‘Will you marry her, if it’s yours?’ she asked.
He laughed in surprise. ‘I think we’re getting a bit ahead of ourselves,’ he said. ‘Remember, she’s married to Michael and my guess is, despite all this, that’s the way they both want it to stay.’
‘What about Michael?’ she said. ‘Obviously he knows now, so how are you going to face him? What are you going to say?’
‘God knows,’ he answered. ‘But I can tell you this, it’s not a meeting I’m looking forward to, on any level.’
Lifting her head to look at him, she said, ‘The movie’s safe. World Wide will be making it, come what may. I made sure of that before we left LA.’
His eyes were widening. ‘How did you do that?’ he asked.
‘I talked to Ted Forgon. He’s the boss, remember? And as he’s about to take over the reins again, or so he tells me, he’s the one who’ll be making the decisions. And I happen to know that he wants Michael to executive produce your movie.’
Tom looked sceptical. ‘It might be what he wants,’ he
said
, ‘but I don’t hold out much hope of Michael staying with it, not now. Except, with all the money he’s raised, the loyalty …’
Sandy smiled. ‘I promise you, Ted Forgon’ll make it in Michael’s best interests to continue.’
Tom frowned as he thought about that, not appearing to like the sound of it. ‘And what about Ellen?’ he said.
Sandy shrugged. ‘What about her? It can happen much more easily without her than it can without Michael, especially now Vic Warren’s about to join. And besides, Ellen’s going to be too busy going off to the doctor’s, or putting her feet up, or knitting, or whatever pregnant women do.’
The lines around his eyes deepened as he smiled. ‘Not quite the image I have of a pregnant Ellen,’ he responded, ‘but I take your point. And with the way things are there’s every chance she won’t want to stay on the movie.’
‘Precisely,’ Sandy agreed, knowing full well that what Ellen did or didn’t want was going to count for nothing now that she, Sandy, had done a deal with Forgon. Of course there was every chance that Michael would want Ellen off the movie too, considering her involvement meant spending so much time with Tom. So, it was a pretty safe bet that Ellen Shelby was already history where
Rachel’s Story
was concerned, and as she, Sandy, had already been named a producer, there didn’t seem to be any reason for her not to be in LA as often as she liked in the forthcoming months.
Michael looked from Robbie to Michelle and back again. They were in Robbie’s bedroom and in the flickering grey-blue light of the silent TV they appeared almost dreamlike. Michael wondered if there was anything he wouldn’t give for this to be just a dream.
‘Do you understand what we’re saying, sweetheart?’ Michelle said, smoothing Robbie’s hair.
Robbie nodded. He was sitting up in bed, fiddling with the hanging cord of his Batman lamp. Spot was next to him, snuffling in his sleep.
From where he was sitting on a beanbag next to the bed Michael looked up at his son’s confused and worried face and fought back a surge of emotion.
Michelle spoke again. ‘We understand how difficult this is for you, darling,’ she said, ‘and you don’t have to give us an answer straight away, OK?’
Robbie looked at her with his wide blue eyes. ‘I want you to stay here with me and Daddy and Spot,’ he said, his lips starting to tremble.
‘I know you do, darling,’ she said, and Michael could see how hard it was for her not to draw him into her arms. ‘But we just tried to explain why that can’t happen. It’s not that Mummy and Daddy don’t love each other, because we do, it’s just that we love other people too. Most of all though we love you, which is why you get to choose which one of us you want to live with.’
Robbie turned to his father, and though Michael met his gaze the possibility of losing this child, whom he loved more than his own life, was tearing him apart so badly that he didn’t know how much longer he could hold on.
‘Mummy has to go back to Pakistan for a while,’ he said, repeating what Michelle had already told him. ‘But after, in a few weeks, if you decide you want to live with her, she and Uncle Cavan will fly back here to get you and take you to live in London. You’ll be near Gran and Auntie Colleen and all your cousins.’
‘Can’t you come too?’ he said.
