Swish (2 page)

“I can help the next--”

Thomas would know that face anywhere. Scruffy dark stubble, piercing bright eyes, pink lips curved up in a knowing little smile...

“--person here,” Thomas finished with determination. He ripped his gaze from the man at the back of the line to the front.

As the client stepped up to his window, Thomas took his debit card and the cheque he wanted to deposit. He moved on autopilot, as it took every ounce of determination he had not to stare at Alex.

Alex: his ex, the man who'd loved him and run. The man who'd bumped into him one day and got his number somehow. They'd texted, hot and cold, and then Thomas had gone cold. Finally, Alex had shown up at his house late one night. Thomas had
finally
said yes to his repeated pleas to see him. Alex had tried to apologize...

Thomas didn't like to think of himself as bitter, but he also thought he had perfectly good reason to be. Alex had fucked up both his brothers' lives. He'd spied on Cam and Chase, nearly putting Jackson in harm's way too.

But he still remembered the way Alex's face had fallen that late August evening. Alex had so passionately explained how he hadn't
meant
to harm them. He'd been hired to find out Cam's disability status and Chase's location. He had to take the jobs. Thomas had reminded him that the end result was the same.

And besides, he hadn't forgiven Alex for fucking running out on him
before
. That was back when Alex was eighteen and Thomas was sixteen. Love then was getting a ride home from Alex after classes and feeling each other up in the south Fredericton parks.

Fuck.

Thomas cleared his throat. “The funds will be processed and available within five business days. Can I help you with anything else?”

“No, thanks,” the client answered, taking back his card and leaving with a quick goodbye.

Alex was three from the front.

The next customer wanted the limit raised on his debit card. That was a quick job, but Thomas refused to rush through it. He wasn't going to try to get Alex, or to avoid serving him. He was going to proceed at the same damn pace he always did.

Thomas's throat went dry, and his, “Have a good day...”, almost died on his lips. The client walked off and he looked up for the next one.

Alex was at the front of the line.

Before he invited him up, Alex was crossing the smooth tile floor, striding towards him. His winter jacket was unzipped. Thomas's gaze crawled briefly up the leather jacket underneath. Alex wore dark jeans and a collared shirt that hugged the smooth skin of his neck...

He hadn't seen Alex since he'd sent him home that night in August after the barbecue. Alex had tried to flirt with him and Thomas had... crushed him. Thomas had never specifically said he
didn't
want a date. He'd just told him flat-out that he had a lot to deal with without Alex trying to charm the pants off him.

Thomas hoped his voice was steady. “How can I help you?”

That smile was back. Alex's slow smile, the way his eyes crinkled in the corners and his teeth glinted... Thomas had loved that smile from the first time he saw it.

“Nice to see you again, Thomas.” Alex folded his arms and leaned on the counter, closing the scarce space between them. It was like electric jolts jumped between them, even though a good foot still separated them.

Thomas's heart raced and he kept his grip on his mouse firm as his skin tingled. “You, too.” Alex's eyes were locked on his, and his lips were slightly parted as he drew a breath. Thomas resisted the urge to stare at his lips, as much as he wanted to. Those lips had once known where exactly on his neck would make him hard in seconds.

Did Alex still remember those spots? Was he even better now?

Alex's eyes dragged down from Thomas's eyes to his lips, then his neck. Thomas's chest pounded as he tried to dismiss those ideas. He resisted the urge to tug his collar up or flatten his tie and just glanced at his computer, then back at Alex. “Can I help you?”

Alex was looking him in the eye again, squarely enough that it almost made Thomas wonder if he'd indulged in fantasy instead of observation. But no, there was no imagining the glint behind Alex's eyes when he saw something he wanted.

Every damn time he bumped into Alex, there it was again. And it always felt like they'd split up just a week ago, maybe a month ago – not years ago. The chemistry between them was still as raw and passionate as if they were waiting to fall into bed at any moment.

“I need to make an appointment to discuss mortgages.”

Thomas's eyebrows rose. The young man who'd run to Ontario just as Thomas had been considering taking the biggest leap of all with him?
Now
he was getting a mortgage? “On a local property?”

Alex didn't miss the implication. His brows drew together slightly. Then the look disappeared, replaced by an ironic little smile... maybe even self-deprecating. “Yes. I'm settling down and looking for a house. But the appointment has to be next Thursday at two PM. My schedule is... quite busy.”

