Authors: Deborah Hughes
Alyssa sat up and tried without much success to smile at her concerned friend. “I think I had a little too much champagne and not enough to eat.”
Trisha sighed in relief. “Is that what it is? I thought maybe you and Cole had upset each other again.” She sank onto the chair beside Alyssa’s. “Cole’s got the strangest look on his face and when I tried to ask him if he's seen you, he about bit my head off. Told me to find your...Paul and ask him.” Trisha peered at her closely, suspiciously. “Did anything happen between you two?”
Wondering what he'd really said since it was obvious Trisha had mended Cole's reply to her question, Alyssa’s face went red as to the question now being posed to her. To say something happened between them was a major understatement. She wondered what Trisha would say if she told her the truth. “No, no of course not.”
“Why are you blushing?”
“I'm not blushing. I think I’m going to get sick again.” She flew out of her seat and made it to the toilet just in the nick of time. There was nothing to kill unfulfilled passion like an upset stomach. When she finally emerged from the stall, Trisha held a cool, wet cloth out to her. “Thanks.” She took it and wiped at her hot face then went to the sink and rinsed out her mouth. It was system overload. That’s what it was. “I need to leave, Trisha. Can you get Paul?”
Trisha nodded, her face twisted with concern. “Of course. Jack and I are getting ready to leave ourselves. I’ll see you when we get back from the honeymoon in two weeks.” She gave Alyssa a long, gentle hug. “I love you, Al. Thanks for today.”
Once her friend was gone, Alyssa put her head in her hands. How on earth was she supposed to deal with the situation between herself and Cole? How would he feel tomorrow? Would he regret their kisses?
“Alyssa? You still in there?”
Paul! Oh God, what was she going to tell him? Deciding honesty was indeed the best policy, especially with him, Alyssa opened the door and joined him out in the hallway. Grimacing with embarrassment, she took his hand in hers and squeezed it. “Thanks for coming so quickly, Paul. I hate to pull you away, but I’d really like to go home and I was hoping you'd take me there.”
His eyes widened slightly in concern. “What’s happened?”
“Too much champagne. I didn’t eat hardly anything today and I’m not much of a drinker. Guess my body is telling me that I’ve overdone it.”
Paul slipped an arm around her. “Then let me get you home and into bed.”
Cole stood at the end of the hall, unnoticed by either of them. His hand tightened on his glass in cold, hard fury as he watched them walk away. So Paul was taking her home to bed was he? Just what kind of a game was Alyssa playing now? How could she share such a passionate kiss with him and then run off to bed with Paul? The very thought of them tangled naked together filled him with such rage that he wanted to hit something. He wanted to smash his fist into Paul's sympathetic face. Reeling in his fury, Cole set his glass down and headed for the door.
Alyssa dozed through most of the drive home. Paul made no attempt to talk with her and for that she was grateful. She didn’t want to talk to anyone about anything. She just wanted to be alone so she could think.
Paul pulled into her driveway then leaned over to shake her gently awake. “We’re here, angel.” He went around to her door and gave her a hand up. “Come on, up we go.” With a supportive arm around her waist, he walked with her to the house, offering words of encouragement along the way.
When they finally made it to her door, Paul asked for her keys and she handed him her purse. “In there.”
He fished around until he found them then quickly got her into the house, walking her straight to her bedroom. Although she hated that he was seeing her so inebriated, she was grateful for his assistance. She was even more grateful when they made it to her bed for she wasn't sure how much longer she'd be able to stand. The moment she flopped onto her mattress she let out a low moan of misery, the sound muffled by her pillow. “I have a horrendous headache.”
“Why don’t you put on your night clothes and I’ll go fetch you some aspirin,” Paul suggested kindly.
“Okay, Paul, thanks.” As soon as he left her alone, she stripped out of her dress and flung it carelessly over the back of a chair then slipped on an oversized University of Maine T-shirt. Nothing sounded better to her than sleep and she crawled into bed at the same time that Paul knocked on her door.
“Is it okay to come in now?”
“Sure, Paul, I’m as decent as I’ll ever be.” She pushed herself up into a sitting position then drew her knees against her chest and wrapped her arms around them for support. Her head was still spinning and her stomach queasy but the headache was starting to overshadow both conditions.
