Sweetness (Bold As Love) (5 page)

This time she was quiet for a full three minutes before she replied. She took a deep breath and in a shaky voice barely a whisper, she said, “No one else wants to.”

If I were standing right beside her, I probably would have heard her heart breaking. It would have sounded like the cracking of a wooden bat connecting with a baseball. No, that was too clean of a break. It would have sounded like rain from a powerful thunderstorm pounding on a tin roof. Millions of drops relentlessly pounding away on the surface until it shattered into billions of tiny pieces. Pieces Emily couldn’t put back together by herself.

Right then, hearing the tears that had to be falling from her beautiful brown eyes, I wanted nothing more than to take each piece and put it back together again until she was whole. I had to do it. I had to for her and for me. Maybe if Emily can be restored and healed, then maybe, just maybe, so could I.

Even though I tried my hardest not to think of the way my dad felt about me, sometimes I just couldn’t help myself. Yes, he is angry that my mom died. I’m angry too. I know my dad blames me because I didn’t come home in time to save her. I didn’t come home in time to call 911 and get her to the hospital and there was a chance she could’ve lived a little longer. Nevertheless, I wanted to hang out after practice with the guys and my mom died because of it.

“
Jake?” Emily’s sweet, timid voice brought me back to the conversation.

“
I’m here Emily.”

“
When will Drake be here?”

“
We
will be there in an hour. He really wants to play with his car. I thought that we could go to the park and he could play with it there before it gets too cold to go.”

“
Ok.”

“
Ok. I’ll pick you up.”

With that, I hauled myself out of bed, across the hall to Drake’s room and told him to get ready. I showered, dressed, and finished the final touches when Drake stuck his head into my room. I walked out of the adjoining bathroom and he rushed over to hug me tightly.

“
Thanks.”

“
For what,” I asked, returning the hug.

“
For taking me to Emily’s,” he said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, which I guess it was. One point for Drake.

I picked him up and saw that he was beaming. “You really like her, huh?”

He nodded enthusiastically. “She’s really fun, Jake. More fun than you even.”

With a skeptical face, I asked, “Oh really?”

Another nod. He leaned in close, as if he was sharing a secret, and whispered, “Plus she’s really pretty, don’t you think?”

He was looking at me as if my answer depended on the survival of humankind. “That she is Drake. That she is.”

He grinned. “Well, let’s go!”

Emily

On the way to the park, my mother’s voice was pounding in my head.

“
You will never be good enough for anyone.”

“
You are a disgrace to this family.”

“
Your father left me,
me
a wonderful woman, because you are nothing but an attention seeking brat.”

“
I don’t even know how your friends can even stand to be around you! You want all the attention for yourself. You aren’t the brightest crayon in the box and you aren’t even close to being pretty. I don’t know how your father and I could even produce such an ugly girl.”

“
Let’s not forget about that voice and laugh. I bet it’s just music to your ears, isn’t it? Well, to me and to everyone else, it sounds like a nail running down a chalkboard. I can’t even stand the sound of your voice anymore.”

“
You disgust me!”

“
You are the lowest of the low. You are worst than the feared Untouchables in some country out east. You aren’t even worth my breath because you are so pathetic.”

“
And so worthless! You couldn’t do a damn thing if your life depended on it.”

My mother who I love so much. My mother who I practically worship. My mother who I still miss. Maybe it’s best my father came that day and took me away. Now I won’t be such a leech in her presence. Now she couldn’t pimp me out to her “boyfriends”.

But what about my father? What about Jake and Drake? What about everyone? Surely, if my mother, the person who loves me unconditionally, sees me this way and would treat me this way, then so would everyone else. My mother wouldn’t lie to me. What she said had to be true. Otherwise, why was I friendless? Why wasn’t I living with her, if I wasn’t such a horrible daughter and person? Why would she sell my body for drugs and booze?

Which leads me to this: why am I sitting in a car with Jake Benson? Does he have some secret motive? Does he think I’m not capable of watching Drake? He can’t actually like me, can he? I mean, if my own mother doesn’t like me, how can he?

My inner conversation comes to a halt when Jake’s black Mustang pulls to a stop at the empty park. We get out and make our way over to the basketball court so Drake’s car can run on a smooth surface.

Seeing Drake bubbling with excitement brings a smile to my face. If he likes me, then maybe I’m not so horrible and disgusting. No time to dwell on the matter. Drake places his car on the cement and starts driving it around. I lean against the rusty pole holding up the goal and watch. “Did you see that Emily?! It was on two wheels!”

“
I sure did. That was really cool Drake.” I try to sound excited, but I just couldn’t. My mind was too flustered. Drake didn’t seem to notice though. I tried to ignore the tall, handsome Jake standing beside me, watching Drake.

His hands tuck into his pockets and he is quiet. Unusual, if you thought about it. He was always talking. Always asking questions that I didn’t want to answer. The wind blew causing a clinking noise to float over to my ears. I looked to the side of the courts a little ways, and saw a swing set.

That’s what I needed. I needed movement. I started to walk across the court, narrowly missing getting my foot ran over by Drake who was laughing hysterically, and sat down in one of two swings. To my dismay, Jake followed. I began to motion myself back and forth, swaying. I took my arms around the back of the chains to the front, which allowed me to stuff my hands in my jacket pockets lock myself into place.

“
Something wrong, Emily?” Jake’s deep voice asked.

I shook my head, hoping that would settle the issue. However, I should have known. Jake wouldn’t be satisfied until I started talking. He reached over and grabbed one of the chains holding my swing, pulling me towards him.

Once I was close enough, he tugged the other to make me face him. My legs knocked into his as he did this. I looked down at our knees. I could feel the heat radiating from his legs to mine. “Look at me.” I couldn’t do it. I was scared of what I might see when I did. That one thing keeps me from looking people in the eye. I didn’t want to see their disgust and hate for me. I couldn’t stand to see one more person look at me the way my mother did. I wouldn’t look. I wouldn’t.