“Well, the service desk is over there,” Thomas said as politely as possible. Someone else was in charge of that, and he had the oddest feeling Alex had known that. Alex had just wanted to see him and maybe... tempt him. Christ, and it worked every time. Thomas licked his lips and straightened up. “Maggie can help you book an appointment at a convenient time.”

“Thank you,” Alex murmured, then straightened up again.

“Is there anything else I can help you with?” Thomas narrowed his eyes slightly in warning. The Alex he knew would make a lewd comment, and now was hardly the time or place.

Alex's eyes crinkled as that self-assured little smirk curved his lips. Then, Alex shook his head. “No, thanks. Have a good day.”

Thomas was left watching his retreating back as Alex walked towards the service desk to make his appointment. Then, he pulled himself back together and looked for the next customer.

No matter what Alex thought, he wasn't lying around and moping, waiting to fall into his arms or bed. Of all the people Alex had known or dated, Thomas hadn't heard of anyone more resistant than him. Not just because Thomas liked playing hard-to-get, but because... that was the way he was.

And, as ever, that seemed to be exactly what pulled Alex to him like a moth to a porch light. What pulled Thomas to Alex in return? Everything about him, whether Thomas liked it or not.

Thomas pushed him out of mind to focus on his clients' needs. He couldn't be distracted at work – not while he was angling for a promotion.

He needed this. He was definitely the lowest-paid of the three of them, even though Cam had seasonal work and Jackson was practically a freelancer. Tellers didn't earn a fortune, and he had house renovations to pay off.

Work was his future; love was a fleeting fancy, so work came first. And work
definitely
came before exes and enemies. And both, in one sexy, smoldering, self-assured package of hunk that Thomas wanted
so
badly to hate.

Fuck, Thomas was
hot
.

Since he did his banking online, Alex hadn't had a chance to run into Thomas since August. But Thomas was hotter than ever. He was clearly sorting out conflicting emotions: anger and attraction. Oh, yeah. Alex had seen the way Thomas shifted...

And there was always that unspoken thread between them.

They missed each other, on some level or another. Maybe most exes did. Alex hadn't stuck around any of his other exes long enough to find out. He'd ditched one and gone straight to another, cutting exes out of his life with surgical precision. Impossible to do that here, even if he'd wanted to. The town was too small. Thomas, of course, worked at Alex's goddamn bank and he wasn't about to switch banks to avoid his ex. That was a low he refused to stoop to.

Really, Alex
didn't
want to cut Thomas out. He'd wanted more. A date, maybe, to get to know each other again after all these years.

Alex had known Thomas moved back to town about a month after he had. He'd sent a few texts, but they'd never really gone anywhere. Just casual brushoffs from Thomas. So he kept his distance at first before going to the Rileys' neighborhood barbecue last summer. He'd had to tell Chase that his asshole family was gone for good... and of course, Thomas had been right there.

They'd swapped words and Thomas had invited him over that night. Just as Alex thought he might get lucky, Thomas put down his foot and told him not to keep asking him out. Alex respected that, much as he disliked it.

Thomas had never actually said he didn't
want
to see him again, though. He'd said Cam was sick, Jackson and Chase needed renovation help, his family had lots on the go, work was busy...

Not that he didn't
want
a date.

Alex had let him get away with it, but it still bugged him.

He got to the front of the short line in front of the service desk. Right. The appointment.

“Hello,” he greeted, turning on his usual charming smile. “I wondered if you'd help me arrange an appointment to discuss mortgages. I have a rough work schedule, though. I'm really only available around two PM next Thursday. I'm sorry for being difficult.”

“Oh, not at all, love. That's fine. I'll see what I have for that time.”

Warming people up with an apology worked a charm here in Atlantic Canada. He'd missed that.

“Well, the closest I have is two-thirty... would that be fine, Mr. Walker?”

Score. He'd just turn up early for his appointment. “That's okay,” he assured this receptionist – Maggie – with another bright smile. “Who's the appointment with?”

“Lisa, one of our senior loan officers.”

“Thank you. Excellent.” Lisa's office was next to Anna's. He might get a glimpse into Anna's office on the way past. He'd have to bring a hidden camera... maybe the phone in the shirt front pocket trick.

The next step was to watch Anna for the next day or two. Darren might be visiting her. He'd do that once she left work – for now, he had enough time to grab lunch.

He took the card with the appointment time and wished Maggie a good day. On the way past the tellers' desks, Alex let his gaze sweep across the empty lineup and desks. Lunchtime over with, the rush to get to the bank had subsided.

He wasn't surprised to see Thomas watching him. Thomas tore his gaze away and looked at the computer, but he was blushing.

