I want to have all of you, too.
For now, he would take what he could get. “Yes, that would please me, kitten.”
She wiggled against the couch, moving to the edge and getting closer to him. “I want that, too.”
Porter smiled. “I’m glad.” Even as the words passed his lips he knew it wasn’t enough. Not for him. He wanted all of her. He craved to call her
his.
Now he needed to find a way to make that happen.
On Saturday morning, the buzz of the tattoo gun and the stinging on his arm kept Porter in the present, yet his mind was solely centered on Kenzie. He replayed their scene from last night in his mind over and over again, wondering if he could have done something more.
Disappointment crept into him that Kenzie hadn’t jumped into his arms and declared her feelings for him. Yet he also thought back over each moment they’d shared, knowing that she had shown nothing more than friendship toward him. Lust was there between them, there was no doubt about that. Friendship, yes, that was there. But he couldn’t pinpoint if Kenzie was just afraid of taking that step with him or if she simply didn’t want to.
Porter knew he didn’t quite know the difference between love and friendship. He appreciated what he had experienced with Cora, and never wanted to give up, but he wondered to himself what love really looked like. His parents had a healthy marriage and his mother always called his dad her best friend, and Porter wanted a marriage to mirror what his parents had shown him.
Though he also knew Kenzie, inside and out. He knew he needed to take it slowly with her, and he decided last night that maybe he needed to play more with her. Maybe she’d see how great they were together. He also wondered if all she needed was a little push into his arms. But he’d never pushed a relationship on anyone or forced someone to see something they were blind to. He always supported his friends and lovers, though somehow now that felt all wrong.
Porter didn’t want to wait for her.
He flinched as the tattoo needle hit a sensitive spot on his arm and then he opened his eyes, staring down to the black dragon now on his forearm. Part of him knew he should feel damn proud. He belonged to something bigger than himself, and had become member of a group that he respected. Though when he regarded the tattoo all he saw was Kenzie and the month that he’d shared with her. This dragon was the reason he focused more attention on her, and he didn’t think there would be a time when he looked at it and didn’t see her face.
Love.
Yeah, he’d been bitten by that particular bug. Problem was, he had no idea what to do about it. Kenzie was difficult; she always had been. What would normally just be the start to a relationship that seemed so easy was now complicated. He didn’t want to push her away. He wanted her close. Always.
Coolness brushed across Porter’s arm, and as the tattoo artist cleaned the tattoo he said, “We’re all done here.”
All the Club Sin Masters, except for Miles, who was busy with business, and Kyler, who was still on his honeymoon, surrounded him. Everyone had stayed silent through the tattoo, simply watching. Porter figured this was their way of welcoming him into their group. The event called for all the other Masters to be in attendance. A rite of passage, Porter assumed.
The tattoo artist slid his stool away to clean the tattoo gun, and Dmitri stepped forward, eyeing the tattoo, then smiled. “Suits you.”
Porter turned his arm from left to right to get a good view of the entire dragon. “Yeah, it does.”
“Welcome to the dark side,” Sawyer mused.
Porter laughed, too, yet when he turned to Aidan his expression wasn’t what Porter expected. Aidan’s brows furrowed, obviously considering him. Before Porter could ask what was up, Aidan said, “Boys, can you leave us a minute?” Then he added to Dmitri, “You stay.”
The room cleared out quickly and Porter slid his legs off the chair, sitting sideways on it. He drew in a long breath, staring at the tattoo, knowing whatever Aidan had to say was of a serious matter. It wasn’t often Aidan portrayed seriousness, nor was it often that Aidan would’ve asked Sawyer to leave, too.
Aidan shut the door and then frowned at Porter. “Buddy, for a guy who just received a great honor, you look less than thrilled.” He leaned against the door and folded his arms. “Talk.”
Porter rubbed a hand over his face and found himself only able to mutter, “Kenzie.”
“What about her?” Dmitri asked, taking a seat on the stool where the tattoo artist had been.
Porter regarded the two men he greatly respected. He pondered what to say, but he realized he didn’t really have the words to explain anyway, so he shrugged. “It’s complicated.”