“You feeling okay?” Paul sat down beside her on the bed and handed her two aspirin and a glass of water. Alyssa took them with a murmur of thanks. After she handed him the empty glass, he set it on the nightstand and turned to look at her. “What’s troubling you, Alyssa?”
“Cole. Things are happening between us that doesn't make any sense.” She shook her head in confusion, a frown marring her smooth forehead. “Two weeks ago we couldn’t stand each other and now we can’t get enough of each other. Two weeks ago I hated him and now I think I love him.” She gave Paul a pleading look. “Please help me understand this.”
Paul reached over and gently pushed her hair back from her face. “I told you before that hate is an illusion. It is a feeling completely generated from the mind. Love is the only true emotion. Love comes from God. When we aren't reconciled to it, however, we often hide from it with anger. Alyssa, think about it. Your life for the past twelve years or so has evolved one way or another around Cole. He possesses an amazing amount of influence over you whether you want to admit it or not.”
She nodded in understanding. “I understand that now. But I still don't get how things can change so completely in just two short weeks.”
“Once your true feelings are allowed to surface, what is time? What you feel for Cole has been building for years. It’s just in the past two weeks that you are discovering it.”
Alyssa fell back against her pillow. She was extremely tired. “I really do want to talk to you about this, Paul, but I’m really very tired.”
“Look, it’s quite late. Why don’t I camp out on the couch? We’ll do breakfast and talk some more tomorrow. How’s that sound?”
Alyssa managed a sleepy smile. “Heavenly. Night, Paul.”
“Goodnight, Alyssa. Pleasant dreams.” He reached over and shut off her bedside lamp and quietly left her room.
A homemade quilt was folded across the back of her couch and Paul grabbed it as he passed by. Once he removed his shoes and jacket, he loosened a few shirt buttons then stretched out on the sofa. There he lay staring into the darkness for a long time, his mind busy with heartfelt prayer. Then, satisfied that he'd done all he could do and confident it would all work out, he drifted into a sound sleep.
* * *
Cole parked his truck across the street from Alyssa’s house and cut the engine. Paul’s car was parked in her driveway and Alyssa’s bedroom light was on. Seconds later he caught a glimpse of a shadowed male figure through the drawn blinds. So Paul was in Alyssa’s bedroom. His teeth clenched and his hands curled into tight fists. When the light went out, he slammed a fist into the steering wheel. How could she do this? How could she kiss him like she had earlier then go home with another man? She was primed for him all right. The thought made Cole sick. Black, consuming rage built inside him. She was a first class bitch and Paul was a no-good bastard. What he’d do if he could get his hands on the both of them.
Pain lanced through him and his head fell back against the seat. Losing control was not going to change a damn thing. Alyssa was playing with him. She had to be. Was this the payback she’d told him she’d mete out? Well he’d just paid with his heart and possibly even his sanity. It was driving him wild to think that Paul was in there right now doing things to her body that he was burning to do with her himself.
Despair rose like bile in his throat. For years he’d felt nothing but irritation and annoyance with Al. Those were feelings he could readily deal with. These new ones were alien territory and painful. He felt as if his very soul was being ripped apart. He’d known, of course, that where Alyssa was concerned he needed to tread with care. He’d known full well the kind of trouble she could cause if he ever acted on his attraction to her. For he had been attracted. More than he cared to admit. His only armor had been their bickering. His only defense was cold, hard indifference. His only weapon was sarcasm. Then Trisha stripped him of them all. He knew that day in Trisha’s living room that he was in very deep trouble. But, oh, he hadn’t realized to what extent it was going to cost him.
Feeling like his life force was draining right out of him, Cole put a hand to his chest and pressed against the sensation. Why did it feel as if he was suffering a devastating loss?
Because he was. He’d just lost Alyssa. Even if she was to leave Paul and come to him, Cole knew he wouldn’t take her up on the offer. He’d never trust her. If she could be so callous as to move from man to man as easily as she just went from him to Paul, well how could he possibly trust her? As for Paul, did he know about Jerry? From what Trisha told him, Alyssa had been after the lowlife bastard for quite some time. Why? Was poor, clueless Paul not enough for her? Apparently not.