Alex smiled again as he pushed open the heavy bank door and stepped onto the icy sidewalk. As he walked out, he felt Thomas's eyes on him. A glance through the window confirmed it; he was looking at him again. Alex winked to let him know he'd seen him before walking off.

For the first time in days, his heart was light despite the grey skies.

He might win Thomas over yet.

“I'm fine with pasta.”

“Are you sure?” Thomas poured a little more white wine into the pan and stirred the chicken and vegetables again. He glanced over at Noah, who sprawled on a stool at the breakfast bar. Noah's elbow was propped on the counter, chin on his fist.

“Quite sure,” Noah chuckled. “Carb-loading to make up for shoveling snow. I hope the winter's not going to be that bad. Early mornings are the worst.”

Thomas grabbed a box of cream from the fridge. “Only another few months. But yeah... going to the bank before it's light and coming home after it's dark when I work such an easy job...”

“Mmhmm. And the days are getting longer.” Noah twirled a lock of his hair.

“Exactly.” Thomas shut the fridge and poured cream into the pan, then added some flour to make a creamy sauce. The pasta water boiled, so he dumped the noodles in.

Noah perked up a little. “How's your work thing coming along?”

Thomas tensed up, the stress ball knotting his chest. “I'm helping everywhere I can. Irma needed help with a late client yesterday and I did that. Uh, I'm kind of helping Maggie out when she's not at her desk. I'm trying to show initiative.”

“You think they're hiring soon?”

No.
Thomas sighed. “I... don't know. At the very least, I can get a good performance review. Or a good reference if I switch to another bank that
does
need senior positions filled.”

“How desperate are you?” Noah asked. “Are you talking sometime down the road, or now?”

Thomas winced. He wasn't running out of money – his job covered the bills, after all – but with the extra money on the mortgage from renovations, his savings were gone. He wasn't earning quite enough to replenish them. And unlike Cam, who split bills with Noah, and Jackson, who had Chase to help out, he was a single-income household. “Sooner the better.”

“You can always do casual work--”

“No, no,” Thomas chuckled lightly, trying to brush it off. “So, enough about me... you think you've got SAD for sure?”

“I'm almost sure of it,” Noah sighed, easily distracted. “I've got one of those light lamps from Costco though.”

“Oh yeah?” Thomas stirred the pan as the sauce thickened. “Is it helping?”

Noah nodded. “A little. Being around Cam all the time helps. It's not much fun having to go to work more than him.”

Since surgery, Cam hadn't gone to work. As an apprentice beekeeper, it was the down season anyway. There wasn't much Cam's boss, Noah's uncle, and Cam could do in the middle of the winter. Of course, Noah still had to go to the gallery where he worked as an art curator.

“That must be hard,” Thomas nodded. “Cam's resting up, though, huh? How's he doing?”

“He's hoping to lower his beta blocker dose in the next month or two. When he gets back to Toronto for the next followup, they're gonna see if it's safe.” Noah fidgeted with his hair, then picked up his beer bottle for a swig. “So far, he hasn't fainted at all or even felt dizzy.”

“Since surgery? And it's been a month now,” Thomas marveled. “That must be awesome.”

“It's incredible! We were hoping he won't have to get an ICD.” That brought a smile to Noah's face. “And he's been exercising since then, too. And we've been testing things out, too, you know...”

Thomas laughed and cut Noah off. “Okay, I'm glad, but I'm fine without knowing more.”

“Yeah,” Noah grinned. “Still only a couple times a week, but--”

“That's plenty enough,” Thomas snorted, shutting off the stove. He dumped the pasta into a strainer, then back into the pot. Once he added the sauce and stirred it together, he looked at Noah when there wasn't an answer. Noah was watching him with a raised eyebrow. “What? It is, for most people...”

“Yeah, but we missed half our honeymoon phase.”

Thomas winced. Cam hadn't even been properly diagnosed when they'd met. Cam had had to travel back to Ontario to see real experts. When they'd figured it out, he'd been instantly banned from exercise and his sex life had been... rather limited. Most new couples
did
have the most active sex life in those first few months of living together.

Or so popular myths said. Thomas didn't know from personal experience.

“Sorry,” Thomas told him. “I didn't think about that.”

Noah shook his head, forgiving the mistake. “It's fine. I'm just glad things feel more... normal now.”

Thomas nodded, ladling pasta into two bowls. “I should probably get laid now and then, too,” he smiled. “I don't know what's normal.” It was still bizarre talking about his love life with anyone even remotely connected to his family. He was trying.