Aidan paused. “Do you love her?”
Porter snorted, rising to go to the long mirror on the wall and look at his new tattoo. “I paid half a million dollars to ensure she was safe.” He spied Aidan through the mirror. “I would say that in itself shows my love for her.”
Dmitri exchanged a long look with Aidan and then asked, “Now, why would you have to pay that amount of money to keep her safe?”
Porter knew this was not any of their business, but he also knew that sometimes a Dom needed to lean on his friends, as he had told Kenzie to lean on others, too. Porter pressed his back against the mirror and gave them the rundown on what had happened with Kenzie and her store.
By the time he finished, Dmitri was on his feet, his eyes blazing. “Is this all settled now?”
Porter nodded. “It is.”
“What’s the trouble, then?” Aidan asked. “Go to her and make her yours. Simple.”
“I suppose for some it would be that simple, but Kenzie is not a simple woman,” Porter retorted, feeling weighed down. “If I push the issue, will that only push her away? It’s taken a month for me to gain her trust. I don’t want to go and fuck it up.”
Dmitri sighed and said, “Kenzie is one of the strongest submissives I know. You can’t and won’t break her, but when playing with matters of the heart, I understand your hesitation.” He rubbed his chin and then began to smile. “Though that doesn’t mean you can’t test the waters to see where her emotions lay, so to speak.”
“By that you mean?” Porter asked.
Dmitri’s smile became dark and calculating. “You started out with a test; perhaps you finish with one.”
Kenzie had spent the morning grocery shopping and visiting her bookstore for a few minutes when Cora called and said she was dropping by for a visit. She’d arrived fifteen minutes later, and Kenzie had set to making them both tea. Once she finished, she headed into her living room as Cora dropped down onto the couch.
Kenzie joined her, offering Cora her mug, and after Cora took a sip, she said, “Okay, girl, we’re going to talk. I’m going to tell it to you straight, and don’t get all huffy at me. I know you don’t like talking about anything, but the time to shoot the shit is now. If you don’t want to talk, say nothing and just listen. All right?”
Kenzie studied Cora, never having seen her seem so serious. It spiked her curiosity. “Okay.” Then she took a sip of her tea.
“Do you love Porter?”
Kenzie nearly spit out her tea, not expecting
this
conversation. Cora had dated Porter, so it was beyond weird. “Umm…that is a complicated discussion. One I’m not sure I should be having with you.”
“Of course you should be talking about it with me,” Cora said, a little gruffly. “I know Porter better than anyone, and he is, and always has been, a close friend.”
Kenzie knew all of that was true and that there weren’t romantic feelings between Porter and Cora anymore. Still, Kenzie wasn’t even sure she had an answer to give. “It’s confusing.”
“I think it’s pretty clear-cut.” Cora’s eyes narrowed in focus. “Listen, I know you have stuff going on with you. I know that there is something that has happened in your past that makes you hurt. And I know that being with Porter has eased some of that pain. He makes you smile. He makes you light up. When he touches you we all can see how it affects you.” She placed her mug on the coffee table and leaned in closer. “The past is the past, and you need to leave it there. You need to see what is standing right in front of you. Life is too short to be so blinded by pain. Wishing and wanting for a different beginning.”
Cora never beat around the bush, and Kenzie always appreciated that about her. Kenzie figured that was some of Cora’s schooling as a social worker that made her so aware. Maybe the fact that Cora did know Porter so well eased Kenzie some. If anyone understood the power that Porter had, Cora was one of them. She took another sip of her tea and then admitted, “It worries me what he could do to me if things don’t work out between us.”
“Scared is fine, but no one got anywhere being scared all the time,” Cora retorted with a gentle voice. “You’re an amazing woman, so strong, so funny, and so spunky. We all love you and like those traits in you. If we didn’t, you wouldn’t be in our circle of friends. But it’s time for you to be happy and to stop punishing yourself for things you can’t control.”
