her in even more danger than she’s already in.”
“She’s an FBI agent, Seth. It’s not like she doesn’t know danger or how to handle herself.”
That was true; Honor was a trained professional. But the moment he’d met her, he’d had the overwhelming need to protect her. She might have dealt with hardened criminals, but there was a light inside Honor—pure and untarnished. To protect his family, he hadn’t told them the truth. Could he do anything less for the woman he loved?
Even if she knew the truth, what future could he offer her? He could just see her face as he said, “Listen, honey, I’m up to my neck trying to bring Hector Clemmons down. I’m probably at least a couple of years away from doing that, and in the meantime, I have to act like this slick, phony sleaze. People are going to assume I’m a criminal. If you continue to see me, it will damage your career and probably endanger your life, so we need to call it quits for a while. And, oh yeah, I probably won’t live through it. But in case I do, I’d appreciate it if you’d wait for me.”
Sure, that’d go over real well.
“I understand Joel came to see you today.” Bill’s disapproving tone broke into Seth’s thoughts.
“He’s the oldest brother. With my dad gone, Joel sees it as his responsibility to watch out for the family. Thinks if he threatens me enough or piles on more guilt, I’ll stop torturing everyone and come back into the fold.”
“You need to find a way to keep your family away from you.”
Seth whirled around and glared. “Don’t you think I fucking know that?”
Bill barely raised a brow at Seth’s anger. “Do you?”
“What the hell’s that supposed to mean?”
“You’re knee-deep with Hector now. After this murder charge, you’ll be shoulder-deep. Won’t be long till you’re in his sacred circle. Once you’re there, anyone who’s attached to you is tainted by association.”
“What the hell do you want me to do? I’ve told my entire family I’m living my life on my terms and if they don’t like it, they can fuck off.” Seth turned back around before Bill could see the pain on his face as he remembered the stricken look in his mother’s eyes. For as long as he lived, he would never forget her expression. No matter how this turned out, he could never forgive himself for hurting her like that.
“You knew what the consequences would be.”
Bill’s continual reminder did no good. Yeah, they’d told him right off the bat. You agree to this assignment, your life won’t be your own. You’ll probably lose your family, most of your friends, at least for a while. They’d asked him over and over if he really wanted to take on something that would be so life altering.
But this had been an opportunity unlike any other. A chance to go deep cover and take down one of the most elusive drug lords in North America. The department had never done it before—not this deep, this intricate, or even this quickly. Setting up something so elaborate and multilayered usually took a tremendous amount of effort and resources. But in a relatively short period of time, Seth had gone from respected cop to dirty ex-cop, then a restaurant owner with questionable ties to the underworld. And now murder suspect. Whoever said time flies whether you’re having fun or not was right on the money.
The cover had needed to be rock solid and his superiors had believed the restaurant guise would be the most difficult part of the ruse to develop. For Seth, that’d been the only bright spot in this entire operation.
He rubbed the back of his neck where the tension of the last few days had gathered, trying to lock his muscles in place. “How much longer before the charges are dropped?”
“Next day or two should do it. The doubts and suspicions have been cast. Clemmons will be contacting you soon for a solution to your problem … strings attached, of course.
“Your not-so-good name has been tarnished even more, greatly diminishing the damage done when he learned you were seeing an FBI agent. With him playing the rescuer, he’ll think he’s got you by the balls. Once the charges are dropped, you’ll be in his debt, right where he wants you.”
“You’d think after working with the man for months, I’d have some street cred with him.”
Bill shrugged in that nonchalant way that lately had made Seth want to knock the man’s teeth down his throat. “We knew going in he’d be a tough sale. With you being a former cop, it made him more wary. Having you leave the force under suspicion of misconduct helped, but he’s been around too long to take chances.”
