Authors: R.D. Power
“God, Krissy, I’m, uh, sor—” Robert stuttered.
“Don’t call me that. Don’t talk to me at all!”
“I … I’m—”
“Shut up! How dare you say that to me! It was you who aban—get out of here and go back to the teenybopper girlfriend you love so much.”
Robert furrowed his brow, but dared not say anything else. He left, distraught. He had vowed to attend to the criticisms she had leveled at him when she was asking for his help with the computer system; he had intended to show people respect, even if he didn’t like their opinions. He’d done a poor job of it, and had alienated her more.
I have to change, I have to, or I’ll never get her back
, he told himself as he faced a stiff winter headwind on his miserable walk home.
Meantime, Mark and Miriam tried to settle Kristen down. Mark said, “He’s gone now. It’s just your friends. Besides what was obvious from what we heard tonight, can you tell us what he did to you to make you hate him so much?”
Still red and close to tears, she almost blew up at that question, too, but restrained herself.
“Kristen, please calm yourself,” counseled Miriam. “Come with me outside for a few minutes so we can talk,” she suggested. Turning to the others she said, “We’ll be right back.”
O
nce outside in the courtyard, Miriam asked, “Are you okay now?” Kristen, who was pacing back and forth to collect herself, nodded. “It’s funny,” Miriam, went on, “Mark asked why you hate Bob so much. I wanted to ask why you love him so much.”
“I do not love that masher! I’m over him completely.”
“I see. I’m curious. Why did you blow up when he talked about proposing?”
“I can’t talk about that without going out of my mind. Oh, what a nerve that man has!” She picked up her pace.
“All right. What was he really saying when he was talking about his aches and pains, and why did it make you so emotional?”
Kristen stopped. “Um, I can’t talk about that, either. It’s very personal.”
“Okay. Then can you tell me why you seemed so concerned when Brittany showed a passing interest in Bob, but not at all when she was salivating over Mark?”
“Mark respects women; Bob figures a woman is just garnish for the vagina,” Kristen replied. Miriam chortled. Kristen went on, “Did you see how the pervert checked her out? He has all the subtlety of a nuclear bomb when he ogles a woman. He stared at her butt like a dog entranced by a steak. He was practically drooling!” she said with rancor. “Part of him probably was. He’s such a pig,” concluded Kristen.
“So Bob was a threat to her?” Kristen nodded. “Not the other way around?” Kristen shook her head. “That’s why you made such an effort to deflate him in Brittany’s eyes?”
“I care for her. I don’t want to see her hurt.”
“I see. Why did you look so panic-stricken when he said he might remarry your cousin?”
“Panic-stricken? You’re mistaken. He can go back to her right now for all I care. The sooner the better, I say.”
“I see.”
“Stop saying that. Let’s go in. It’s cold.”
“Why are you jealous of his girlfriend?”
“I’m nothing of the sort. I saw her in his office, and she couldn’t have been any older than seventeen. He said he loved her! Hypocrite.” Her pacing began anew. “I waited ten years for … He just wants sex, I’m sure. She’ll be history as soon as she …” Kristen ceased her harangue, realizing what it signified.
“Is that what happened? You fell in love, gave him what he wanted, and he left you?”
“No. It was so much more complicated than that. Miriam, I’m sorry, but I can’t discuss this.”
“You still love him, don’t you?”
“No! You’re not doing a very good job making me feel better.”
“Sorry, but you’re not doing a very good job confiding in your best friend.”
“Mr. Impropriety is in my past for good. I love Mark now.” Miriam gave her a who-are-you-trying-to-kid face. Kristen asserted, “I’m not lying to you.”
“If you’re not lying to me, then you’re lying to yourself. Now, don’t get angry with me. I always say what I think, you know that.”
“I spent too many years pining for that frustrating, tactless truant. I finally put him behind me. I met someone who puts him to shame in every way, and I was happy. Then that callous philanderer shows up out of the blue. He lives and works a stone’s throw away from me. All of a sudden, I’m cranky, nervous, and confused. I wish he’d go back to wherever he came from.”