Kenzie knew that was true;
God,
did she know that. She admitted a truth to Cora she hadn’t admitted to anyone but Porter. “I’m trying, okay. All of this with him hasn’t been easy for me, but I’m taking baby steps forward.”
Cora shook her head. “That’s not good enough. It’s time to take the final leap of faith and land into the arms of the one man who would do anything to protect you.”
So much awareness lay in Cora’s eyes that it made suspicion rush through Kenzie. “How can you be so sure he truly cares for me? That if I open myself up to him it will all work out?”
“I can’t tell you that it will work out, but that is where faith comes in. If you never allow yourself to just go for it, you’ll never know what is waiting for you on that other side.” Cora drew in a long, deep breath. “As for his feelings for you, I think I know more than you do about that.” Her expression darkened, shame reflecting in her features. “I’m going to break a promise that I made to Aidan. I hope you realize the cost to me by doing this, and I would ask that you keep this between us, but I think this is something you need to hear.”
Kenzie shifted on the couch, unease creeping through her. “Of course, it’ll stay between us. What is it?”
Cora turned sideways, facing Kenzie. “Porter talked to Aidan and Dmitri this afternoon at the tattoo parlor.”
“About what?”
“You.”
Kenzie swallowed, twining her hands in her lap, unsure if she wanted to know the answer. But she realized she couldn’t stay in the dark. “What did he say?”
“You know those pictures that saved your store?” Kenzie nodded at Cora, surprised that Cora even knew about that, but her shock only intensified when Cora added, “Porter paid half a million dollars to get them.”
“He
what
?” Kenzie said, alarmed. “Where would he get that type of money?”
“His parents are stinkin’ rich and gave him a trust fund when he turned twenty-one. Porter always told me he never used the money. He’s just like that”—she shrugged—“always so determined to pave his own way in life.” Awareness danced in her eyes. “Now after hearing that, do you honestly think that Porter would pay that much money for some random submissive he simply had a duty to?”
Kenzie gaped at Cora, disbelieving what she heard.
“I love Porter,” Cora continued in Kenzie’s silence. “He made me happy when I most needed it. He’s always been the good guy, being there for everyone else to help them be happier. Yet when it’s all said and done, there he is, standing alone.” She sighed, regret reflecting heavily in her eyes. “Believe me when I tell you he would not do that for just anyone. But I also know he won’t be the first one to tell you how he feels. He’ll need you to take that next step.”
Kenzie couldn’t help but ask, “How do you know that?”
Shame darkened Cora’s expression. “Because I did that to him. I stepped away from our relationship, because I only felt friendship toward him. Because of his strength he let me go. He loved me that much, even though I knew that day I hurt him.” Tears welled in Cora’s eyes and her voice became quiet, small. “I know he won’t put himself out there like that again. I know that because I caused him to doubt love. He thought he found love in me, but I only called it friendship. I’ve confused that inside him.”
Kenzie knew it all should be that easy. She should be that strong to tell him how she felt, but that scared voice in her head reminded her how much love could hurt. “I’m not sure I’m ready to go there with him.”
“You? The strong, feisty submissive being afraid of something?” Cora gave a knowing grin and smacked Kenzie’s thigh. “Now
that
doesn’t sound like you at all.”
Kenzie tucked her hair behind her ear, considering what Cora had told her. She was the woman Cora described, only those parts of her were because of pain she was hiding. That heartache seemed to have eased now. Kenzie realized it wasn’t the events in the life that made her strong, it was simply who she was. Her past didn’t define her. She believed that now.
She had already decided she no longer wanted to live in that dark past. Maybe this was the first step she needed to take for a brighter future. And Porter did make her happy. She felt safer with him than she’d ever felt before. “You know, you’re right, it doesn’t sound like me, does it?”
“Nope.” Cora waggled her eyebrows. “So tell me, Kenzie. Is it time to put your big-girl panties on and go after what you want?”
Kenzie shook her head. “No, I’m afraid it’s not.” As Cora frowned, she quickly added, “It’s time to put on my sexiest thong.”
