She looked at him and he could see she was tempted, but in the end she sighed and shook her head. ‘We can’t disappoint our mothers now,’ she said, ‘especially not mine when I’m the only daughter she has.’
‘Ellen, this is about us,’ he reminded her. ‘Not about anyone else.’
‘I know, but whichever way we do this we’re still going to have each other, so perhaps we should do it their way, if only to keep the peace.’
‘Then keep that in mind,’ he said. ‘We’re going to have each other no matter what. OK?’
‘Do you promise?’ she said, thinking of Robbie and Michelle and Tom – and so many other things that would take too many words and too much heartache to tell. ‘No matter what?’
‘It’s what I said, and it’s what I mean,’ he vowed, but as he kissed her again she knew in her heart that she was asking too much.
This was Sandy’s fourth day in Los Angeles, and though the schedule wasn’t really any more hectic than she was used to, she was exhausted, and appeared to be coming down with a cold, if not flu. She felt so dreadful it was all she could do to drag herself through the meeting she and Michael were at with Warners, and the minute it was over, sensing how much she was struggling Michael ignored her protests and insisted on taking her back to the hotel.
As he drove she tried hard to concentrate on what he was saying, but her throat was horribly sore, and she was so groggy and tired she could barely keep her eyes
open
. Breathing was difficult too, and it was only when he brought the car to a standstill and gently shook her awake that she realized she’d dozed off with her mouth open.
She tried to remember what he’d been saying, but it was escaping her, and though there were a hundred things she wanted to say to him they were such a jumble inside her head she just couldn’t grasp them. Except there was something she wanted to tell him about the dinner she’d had with Tom Chambers last night. He’d taken her to the Chaya Brasserie in West Hollywood, which apparently was one of the places to be seen at – or was it something she wanted to tell Tom about Michael? For a fleeting moment she remembered that last night had felt a bit like a date, which had been wonderful at the time. It was ages since anyone had teased and flirted with her like that, and she had to admit she really quite fancied Tom, though today the effort it took even to think of it was simply beyond her.
‘You’ll feel better after you’ve had a sleep,’ Michael told her as he helped her from the car. ‘It’s so damned hot out, and with all this air-conditioning – it takes some getting used to.’
Sandy looked around, blinked a couple of times and felt vaguely bemused. The sun was like a white-hot fire on her skin, even though she could feel herself shivering. ‘Where are we?’ she said.
‘At my house. I hope you don’t mind, but by the time I get you back to the hotel, I’ll be late for the lawyers.’
‘No, that’s fine,’ she said, wanting only to put her head on a pillow and tug the sheet around her like a child. And minutes later, after slipping out of her dress while Michael waited outside, that was exactly what she did.
‘Are you OK?’ he asked, putting his head round the door.
‘Mmm,’ she murmured, snuggling in deeper.
‘I’m sorry it has to be Robbie’s room, but Ellen’s
parents
are in one of the guest-rooms, and my mother’s in the other. I don’t know where everyone is right now, but no-one should disturb you. Here,’ he said, leaning over her and flicking off the intercom, ‘you won’t want your snores echoing all over the house.’
She smiled, and watched as he went to pull the curtains.
‘I’ll come back for you in a couple of hours,’ he said, and as he closed the door gently behind him she could already feel herself drifting into sleep.
It was late afternoon when Matty pulled into the driveway of Ellen and Michael’s house. There were no other cars around, not even the Geo Ellen’s parents had rented. But the garage doors were closed, so there was no telling who was at home without going to check.
Though everything looked locked-up and deserted, to Matty’s surprise, when she knocked on the front door it came open. This unnerved her a little, as the last thing she wanted was to walk in on burglars, but since Ellen wasn’t at the office, the dressmaker’s, the caterer’s, or any other meeting Maggie knew about, there was a chance she was here at home. If she was, she wasn’t answering the phone, but maybe she’d only just got here.
‘Ellen!’ she called, looking through the huge sliding picture windows to the garden as she crossed to the study. ‘Ellen!’
After checking the kitchen and den she walked back across the sitting-room and opened the door that led to the master suite. ‘Ellen!’ she called again.
Still no reply.
She glanced up the stairs to the guest suite. Ellen’s parents were staying there until after the wedding, but there were no sounds to say anyone was around, so Matty continued along the narrow hall and into the vast muslin-draped bedroom that overlooked the garden
and
pool. She felt a quick jolt of unease as she noticed Ellen’s purse on the bed – if she was here, why wasn’t she answering?