Jake wrapped his legs around mine to hold me in place and let go of one of the chains. He curled his fingers under my chin and lifted so I would have to look at him. No! I didn’t want to look. I closed my eyes before I could see his.

I heard him sign. “Emily, c’mon and open your eyes.” I didn’t budge. His voice was softer when he spoke again. “C’mon Emily. Just open them. What are you so afraid of?” The heat from his legs and his hand was getting to me because before I could stop myself, I told him the truth.

“
Seeing the hatred and disgust.”

“
Jake! Emily! Did you guys just see that?!” Drake’s happy voice squealed. Jake slowly let go of me and when I opened my eyes, he was making his way over to Drake.

The soft breeze carried his voice over to where I was. “No buddy. Do it again so I can see.” Drake, not seeing or caring one that I wasn’t there, repeated the trick.

What the hell was that? Did I really just say that? I closed my eyes and leaned back. From my knees to my head, I was lying flat, while my legs dangled. I closed my eyes and let the breeze move the swing for me. Jake stayed on the court with Drake, while he showed him all the flips and crashes he could do.

Great. Just great. I just told a complete stranger my inner most secret. What was wrong with me? Well, besides to obvious. After this, I wasn’t going to be within two hundred feet of Jake if I could help it. Would he go back to school and tell everyone that I’m a freak and dumb and what not?

I shoved the thoughts out of my mind. My arms ached and I had to sit up. I was lightheaded for a moment and then it was gone. Drake was running full speed to the empty swing. “Jake, come push me!” Jake obeyed and soon Drake’s attitude rubbed off on me. I was pumping my legs and swinging, enjoying the sound of Drake’s laughter.

“
All right, little boy. You can do it yourself for a while. My arms are tired,” Jake said.

Drake tried to turn around in his swing to see Jake, but failed in the attempt. “’Little boy!’ I’m not a boy! I’m a man! Tell him Emily!” The determination on Drake’s face was clear and I couldn’t help but laugh.

“
That’s right Jake. Drake is a man, not a boy.”

Jake laughed, “If you say so.”

A triumphed expression overtook Drake’s as he said, “Told ya! I’m a man, not some little boy.” The tension between Jake and me seemed to disappear with Drake around. We kept swinging for about half an hour, when Drake skidded to a stop.

“
I’m hungry.”

“
What do you want to eat,” I ask.

Drake ponders in thought, but Jake is the one who answers. “I could really go for some Chick-Fil-A.”

“
That’s all the way in Wilmington, a forty-five minute drive, if you go the speed limit,” I point out.

Jake smirks at me and says, “I don’t mind. Do you Drake?”

“
For Chick-Fil-A? Of course not! Let’s go!”

“
We’re just waiting on Emily to decide if she wants to go with us.” Jake was giving me a look that seemed to say, I dare you to say no to this kid. I took one look at Drake’s expectant face and knew the two brothers made my decision. I stood up.

“
Well, let’s go if we’re going.”

On the drive there, Drake talked the whole time. Literally. Neither of us could get a word in. He talked about anything and everything. We were a few minutes away from the restaurant and Drake had been quiet for a few minutes. “Emily, can I ask you a question?”

“
Sure, Drake.”

“
Where’s your mom?”

The question stole my breath. It was out of left field. Of course, Drake would want to know where she was. He had only seen my dad around. “Um…she’s…,” I tried, but I couldn’t think. I needed to think of something fast. “She doesn’t live around here anymore.”

“
How come? Doesn’t she want to see you Emily?”

I found the words coming from nowhere. “You see Drake, my mom and dad are divorced. So, my mom moved away when she got her new job. We weren’t really close, so I stayed with my dad.”

I really hoped that would make the questions stop. “Oh,” was the only reply. Jake tried to brighten the mood when we parked. He was telling Drake that he could go and play after he ate, which definitely brought a smile back to his face.

Inside we ordered and made our way over to a booth by the glass, so we could look in once Drake went to play. I don’t know if I was glad that I would be alone with Jake or not. What I did know was that I didn’t want Drake asking me questions about my mom.

I ate without talking. I let Jake and Drake do all of that. It was cute seeing the brothers together and enjoying themselves. Drake finished his meal quickly and ran off to play. For the first few minutes, our eyes followed him around. Then Jake spoke.

“
Where is your mom?”

“
That’s none of your business.” I tried to speak curtly, but instead I sounded fragile.

“
Okay.”

Okay? That was it? Are you telling me that Jake Benson just gave up on making me talk? Maybe I should mark this in my calendar.

We were sitting in silence when three people came up to our table. I recognized the short blonde one as the girl who was by Jake’s locker the other day, but the other two were lost on me.

The short blonde spoke as Jake returned his hand to his side of the table. Again, my gaze went down. “I thought today was a day for just you and Drake. You know, just brothers.” By her voice, I could tell she was mad.

All Jake said was, “It was.”

“
Then what’s
she
doing here?”

Oh, how I wish I could leave. Why did I ride with him? I knew that if I looked up, I would see what I feared most in the blonde girl’s eyes. The guy that was with the girls spoke up before Jake could. “Yeah man, if you didn’t want to come, you should have just said so. Didn’t have to lie.”

“
I didn’t.” But he was. “Claire, Emily is here because I wanted her to be.”

“
Oh, get real Jake. You have one class project with her and now you are hanging out with her? Really? You shouldn’t hang out with people just because you feel sorry for them.”

“
I don’t feel sorry for her. I like hanging out with her, so I am.”

“
You like hanging with her? Please. She can’t make eye contact, much less talk.”