“I said I would,” he answered.
“Would you teach me to fire a gun? I may need the skill on the way to California.”
“I will, if that’s what you want.”
Her next request came as a whisper. “Would you teach me how to kiss?”
Teagen looked down into her eyes. “You don’t know?”
She shook her head. “This morning was the first time I’ve ever felt a man’s lips on mine. I wasn’t sure what to do. I felt like a fool. Most girls know something so simple long before they marry.”
A hundred questions avalanched through Teagen’s mind, but he didn’t want to pry. Finally, he settled on one. “You figure you’ll need that skill on the way to California?”
She laughed. “No. I don’t think I’ll ever need the skill, period. But I’d like to know what the romantics write about.” She looked away, watching the colt again. “I need you to tell me how, and I don’t want the kiss to come as a surprise. I’ll need time to get ready for it, so I can do it right.”
He wasn’t at all sure he was qualified as an instructor, but he didn’t like the thought that she might go in search of another teacher. “Fair enough,” he said. “How much notice do you need?”
A minute seemed about right to him, but she whispered, “A day.”
Before he could debate that a kiss didn’t seem like something that should be planned, Rose and Emily exploded into the calm pasture.
“Look, Mister, look.” Rose held out a toad. “We found him.”
Emily followed her sister and added, “He’s ugly, isn’t he. Even uglier than mud, and Martha says that’s ugly.”
“He keeps wetting on me.” Rose made a face. “He’s so fat and slippery. Can I keep him?”
“No,” Jessie said, staring at the toad.
Teagen squatted down and studied their find. “This toad has an important job. He’s not a pet. All day long, he catches flies. If it weren’t for him, those flies would be bothering the horses.”
“He eats them?” Rose made a face.
“I’m afraid so. Loves them, from all I can tell.” Teagen fought to keep from laughing.
“So you don’t think he’d like to live in the house?” Rose sounded disappointed. “Do you think he could hop up the stairs to my room? We taught Bethie to climb up and down the steps. I guess we could teach him.”
Teagen shook his head. “He’d hate it, but he probably wouldn’t mind if you visit him every day. Toads like folks to wave now and then just to be friendly.”
Rose lowered the toad to the ground. “I’ll add it to my list of things I have to do, but he may not be easy to find.”
As the toad hopped away, both girls followed behind him in a line. They jumped each time the toad jumped, looking so ridiculous, Teagen had to smile.
Jessie took a few steps to follow them, then turned and looked back over her shoulder. “Until tonight, Teagen.”
He headed to the barn, wondering if she were giving him her one-day notice. The idea of performing on a time line didn’t much appeal to him. But the thought of Jessie kissing him back this time would be something he’d wait all day for.
CHAPTER 17
THE DAY WAS FILLED WITH WORK. JESSIE AND MARTHA did the laundry and made bread. Sage took a few hours to take the girls on a hike up to Lookout Point. By the time they got back, the little ones were so tired they could barely eat lunch. Bethie fell asleep on her bread, and the butter made it stick to her face. Jessie cleaned it off and carried her upstairs without waking her.
“I used to sleep like that.” Sage yawned when Jessie returned. “My brothers teased me that they gave me the downstairs bedroom in case I got fat and they could no longer carry me to bed.”
Jessie smiled. “It must have been hard being the only girl.”
“It was sometimes, but mostly it was grand.” Sage added, “Did you have any brothers or sisters?”
“No. I was an only child of two people whose families were dead before I was old enough to remember even one of them. My parents were best friends as well as all the family they had. I don’t think one would have wanted to live on after losing the other. I buried them within a week of each other, and I remember thinking that they must have walked into heaven together.”
Sage nodded as if she understood, but Jessie knew someone surrounded by brothers could never know what being totally alone felt like. When she’d been thirteen and first realized she was all alone, she’d been too frightened to breathe. She’d left what had been her home with nothing but a change of clothes in an old pillowcase.