Michael shook his head, then followed Robbie’s eyes to Spot as the shaggy little black bundle shifted and groaned. He hadn’t asked about the dog yet, probably just assumed that wherever he went the dog would go too. The truth of it was, though, that at any time now it
was
likely to be just Michael and Spot in this great big house, for Britain’s quarantine laws would prevent Robbie taking his beloved pet with him.
‘I want to go to sleep now,’ Robbie said abruptly, and snuggling down into his sheet he put an arm around Spot and buried his face.
Michelle’s eyes came up to Michael, then without saying any more they quietly left the room.
‘He’s too young to make this decision,’ Michelle whispered after closing the door behind them.
‘I know,’ Michael answered, ‘but what else can we do?’
Michelle looked blindly out at the lamplit garden and pool. Her heart was almost exploding with the need to beg him to make a go of it. She could come here and he could continue with World Wide. That way they could be the family Robbie wanted. It was what she wanted too, more than anything else, but with the way things stood between Michael and Ellen she knew that now wasn’t the time to discuss it. In truth there would probably never be a time, because despite the terrible dilemma he and Ellen were now facing, in her heart Michelle knew that he was never again going to feel the same way about her that he once had.
Turning to look at him, she smiled and gave his hand a quick squeeze, before starting back to the sitting-room.
Michael followed and went to the bar to fix them a drink, while Michelle sat down with Cavan and Clodagh.
‘We’ve left it with him,’ Michelle said, slipping a hand into Cavan’s.
Clodagh looked over at Michael and felt his pain clawing into her heart. This had to be harder on him than he was ever going to admit, and she blamed herself for the way he was unable to share it. She wished to God she knew what had happened between him and Ellen. Whatever it was, he obviously didn’t want to discuss it
and
until he did she knew she was never going to get this break-up to make sense. One minute they were the happiest couple alive, living it up at the wedding of the year, the next they were back from honeymoon, separated and barely speaking. What on earth could have gone so wrong in such a short space of time?
‘Here you are,’ he said, passing her a small brandy.
Taking it, she looked over at Michelle whose head was resting on Cavan’s shoulder. She’d always cared for Michelle, ever since she’d come into Michael’s life; it was taking some getting used to seeing her with Cavan though, especially with the difference in their ages. Not that it was any of Clodagh’s business, but she would dearly love to see Michelle and Michael back together, if only for the sake of their son. She was a realist, however, so knew that wasn’t going to happen, not even in the face of this mysterious rift.
‘Aren’t you having one?’ Clodagh said, as Michael handed drinks to Cavan and Michelle.
He shook his head. ‘No, I’m going to take a shower, then I’ve got some reading to do before I go into the office tomorrow.’
Knowing that meant he wanted to be alone, Clodagh squeezed his hand as he kissed her, then listened for the door closing behind him. When it did, she looked at Michelle.
‘I know he’s confided in you what happened between him and Ellen,’ she said, ‘and I’m not going to ask you to break his trust, but is there nothing you can do to make any of this any easier for him?’
Michelle swallowed hard. ‘I swear to you, Clodagh,’ she said, ‘if I could, I would.’
Clodagh’s face seemed to collapse, and looking down at her brandy she felt her son’s despair as though it were her own.
‘It’s good you’re staying on, Ma,’ Cavan said, recognizing her need to help. ‘If nothing else he’s going
to
want you here for Robbie – at least until Robbie decides what he’s going to do.’
After taking a shower Michael towelled himself dry, searched out some clean shorts and resisted the urge to call Ellen. He had nothing to say to her, he guessed he just wanted to hear her voice, but he could live without it. Somewhere, deep down inside, he knew he was still angry, but he had it in much better control now and imagined it would stay that way, just as long as he didn’t have to spend too much time around his mother whose kindness and concern were driving him nuts. Still, he’d have to get used to it, as Michelle and Cavan, the buffers, were leaving tomorrow, so with Lucina having made an abrupt return to Mexico, it was going to be just him, Clodagh and Robbie for a while.
Feeling bad at his resentment towards his mother, he was almost tempted to go back out there, but knowing he was too on edge to deal with much else today, he stayed where he was.