And that had been yet another rip in his family’s heart. They’d had such high hopes for the youngest Cavanaugh. With a master’s degree in criminal justice and a driving ambition to make an impact on the world, he should have had so many choices, so many opportunities. Instead, in lieu of disciplinary action because of several accusations of questionable conduct, he’d resigned. Though all of it was planned and part of his undercover act, both Seth and his family had been publicly humiliated.
Tensions had eased when he’d opened the restaurant. His success had come as no big surprise to the family, since he and all his brothers and sisters had learned to cook very early and had often had cooking competitions at home.
Ruth’s Place, named after Seth’s mother, had become an overnight success. The Cavanaugh clan had fully supported his new venture. That is, until he’d been linked with Hector Clemmons.
Like most families, they’d made excuses for him, not daring to believe that he’d be associated with a man of Clemmons’s reputation. “Murky” and “slimy” were two of the kindest descriptions his family had been able to come up with.
The Houston Police Department knew Clemmons was more than that … they just needed proof. It was up to Seth to provide that proof. They’d been looking to put him away for years, and no one had even come close. With time and patience, Seth intended to change that.
“Hey, kid, if you’re bored with this undercover stuff and just want to sigh about your girlfriend, let me know. I’ve got some things to do.”
Bill’s sarcastic, smoke-graveled voice shook Seth out of his melancholy. As much as he’d like to shove his fist down the asshole’s throat, he’d said the right thing. He’d agreed to this job, and a Cavanaugh always kept his word.
Bill’s lack of empathy wasn’t surprising. The man had no family. No one to hurt if his life went to shit in a heartbeat. Seth had grown up in a large family where everyone knew everything and thought they had a right to share their opinion. Sandra, the oldest, had had her say first, via the longest voice mail in cellphone history. Then his brother Joel had cornered him at the restaurant a couple of hours ago. Wouldn’t be long before he heard from the others. His mother would wait. His brothers and sisters were the tenderizers. His mother would be the fire. She would sear him with one look and he’d feel lower than a slug. And he wouldn’t be able to give her anything other than what he’d already told her: my life, not yours.
Turning his back to the window, he asked, “How’s this scenario going to play?”
“Pretty much what we talked about. Hector’s already got some mad love for you. Not only do you look like you could be one of his sons, hooking him up with that little shipment from Venezuela showed him you have the kinds of connections he likes.”
“And now he’s impressed that I killed one of his former employees,” Seth added.
“Yeah, but even though he thinks he’s buying your freedom, keep denying it to his face. We want him to think that you might actually have done the deed but can maintain a semblance of your reputation. Hector’s got more than enough dirty people surrounding him. He needs you to stay semirespectable.”
Seth nodded. Semirespectable would mean something else to his family. His mother had been through so much this year. His dad had died from a massive heart attack less than nine months ago. Having one of her sons under suspicion for murder was going to cause her more pain. And yet, even knowing what he knew now, if he was offered the same job today, he’d take it. Hector Clemmons had gotten away with garbage for years. This was as close as the authorities had been to his inside circle. There was no choice but to go forward.
If he pulled this job off successfully, Seth knew he would be saving lives. Question was, would he have a life to go back to when it was over?
two
The instant the doorbell rang, Honor intuitively knew it was Seth. Not that she’d heard when and if he’d made bail. She was just the woman he was sleeping with … why would she know something like that?
Throwing off her anger but determined to get to the truth, Honor opened her apartment door. Wordlessly, she stared at the man she’d fallen in love with almost from the moment she met him. She hadn’t seen him since the debacle in the jailhouse. Being told to get the hell out hadn’t exactly been the response she had expected. She’d been torn between jabbing her fist between the bars to punch him in the nose and pulling him to her so she could kiss that sexy, unsmiling mouth. She’d done neither. Instead, she’d nodded grimly and done exactly what he’d told her to do: she’d walked out the door. Bastard wanted to act like a bastard, that was his loss.
Now here he stood, and she once again had the same inclination. Instead of acting on her instincts, she stepped back so he could enter. Having a shouting match in the hallway wasn’t a good idea. And she anticipated that there would be shouting.