Sage was halfway through a story about growing up with brothers before Jessie pulled away from memories and started listening.
After the dishes were done, Sage rode out to check on a horse that had stepped into a hole. She promised not to be long, but Jessie had figured out the girl’s schedule. Once she was on horseback, time didn’t matter much to her.
Martha settled into the great room to quilt, leaving Jessie alone. She curled into Teagen’s big chair with a book, planning to spend an hour reading, but the memory of last night was all around her.
She had no idea why she’d asked Teagen to teach her to kiss. It seemed a foolish thing to bother with when there were so many other skills she needed, but she wanted to know. Funny, she thought, all her life in the bookstore when she’d read a book and the writer described a kiss or a touch, it had always been Teagen she’d thought of touching or kissing, never Eli. For a time she’d called him her shadow man because, though she couldn’t see his face, she felt close to him.
Her husband had saved her from the streets when she’d been a child. It took her a few years before she realized that he’d done it for himself, not for her. At first he’d tried to be kind, always making sure she had food and teaching her the bookstore business. Then, once he trusted her, he’d left, and she’d known that behind all his kindness had been his need to escape. As long as she was there, running the store, making it look right, doing the ordering, paying the bills, then to his family he was making a go of it.
When Emily was born, things changed. Eli began to resent them both. He stayed away later and later, then slept the days away. When he woke, he complained that she wasn’t keeping up with everything as well as she once had. The only real fights they had were when Jessie tried to stop the drinking, and the only conversations they ever had were about changes that needed to be made in the store.
Years ago, with Eli cold and distant and no way to leave the store to look for companions, Teagen became her only friend. He was the one she talked to. He was the one she always wanted to share her problems with. He’d been the one she thought of kissing. Not so much because he was real to her but more because he was all she had.
Jessie brushed the arm of the leather chair. Tonight, she’d cross the line from him being in her mind to being real.
She spread her fingers over her tummy. The baby would move soon. Then, for the rest of her life she’d live for her children. She’d be a mother until she was old and gray, and then she’d be a grandmother. But not tonight. For a few hours when no one needed her and all the chores were done, she wanted to know what it was like to be a woman, if only for one kiss.
The rest of the day passed in a haze. Jessie worked well with Martha. Since she’d had little time to spend in the kitchen and Martha had spent her life there, they bonded as instructor and pupil. Each day the housekeeper showed her another skill. She’d say, “You’ll need this on the trail,” or, “Once you’re settled in a new place, this will make things easier.” From how to keep the bugs out of the flour to how to make piecrust a dozen at a time, Martha taught, and Jessie learned.
The day passed in an easy routine of chores and talk. When she saw Teagen come in, Jessie was surprised it was almost dark.
He didn’t look at her as he sat down at the table with Rose on his left and Emily on his right. They had egg sandwiches for supper. Teagen didn’t say a word.
When Martha served his favorite chocolate pie, she said as if he’d complained about the meal, “We got too many eggs these days. I didn’t want none of them going bad.”
Teagen raised an eyebrow. “Mighty fine sandwich.”
Sage broke the silence with a giggle. “Are you paying a compliment?”
“No,” Teagen answered, “just stating a fact.”
“Feel his forehead, Martha. My brother must have a fever. I think I’ve heard him voice two compliments in one decade.”
Martha walked away. She never came between the McMurrays, whether they were fighting or teasing one another. It was none of her business, she’d often said.
Rose jumped out of her chair and stood beside Teagen. “Can I touch your forehead, Mister? Will it burn?”
“No,” Teagen said.
Jessie set her fork down to watch. She knew Rose would never stop so easily.
“Why not, Mister?”
Teagen glanced at Jessie as if hoping for a way out, but she just let him suffer. “Because,” he finally said, “I don’t have a fever.”
“How do you know? How do I know? Martha says folks can be knocking at death’s door and not know it.”
“I wouldn’t quote Martha if I were you.”
“Why? Could it cause a fever?”