“Mm? I can go out to the bar with you,” Noah offered, grinning. “Or Chase. You know he's up for a gay club...
the
gay club.” There was only one in town, after all. His eyes narrowed as he watched Thomas's reactions.

Thomas shook his head, not giving Noah anything to work with. Those weren't his scenes at all. Besides...

“There's someone else who's been on my mind. I just don't know if it's a good idea,” Thomas admitted, carrying the bowls over to the table.

Noah slid off the stool and sashayed over. “Ohhh? You've never mentioned someone before.” His eyes gleamed with mischief. “Who is this person?”

“It's... it's a long story,” Thomas laughed. “But I've been kind of avoiding them since... oh, August...”

“
August
?” Noah dropped his fork in his bowl. “Jesus, Thomas, it's January! Did you ghost them?”

“Ghost them?” Thomas didn't know that term.

“Go offline, you know – block them or stop responding after a good date, with no explanation. Just vanish.”

Thomas shook his head. “Not exactly.” He nibbled his lip, then dipped his fork into the pasta. “Bon appetit.”

“Merci,” Noah winked. “But, man, it's already mid-winter. If you're still thinking about them...” He counted quickly on his fingers. “Four, five months later...?”

Months? Try four or five years!
“I know. It's stupid,” Thomas laughed. “But... maybe I'll try a date.”

“They're still interested in you?”

Oh, definitely. With the way Alex had looked him over at the bank... then winked at him on the way out... Alex was still interested.

He was just waiting for Thomas to say the word. And he knew Alex was going to come into the bank next Thursday...

Or maybe he shouldn't be looking to get over Alex by seeing him again. Maybe he should be looking for someone else. He had an online dating profile that he checked every week or two. He'd never had more than one or two dates with any guy he'd met through it. If he thought too hard about it, Thomas knew he'd always subconsciously compared them to Alex.

Maybe he'd have another look, though.

***

Once Noah was back with Cam and Thomas was alone in his house, he started up his laptop and navigated again to the dating site. He sprawled on the couch, the laptop on his stomach as he squinted at the screen. He awkwardly typed in the password, the screen rising and falling as he waited for it to load.

A few new messages, but none of them were interesting. One was from a student. Technically, the guy was his own age, but Thomas was out of school and in a different stage of life. It just felt weird to date students. A couple were for hookups and not with anyone really appealing. Now and then, he added
casual sex
to the list of things he was looking for, but only once every few months, when his urges got too strong.

There wasn't an easy way to say he only wanted to date men if they were a lot like... fucking Alex.

“For fuck's sakes.” Thomas closed his laptop and dug out his phone, pressing it to his forehead for a second. He half-hoped Siri would whisper to him that this was a bad idea.

With no enlightenment coming from the gadget, he unlocked it and opened a new text message. He added Alex's number.

Good seeing you. Want to hang out?

Thomas hesitated for a long minute, debating if he should add something:
I'm still annoyed at you.
Or worse yet,
Do you miss me?
He pressed “send” before he took back the decision. Then, he shoved the phone under himself and rubbed his face with a groan.

He didn't trust himself to be alone with Alex. No matter how much some things about Alex annoyed him, his apology had been sincere. And as much as he hated that Alex had left him to train for his career in the big city and probably fuck guys who were
properly
gay, that had also been years ago.

And they'd never fucked. As high school boyfriends, Thomas had always said no. He hadn't been ready for it. Unlike all his shitty peers, he'd never had a problem saying no and meaning it. And Alex had never pushed him hard. He'd coaxed now and then, but when it was clear that Thomas just wasn't into it, Alex had gracefully accepted that.

Of course, Thomas had fucked other men later, when he was ready to admit he wanted it. But he'd never loved a man as deeply as Alex, and the two of them had never gone that far. Maybe the key to getting over Alex was doing it for the first time.

It was logical enough, on the surface. At least it was a great excuse for falling into bed with his first boyfriend and now least favorite person.

And this opened up the lines of communication again. It was the first time since he'd invited Alex over in August to tell him – in less abrasive terms – to fuck off. Alex had respected his wishes. It was scary to think how much he'd
wanted
Alex to call him, just out of the blue.

This was the permission he sensed Alex had been waiting for.

“Enough bullshit thinking,” Thomas muttered, hauling himself to his feet. He'd clean the living room, just in case Alex did come over. And if Alex wasn't interested, he'd still have a clean living room. He refused to admit that he was listening over the vacuum cleaner's hum for the chime of his cell phone.