Sweetest Taboo (21 page)

Once we were out of bed and fully dressed again – me in my sweatpants and t-shirt, Tom in his jeans and dark gray polo shirt – he took me in his arms to say goodbye. We stood together, readying ourselves to face the world outside, and I nestled my face against Tom’s chest.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” Tom whispered in my ear.

The way he asked about my wellbeing made me blush and drove home the fact that he wholeheartedly cared about me. Trying to conceal my sleepy voice, I said, “Yeah, I’m good. Just a bit sore, but it was worth it.”

Tom chuckled. “Was this
really
your first time?”

I pulled back, feeling offended. “Are you kidding me? Really? You think I would just
say
I’m a virgin? Why would I do that? Did it feel like I was a virgin to you? I mean, the only reason I didn’t cry out in pain was because I didn’t want to discourage you from finishing.”

“Isabel, I’m not saying you lied to me,” Tom said quickly. “I just find it so hard to believe that someone as sexy and confident as you can still be a virgin. There must be a line of guys waiting to have a chance with you, and you picked me to be the first one? Don’t get me wrong, I’m completely honored. I hope you were comfortable because I was trying to be as gentle as possible.”

“If you weren’t one hundred percent sure I was a virgin, then why would you make love to me without any protection?” I demanded, feeling betrayed and confused. “So you had a vasectomy, that just ensures that I don’t get pregnant; but what about STDs like AIDS? Weren’t you worried about that?” I gasped, suddenly realizing that I should have been worried about that as well. I didn’t know much about STDs, but I knew how easily they could go around, and who knew what his wife did when he wasn’t home? Did he trust her to be faithful? Did I trust her to be faithful? Had my naïve trust just put me in danger? I looked at Tom again, afraid of what else I had done to put myself at risk, and pouted.

Tom reached out and held me still so that he could look straight into my eyes, “Isabel, I trust you. I’m sure you know that lots of girls trick guys about their virginity. But you know what? I believe you, Isabel. All I’ve been doing ever since I met you is taking risks. I’m risking my family, my career … I’m putting everything on the line for you. Last night could have been a huge risk, for both of us really, but it won’t be because we trust each other. You do trust me too, right, Isabel? You believe that I got a vasectomy, don’t you? You believe that I’ll keep you safe?”

As always, I softened under Tom’s hypnotic spell. He knew what to say and when to say it. I couldn’t help but smile, and my shoulders relaxed.

“Yes, I do,” I replied. “You would be really stupid if you lied to me about that, because I’m sure the last thing you need is for a sixteen-year-old to be pregnant with your baby. I do trust you.”

Tom took me in his arms and whispered in my ear, “Isabel, I don’t know how I could possibly love you more than I do right now.”

I leaned up and kissed Tom’s neck. “You don’t know how much I wish I could be the one you fall asleep with every night. I love you with all my heart, Tom.”

Tom and I kissed goodbye inside his doorway, and then he quickly escorted me to my car. He seemed to be walking with intent as he strode across the street. I noticed him snatch something from my under the wipers of my windshield and stash it quickly in his pocket.

“What was that? What did you put in your pocket?” I asked nervously.

“Nothing, Isabel, don’t worry,” he said hurriedly. “It’s just a parking ticket. It’s illegal to leave cars parked overnight on the street in this neighborhood. Don’t worry, I’ll take care of it.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have parked somewhere else,” I replied. “Just give me the ticket. I can pay for it. Please? Can you give me that ticket? There’s no reason for you to pay for it.”

“Isabel, you’re not paying for anything,” Tom said firmly. “Now, drive carefully, okay? I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

I got in my car, keeping my eye on Tom in my rearview mirror. He disappeared into his house, glancing back toward my car, a satisfied smile on his face.

Chapter Nineteen

Into Temptation

“
M
orning, Isabel. How are we today?” James asked as I walked through the main department store doors ten minutes late. After leaving Tom’s house, I had tried my very best to be quick while getting ready, but I lingered in the shower, allowing the hot water to flow through my broken flesh. I was incredibly tired and felt as though I had not gotten a wink of sleep the entire night.

When I walked into the department store I felt self-conscious, almost as if every person in that place would somehow know that I was no longer a virgin, that something was completely different about me. Could guys tell these things just by looking at a girl?

