Taking Heart (15 page)

He'd been here less than a week and, while it had been extremely positive for his treatment so far, he wasn't anywhere near where he needed to be to live a productive life again. He might never be there. He couldn't burden Julia with half a man, half a life.

It would make him no better than his father, who'd been so drunk most nights he couldn't even function. When he wasn't passed out, he was yelling at them, striking out at them for the misery within him. Dylan couldn't be sure he wouldn't turn out the same way. He might not be taking his sleeping pills any longer, but there were still the anxiety medications, and he hadn't completely stopped the painkillers yet. Too many medications he was still taking just to function, and he might never be off of them. He could end up hating his life like his father. He might abandon what he thought he'd once wanted the way his father had. He didn't want to hurt Julia, and he was nothing more than a walking grenade, just as destructive as the one that ended his career.

Roscoe moved to the side of the bed and stealthily jumped up to lie stretched out alongside Dylan, nudging his elbow. “Hey, boy, you're going to wake Julia.” He reached over and rubbed the dog's head. “You know exactly what I'm thinking, don't you?”

Roscoe lifted one eyebrow and looked at him, compassion easily visible in his golden brown eyes.

“I'm okay,” Dylan reassured the dog, wondering if he'd lost his mind completely to have a conversation with an animal.

His therapist would probably tell him it was a good thing, that he was starting to reach out again and make connections. Relationships had been strained if not nonexistent since his return. The only person he was still connected to was his brother, and even that bond had been labored. Once outgoing and gregarious, Dylan had become withdrawn since his discharge. He found himself caring less about others, even his brother, while he retreated further into his own shell. But that had changed since arriving here.

Roscoe and Julia had given him a purpose to his life again. He found it less desirable to hide behind a barrier than the joy he found in Julia's smile, or working Roscoe on the obstacle course. He wanted to take the dog out, to put their bond to the test. The fact that he'd barely suffered from any flashbacks and that the sleeping pills sat unused in the guest room floored him. Any attempt doctors had made to lower them had resulted in the opposite—more flashbacks, violent outbursts, and excruciating pain from the headaches that plagued him. But here, he'd been able to forgo the pain medication, since he hadn't had a headache yet. He hadn't touched his sleeping pills, yet he was sleeping better than he had in years, even before the attack. There was only one explanation.

And Dylan refused to ruin her life. He cared about her too much for that.

He needed answers, but he wasn't going to get them tonight. That didn't stop his mind from spinning, playing out every scenario in his head, keeping him from sleep. Not wanting to disturb Julia, Dylan motioned to Roscoe to get off the bed and followed the dog, pulling on his sweats as he rose. The pair made their way down the hall to the kitchen in the early dawn, where Dylan found Chase seated at the table, a cup of coffee in hand while he stared out the window intently.

Chase didn't even bother to look his way. “Have a seat, Dylan. There's fresh coffee in the pot if you are staying up.”

“What are you doing up?”

“Someone has to keep an eye out, so I planned on watching the place during the night since you and Gage will be with her most of the day anyway.”

“What makes you think I'd be any good at protecting her?” Dylan poured himself a cup. “I'm here for a reason, you know.”

“I'm betting you're ex-military, PTSD.” Dylan had either misjudged Chase's astuteness, or his ability to hide his issues.

“Good guess,” Dylan confirmed as he took a sip of the bitter brew. Chase's gut must be lined with cast iron to stomach this coffee. “You were military, too, right?”

Chase raised a brow. “How'd you guess?”

Dylan shrugged. “Certain tells . . . the haircut, but mostly the look in your eyes. We all have a hardness, like we've seen too much of the wrong things.” He grimaced as he took another sip of the coffee. “Not to mention only a soldier would suggest using a woman as bait for a madman. She's not collateral damage.”

Dylan had already made his position on this plan clear to Julia, but he wasn't about to let this man risk her life, even if she was willing.

“That's not what I'm doing, Dylan.”

“You know damn well he is going to come for her eventually, and you're using her to make your job easier. You couldn't find him. This way, your presence will piss him off and draw him out sooner. Do I have it about right?”

“We both know he's coming for her whether I'm here or not.” Chase shook his head. “At least this way, she has some protection. I like Julia. We grew up together. Unless you're from a small town, you don't understand. Everyone is part of a big extended family, sort of like in the military.”

