His fingers kneaded her hand, and he stared down at them. “I was afraid I would never get to tell you what I’d intended to in the meditation garden last night.”
“What was it?”
He took a deep breath. “I’ve acted like a jerk for ten years and blamed you for things that were really my fault. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me.”
Tears stung her eyes. “Of course I forgive you, if you’ll forgive me for keeping the truth from you. I didn’t do it to hurt you. I really thought you didn’t care, and I didn’t want Max hurt.”
He nodded. “I know that now.” He took a deep breath. “All I want is to be a part of his life. To get to know him. To have him in my life. That’s all I want.”
The tiny flicker of hope she’d had that they could find their way back to each other died with his words. He didn’t want her. He only wanted his son. And why would he want her? She’d hidden Max’s identity from him, and she couldn’t blame him for not wanting to trust her again.
She stretched her mouth into what she hoped looked like a sincere smile. “I want that for you, too, Ash. And I promise we’ll make that happen.”
He released her hand and nodded. “And one more thing, Lainey. I don’t want to interfere in your life. I’ve caused you enough unhappiness.” He took a deep breath. “I’ve been thinking about how selfish I was about Sam. He’s a good guy. If you think he’ll make you happy, I won’t interfere again.”
Her heart thudded. So instead of wanting her he was openly giving his blessing for her to marry another man. The thought made her head hurt, and she closed her eyes.
What could she say to that? She’d married one man she didn’t love out of what she thought was the best choice at the time. Richard had been wonderful, and she had come to love him like a brother. But never with the deep passion she’d had for Ash.
Sam had also been wonderful to her for the last few years. But marrying him was an entirely different situation than it had been with Richard. Could she find happiness with Sam?
She stared up at Ash, the expression on his face telling her he was waiting for some kind of answer. She gave a small nod as best she could. “Thank you for telling me how you feel, Ash.” She closed her eyes and sighed. “Now I think I’ll sleep a bit more before the nurse brings me my breakfast.”
“Lainey,” he whispered. “I just want you to be happy. That’s all.”
She didn’t open her eyes. If she did, she would burst into tears. Be happy? The only thing that would make her happy was for Ash to tell her he’d never quit loving her and that he wanted the three of them to be a family. But that was never going to happen.
As she had done for years, she banished her thoughts of Ash to the hollow place in her heart that had grown larger through the years. For now, she wouldn’t think about him or what she wanted. Max was the important one. She had to protect him from whoever wanted to kill them. And she would. Then she could decide what her future held.
<><><>
Ash wanted to say something else to Lainey, to assure her that he meant it. He didn’t want to interfere in her and Max’s lives. He only wanted a chance to get to know his son and share time with him. Of course there was more that he wanted, but it didn’t matter at the moment. That was nothing but a dream, and it had died years ago. He’d been foolish to entertain the thought that he and Lainey. . .
He shook his head. Best to forget what he thought. He’d made Lainey unhappy enough in the past, and he wasn’t about to do it again.
He watched the rise and fall of her chest for a few moments. When he was satisfied that she was breathing normally and that she’d drifted off to sleep again, he dropped back down in the chair next to her bed. His body ached as if he’d been involved in an all-night fire fight. He needed sleep, but he couldn’t give in yet. He had to stay awake to make sure no harm came to Lainey.
A movement at the door caught his attention, and he glanced up to see Sam walking in the door. His eyes flitted over Ash and then back to Lainey who stirred in her sleep. He gave a curt nod to Ash and then eased up to the bed and stared down at Lainey, his gaze focused on her.
The look that Sam directed at Lainey left no doubt as to how he felt about her. Even a stranger would have been able to see the love that shone in Sam’s eyes. Suddenly Ash was sorry he’d told Lainey he wanted her to be happy even if it meant her being with Sam. He didn’t want her to marry Sam. She was his, had been from the first moment they met years ago. Even when she had been married to his brother, he had still known she was the only woman he would ever love. Now a man, his best friend from childhood, wanted to marry her, and everything in Ash rebelled at the idea.