Minutes before eight o’clock in the evening, Kenzie strode through the entrance of Club Sin, moving down the hallway with silence surrounding her. Seeing that the parking lot was full tonight, she suspected everyone was down in the dungeon, busy experiencing erotic delights. She wanted some of that herself.
She adjusted the belt on her coat hiding her sexy lingerie underneath and followed the fancy carpet lining the hallway. As she neared Dmitri’s office, her heart tripped at what she was about to do. There were things she wanted that she hadn’t before, and she didn’t question herself now. Like Cora had said, it was time to take a leap of faith. Where that leap would land her she wasn’t sure, though she was ready to take that chance.
Once she’d reached Dmitri’s home office, she stopped at the door, not surprised to see him behind his desk. She had called a few hours ago and requested a private meeting with him. While most of her steps in life had seemed difficult, this next step had been so easy. She drew in a deep breath and knocked on the door frame.
Dmitri lifted his head and gave her a sweet smile. “Come in, Kenzie.” He rose from his desk and gestured to the black couch by the window. She moved there quickly, and he waited for her to sit, then joined her and asked, “Now, what can I do for you?”
Nervousness coursed through her, but she pushed past it. For too long she’d lived in a shell of protection to keep everyone out. That had to change. There were things she wanted to happen tonight. Things that were impossible without this meeting with Dmitri. “I’d like to remove something from my hard-limits list.”
“All right,” he replied with a knowing twinkle in his eyes. “What would you like to change?”
Images of being held in Porter’s arms during aftercare spiraled through her mind. She hadn’t experienced that sensation of intimacy after a scene, and her heart yearned to now. “I’d like to remove the part that I can’t be held during aftercare.”
Dmitri cocked his head. “Remove it entirely?”
Kenzie hesitated, understanding his question perfectly. “Well, not exactly. I’d like to add that Master Porter”—his new title sounded so delicious on her tongue—“is allowed to hold me during aftercare.”
Dmitri didn’t smile. He simply continued to consider her intently. “You are sure about that?”
“Yes.” She gave a firm nod. “Very sure.”
“I have no objections, Kenzie. In fact, this pleases me greatly.” Dmitri rose, moving to the filing cabinet with his powerful gait and taking out her file. He grabbed a pen off his desk and then returned to his seat. “Change what you’d like to on your agreement and sign where you’ve made the changes.”
She accepted the pen and then placed the file on her lap, scanning over the contract until she reached the hard limits. There, she happily made the change and signed her name next to it, even including a hard tap of her pen almost as if even that would prove her point at how much she wanted this. She was tired of being scared, of living a sheltered life. More important, after hearing what Porter had done for her, she wanted to give him something back. Something that she’d never given anyone.
When she lifted her head, offering the file back to Dmitri, he gave a beaming grin. “I’m glad that you’ve found something you can trust in Master Porter.” His voice softened as he cupped her shoulder. “In fact, I’d say it’s about damn time.”
She regarded Dmitri, a man she greatly cared about. He’d given her chances when she knew other Doms would have walked away from her. Dmitri didn’t have to be as kind to her as he’d always been, considering she’d given him a lot of trouble in his club. “Thank you.” Her throat tightened with emotion. “Thanks for all you’ve done for me.”
His smile became gentle. “It took some time, but you’ve found peace, Kenzie. I couldn’t hope for anything more for you.” Leaving her a little breathless that he’d known all along how troubled she truly was, he returned the file to the cabinet, then his expression firmed. “Come. Let’s see to enjoying this evening.”
The silence continued to surround her as she followed Dmitri down to the basement and into Club Sin. Sex, lust, and freedom brushed across her senses as she scanned the dimly lit room. For some reason it all seemed different to her now. Maybe not so dark. Perhaps even a little more sensual and exciting.
As the door shut behind her, Dmitri nodded a goodbye and moved toward Aidan. Words were shared between them, but she didn’t focus on either of those Masters, she hung her coat on the rack, leaving her in a black lace waist-cincher with matching bra and thong and black stockings clipped to a garter belt. She entered Club Sin with a new sense of herself and her chin held high, not out of defiance, but all from the renewed strength in her soul.