From a different emotional perspective, losing Robbie was going to be every bit as bad as losing Ellen, and with it coming at the same time he had to accept that he was going to be dealing with the most difficult time he would probably ever have to face. Nothing was going to make it easy, but not for the first time in his life a sixth sense was telling him he was handling it all wrong. But no matter which way he looked at the problems, he just couldn’t figure out a way that felt right.
Knowing he was in danger of going round and round in circles if he didn’t at least try to focus on something else for a while, he took a stack of contracts from his briefcase and got into bed. As there was no particular urgency attached to them, nor any real need for his scrutiny, it wasn’t long before he found himself reaching for the latest scenes Tom had given him for
Rachel’s Story
– scenes Tom and Ellen had worked on prior to the wedding.
Knowing that the child Ellen was carrying had very probably been conceived along with these scenes wasn’t exactly helping him give them a fair reading, and as they contained some tender moments between Rachel and Tom, it was proving about as pleasurable as a kick in the face. However, he had determined to go on with the movie, for far too many people had put their trust in him for him to let them down now and as it was a project he had believed in from the start, he wasn’t prepared to let his personal feelings get in the way.
With Vic Warren about to take over the script, there was no reason for Ellen to remain involved, and when he and Tom had met the day before Tom had shown no signs of insisting. In fact, Ellen had hardly been mentioned, and certainly the baby hadn’t, for as far as Michael was aware Tom didn’t even know, and he had no intention of being the one to tell him. Nevertheless, their meeting had been strained and awkward: the unspoken fact that Tom had slept with Ellen was right there between them.
Obviously, it would help matters considerably if Ellen were to resign, though it certainly wasn’t what Michael wanted, even if it was causing him problems seeing her every day in the office. That was going to get harder once her pregnancy started to show, and God only knew what the press were going to do then, as they were bad enough now with their sly innuendos, ludicrous speculation and blatant untruths. But that was something they would have to deal with when the time came – for now all that mattered was getting the movie ready to shoot and watching his back every minute of the day in readiness for Ted Forgon’s knife.
He had a meeting scheduled with Forgon at the end of the week. It would be the first time they’d talked, privately at least, since Forgon had raised the flag of his comeback. He didn’t imagine the meeting would be pleasant, few dealings with Forgon ever were, but there
was
no way of avoiding it, and in some ways he was actually looking forward to it. After all, Forgon now had what he wanted, Michael McCann in his power, and it was going to be interesting to find out exactly how the old man was planning to finish him.
Hearing Michelle and Cavan climb the stairs to the guest suite above, he turned out his own light and lay in the darkness. The intensity with which he missed Ellen was cruel, but he knew even if she were there he would be unable to hold her, or make love to her, or deceive himself even for a minute that the child was his. Michelle had been as shocked as he was when he’d confided in her, had felt guilty and responsible and desperately sorry for Ellen. He wondered if she’d told Cavan, but doubted it, as the entire truth would entail confessing her own part in the betrayal. Were it not for the fact that he still loved Ellen so much, he knew it would have been very easy for him to turn to Michelle right now, for he had felt much closer to her lately than he had to anyone else. Indeed his admiration and love for her had grown considerably these past few days for the way she’d coped, not just with Robbie and the break-up of his marriage, but with the fact that she was no longer going to play the part of Rachel. As far as he knew no-one had ever told her that her casting was in jeopardy, so the decision not to play Rachel had been entirely hers. Having seen what problems it had caused already with her being here, she had judged it in everyone’s best interests for her to withdraw. It was a truly noble gesture, and one that was very typical of her.
Rearranging his pillows, he put his hands behind his head and stared out at the moon. He doubted he would sleep much, he hadn’t since Ellen had gone. God only knew how much worse it was going to be if Robbie went too, and he ached for the decision his son’s little five-year-old heart was having to reach. No child should be forced to choose between his parents, but neither he nor
Michelle
had seen any way round it. He had to know that they both loved and wanted him, that whatever he decided was fine by them.
It was around two in the morning when he heard his bedroom door creak open. Sitting up he saw Robbie standing in the moonlight, Spot right behind him, and not for the first time Michael realized that if his son knew there was a chance he’d have to leave his precious dog then he would almost undoubtedly stay.