“How’d you get in here?” he asked. “I didn’t think they’d let anybody but family in intensive care.”
Sam glanced up at him, and his mouth tightened into a thin line. “I’m the sheriff. A badge will get me any place in this county that I want to go.”
He glared at Ash for moment before he inhaled a big breath as a momentary flicker of pain darkened his eyes. The muscles in his throat constricted as he swallowed, and then he reached out and covered Lainey’s hand with his.
He didn’t turn his head as he spoke to Ash. “She’s so pale. What’s the latest on her condition?”
Ash pushed up from the chair where he’d been sitting and stood on the other side of Lainey’s bed facing Sam. “Her vital signs are better. The doctor hasn’t been in yet, but we expect him any time.”
Sam glanced up at him and frowned. “You look worn out, Ash. Since I’m here, why don’t you go eat something and get some some sleep? Maybe go back to the Firebrand Center. I’ll stay with Lainey.”
Ash shook his head. “I can’t leave her. I want to make sure she’s okay.”
Sam cocked his head to one side and arched an eyebrow. “You’ve always been good at leaving, Ash. You haven’t cared enough in the last ten years to find out what she’s gone through. Then all of a sudden you show up, and you think you’re in charge of Lainey and Max. Well, I’ve got news for you, buddy. Some of us didn’t leave. Richard was here to take care of her, and when he was gone, I took over. We made it fine without you, and we can do it again. So why don’t you go on and leave before Lainey and Max get too attached to you.”
Ash clenched his fists at his side and glared at Sam. Where did he get off deciding if Max should get too attached to him? Even if Lainey married Sam, Max was always going to be his son. He opened his mouth to tell him to stay out of matters that didn’t concern him when his assurance to Lainey that he wanted her to be happy flashed into his head.
As much as he wanted to, there was no way he could undo the past ten years. If Lainey wanted Sam, Ash was going to have to be strong enough to accept it. Ash dug his fingers into his palms and took a deep breath. “You’ve been a good friend to Lainey, Sam, and I appreciate that. All I want is for Lainey and Max to be happy. I want to be a part of Max’s life, and Lainey has told me I can be.” He took a deep breath and hoped he could say the words he knew he had to. “So, if she loves you and wants to marry you, I won’t do anything to change her mind.”
Sam blinked and looked at him as if he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Are you serious?”
Ash nodded. “I am.”
“You won’t try to persuade Lainey not to marry me?”
“If that’s what she wants, I won’t do anything to influence her differently.”
Sam narrowed his eyes and studied Ash for several moments before he finally held out his hand. “Thanks, Ash. I appreciate that.”
Ash hesitated for a split second before he reached out and grasped Sam’s hand, and they shook. At that moment, Lainey’s eyes blinked open, and she stared up at their hands clasped above her. “What’s going on?” she murmured.
Ash shook his head and pulled his hand back. “Nothing, Lainey. Sam just got here to visit you. I’ll leave you two alone so you can talk. I need to find something to eat and maybe get some sleep.”
Lainey raised her head from the pillow and propped herself on the elbow of her uninjured arm. “You’re leaving?”
“Not for long.”
A look of panic crossed her face. “What does that mean? Ten minutes? Ten hours? When will you back?”
Ash touched her shoulder and eased her back down on the bed. “Don’t worry. You’ll be okay with Sam here. He’s not going to let anything happen to you.”
She cast a quick glance at Sam and then back to him. “I know, but. . .”
He leaned over and stared into her eyes. “Just relax. I’m only going to get some breakfast in the cafeteria and call Reese. I want to check on Max and ask Reese to bring me some clean clothes. I’ll be back before you know it.”
“So you aren’t going back to the center and leaving me here alone?”
He frowned and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. “No. I’m not leaving here until I can take you back to Max. Okay?”
Her lips trembled, but she smiled and exhaled a shaky breath. “I’m sorry, Ash. I don’t mean to be such a baby, but I feel better having you here.”