The advice from Cora stayed close on her mind and a warm happiness drifted through her. Porter deeply cared for her, she knew that now. She didn’t think she could ever repay what he’d done for her, though she knew she could do her best to try. She could share her heart, her soul, and her submission. A gift no Dom had received before him, and she hoped that would be enough for him to feel her gratitude.
She surveyed the club, and her focus landed on the spanking bench. Coldness washed right through her. Porter stood behind one of the newer submissives with rope in his hands. He squatted, and his mouth moved as he bound the submissive’s ankle to the bench. When Kenzie spotted the new dragon tattoo on his arm, the floor dropped out from under her and sickness roiled through her.
Cora was wrong.
That tattoo was all that mattered.
Tears filled her eyes, making Club Sin blurry around her, and all the hope she had found now crashed and burned in a pit of despair. She remained frozen, staring as Porter’s fingers worked slowly to bind the woman to the bench. Her chest tightened and she couldn’t stand the sight any longer. She forced herself to move and rushed toward the exit.
The moment she reached the door, a stern voice cut through the air. “Kenzie. Stop.”
She recognized Aidan’s voice and did as he asked, even though she desperately wanted to get away from the sight of Porter being with another woman. When she sensed Aidan behind her, she spun around and discovered him smiling at her. “Go to the spanking bench and present yourself to your Master.”
Kenzie shook her head, and then peeked at the spanking bench, seeing that the woman was no longer on it. Confusion clouded her mind as Porter now stood with his arms folded, staring entirely at her. The room vanished around her, and she absentmindedly felt herself moving, unable to refuse the call of
her
Dom. His hard eyes telling her she had to listen now. Her mind clearing to understand that she had been set up tonight to gauge her reaction. Porter’s smile reflecting that her response was exactly what he’d wanted.
She strode slowly toward him, pulled by an intensity she didn’t dare control. There was no Club Sin any longer. There was only Porter. His powerful yet playful regard pulling her in. The electricity between them, telling her that from this moment on nothing in her life would ever be the same again.
Once she reached him, he offered his hand and she slid hers into his commanding touch. He stayed silent as he guided her to the spanking bench, pressing gently on her back so that she settled over it. And he still stayed perfectly quiet as he removed her thong and bra, leaving her in the corset, garter, and stockings. The only sound she heard was her breathing and the music coming out of the speakers as he bound her wrists to the bench, as well as her ankles. Instant warmth rushed through her, igniting a heavy feeling low in her body.
What was his plan tonight?
What was happening between them now?
Would he claim her as
his
?
All the questions moistened her sex with heady excitement and rich desire to be possessed pooled within. She felt the final tug of the knot on her ankle before he squatted by her head as she hung over the bench with her bottom higher than any other part of her body.
His low murmer sent a thrill of excitement straight into her core. “Jealousy becomes you, Kitten.”
“Touching another woman doesn’t become you, sir,” she retorted.
He chuckled, then his feet in her line of vision disappeared and soft whispers arose around her. When the whispers stopped, Porter said with a voice layered with happiness, “Well, now, that pleases me.”
When his warm hand pressed against her back, the oddest sense of familiarity rose, and she shivered. She didn’t have to look to know Porter touched her. That touch belonged only to her. His fingers tangled in her hair and he lifted her head, a smile spreading across his face. “Tell me what you did just a few moments ago with Master Dmitri.”
“Changed my hard limits, sir.”
“Why?”
She might’ve blanched away from this question before. Not now. She owed Porter so much, not because he’d changed her—no, all he did was
see
her until she finally saw herself again. “I want to be in your arms, sir.”
Something so very sweet and pure passed in the air, and his soft features reflected a man who had been given a special gift. “Ah, kitten, I want that, too. I’m pleased that you’re allowing yourself to experience a Dom doing what he does best.” Then all the warmth vanished, replaced by a firm expression. “Believe me, tonight you’ll need a little extra aftercare in the safety of my arms.” He released her hair, and then the sense they were no longer alone washed over her. She tilted her head to the side, and she noticed one thing.
