Taking Mine (17 page)

TWO DAYS LATER,
Kip confirmed with Jimmy that we were in. I wasn’t there for the actual conversation, but I was there when Taylor received the news. The entire shop was stunned by Taylor’s generosity to buy everyone lunch from the pizza shop down the street. Kip made the comment about counting chickens before they hatch, but nothing could have stopped Taylor from celebrating. Or Dan. His smile was large enough to blind someone. And so help me, I couldn’t shake off their enthusiasm either.

That's why I thought about skipping tonight, but Taylor insisted I should still cover all of my bases. Given the lenience from Kip, Taylor asked Dan if he’d seen any good finds while out scouting. Dan said he spotted this Chevy Impala and the owner is a well-known dealer on the East bank. He frequents a residence there every Monday. The only reason they haven’t made a move is because he’s in and out quick.

I’m at a park about a football field’s length away. I have about a five-minute window. The neighborhood is upscale, on the more residential side of town. Suspicious activity is more likely to be reported. I check my phone. Dan said the dealer gets here between ten and ten thirty. It’s 10:05 and he still hasn’t arrived. It’s hard to tell whether or not he’ll show. I’m nervous this time. Off kilter. The close call with Justin has me on edge.

“I was hoping I wouldn’t find you here.”

Justin’s voice pulls my attention away from the time ticking on my phone. We haven't spoken since I left his apartment, so I don’t why he’s here. Not because we're avoiding each other, but because we've been genuinely busy. Finals week just ended, and we're now in the start of fall break.

And it clicks. I don't bother to ask how he knew, already suspecting Taylor and Dan. How convenient that they had a car already lined up for me. This isn't for me; it's for Justin. It's a final run-through to see if Justin has the balls to go through with it twice. And this time, the stakes are a little higher. Taylor needs another hand with Jimmy's offer coming in.

“Because you don’t want to see me or because you don’t want me to do what I’m about to?”

He sighs, taking a seat on the swing adjacent to mine. “I always want to see you. That’s the problem.” He pulls his cigarettes from his pocket and lights one.

“Sounds utterly conflicting and annoying at the same time.”

He laughs through his nose. “It is. You have no idea.”

“You’re right, I don’t.”

His smile fades. “Can you trust me?” A nearby streetlight casts an orange glow on the both of us. “Trust me when I say you don’t want anything to do with me.”

I don’t react to his words, internally or externally. “That is kind of funny.” I pause to gather my thoughts. “I do trust you, you know. I mean, technically we barely know each other. A couple of months. And yet I feel like if I gave you my life,” I say, pulling his hand toward me, palm up. “And placed it right here…” I close his hand into a fist. “It’d be safe. You’d never let anything bad happen to it.”

I lift my eyes and he’s staring at my hand wrapped around his. I can see the swallow of his throat. “Lilly.” He says my name like he’s in pain.

“Its fine, Justin. I’m not asking anything from you.”

I release his hand from my grasp and we sit in silence. He smokes slowly, and I inhale the smell of it as it billows my way. He doesn’t ask questions as to what we’re waiting for, and I don’t say. It’s a little past ten thirty when the dealer makes his appearance.

He stands when I do. “It’s the Impala?”

“Yeah. We only have about a five-minute window.”

“Okay,” he says, stubbing his cigarette out.

I pop the lock and climb to the passenger side. Justin follows suit without any direction. I hand him the wire strippers and I keep a watch out as he opens the ignition panel and cuts the wires. The car comes to life and we pull away from the curb in record time. It’s incredibly efficient with an extra person helping.

“Are you sure you don’t do this often?”

“More often than I’m proud to admit.” He side-eyes me. “Not recently.”

“You’re doing it right now.”

“Besides now.”

“Because of me?”

He adjusts his seating and places one arm along the window. “Because of you,” he says. His eyes shift from the road, to me, and back again.

When we get to the shop, Dan and Ethan are waiting for us, ready to break the car down. Ethan is more of the silent and get-down-to-business type. I think he’s only ever spoken to me when I’ve addressed him first. It comes as no surprise when he ignores Justin with no questions asked. Dan, not so much.

“Taylor wants to speak with you before you go,” Dan says, motioning over our shoulders to Taylor’s office.

“Yeah, I’d like to have a talk with him as well.”

“Want me to wait here?” Justin says.

“No,” Taylor’s voice cuts in from behind us. “This concerns you, too.”

We crowd into the small office space, and Taylor remains standing as Justin and I take our seats. Taylor jumps right to the point, saying nothing as he turns his computer monitor toward us. Three of Justin’s mug shots stare back from the screen. His age shows in all the pictures, indicating they were taken a long time ago. Justin sits a little straighter.

“You have no right,” I accuse Taylor.

“It’s a matter of public record, Lilly. Anyone can access this information for a small fee. I’m going to look into the person who’s been spending so much time with someone I’m close to, especially someone who makes a habit of engaging in criminal activity.”

I roll my eyes so hard I give myself a headache. “Get real, Taylor. Cut the intimidation tactic. What do you want?”

Taylor finally sits. “There is no tactic. I’m offering him a job.”

All the breath leaves me.

“What job?” Justin asks, leaning forward.

“No,” I cut in before Taylor can respond.

He continues, acting like he didn't hear me. “I assume Lilly’s told you what we do.”

“You’re basically blackmailing him.”

Taylor cuts his attention to me. “I’m not blackmailing anyone. I’m showing him that he has nothing to hide from me.”