“I’m not going anywhere. Ever again, Lainey. I’m going to be here for you and Max.” He glanced up at Sam. “I won’t be gone long.”
Sam nodded as Ash strode around the end of the bed and out the door. Once in the hall he forced himself to walk to the exit door from the Intensive Care Unit and then down the hall to the elevator. When the doors opened, he stepped into the empty elevator and watched the doors slide shut. Only then did he sag against the wall and close his eyes.
When he’d left to join Firebrand, he’d been cocky enough to believe that no matter what he did Lainey would never turn to another man. Coming home had made him see that everything that had happened since that day had been his fault. He wished he could turn back the clock and relive that day, but he couldn’t. He had to live with what his actions had caused.
Now he was going to have to learn to live with something else. Lainey had moved on with her life, and he had to accept that. As much he didn’t want to, he had to pretend that he was happy for her and Sam. He didn’t know yet how he’d do it, but he would.
Chapter 13
Lainey smiled up at Sam as he covered the hand on her uninjured arm with his. The muscles in his throat constricted as his gaze drifted over her face.
“I’m sorry I couldn’t get here sooner. I was in a meeting in Asheville, and I wasn’t able to leave.”
Lainey smiled and squeezed his hand. “It’s okay. There’s nothing you could have done, and I’m fine now.”
His eyes darkened, and he gave a slight shake of his head. “I was worried sick when I got the call that you’d been taken to the hospital. I wanted to make sure you were taken care of.”
Lainey’s breath hitched in her throat at the concern she saw in his eyes. “I was taken care of. Ash was there, and he and Reese got me here as quickly as they could. Ash hasn’t left the hospital since we came in.”
The mention of Ash produced a quick change in Sam’s features. His body stiffened, and he straightened to his full height as he released her hand. Whereas moments ago he had been apologetic for his absence, now he appeared angry and defiant.
“That’s Ash, isn’t it? Always rides in to be the hero. The only problem is he doesn’t have any trouble riding out again and leaving somebody else to clean up the mess he’s left behind.”
She felt a flash of anger and she glared at him. “I know better than anyone else what he’s done in the past, but he’s not the only one who’s made mistakes. I share a lot of the burden for what happened.”
His mouth pulled into a grim line. “You mean because you married his brother while you were carrying Ash’s child?”
She gasped. “How did you know that?”
Sam snorted in disgust. “I was there. Remember? And I can count. Max was born eight months after Ash left. There’s no way he could have been Richard’s child. Besides, anybody who bothers to look twice can tell that Max is Ash’s son. He looks just like him.”
His words shocked her and Lainey’s mouth gaped open. If Sam could see, then others must have guessed her secret, too. She struggled to ignore the pain that shot up her arm as she tried to push up on her elbows. “Sam, please. You can’t tell anyone. You know how fast gossip spreads in town. I don’t want Max finding out from some kid at school that the uncle he adores is really his father.”
The anger that had lined his face disappeared. He stared at her for a moment before he turned his back to her and raked his hand through his hair. Then slowly he faced her again. “I’m sorry, Lainey. I would never do anything to hurt you or Max. I want to marry you and be a father to Max. But I don’t want to worry all the time about when Ash is going to show up and turn our lives upside down.”
Tears stung her eyes. She reached out and trailed her fingers over his hand. “I’m sorry, too. Sam. You’re a good man, and you’ve been kind and patient with me. But I understand how you feel. For what it’s worth Ash didn’t know about Max until a few days ago. Now he wants to be a part of his life, and I have to let him do that.”
Sam swallowed and clutched at her fingers. “Does that mean the two of you are going to get back together?”
Lainey didn’t flinch from staring into his eyes. “I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I do know one thing. Ash, Max, and I have to decide how the future’s going to play out for us. It wouldn’t be fair to place you in the middle of something I don’t even know how I’m going to deal with. I don’t want to lose you from my life and neither does Max. I’m sure Ash feels the same way. The two of you have been friends since childhood. So I think it would be better if we just decide to call our relationship what it’s always been. A friendship.”