Only Doms stood around their scene, and as she regarded each one, she realized they were all Doms she had played with. From Sawyer to Miles to every other Dom in training that belonged to Club Sin.
“Umm…” she managed.
Porter stroked her bottom. “What do you need to say to them, kitten?”
She studied the Doms frowning at her. The room suddenly got very small, though all the same she caught on to Porter’s plan. The point he wanted to make was obvious, and she felt almost foolish that she hadn’t anticipated this scene. She could safe-word out to avoid a situation she knew wouldn’t be exactly pleasing, but she realized she didn’t want to. She needed to make amends. “I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“What was that?” Porter asked in a loud, strong voice.
She cleared her throat and called, “I’m sorry.”
“Better,” Porter replied, rubbing her bottom with light swirls of his fingers. “Being rude and disrespectful demands apologies.” He squatted in front of her again and took her face in his hands. She became lost in the safety of his warmth as he added, “You need to leave the past behind and start fresh. That will happen now. It begins with gaining forgiveness from those you’ve insulted.”
She couldn’t help but shiver in need under the hardness in his voice. While this was a punishment of sorts, she also saw in the intensity of his features that this was a way to free herself from the woman she’d once been in Club Sin. Porter was forcing every Dom here to feel her apology, just as he had done with her.
Things would change after tonight, and she wanted them to. “Yes, sir.”
He inclined his head, brushing his finger over her cheek, and then he rose. She could only see his feet standing there as he called, “One swat from anyone she has been bratty with, and I request that you add one clothespin on her thigh and up her side.” Kenzie shivered against the assault of images invading her. She assumed Porter would use a zipper tonight, which was numerous clothespins attached to a string. A string that he could grasp and yank, pulling all the clothespins off in one quick sweep.
He kept his hand on her back, almost as if telling her he was there to protect her. “This is her apology and we will all hear it tonight.”
Unease drifted through her, as did hot excitement. She didn’t want anyone else touching her, only Master Porter, though she knew why he did this now. He wanted all of Club Sin to see her how he saw her. The rich arousal forming between her thighs came from the thought of adding pain to her pleasure. She knew, without a doubt, that no one would be gentle with her. This was a way of forgiveness. This was a way for them to put aside their irritation at her. This was a punishment for her insolence.
Porter slid his hand over Kenzie’s wet heat and her eyes fluttered closed. She knew why he touched her now. She required pleasure before pain, telling her that he suspected the next moments with the Doms would bring extensive pain. Without any hesitation, he slid his fingers deep inside her and began moving them, hard and fast. As he’d proven time and time again, he brought her to orgasm within a few short minutes. The Dom excelled at withholding orgasms, yet he also proved himself capable of delivering them, too.
She screamed out her release, and in that instant his hand vanished. Without the chance to even recover from her orgasm, the first slap came and was much harder than she’d expected. She shouted in shock, her muscles tightening and fists clenching. Her skin burned as Master Sawyer grasped her hair and raised her head, saying with a stern voice, “I forgive you.”
Unexpected tears welled in her eyes. “Thank you, sir.”
Heady emotions rushed wildly out of control as Sawyer added one clothespin at her rib cage. The hot pinch came first, which quickly morphed into pleasure, as it always did. While Kenzie required pleasure before pain, this pain was pleasurable. Then she felt the weight of the other clothespins resting on her back for the other Doms to attach, telling her the thoughts of a zipper were accurate.
Her breath hitched as another slap landed right on top of the last one and an
“I forgive you”
followed shortly after. Then another swat came, followed by a clothespin being added to her skin, and another, and another…until Kenzie was sobbing and her
“Thank you, sir”
was being shouted through Club Sin.
By the time the last Dom had given Kenzie a slap and added the final clothespin, she had clothespins from her rib cage all the way down her thigh. She was gasping and sobbing. Porter expected this scene would be therapeutic for her. Her ass was bright red, and while to some it would seem painful, Porter knew Kenzie was loving it. She wasn’t moving away from the swats, she was arching into them.