‘Ellen? Are you there?’ she said, going to the bathroom. Her heart was starting to thud as she pushed open the door, then she gasped as she saw Ellen standing in front of the mirror.
‘Oh God, there you are,’ she said with a laugh of relief. ‘You had me worried. What are …’ She stopped as she realized Ellen hadn’t moved, then, following Ellen’s eyes to the narrow white tube lying on the marble counter in front of her, she felt her heart turn inside out.
‘Oh my God,’ she murmured. ‘Please tell me that’s not what I think it is.’
Ellen didn’t answer, and for a moment Matty could only stare at her. It was true she’d had her suspicions, but she guessed, like Ellen, she hadn’t wanted even to think them. But now here was the evidence, staring them right in the face, and even Matty could feel the world starting to fold.
Going to Ellen she turned her round and held her fiercely in her arms. ‘It’s all right,’ she said. ‘It’s going to be all right. We’ll work it out.’
Ellen didn’t move. Her arms hung limply at her sides, her eyes stared vacantly ahead.
‘Ellen, listen to me. Listen,’ Matty said, shaking her gently. ‘We’re going to work this out, OK? It’s going to be all right.’
Ellen’s eyes drew focus, but as she looked at Matty she smiled the saddest smile Matty had ever seen. Matty wrapped her in her arms again and as she felt her body shake with sobs, she looked at the pregnancy test and felt the whole horrible nightmare of what it meant start to engulf her. Of course, it explained why Ellen had been the way she had these past few weeks – she’d suspected this, but hadn’t had the courage to face it. And who could blame her for that, when she was just days away
from
getting married and had no way of knowing whether the father was Michael or Tom.
‘Matty, what am I going to do?’ she choked. ‘Oh God, what am I going to do?’
‘Come and sit down,’ Matty said, leading her towards the bed. ‘Come on. You’re going to be OK. We’re going to figure this out.’
‘I can’t get married now,’ Ellen said, her voice racked with pain. ‘I love Michael too much to …’ She took a breath. ‘Oh God, maybe this … this is God’s way of making me let him go so he can be with Michelle and Robbie and I won’t be in the way any more.’
‘Sssh,’ Matty said. ‘That’s not true. For all we know the baby’s his, and if it is that doesn’t make any sense. When were you ovulating? Do you know?’
Ellen nodded and bit down hard on her lips as fresh tears filled her eyes. ‘It was right around the time I slept with Tom,’ she answered, her voice high-pitched with misery. ‘I slept with Michael the Sunday before, then again the Sunday after. And the Friday in between was when I slept with Tom.’
‘It would be foolish to ask if you used contraception,’ Matty said.
Ellen closed her eyes. ‘Do you think I’d be in this state if I had?’ she said. ‘Oh God, what am I going to do? It’s going to break his heart. He’ll never forgive me, I know he won’t. But it’s not fair, Matty. It’s just not fair. He sleeps with Michelle and gets away with it. And I only slept with Tom out of some ridiculous fit of pique and look what a mess I’m in now. It’s just not fair.’
‘I know,’ Matty soothed. ‘But there are ways out of it, Ellen. I mean, you could always …’ Her eyes dropped to Ellen’s stomach.
‘Have an abortion?’ Ellen finished. ‘Matty, I’m getting married in five days. How the hell am I going to get an abortion between now and then without Michael finding out? And besides, it’s just not an option. It can’t
be
. The baby could be his and …’ She started to shake her head. ‘No, I couldn’t do it, Matty. I just couldn’t.’
Matty’s eyes went down. As far as she could see it was the only way out. Not that she really approved either, but when needs must and all that. But Ellen was right, she couldn’t get it done before the wedding now, and even if she could, there wouldn’t be any hiding it from Michael.
‘His mother’s so thrilled about us getting married,’ Ellen wept. ‘She’s been so wonderful ever since she arrived. She’s been dealing with Robbie and trying to make things better there and … Oh, Matty, you’ve met her. She’s so lovely and sweet and adores Michael and Robbie so much. She told me this morning how happy she was to be getting me as a daughter. She hardly knows me, Matty, but she’s prepared to accept me … She’s even been talking about going to spend some time with Mom and Dad on the farm in Nebraska before she goes back to England. They’re all getting along so well.’ She laughed through her tears. ‘Well, you know the Irish. Dad’s taken them all out in the car now. They’ve gone down to the church to get a look at where they’re going to sit on Saturday. They’re so excited. Matty, how can I let them down? And how the hell can I put Michael through the shame of anyone knowing why we’ve called everything off? I can’t do it, Matty. I just can’t do it.’