The child planted her elbows on the table and studied him as if his head were a volcano, and he might explode at any moment.
Teagen tried to ignore her. Finally, he broke. “All right, you can feel my forehead.”
Rose moved closer and lifted her hand. She touched one finger to his skin and then another until her hand rested above his eyes. “Nope,” she said as if she’d been to medical school. “No fever.”
“Thank you,” he managed.
She nodded. “You’re welcome.”
Before Teagen could finish his pie, Bethie toddled over and wanted to give a second opinion. She crawled up on his leg and put her hand where her sister had, then mumbled something no one in the room understood. When she crawled away, Jessie noticed chocolate pie fingerprints just above Teagen’s eyebrow.
Without a word he wiped them off with his napkin and finished his pie. For the first time in her life Jessie thought she could love someone like Teagen if she ever had the chance. He’d done so many good things for her, letting her come here, teaching her things, caring about all of them as if they were family, but the kindest thing he’d ever done was letting the girls feel his forehead for a fever.
When she found him in the study two hours later, she crossed silently to his chair and brushed her fingers over his temple.
He looked up from the book he’d been reading. His eyes seemed to drink her in, and she knew that, like her, he’d waited all day for this time.
She took the book, placed it open on the desk, then walked the few feet back to his chair and sat on the wide leather arm.
His arm settled around her back, but he waited.
“I’d like that lesson now.”
“It’s too late to go for a drive,” he teased. “And target practice only works in daylight.”
She liked the low rumble of his voice. “Tell me what to do, Teagen.”
He tugged, and she slid onto his lap, bringing them nose to nose. “Tilt your head to the left.”
She nodded, bumping his cheek.
“Now, open your mouth, just a little.”
Licking her lips, she followed instructions.
“Now, come closer.”
Slowly, she moved toward him. When their lips brushed, she closed her eyes, trying to remember the exact way a kiss felt.
His lips were softer than she’d thought they would be, and the slight touch made her feel warm inside.
She pulled back. “What’s next? It seems hard for you to tell me what to do when we can’t talk and kiss at the same time.”
Teagen’s big hand brushed her shoulder. “Do it again, only push your lips against mine. From then on, I’m afraid I’m going to have to show you, not tell you.”
She nodded, bumping his nose with her head. They both laughed.
Then she straightened and took a deep breath as if preparing to dive. Slowly, once more, she drew closer and pressed her mouth to his. The sensation was not unpleasant. As she waited, his lips began to move over hers stroking, touching, applying gentle pressure. When his tongue brushed across the corner of her mouth, Jessie shook with pleasure, and his arm tightened around her waist.
She felt his chest press against hers as he pulled her to him. The second time he tasted her lips, his body took the shock of surprise from her. She liked the boldness and did the same to him, but his reaction came as a groan that whispered between them and made her smile.
Step by step he taught her how to kiss, and she learned about the powerful control she had over this man. When she ran her fingers in his hair, the kiss deepened; when she pulled away slightly, his touch turned soft as if he thought he might have frightened her. And when she kissed him boldly, his hands moved over her as if he couldn’t keep them still.
When finally she broke the kiss, he stared at her with a hunger she’d never seen in his eyes. It would have frightened her, but his fingers gently stroked her back. He moved his head, his warm lips brushing her cheek.
She smiled. He kissed the other side, then moved in closer and tasted the corner of her mouth.
When he finally straightened away, she whispered, “That was nice, Teagen, very, very nice.”
“Lesson over?”
She nodded. “But, if you don’t mind, I’d like to practice what I’ve learned some other time.”
His hand moved along her waist as though touching someone was newborn to him. “Anytime.”
“Do you really mean that?”
“I’d consider it a privilege.”
“Thank you,” she said as if he’d just passed the butter. She rested her head on his shoulder and talked of her day. She found herself storing things away in her mind to talk to him about.
He asked questions, laughed at the tales of the girls, and encouraged her to say more, but all the while, he continued to rest his hand against her, communicating with his touch.