The need to get the hell away surged through him and he started his truck. Well they deserved each other. He was through with both of them. After casting one more look at her house, he put his truck in gear and started down the street, determined to never, ever look back.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Alyssa woke to the morning sun streaming through her window. Stretching lazily, she crawled out of bed and padded to the bathroom. She was brushing her teeth when she remembered that Paul had spent the night. A glance at her watch told her it was just after eight. Paul was an early riser. No doubt he was wondering if she was ever going to get up. Glad there was no headache plaguing her, she dressed into a pair of jeans and a red sweater, ran a comb through her hair then headed for the kitchen. The smell of coffee permeated the air and she drew in a deep appreciative whiff.
She found Paul sitting at the kitchen table reading his bible. He looked up when she entered the room and smiled in greeting. "Good morning. How do you feel?”
Alyssa went straight to the coffee pot and poured herself a cup before joining him. “I feel okay. Thanks for your help, Paul. I know you must not think too highly of my indulging so much in the sin of alcohol.”
“It is your life and your body, Alyssa. Far be it for me to tell you how to live it.” He gave her a pointed look. “For myself, I don’t need alcohol to enjoy myself or feel good. I get quite high on the spirit of our good Lord.”
Alyssa laughed. “As would I if I chose. Yes?” At his nod, she pulled a rueful face. “It might take me a little longer to learn the lessons you yourself have overcome, Paul.” And just like that, all the events of the night before flooded into her thoughts. Her smile faded into a frown and she dropped her gaze to her coffee cup, wishing it contained a potion to make her forget her lack of control where Cole was concerned.
“Are you thinking about Cole?”
She lifted her gaze to Paul's and saw within their depths an understanding she sought for herself. “Yes I am. I'm thinking ... I think it's possible ... I might love him, Paul, but how do I know for sure?"
“Search for the truth within yourself, Alyssa, and the answer to that question will come to you.”
A rapid succession of memories flashed through her thoughts, all of Cole and the various interactions they'd engaged in over the years. The unpleasant ones, surprisingly, were quickly overshadowed by those from the past week. Like a fast movie reel, one memory after another played out the scenes in her head. Inevitably, she began to recall last night and the desperate passion she'd experienced in his arms. A now familiar heat invaded her body, increasing with intensity as the remembered feel of him flooded in and around her. They were so close to making love and the disappointment of not finishing what they started was acute, a sharp aching emptiness. A shudder ran though her. Oh yes, she loved Cole. “How could I have been so blind all these years? And how do I get past all the hateful things we’ve done to each other?”
“After some self-exploration, I am sure you will realize that you were both motivated by love, not hate. Your actions, though they seemed hateful, were misguided directions from a mind trying so hard to ignore what lay within the heart. When deep feelings are clouded by hurt and disappointment, they come across as feelings of anger. It's a very effective cloak for hiding one’s love and providing a defense mechanism against more anticipated hurt.”
“Are you saying that Cole loves me too?” She stared at him with wide disbelieving eyes. Her stomach fluttered with the excitement such a thought generated. Was it possible? Could Cole really love her?
“I’m not a mind reader, Alyssa. But let me tell you something I do know; truth reveals only truth and nothing less. If you are truthful with yourself and Cole, then his true feelings will be revealed as well.” He glanced at his watch. “Now how about we go out for breakfast? Services aren’t until ten so I have a little time before I need to be on my way. I hope that later you will find time to talk to Cole.”
Alyssa jumped up and saluted sharply. “Yes sir. Just let me get my coat.”
The morning couldn’t go by fast enough. Now that Alyssa had made the decision to give Cole a call and work out the situation between them, she was eager to do it and get their fractured war behind them once and for all. But his answering machine picked up every time she called his house and his cell phone went straight to voicemail. It wasn’t until her fifth unsuccessful attempt to reach him that Alyssa’s patience wore out and she tossed her cellphone down in frustration. Where was he? It was going on nine o’clock in the damn evening and he had yet to return any of her calls.