Sweet Nothing (20 page)

He leaned forward, his torso covering my back. I tensed, hoping at any moment he would slide inside me. Instead, his lips ghosted along the shell of my ear.

My breathing became ragged the more desperate I grew for his touch. My insides ached, and just when I thought I couldn’t stand it any longer, I backed into him. He moved away just enough to keep from me what I wanted. I groaned in frustration. “Jesus, Josh,
please.
”

“This how you want it, baby?” His breath tickled my ear, causing me to shiver beneath his tight grip.

“Yes,” I moaned, once again pushing back against him.

“Then tell me.”

“I want you.”

“Just me?”

“Of course just you,” I said, exasperated.

He kissed my cheek, amused. “Say it again, Avery. Tell me you love me.”

I looked over my shoulder. Josh brushed my hair away from my face and across my back. He kissed my bare shoulder, waiting patiently. He wanted to look into my eyes, in this vulnerable position, and watch me speak the words he needed to hear. And I would, because there was no doubt in my mind. “I love you, Josh.”

He gripped my hips and thrust once into my slick entrance until he was completely inside me. I cried out, waiting for him to pull back and rock into me again.

He didn’t move. Instead, he ran his palm over my backside, pulling back on my hip with his other hand, keeping himself submerged, savoring the moment.

After a few seconds, he began moving against me, slow and controlled.

“I love the way we fit together.” He pressed his lips between my shoulder blades as he rocked his hips. “I love how your body moves in sync with mine.” He pulled back again, this time almost out of me entirely before slowly rocking forward. I whimpered, arching my back. He ran the tip of his tongue just under my ear as he rolled his hips a little faster this time. “I love those sexy fucking sounds you make when you’re turned on.” His voice was strained. I wasn’t the only one feeling tortured. His breath hitched and he groaned. He was at his limit.

“What else?” I panted, rocking at a steady rhythm with him.

“You, Avery,” he breathed. “I love you … so fucking much.” He pulled out and flipped me onto my back, but before I could protest, he was inside me again, this time cupping my jaw and staring into my eyes while he came. He leaned down, pressing his lips hard against mine, kissing me deeply, as if he didn’t know what else to do while the moment consumed him.

Once he stopped trembling, he leaned back, a tired grin on his face. He kissed me once more and then began rocking against me, still looking into my eyes. He reached down with one hand and hitched my knee to his hip, and then he tensed, sinking himself deeper inside me. He didn’t pull back, instead moving his hips in small, slow circles, making my sensitive parts beg for more.

My eyes involuntarily rolled back and I sighed. “You feel so good,” I whispered. At that rate, it would take me a long time to finish, but I could feel something boiling deep inside me, building slowly, something I wasn’t sure I could handle.

Josh kissed and licked my neck, tasting my mouth, using a free hand to caress my face and hair. I hooked my ankles at the small of his back, allowing him even deeper, and he moaned. “Fuck, I think I’m going to come again.”

Those words sent me over the edge, and I bucked against him, reaching around to press him deeper inside me, faster, harder. I cried out, and so did he, climaxing at the same time.

When the moment passed, his eyebrows shot up. “Holy shit,” he said, panting. “That’s definitely a first for me.”

I covered my face, feeling overwhelmed and emotional. We were just having the best sex of my life, and now I was crying. It was humiliating, yet I couldn’t stop.

“Avery?”

I shook my head, feeling hot tears fall down my temples.

“Baby.” He pulled my hands away. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Please ignore me. I feel so stupid.”

He took my hand and kissed my knuckles. “Tell me.”

“Have you ever been so happy you don’t know whether to laugh or cry?”

He shook his head. “Have you ever had something so amazing, you were terrified to lose it?”

I nodded, sniffing. He said exactly what I was feeling, even if I couldn’t explain it myself.

“I’m not going anywhere,” he said, using his thumb to wipe my tears.

My mind flashed back to the crash, feeling his hand in mine. “You’ve said that before … after the accident.”

Josh thought for a moment and then breathed out a small laugh. “See? I meant it.”

“Even if you didn’t know it at the time.”

“I meant it then.” He bent down to kiss my lips. “And I mean it now.”

I smiled. “Wouldn’t be the first time someone promised to stick around. Sometimes you have to let go, whether you want to or not.”

“Not me.” He gestured toward the frame on my nightstand. “Why don’t you ever talk about them? Why don’t they call?”

I thought carefully about my answer. Giving away that part of me was a bigger step than key rings or cars. “My dad was driving my mom and me to dinner after high school graduation. We were laughing, making plans. All I remember after that was flashing lights.”

His eyebrows turned in, and he swallowed. “How bad were you hurt?”