“Then why are you doing this?”

“Why are you staying?” Chase confronted him with the same question he'd been asking himself for days. “Your presence here is likely what drew him out in the first place. To see her with another man must be making him crazy, well, crazier. He's been quiet for the past two months, and he suddenly comes out of the woodwork when you show up. You know as well as I do, it's not a coincidence.”

Dylan didn't need Chase to point it out. He was well aware that he'd likely been the cause, considering the timing and the fact that he was now Evan's main target. Guilt washed over him, and he clenched his jaw, trying to stem the flow as it made his chest constrict. If anything happened to Julia, it was his fault.

“He's already on the warpath, Dylan. He's out to prove to Julia she's his, and he's not going to stop now. Even if we leave. Leaving would only make her more vulnerable to another attack. By staying, we have a chance at catching him.” Chase spun his cup slowly between his hands. “As much as I hate this, it's the best plan we've got. Because, if he gets his hands on her again, I don't think he'll let her live long enough to make it to the hospital again.”

J
ULIA WOKE THE
next morning, reaching across the bed, her fingers caressing Tango's head, sprawled out where Dylan had been lying when she fell asleep. She sat up and looked around the room, but there was no sign of him having been there other than his musky scent that still clung to her pillow. She inhaled it, feeling her insides throb heavily as her pulse immediately sped up at the thought of their lovemaking. She smiled. At least this time they'd been prepared.

She rose and dug through her dresser for a tank top and pair of lounge pants before running her fingers through her hair and brushing her teeth quickly. She looked at her reflection. She could see the toll Evan's reappearance had taken on her in the dark circles that framed her eyes. Had it not been for Dylan's presence, she would look far worse since she'd be unable to sleep at all. She heard Tango jump off the bed and saw him plop his big butt in front of the door.

“Ready for breakfast?” He let out a quick bark. “Okay, come on. Let's go find Roscoe and Dylan.”

Tango led the way into the kitchen, where Dylan sat, staring out the window with Roscoe sleeping at his feet. Had the dog been in any other position, she'd have worried at Dylan's hyperfocused state.

“Good morning,” she greeted him as she walked into the room.

“Morning. Coffee is hot and I made it.” Her brows creased in confusion, and he gave her a lopsided grin. “Wait until you taste Chase's coffee, you'll be more grateful for mine.”

“Great.” She rolled her eyes. “You were up early. It's barely seven now.”

Dylan rubbed his eyes and raised his mug to his lips. “Never went to sleep.”

She turned to him, surprised by his admission. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. Just tired now.” He rose from his seat and walked toward her, his hands falling at her waist and pulling her toward him. Heat curled along her spine at his touch. “Want some help feeding the dogs this morning?”

“I wouldn't turn it down.” She slid her hands around his neck, loving the way her entire body seemed to warm at his nearness. Like a hot toddy on a cold night, it spread through her slowly and relaxed her.

Dylan tipped his head toward her, his mouth brushing against hers.

“Crap, again?” Gage threw his hands up as he walked into the kitchen. “Either you two need to take a break for a while, or I have the world's worst timing.”

Dylan looked back over his shoulder at his brother but refused to let her go. “Would you ever stop kissing her?”

Julia felt the heat flood into her cheeks as Dylan and Gage laughed. “No, I don't think I would,” Gage admitted as Dylan dropped a quick kiss on the tip of her nose.

“Have your coffee and I'll go start cleaning the kennels for you.”

“I'll come out, just let me change.”

“Relax, Roscoe and I have this. Enjoy your coffee.” The dog looked up at him and cocked his head to the side. Dylan loaded his cup into the dishwasher and slipped out the back door with Roscoe.

“I don't know what you've done with him, but I have to thank you, Julia.”

She watched Dylan walk toward the kennel. “I haven't done anything, I swear.”

“My brother would never
offer
to clean dog crap unless you'd done something.” Gage grinned and shook his head in disbelief. “You have no idea how much he's already changed since being here. He's like the older brother I remember when I was growing up. He used to joke around and enjoy just being with people. He loved people. It didn't matter who. Since he came home, he never leaves his room.”

She took the seat across from him as Dylan disappeared inside the building. It was interesting to see Dylan through Gage's eyes. “I think he would have made a great doctor, but he went into the military instead.”