“Hi James. I’m fine,” I replied in a tired, quiet voice. “Should I go straight down to the warehouse? Where do you want me?”

“Walk with me, Isabel,” James said as he placed his hand on the small of my back ushering me slightly forward. “Let’s go to the women’s department so you can help me arrange the new shipment of clothes.”

We walked, James and I, side by side down the newly shined marble walkway toward the end of the department store where the women’s department was located. Every step I took reminded me of the night with Tom; my insides still raw. When we finally made it to the floor where we would be working, I noticed that we were the only ones around. “James? Where’s everyone else? Isn’t anyone going to help us?”

James had already begun arranging the clothes on the display racks, his strong hands taking ten to fifteen dresses from the warehouse cart to the display rack at one time. His muscles rippled under his perfectly fitted white polo shirt and his legs moved with purpose under his snug-fitting dark blue jeans that framed his bottom ever so nicely. “I’ve got everyone else down in the warehouse because a shipment arrived last night. They’ll be working there all morning. Why? You want me to switch you out with someone else?” James asked without looking up at me from his work.

“No, I was just wondering where everyone was, that’s all.”

James stood tall with a handful of petit black cocktail dresses, as he held them neatly in his hand; he looked straight into my eyes and said, “out of everyone who works here, I’d rather have you helping me out. It gives me the opportunity to pick your brain and get to know you a little better. Anyway, this is a lighter job, I thought maybe you would appreciate it.”

“You’re sweet James, thanks,” I replied sluggishly, as I continued to help with the cocktail dresses, taking two at a time from cart to shiny metallic display rack. “I do appreciate it because I’m tired and the last thing I want to do this morning is work the warehouse.”

James picked up the pace using both hands to grab what seemed like twenty-five dresses at a time. As he worked, he continued to be inquisitive, asking general questions but also getting personal from time to time. After about an hour of hanging clothes and arranging display racks, my shift was over and it was time to clock out and head to school for third period. “It’s time for you to call it quits, Isabel. I’ll clock you out later. Come on, let me walk you to your car.” James pushed the dingy warehouse carts to the corner of the floor and began to walk with me at his side.

“James, are you sure?” I asked. “I can clock out and rush to school for class. No need for you to walk me to my car.”

“Are you trying to get rid of me? I just want to talk to you for a minute outside, is that alright?” James asked with a slightly concerned look on his face.

Somewhat hesitant, I responded, “Okay, that’s fine, but I’m in a hurry.”

As soon as we got to my car, parked near the entrance of the department store, James opened the car door for me. I could feel the warm air pushing my loose hair away from my face. I stood there wondering what it was he wanted to say to me. As soon as I sat in the driver’s seat, James took a piece of paper out of his pocket and casually handed it to me. “This is my number, Isabel, use it when you like. I didn’t want to give it to you inside because I know how all those high school kids gossip in there. Your training ends in about two weeks, so I wanted to make sure that we stay in contact even after you stop coming here in the mornings. Why don’t you write down your number for me and I’ll call you?” He asked, batting his thick lashes shyly.

In an effort to expedite the uncomfortable moment with my supervisor, I ripped a small section of the paper he had just handed me and wrote down my phone number. I handed the tiny white paper to him, “Here you go, James. Now, I should really get going because I’m going to be late for class.”

James carefully closed the door and I turned on the ignition. He placed one hand on my door, window rolled down, and looked me square in the eye, “I’ll call you, Isabel, and then maybe we can meet up somewhere and hang out.” He was so close I could smell the scent of his
Aqua de Gio
cologne. It smelled so clean and masculine, yet so subtle - it drove me crazy.

“Okay, whenever you like. See you tomorrow, James,” I said cheerfully and then drove off to class.

***

“Isabel! You’ve got a phone call!” my mom shouted from her office.

Sitting comfortably on the leather sofa watching T.V., I shouted back at the top of my lungs, “Who is it, Mami?”

“Someone named James! Can you just pick up the phone, please? I’m very busy here and I don’t have time to be your secretary!” my mom shouted back, somewhat annoyed at my lethargy.

Upon hearing the name
James
resonate from my mom’s office, I was instantly motivated to get off the sofa and reach for the cordless phone on the corner table just feet away from where I was lounging.