Matty sat quietly thinking, trying to imagine what she would do were she in Ellen’s shoes. In the end she had to agree with Ellen, she couldn’t call it off, so maybe the answer was to deal with it all after the wedding.
Ellen’s eyes were steeped in pain. ‘But it’ll be like trapping him,’ she said. ‘And the deceit … I can’t do that to him either, Matty.’
Matty looked at her helplessly, for no matter how hard she tried she knew she had no more chance of coming up with the right answer than Ellen did. ‘Then I think,’ she said finally, ‘you’re going to have to talk to
him
now and let him make the decision whether you go ahead or not.’
Ellen blanched. ‘Oh God, no,’ she murmured, a terrible fear darkening her eyes. ‘Not now. I can’t do it now.’
‘Well, it’s either before or after,’ Matty said gently.
Ellen looked frantically around the room, a hand pressed to her head as she tried to make herself think. ‘Not today,’ she said. ‘I can’t do it today. Michelle and Cavan are arriving tonight …’ She stopped as her heart caught on the thought of Michelle.
‘Tell me they’re not staying here,’ Matty said.
Ellen shook her head. ‘Vic Warren’s got a house just along the road. They’re staying with him.’ Her face suddenly showed all the torment she was feeling inside. ‘It’s where Michael’s supposed to be staying on Friday night,’ she added brokenly.
Matty inhaled deeply and wished to God she knew what to say.
‘I’d better get rid of it,’ Ellen said.
Matty looked at her in amazement.
‘The test,’ Ellen said, getting up from the bed. ‘I’d better throw it away.’
Matty followed her into the bathroom. ‘Where are you going to put it?’ she asked.
Ellen looked at her helplessly. ‘I don’t know,’ she answered.
Matty held out her hand. ‘I’ll see to it,’ she said.
Ellen handed it over, then turned to splash cold water on her face. ‘I’m meeting everyone at Ed Debevick’s in half an hour,’ she said. ‘You know, the diner where the staff sing and dance on the tables.’
‘I used to be one of the staff,’ Matty reminded her.
Ellen nodded absently. ‘We’re eating there before we go to the airport for Michelle,’ she said. ‘Michael’s meeting us there.’ Her face started to crumple. ‘How am I going to face him?’
‘You’ll do it,’ Matty said firmly.
Ellen looked anything but convinced.
‘You’ll do it because you love him and because you have to,’ Matty told her. ‘Now come on, dry your face, brush your hair and I’ll come down to Ed’s with you.’
Sandy, lying quietly in Robbie’ bed, had heard every word of Ellen and Matty’s conversation. It seemed that the intercom Michael thought he’d turned off had somehow managed to switch to two-way transmission.
For a long time after their cars had left the drive Sandy lay where she was, stunned, not only by what she had heard, but by the fact that she had heard it at all. It was so utterly beyond belief that she could hardly take it in. Yet the fortuitousness of it, as well as everything it meant, was already working so fast in her mind she could barely keep up with it.
There was no doubt now that she had the means to put an end to the wedding, and were it not for the fact that she actually felt sorry for Ellen, she might have laughed out loud. Instead she made do with a smile and marvelled again at the way fate had delivered the solution right into her lap when she’d all but given up hope of ever finding one. Indeed, all those attempts at poisoning Michael’s mind against Ellen, the lies, the deceit, even the self-delusion now seemed so pathetic in light of what life itself had cooked up. So it just went to prove, if something was meant to be, life would most assuredly deliver.
Her eyes closed as a surge of euphoria welled up from her heart. It wasn’t until she got up from the bed and a dizzy spell overtook her that she remembered she was ill. But whether it was the sleep that had helped her, or this earth-shattering piece of providence, she had no idea. All she knew was that she no longer felt even half as bad as she had when Michael dropped her off, and now she could hardly wait for him to come back.
Or maybe now wasn’t the time to tell him. She
couldn’t
say why she felt that, except her instincts seemed to be warning her not to act too hastily. There were five days between now and the wedding … She stopped at the sudden notion of standing up in church as the priest asked if anyone knew of just cause or impediment, and announcing Ellen’s secret to the world. Her heart started to race. The very idea of it was so shocking and dramatic that she seriously doubted she had the courage to do it. But it certainly had its appeal, and after giving all her other options some thought she might find herself right back at this one, so she wasn’t discarding it yet.