“Why?” Dylan was such a magnetic person; she'd wondered, in spite of what he said, how he'd ended up in the military instead of college.

“Mr. Responsible?” He tipped his chin down to give her a teasing look. “He saw it as his job to take Dad's place as man of the house. Even when he was young. He worked several jobs in high school just to help Mom make ends meet. He made sure I went to college, but he'd always assumed the military was the only place where he could still take care of his family. It's just who he was.”

“You don't agree with his choice?”

Gage shrugged. “I think he had a choice, even if he didn't think so.” He sipped his own coffee. “But he's always taken his role as the family provider seriously. That meant sacrificing his own future for mine. Although, he excelled in the military. It actually suited him since it gave him the opportunity to protect and help others.” He took another drink, pausing as if he was thinking about what he'd told her. “I don't know, maybe it
was
the only choice for him. He's always done exactly what he loved to do. Who am I to judge?”

“You know him better than most. Was he happy?”

“I think he was.” Gage shrugged, and his eyes grew distant and sad. “Until he came home. He was a different person once he was discharged. Remember how he was that first day? Bitter, angry? Distant?” She nodded. “Well, that was a huge improvement. I can't tell you how many nights I've been woken by his nightmares, or how many holes I've had to repair in my walls when he gets frustrated.”

“PTSD isn't something you can rush your way through. I should know.” She twisted her mouth to the side, biting the inside of her cheek. “It never really goes away, you know. It can get better, but you just learn to live around it and minimize the symptoms as much as possible. From what I've seen, he's come farther than most in a short time.”

“Have you told him that?” Gage looked at her pointedly. “My brother doesn't see himself ever having a ‘normal' life again.” He held up his fingers for air quotes. “He might be a great medic, but he's a horrible patient. Except where you're concerned. You seem to have broken through that barrier for him. I've heard him laugh more since we got here than since he enlisted. You're giving him a reason to engage in life again.” Gage swigged the last of his coffee as Chase shuffled into the kitchen, looking exhausted.

“Coffee?” Chase grunted.

Julia wasn't sure what to think of this many visitors in her house at once. It was usually her and Tango in the big house alone, and now the kitchen was filled with the bustle of constant motion. She rose and grabbed a mug for Chase. “You want anything in it?”

He waved her off and took the mug from her hands, taking a big gulp. Her eyes grew wide. Gage laughed out loud. “Dude, if you ask Dylan, he might be able to put that into an IV for you.”

Chase scratched his head and slid into the chair, flipping his middle finger at Gage, burying his chin into his palm and fighting to keep his eyes open. Julia watched him sympathetically. “Are you sure you really want to work one of the dogs today?”

Chase yawned and nodded. “If nothing else, we need to make it look legit. But after talking with Dad last night, he really does want a search and rescue dog the station can call on. You wouldn't be willing to keep it here, would you?”

“Honestly, search and rescue dogs need to be with their handlers all the time. I can help you train one, but since I'm not the one who'd be going out with the team, it wouldn't do much good to keep it here.”

Chase took a deep breath and downed the entire mug of coffee. “Then, let's head out and find me a dog.”

D
YLAN SAT ON
the stoop with Roscoe as Julia and Chase worked the dogs. It didn't take long before Chase had chosen a beautiful black German shepherd. Rather, she had chosen him. As soon as Julia turned the four dogs she thought were best suited to the job into the yard, Gracie ignored the other dogs and lay down at Chase's feet. When he moved, she went with him, and when he squatted down to watch the dogs work, she sat down.

“Do you really think we need to keep going, Chase? I don't think Gracie is going to give you any option but her,” Julia pointed out.

“You think she'll work?”

“Let's experiment with them.” Julia called all the dogs to her and found a rope toy, letting all the animals play with it for a moment. Gracie obeyed begrudgingly, casting a baleful glance back at Chase. Julia turned all the dogs to face Dylan and told Chase to hide the toy. He finished and returned to her.

“Okay, now what?”

She smiled. “Tell them to find it.”

She showed him the command, which he repeated. All four dogs took off, noses to the ground, searching the yard for the missing toy. Dylan watched in awe as they circled the areas he'd watched Chase drag it through, but Gracie ignored the many twists and turns he'd made, lifting her face to the sky and moving straight for the hedge along the fence where he'd hidden the rope. Gracie began barking a full minute before any of the other dogs even moved toward her. Within a few minutes, all four dogs ended up at the same location.

