Taking Shots (Assassins) (68 page)

Because she didn’t loved him anymore.

Shea didn’t know what was more pathetic, the fact that he was alone and couldn’t even fuck a simple female or that he didn’t want anyone but her, because there was no way he could replace her.

No matter how hard he tried.

Their whole breakup still blew his mind. It had been ten weeks since it happened and still every day he would replay the whole fight, still not understanding how she didn’t realize that he had been played. Wondering why she threw all those things in his face, making shit up, knowing damn well she was wrong for it. He would never be with someone because of their money, didn’t he tell her that so many times before.

Maybe not, maybe that’s why she left him because he didn’t tell her enough how much he loved her and only her. How her eyes would light up his day, how her kisses would stun him for weeks. How waking up beside her would start his day off right. How after talking to her, he wore a permanent grin for the rest of the day. How her smile made him believe that life was worth living. How he needed her kisses like he needed to breathe. Maybe he didn’t tell her enough that she was the one.

What had he done wrong?

Why didn’t she believe him?

He had once thought their love could overcome anything. Boy, how wrong he was, he thought, as he crumbled down onto the hardwood of his bedroom, holding on to the ring she was supposed to wear. Holding on to the dream he thought he had with her.

God, he was pathetic.

When Shea opened his eyes, he was staring at a pair of the same shoes
she
always wore. He followed the legs up, seeing that the shoes didn’t belong to
her
but to his sister. A very angry sister. When she reared back and kicked him hard in the stomach, Shea let out a horrid gasp, clutching his stomach since she knocked the wind out of him.

“
You stupid piece of shit, how dare you!” she screamed as she rear back to kick him again but he got a hold of her ankle before she made contact, pushing her back, so she landed on her ass, as he tried to get away.

“
Crazy bitch! Who kicks their family!?” Shea said, getting up, and stumbling to the bathroom to promptly puke. As he expelled the contents from the night before, Grace stood above him, screaming at him.

“
Who fucking doesn’t call their only sister, their fucking twin, for two months! Who puts a five year old boy through the pain of missing their favorite person! Who Shea! Oh, yeah! You! So yes, I kick my family when they are fucking stupid!”

“
Oh, God, please shut up!” Shea said before continuing to puke, but that didn’t stop Grace.

“
Hell, no, I won’t shut up! Do you know who I had to hear that you guys had broken up!? Elli. I called her because I couldn’t get a hold of you. She couldn’t even get out that you guys weren’t together anymore she was crying so bad! What the hell did you do!”

“
I’m going to puke on your shoes if you don’t fucking leave me alone,” he warned, looking up at her as he wiped his mouth. She was enraged, ready to kill him probably.

“
You puke on my Gucci shoes that Elli got for me and I will kick you in the fucking mouth.”

Maybe he should take his chances puking on them since
she
did get them for her.

“
Please, Grace, leave me the hell alone.”

“
No, not tell you answer me.”

“
If you haven’t noticed, I’m puking my brains out and not really in the mood to talk.”

Grace let out a shrilling laugh, sending chills down his spine.

“
Oh, I wonder why that is? Oh, let me guess, because you’re a drunk now! Oh, yeah, I had to call Damon to get that information, then Jakob informed me that he has been taking care of you when you need a ride home because you knew better than to call me!”

Shea rolled his eyes, crossing his legs as he sat on the cool tile.

“
Where the hell have you been? I have staked out this condo for weeks and you haven’t been here, why are you here today?”

“
I’ve been staying at the house; I was here because I brought someone home last night.”

He would never bring a woman that was not
her
in the house he had bought for them to live the rest of their lives in.

Never.

“
Are you serious? Oh my God, what is wrong with you?”

“
I’m heartbroken, Grace, what do you want me to say?”

Grace just looked down at him. When the tears rushed down her cheeks, he had to look away because his own tears threaten to fall. Grace fell onto the floor beside him, wrapping her arms around him, pulling him into her lap like he was Ryan and she was gonna make it all better. Even though they both knew she couldn’t.

“
What happened, Shea? Tell me.”

The tears came hot and fast, falling down his cheeks as he explained the biggest failure of his life to the only person that got him.

Well the person other than
her
.

Shea sipped on his coffee while not making eye contact with Grace as they sat in the little country café outside of Nashville. He was still embarrassed with how he broke down in front of her. He hated crying, he felt so weak, so pathetic, but a day didn’t pass without him shedding some tears over
her
. Grace didn’t say anything as she picked at her BLT that she had order, while he opted only for the cup of coffee. His stomach was still a little upset.

Grace looked up at him, and gave him a small smile before saying, “So you haven’t tried to go see her, like before?”

“
Yeah, I did. Went to her house and she basically ignored me as she got into her truck and drove off.”

“
Maybe she didn’t see you,” Grace suggested.

“
Wouldn’t you see me if I was parked in front of the house, standing beside the truck with roses in my hand?”

She shrugged, “Yeah I would, but I love you.”

“
Are you saying Elli didn’t? That our six months together was a lie?”

“
No, that’s that what I meant. Its just-”

“
Don’t,” he said putting his hand up to stop her, “Don’t try to explain yourself.”

“
I’m sorry Shea; I don’t know what to say.”

Shea nodded, sipping his coffee. He didn’t know what to say either; he didn’t know what to do. Sometimes he felt like going on wasn’t worth it, because he knew he would never be happy again.
She
made him happy and there was basically nothing he could do to get her back. God knew he had tried.