She had known all along that Seth had a dangerous edge. For a girl who never walked on the wild side, he had been a temptation. One she’d never even tried to resist. Despite the fact that it wasn’t smart, even now a thrill of anticipation zipped up her spine as she watched him stride into her apartment. Seth was already beyond sexy. Add dangerous to the mix and he was a walking sexual fantasy.
He also looked tired. His thick hair, black as midnight, looked as though he’d run his fingers through it numerous times today. A lock fell across his forehead, and Honor fisted her hand to keep from brushing it from his brow. If she touched him, she knew where it would lead. Though they often fell into bed the moment they saw each other, tonight they had to talk.
Closing the door behind him, she instead gave him a tight smile. “So I guess you’re ready to talk now?”
“No ‘Honey, how was your day?’ No kiss hello? No questions on how the food in jail compares to my restaurant?”
Eyes so dark she could see her reflection in them stared at her hard … their usual warmth completely gone. Where was the witty, charming man she’d fallen in love with?
“Is that what you want me to do? Pretend there’s nothing wrong?”
He gave a short, dry laugh. “I guess I’d like to see a little faith in your eyes.”
“Faith? You want to talk about faith? You’re a murder suspect. I’m an FBI agent. Despite all that, I came to see you in jail, where I got the cold shoulder and a ‘get the hell out of here’ snarl. So don’t you dare give me a lecture about faith.”
Shooting her another hard look, he passed her and headed to the kitchen.
Her anger now taking full control, she followed him. “Are you going to say anything?”
Still not answering, he pulled a bottle of beer from the refrigerator, opened it, and guzzled half of it with one swallow. That one act froze everything inside her. Seth didn’t drink. Hated the taste of alcohol. Said he despised what the abuse of it did to people. Seeing him do something so out of character scared the hell out of her.
Her voice much softer than before, she said, “Talk to me, Seth. Please.”
A kitchen chair scraped across the floor as he pulled it out for her. That was so Seth. A man of impeccable manners. Feeling just the slightest bit of ease, she sat down. He sprawled into a chair across from her and gave her an odd, twisted smile.
Hoping they could start over, with a little less drama, she said, “How was your day, dear?”
The smile dropped from his face. “I’m sorry, Honor. I don’t want you involved in this. The man was a past business associate of Hector Clemmons’s. I went to talk with him as a favor to Clemmons. He was found dead about half an hour later.” He paused for a beat and added, “I didn’t kill him.”
“I never, for a second, thought that you did.”
“You get heat at work?”
She shrugged. “Just a few questions. Nothing I can’t handle.”
He took her hand and kissed it softly. “I’m sorry.”
“I know we’ve talked about this … but tell me again. Why do you have to do business with Clemmons?”
“Because I do, sweetheart. He’s one of my major suppliers. Some of his other business dealings may be questionable, but—”
“But nothing, Seth. The man is dirty. I’ve been doing some research on his businesses and I—”
“Stay out of it, Honor.”
“I’m just trying to—”
With a suddenness that startled her, he stood, pulled her into his arms, and slammed his mouth against hers. She gasped, and he used that opportunity to thrust his tongue deep.
As anger blurred into passion, she recognized the diversion. Never had she been a pushover. An inner voice told her to back away and demand an answer before this went any further. Under the haze of hot need, the voice was squelched.
Biting at his lips, tugging at his hair, Honor gave in to the heat; Seth’s husky laugh fired her blood even hotter. She needed this, wanted this. When it was over, they could talk. But now … for now … this was exactly what she wanted. Wrapping her arms around his neck, she let her body sink into his.
Seth’s hands cupped Honor’s butt, pressing her softness to his hardening body. Fitting his erection into the soft, giving V of her mound, he ground against her. She moaned against his mouth and rubbed against him, telling him she was right there with him.