“Hello?”

A timid, yet deep voice responded, “Hi Isabel? How are you?”

“I’m fine, just watching T.V. What’s up with you?”

James cleared his throat, “Well, I just thought since retail training ended last week, officially, maybe it was okay for us to talk.”

“James, aren’t you getting married two weeks or something?” I jokingly reminded him.

I could hear James chuckle under his breath. “Yeah, my wedding is two weeks from Saturday which is why I wanted to see if we could meet up
before
then. It’s just that I think you’re a really cool girl. I just want to spend some time with you before I no longer have that opportunity. Would you be up for that?”

The fact that James was pursuing me was exhilarating because every girl in my retail-training class was absolutely in lust with the guy. Somehow I had sparked his interest and although Tom was the sole owner of my heart, I was not about to allow this opportunity to slip past me. After all, I was a sixteen-year-old girl with recently discovered feminine wiles.

“Yeah, sure. We could meet up if you like. What do you propose?”

A few seconds passed as James hemmed and hawed uncomfortably, “Well, I really don’t know. I hadn’t thought about where we could meet. Do you have any ideas?”

Without giving it a second thought, I blurted, “What if we meet tomorrow afternoon. Class ends at three and I’ll be attending graduation at six, since a lot of my senior friends are graduating tomorrow. Why don’t we meet at three thirty for a little while up in the mountains?”

“The mountains?” James asked, “What do you mean? What mountains?”

“My friends and I usually hang out and drink up there. It’s pretty private, so why don’t we meet down at the foothills and drive up together?” How could such words escape from my mouth? I thought to myself. Had I gone mad?

“Okay, that’s cool,” he replied confidently, “just tell me where to meet you and I’ll be there.”

Although I felt a twinge of remorse over proposing the sacred location where Tom and I shared our most intimate moments together, I was in no position to back peddle. So, I gave James directions.

“Ok Isabel, I know exactly where that is. You better not bail on me,” James said sarcastically.

Hoping to bring the conversation to a close because my dad had walked unexpectedly through the living room where I was sitting, I said, “Don’t worry, I’ll be there. Now, I have to run. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay, sweet dreams, Isabel.”

“Thanks, you too. Goodnight.”

I could not forge a single moment of slumber when my head hit the pillow that night. Over and over again, I tortured myself for having offered such a sacred location for my meeting with James. If Tom were to find out about what I had agreed to, about what I was planning to do with someone else, his heart would be broken. How could I have done such a thing? Was there nowhere else I could have met James? The more important question I didn’t ask myself was: why did I agree to meet up with an engaged guy anyway? Was my illicit affair with a married teacher who was twice my age not enough to keep me busy?

During that sleepless night, all I thought about was my impending meeting with James and my lack of loyalty to Tom. I began to feel a great sense of despair, and I wanted to back out of meeting James because it could lead to nothing but more carelessness on my part. Guilt engulfed me and nearly twenty hours before committing what felt like adultery, I felt horrible for what might take place between James and myself. My concern was not with James’ fiancé; rather, I felt a huge weight on my shoulders at the possibility of being unfaithful to Tom. This would not be a trivial rendezvous like the one I had with Ryan in Europe; things were much different now. Tom and I were in a serious, adult relationship; we were making love regularly and above all, we were committed to each other. Yet, at that moment, lying sleepless in my twin sized bed and tormented by my imminent infidelity, something clear and obvious hit me like a ton of bricks: Tom was sleeping with another woman in the bed where I had lost my virginity! In effect, he was being unfaithful, not just to his wife for harboring a secret, but he was also being unfaithful to
me
by being with his wife. Tom never appeared to be beleaguered by the fact that I was being cheated on every time he laid to rest with his wife, so why should I torment myself because I intended on possibly kissing another guy? The circumstances were unjust. Did Tom cease making love to his wife because he was making love with me? Of course not! The thought of Tom making love to another woman distressed me enough that I convinced myself it was absolutely okay to go forward with James. I did not necessarily have to feel good about what I might do with him, but there was no logical reason for me to feel guilty. My intention was never to hurt Tom, but I wanted him to feel the jealousy and pain I experienced every day.