“No, you’re implying that his past dictates his future.”

“I’m giving him a choice, Lilly. The same choice I’ve given you.”

“This isn’t about me. This is about him.”

“You’re right. You can leave my office.”

“Lilly.” Justin’s voice cuts through the sound of blood thumping in my ears. He’s telling me to trust him. I see it. It’s ironic considering the conversation we just had. I told him that I did trust him, and now I have to prove it.

Shoving up from my seat, I point a finger in Taylor’s direction. “Don’t forget that you wouldn’t have this job if it weren’t for me.”

Taylor gives a nod of acknowledgment. “And for that I’ll give you the full profit from the Impala after I pay Dan and Ethan their share. I’m only holding Justin to the same standard I hold you, Lilly.”

And that’s the problem. I hold him higher than me.

I help Dan and Ethan box up the parts as they dismember the car. I struggle through listening to Dan goad Ethan into talking about a girl he brought home the night before, only for Ethan to repeatedly tell him to shut up. My eyes wander to the window to Taylor’s office, as if I can see through the blinds and get a feel on the conversation. It’s a full twenty minutes later when the door opens. Taylor shakes Justin’s hand, and he gives me a smirk as he shuts the door and Justin walks away.

I place the last box of parts into Dan’s van for him to deliver, and Justin reaches over and pulls the door shut for me. “So,” I implore.

He shoves his hands into his pockets, making his cotton t-shirt give a little and pull tight over his shoulders. “Think you can give me a ride home?”

I want to immediately jump into questions.

“Can I smoke in here?” he asks as we get in my car.

“Yeah.”

He holds his hand out the window, trying to prevent smoke from getting in. Smoking really is his stress relief. I figure I can withhold the interrogation until he’s done, no matter how much I’m itching on the inside.

His face is deceiving. To the world he looks like an easygoing guy, but underneath that, I’ve seen a mirage of hardship and a sense of desperation. I feel like he’s hiding something. I don’t push. I really wouldn’t know where to start if I did. The only thing I know is that I trust him. And maybe his heart, even if it’s so conflicted.

“Is your brother going to have a problem if I work for Taylor?”

“Kip doesn’t have much to do with this side of the business anymore.”

“Why’s that?”

“I think he wants out. He’s never actually said it, but I can tell. The minute he made enough to support us managing Toby’s, he quit dealing with the orders.”

“And Taylor’s okay with that?”

I shrug. “I don’t know. I think he prefers it this way. He’s never been as interested in running Toby’s as he is selling parts. Toby’s was only supposed to be a front, a well-do business to hide the internal affairs, but Kip has pushed to make it as authentic as he can.”

I pull into a parking spot across from Justin’s apartment, but he makes no move to get out as he finishes smoking.

“Why’d you say he wouldn’t have the job without you?”

“Because I convinced Kip to do it. Jimmy wouldn’t give us the agreement without Kip on board, and I pushed Kip to say yes.”

“You want out from under Taylor. This can make enough for you to quit.”

“Yes,” I say. “For the both of us. Kip wants this too.”

For the first time since coming out of Taylor’s office, he looks at me. It’s the same look he gave me when we were in the shower. Sad. Possessive. Proud? There’s a tiny part of me that recognizes we’re connected in a strange way. The insinuation that I can read his emotions as well as he can mine is staggering.

“It’s hard to turn down so much money. And it’s hard to feel bad when we’re going to be stealing from rich assholes,” he says.

“Yeah.”

A crowd of students stumble past my car, rocking the vehicle back and forth. Laughter filters in from the outside. “Want to come inside?”

It’s only been a few days since Justin and I were alone in his apartment together, yet it feels like a lifetime. But in that lifetime, the disappointment lingers. For whatever reason holding him back, I can’t fix it or force it. It’s something he has to figure out on his own.

I read in a case study once where the defense won based on the concept of mamihlapinatapai. It’s when two people look at each other and both of them are wishing the other would initiate something they both desire. Right now, he wants me to say yes, to give in. He’s torturing himself and, in turn, torturing me.

“No, I think I’m going to head home.”

I can see the small amount of anticipation he had diminish, and I instantly want to retract. I’ve relived our time together, and I want it. Bad. It’s really all I can think about. And that’s the scariest part. So, I hold on to my resolve and bite my tongue.

“Okay. I’ll see you at the next study group?” It’s a question, so I nod. “Okay,” he repeats as he gets out of my car.

He’s halfway across the parking lot when I remember there’s a very important question I still have yet to ask. I roll down my window and yell, “Justin.” He turns to me. “What did you say to Taylor?”

“Yes, on one condition… I go with you.”

I smile. I can’t help it. He winks at me before he ascends the stairs, skipping every other step.

THE FIRE IS STARTING TO SCORCH
my skin, so I take a step back, letting the cold settle back in. I’m on my first date with Matt, if you can call it that. We’re at a party off campus. Some rich kid down the street from Kaley’s house decided to throw one last minute. When Matt texted and asked me to hang out, this isn’t quite what I had in mind, but it’s everything I ever expected a kegger to be.

Girls are dressed in their skimpiest outfits, sitting in the living room and watching a group of jocks play beer pong. Girls in short shorts, girls in bikinis, girls in no bikinis, and considering it’s freaking cold, it’s fucking ridiculous. The backyard is big enough for an in-ground swimming pool and a fire pit and that’s it.