The part of his brain that was still working, where his conscience pounded like a hammer, told him that what he was doing was wrong. Never had he coerced a woman with sex, and Honor wasn’t just any woman. She’d stolen his heart from the moment she’d smiled at him across a crowded room. Having her ask more questions that he couldn’t answer wasn’t an option either. And he couldn’t just let her go. Not yet.
His arms tight around her, he headed to her bedroom. A quickie against the wall or on the kitchen table wasn’t going to do it this time. Now was a time to savor, to experience the ecstasy that only Honor’s body could give. That required no clothes; a soft, comfortable place; and plenty of room to roll around.
Laying her on the bed, Seth pulled away to look down at her. So incredibly feminine, so beautifully strong, so damned sexy.
Her slender body moving sensually, she smiled up at him. “What are you waiting for?”
That growling tone in her voice when she was aroused got him every time. Seth took the opportunity to appreciate this particular moment. Soon it would be all over, but for right now, he wanted to take his time. Pulling completely away from her, he stripped quickly.
The husky laugh she gave hardened him even more. Hell of a thing—that just her laugh could almost bring him off. He pulled her shoes from her slender feet and kissed the bottom of each foot. Grateful that she was wearing a skirt, he slid his hands up silken legs, spreading them as he went. When the skirt was bunched at her waist, Seth looked down and breathed out a shaky sigh.
Honor’s underwear
. The woman dressed as conservatively as any serious federal agent could, but underneath those conventional clothes lurked the sexiest and most provocative lingerie he’d ever seen.
Leaning down, Seth put his mouth at the center of her crotch. She gasped and arched upward. She was already wet … her musky scent almost causing him to stop the play and take her hard and fast. Almost. No way was he going to detour from this journey. Especially when the destination was so very worthwhile.
He nuzzled her center with his nose and mouth and felt the ripple of that sweet flesh. She was already on the verge of coming, but that wasn’t going to happen for a few minutes. Increasing the anticipation for them both, he stepped back.
“What?” Cat eyes blinked up at him. “Why’d you stop?”
“Too quick, too easy.”
“And that’s a problem, why?”
“Getting there’s half the fun.”
Her hands went to her panties. “Let me help you get there faster.” She pulled the minuscule thong down toward her knees.
Seth put his hands on her, stopping her. “Not yet.” Pulling her arms over her head, he held her wrists with one hand. She opened her mouth, probably to protest, but Seth didn’t give her a chance. Covering her mouth with his, he plunged deep. Honor opened her mouth wider and took him, her tongue sliding, licking, and dueling with his. Groans and gasps filled the air—a husky blend of two excited lovers, exploring, seeking ecstasy together.
Seth pulled away to whisper, “We’re going to do this slow and easy, baby. Yes?”
“Yes,” she sighed with a soft breath.
Back on his feet again, he tugged at her underwear and skirt, pulling them slowly down her long, slender legs. Dropping them on the floor, he took a moment to gaze down at perfection. Creamy, dewy, freckled perfection. Strawberry blond hair covered her mound and the soft, delicious secrets he was throbbing to get to. But not yet.
Wrapping his hands around her ankles, he pushed her legs up and then open, getting a better view of the beauty that awaited him.
Her body arched toward him. “Kiss me,” she breathed softly.
“With pleasure.” His thumbs spread the folds of her sex … he licked at the delicate, wet flesh and then thrust his tongue deep, spearing. With her half scream, half sob urging him on, Seth withdrew and then sank even deeper, eating at her, nibbling, devouring.
Her hands were in his hair, pulling and then pushing him harder as she bucked up into his hungry mouth … the cries of her need making him crazy hot.
Lifting his head, he watched her face. Yes, she was close. Her eyes gleamed, sparkling with heat, aroused and needy.
“You ready, sweetheart?”