“
Have you not run into her? Don’t you see her at the games?”

Shea shook his head, “She doesn’t come to the games anymore, and no I haven’t run into her. Even with her working for the Assassins full time now, I still don’t see her. I actually asked Melody one time where she was since she was doing the promotional shoots for one of the events that was happening. Melody said that she had said not to schedule her at the same time as me.”

“
Wow, Shea. It’s crazy, I just don’t understand. Doesn’t she know you? You would never hurt her.”

“
I guess she didn’t. I don’t know.”

They sat for a moment, not speaking as they collected their thoughts. Shea knew she wanted to scream at him some more, but seeing how bad he was hurting was keeping her from doing it. He also knew that he should apologize for his actions the last couple months, but he couldn’t. What other way would he have dealt with the pain? Go around acting like he was fine, that nothing was wrong? He couldn’t do that, he never hid his feelings. People knew when he was mad, hurt, or happy, so why would he apologize for the way he had been? He wouldn’t.

“
Do you want me to call her?”

“
No,” he said with a shake of his head, “Don’t.”

“
Okay.”

“
What’s done is done, she obviously doesn’t want me.”

“
I just don’t think it’s done.”

“
Grace, what else needs to happen for you to know it’s over?”

Grace sat for a moment; he understood she was trying to get her line of thoughts straight. She may not be as emotional as he was, but when he was hurting she was, too. Shea could tell Grace was confused, not knowing what to say when she looked at him. They had never been here; never at rock bottom when it came to someone he loved. Never at the point to where if Shea didn’t change the way he had been living the past two months, he might lose everything.

When Grace looked up at him and he saw the tears in her eyes again, he felt as if Grace had kicked him in the gut again.

“
I think it will be done when you decide on where you are playing next year.”

He nodded, “Yeah, you are right.”

“
Because as long as you stay here, there’s always the chance you’ll see Elli.”

“
I know.”

“
Do you want to leave?”

Shea looked up at her, looking deep into her eyes. Shea could see that she did not want him to go, and he knew that, he knew that if he ever tried to leave, Grace might uproot the whole family to come, but could he stay there? Could he stay in the place that with every turn, everything reminded him of
her
.

“
I don’t want to leave you,” Shea answered since he didn’t want to hurt her, plus it was the truth.

“
But you do want to leave.” Grace added for him. They shared a long emotional look before a single tear went down Grace’s cheek, making it hard for him to breathe.

“
I don’t know.”

When Shea entered the Assassins locker room, eyes followed him as he made it to his locker. He glanced at his name plate with his picture on it before sitting down on the bench in front of his locker. When he looked up, everyone’s eyes moved away, he guessed it was because they didn’t want to make eye contact with him. It wasn’t like he didn’t know why, he knew. Shea was aware that the team didn’t like him much anymore, that they continued to wonder why Shea was still the captain after not showing up to practice or promotional shoots. Or why he was still captain when he didn’t even rally the guys anymore, it was Jakob that did that.

Jakob had done a lot since the break up. Between cleaning up his puke, carrying him home from bars, and trying his best to clean up the mess
she
had left, Shea couldn’t ask for a better best friend. He was a good man, someone that Shea would forever keep in his heart when he left Nashville, not that he had made that decision or anything. He would need to make the decision soon though, between Damon
and Bryan Fisher, he was running out of time. They wanted answers, answers he didn’t have.

When Jakob walked into the locker room, Shea’s team mates greeted him like he was the captain, not that it bothered Shea much. He probably did deserve the title more than Shea did. Jakob wasn’t a future mental patient, he was doing great. With a ring on Harper’s finger and a baby in her belly, Jakob was on cloud nine, while Shea was trying to find someplace to crawl to and die. Jakob’s happiness actually made Shea sick. He was so jealous of Jakob that he was disgusted with his self. He should be happy for his best friend, not wish the man was down in the dumps like him.

But, hey, misery loves company.

“
I see you made it,” Jakob said under his breath as he sat down beside Shea, slipping off his shoes.

“
Yeah, I was with Grace this morning.”

“
Good. I’m glad, and will excuse the fact that you weren’t at practice.”

“
Thank you, captain,” Shea said sarcastically, receiving a glare from Jakob. They didn’t say much else to each other as they started to suit up.

“
Are you going to make it tonight?”

Shea looked over at Jakob, with his eye brows raised. “What?”

“
The last time we played here, you had that-”

“
I’m fine Jake, I’ve prepared myself,” Shea said irrupting Jakob from telling the whole locker room his business.

The last home game they played, Shea hadn’t prepared his self for the pain that came. When he skated out and saw that
she
wasn’t there in her regular seats again, Shea had to leave the ice because he couldn’t keep it together. The first time she wasn’t there he wrote it off as her needing time to heal, even the second and third time and even the seventh, he thought nothing about it, but the last time he went out and she wasn’t there. He lost it. Why it took eight times for him to realize that she wasn’t going to be sitting there was way above his comprehension, but it hurt him bad.

“
Okay good.” Jakob said, with a nod of his head as he started to lace up his skates, “Have you talked to Damon? He called me again today.”

“
No, I’ll call him tomorrow.”

“
Have you made a decision yet?”

Shea shook his head, “No.”

“
Well if it’s worth anything, I vote you stay here. Just saying,” Shea smiled weakly over at him, and Jakob returned the smile with a bigger one, “I don’t want to play without you, and I can’t leave. Harper would flip.”