“Concussion. I was unconscious for twenty or so minutes.” The news bothered him. I touched his face. “What?”

He shook his head. “The thought of you being hurt and alone in the car with your … your parents.”

I looked away. “They were ejected. Mom died instantly. Dad went quickly. I didn’t see them until the firefighters cut me out of the car.”

“I won’t say you were lucky, but …”

“Good. Don’t. I hate it when people say that.”

He kissed my forehead. “Okay. Then I’ll say
I’m
lucky. You survived. Twice. And now you’re here.”

I bit my lip. “You don’t have to keep saying all of these perfect things. All you have to do is stay.”

He scanned my face, staring down at me like he wanted to pick up every broken piece anyone had ever left behind. “I’ll do both.”

“Happy birthday to you,” Deb sang, handing me a cupcake with pink icing.

I sniffed. “Strawberry shortcake?”

“You know it.” She winked.

“Thank you, Deb.”

I stopped in the center of the hallway, mid-step, closing my eyes tight. “Damn it.”

“What?” Deb said, frozen.

“I’m either going to have to wear a pad or start bringing a change of panties.”

“Was that Josh’s present to you?” Her nose wrinkled. “Maybe you should stop being a cum dumpster.”

“Actually, it was breakfast in bed, a scarf, and a heart key ring, and four months ago, you were begging me for details!” I said, offended.

“Four months ago, I wasn’t getting laid. I have my own dirty sexcapades to get me through the day now, thank you very much.”

I pointed at her. “You and Quinn? Since when?”

“Since I fucked him that one time.”

“That one time,” I deadpanned.

“Do you feel that?” she asked.

“Feel what?”

“The jealousy you’re feeling for my amazing and very regular sex life. No, it’s okay. Keep at it. It feels nice.”

“I’m, um … going to the fourth floor.”

Deb shot me a look of disgust. “For someone who hates babies, you sure like hanging out in the maternity ward.”

“I don’t hate them. The newborns are actually kind of calming. I make up stories about what kind of lives they’ll lead and what they’ll do when they grow up.”

“You’re freakin’ weird,” she said, and then headed for the waiting room.

I stopped at the elevator and pressed the up button. Dr. Rosenberg was already inside, holding a tall Yeti mug full of coffee. Steam puffed from the spout, and he waved it away with the thin stack of papers in his other hand. He was immediately uncomfortable, and he stepped aside, giving me plenty of room.

“Doctor,” I said.

He nodded, pretending to look over the papers in his hands.

“Everything okay?” I asked.

“Yes, of course,” he said, still staring at the papers. He wasn’t reading them; they were upside down.

“Did I do something to upset you?” I asked. My mind went over every possible scenario. Maybe he was angry I was still seeing Josh, or maybe I had pissed him off during that morning’s code. I couldn’t think of anything.

“Reid,” I said quietly.

He looked at me, and the elevator dinged. The doors opened to the maternity ward.

Dr. Rosenberg stepped out into the hall, stopping at the line of windows. The nursery only had a few newborns, flailing their arms or sleeping.

“I need to tell you something, but I’m not sure I should,” Dr. Rosenberg said.

“Is it personal?” I asked.

“Yes. It’s about Josh.”

I sighed. “Doctor—”

“He came to my home, Avery. He told me to stay away from you.”

My head snapped in his direction, but he continued to stare at the babies without expression, as if he’d just told me it may rain.

“You’re lying.” I didn’t bother to hide the bite in my tone. I’d become fiercely protective when it came to Josh.

“You can ask my wife. And my daughter. They answered the door.”

I blinked and then looked through the glass, blank-faced and feeling foolish. So many emotions swirled inside me I couldn’t sift through them. A lump formed in my throat. “I’m so sorry,” I managed to say.

“I should stay away from you, but because I care about you, I’m going to say this one last time, Avery. Josh has become dangerous. He’s unpredictable, possessive, and emotionally immature. That can be a scary combination if you let this continue. Do you understand what I’m saying?”

I nodded, unable to look him in the eyes. My cheeks flushed. “He’s not like that with me. He—”

“They never are until they are. You know as well as I do that it’s a process. We see it every day in the ER. You think those women get punched and kicked on their first date? You think their husbands separate them from the people who care about them right off the bat? You know how this works, Avery. You’re smarter than this.

“What I’m most worried about is that I can’t help you anymore. I have a family to care for, and Josh has made it impossible for me to continue our friendship.” He turned to me, sadness in his eyes. “I wish you the best. I really do. Good luck.”

I wanted to tell him he was wrong about everything, but what he said made sense. I couldn’t argue when part of me worried his assessment of Josh was true. “Th-thank you,” I said. I watched him walk away like it was nothing. Like he hadn’t just ripped my heart from my chest.