She nodded and spread her legs wider for him. Seth dipped his head again. Covering her clit, he sucked hard, and then thrust and retreated, over and over. Honor screamed and then she came, throbbing, wet and sweet, against his mouth. Gentling the suckling as she began to recover, his tongue lapped softly, loving her taste, her responsiveness.
Honor returned to reality, enjoying the hot, wet licks of Seth’s tongue on her most sensitive flesh. Seth as a lover was unlike any man she’d been with before. Not that there’d been that many, but even if she’d had a hundred, it wouldn’t have mattered. Good sex was one thing. Fabulous, wonderful, mind-blowing sex with the gorgeous, sexy man you loved? No comparison.
Seth lifted away from her again, and she took a moment to appreciate the beauty of the naked man before her. Six foot four of pure male power. Broad chest with just the right amount of furring, powerful biceps that could pick her up with ease. Her eyes dropped lower, past the hard, taut stomach to the long, thick appendage that was so aroused, she could see him throb. Her mouth watered.
She rose up, needing to taste him. She took one lick and then strong hands landed on her shoulders, stopping her. Tilting her head, she looked up at him curiously. “What’s wrong?”
“Not yet. I won’t last five seconds in that hot mouth. You’ve got way too many places I need to explore.”
She smiled, happy with his response. “Who am I to argue with such logic?”
Taking advantage of her sitting position, Seth pulled her shirt over her head, leaving her in a lacy black bra. She watched his eyes grow hotter as they roamed, visually caressing her. Her nipples peaked harder at the hot intent of his gaze—she knew what was coming.
“Take it off.”
The words, said in that sexy, growling voice of his, made her burn brighter. Her eyes never leaving his, Honor shivered with anticipation as she unclasped the front closure and pulled the bra off.
“Lift them up for me.”
Cupping her breasts, she lifted them to Seth and gasped as he took one entire breast into his mouth and suckled hard. Seconds later, he released her to give the other breast the same treatment.
She was small-breasted, but with Seth, that had never mattered. He loved her breasts, had told her more than once that they were perfection to him. With a boyish figure and a body covered with freckles, Honor had never considered anything about her body perfect. In Seth’s arms, she felt perfect.
“Can’t wait any longer,” he muttered.
“Good.” Lying back on the bed, she watched him hover over her. Her legs opened wider to welcome him home. Seth barely paused before his body covered hers and, with one hard, powerful stroke, plunged deep, filling her to the hilt.
Honor gave a strangled gasp and wrapped her legs around his waist, meeting each hard shove of his penis with an answering rhythm of her own. She let him set the pace, watching his face tighten as he fought to hold off his climax. His eyes, deep midnight blue, locked with hers as he rode her harder and harder. Honor’s heart thudded … she wasn’t going to last much longer. She was at the edge, ready to free-fall into absolute bliss, and the most wonderful thing of all? She knew that Seth would be there, ready to catch her.
Seth ground his teeth, fighting his release. Dammit, he didn’t want to come yet, but the tight clasp of her channel, sucking and gripping him, was breaking him fast. He had intended all of this to last much longer. The tasting, the sexy talk, the heat. All of it. But with Honor, his intentions often got sidetracked by just his sheer need to be inside her, holding her as tight as possible. Sensation rippled, then zipped up his spine, and then it was too late. Explosion came quickly. Growling her name, Seth rode the wave of pleasure.
Eons later, he drew the trembling woman to his side. Words choked in his throat, things he wanted to say, promises he wanted to make. He wanted to tell her how special she was to him. That there was no one like her … and that in his heart, there never would be again. He had never told her he loved her. The words had trembled on his tongue dozens of times, but he couldn’t allow himself to say them. Telling her his true feelings would only make what he had to do a million times harder. And since what he had to do was already going to rip his heart out, he spared them both at least that amount of pain. No, he could give her no words, no promises.
Nothing
.
Breathing in her scent, Seth tried to treasure the rightness of the moment as it was. Very soon, he would be gone and there would be nothing to treasure.