“Give it to her and praise her,” Julia said as he pulled the toy from deep within the recesses of the shrub. “You saw how she picked up the trail right away? Let's put the others away and see if she will do it without your scent on the object.” Julia turned to Dylan. “Can you hide this while we are inside?”

She handed him the baseball cap she wore, letting her hair fall around her shoulders. He could smell her shampoo and her unique scent, like sunshine and hope. He felt the desire for her rear its head again, and his hands itched to move through her hair, to pull her into another kiss, to forget about training the dogs and take her back into the house. He let his hand move over the back of hers, and saw her eyes darken. She held Gracie by the collar and held the hat to her nose to sniff.

“Any specific place?”

“Wherever you want.” Her voice was slightly breathless, and he wondered if they were still talking about hiding the hat. Dylan watched her walk inside with Chase, and then he walked the perimeter of the yard.

He needed to get control of himself. He was acting like a horny teenager. If he was going to keep her safe, he needed to keep focused on their surroundings. With several hundred acres to the ranch, anyone could be hiding out in the woods and creep up on them at any time. He and Chase needed to constantly be on guard. He'd already learned the hard way that one mistake could cost him dearly. Julia wasn't someone he was willing to risk. Chase was right, his mere presence had put her in the sights of this madman again, and he was going to get her out unharmed.

He tossed the hat on the edge of the gutter at the corner of the kennel roof and walked back to the stoop with Roscoe beside him. He'd quickly come to rely on the dog's constant presence. When Dylan began to drift into his head, usually leading into dangerous territory of flashbacks and living nightmares, Roscoe was right there to paw at him, grounding him in reality. He hadn't thought it possible, but he already couldn't imagine a life outside this property. And staying was something he had no right to think about.

Chase and Julia came back out with Gracie, dragging him back from his wild thoughts of a future with Julia. “Are you ready?” she asked, a wide smile breaking over her lips at the sight of him.

Damn but this woman had him twisted in knots. Just seeing her reaction was enough to fuel his desire. “Yep, let her do her best.”

Chase sent Gracie on her way, and she paused for a moment to look at Julia before hurrying into the middle of the yard. She stopped and turned back to them, cocking her head and looking skyward before running toward the side of the yard and tracing Dylan's steps. Chase followed behind her until she sat in the corner and barked as she looked up. Chase backed up a step and looked on the roof.

“I'll be damned.”

“Grab it and show it to her. Don't forget to praise her.” Chase did as she said, rubbing the dog vigorously. “Who's a good girl?” He dropped to one knee as Gracie began to yip excitedly and jump around him, licking his face.

“That's kinda gross.” Bailey stepped into the yard and laughed at Chase. “And you wonder why you don't have a woman in your life? You keep that up and she's the only girl who's going to kiss you.”

He blushed slightly and stood up, dusting off his pants, giving Bailey a sly grin. “You offering to take her place, Bailey?”

“You wish.” She rolled her eyes and held Julia's cell phone out to her. “I found it on the kitchen table. Justin couldn't get a hold of you, so he wanted me to come check and make sure everything was okay.”

Julia shook her head, taking the phone. “So you got nominated to do his dirty work and spy?”

“Something like that.”

Chase walked toward them and gave Gracie the command to sit.

“If someone would just convince Justin that you guys had this under control”—Bailey looked pointedly at Chase—“I could concentrate on one job today instead of running between here and the clinic several times.”

“Several?” Julia looked at her, confused.

“You think he's not going to send me back this afternoon? You know how overprotective he gets. He's like a dog with a bone.”

“Let him know he can calm down,” Dylan said as Julia scrolled through her missed calls and texts. “The two of us have this under control.” He saw her face go white, her hand moving to her throat. She looked as if she'd just seen a ghost. “Julia?”

Chase and Bailey looked at her.

“No, no.” She backed up a step and almost fell from the stoop. She handed her phone to Dylan, and he looked at the screen.

“I said no cops. You should have listened,” he read aloud, and showed Chase the picture that accompanied the text. It showed Dylan hiding the hat through what appeared to be a gun sight.