“It does sound like you hate him. I stand corrected. The next time I see you staring at a man—just for a moment, mind you—with the most desirous look a woman has ever cast, I won’t make the same mistake; I’ll know that’s your way of communicating ‘I hate you.’”
“Sarcasm does not become you. Let’s go back in.”
•
Miriam ran into Robert on campus a few days later. They exchanged some small talk, during which she mentioned that she, her husband, Kristen, and Mark would be skating at the outdoor rink in Victoria Park the coming Friday. “You should join us,” she suggested.
“I think that would ruin the evening for everyone.”
“Oh, no. Just watching all the communication that passes between you and Kristen, even if neither of you speaks a word, is marvelous entertainment.”
“You mean when she leers at me to signal, ‘You disgust me!’? I make her miserable.”
“Yes, you do.”
“So, why would you want me to be around her?”
“Because she’s my best friend.”
“I’ll never understand women.”
“You’re not supposed to. That’s part of our charm. Just be there.”
Robert decided to go on Friday, and brought his children along. When Kristen and her friends showed up, there was an unpleasant moment as she blurted out in an unkind tone, “What are you doing here?”
More nonplussed than ever, he glanced at Miriam, who smiled, and stammered to Kristen, “Uh, well, I, um, thought it was open to the public, but if you own the rink and want me off, I’ll be happy to leave.” She smirked and skated away arm in arm with Mark. Both Kristen and Robert wanted to leave, but it was more awkward to leave than to stay at that moment.
Robert, who skated with Kara smiling brightly in his arms while Brian whirled around the rink showing off his athleticism, kept looking at Kristen, but she returned nary a glance. Kristen skated in circles with Mark while he discoursed about a possible federal election in the spring. Brian and Robert played tag, while Kara giggled, for she had to apply the tag.
Miriam observed while skating with her husband, George: “You see that man there with the little girl and boy? I think Kristen is terribly in love with him, but she adamantly refuses to admit it, even to herself. That’s so sad, don’t you think? I just think of myself with someone else whom I’ve settled for, but you’re just beyond me, and I’m too frightened to reach out for you. I’d bet anything Kristen is going through that right now.” Fluffy snowflakes the size of a quarter floated in the air as John Williams’s “Christmas Star,” Kristen’s favorite Christmas song, began. Miriam continued, “Look at her. She’s finally looking at him. Can you see the desperate longing in her gaze?” George shrugged. “Oh, men are blind,” she said.
As soon as the beautiful tune began, Kristen felt chills surge through her. The song brought her closer to heaven, and she instinctively looked for Robert to complete the magical moment. He was skating a little in front of her.
While Mark droned on about the expected election, he faded away along with everyone else in creation save Robert and his children. Kara stuck out her tongue to catch the flakes. Brian skated around them. Kristen yearned so avidly to share their felicity, she saw herself skating with them, holding his arm and leaning her head on his shoulder as he cradled Kara. They were husband and wife starting on their own path. Her face was lit up with her vibrant smile of old that had disappeared when he left her. Then he gave Kara to Brian, who skated ahead to frolic with four other adorable children, hers and Robert’s.
Robert turned to her, embraced her and kissed her passionately as the two spun slowly in the center of the rink. The children encircled them. When the long kiss ended, he said, “I love you, Krissy Owens.” She felt a rush of love so intense that she lost her balance, but someone caught her. Her realization that that someone was Mark snapped her out of her reverie as the song chimed to an end. Jason Snow’s rendition of “O Holy Night” assaulted the skaters, Mark’s incessant chatter returned as they skated in circles, and the Owens trio skated so close yet so far away.
Real life returned and sank her spirit. Water droplets beaded up on her pink cheeks. Was it melted snow or tears?
A few minutes later, Robert skated into a crack in the ice and started falling. Afraid of hurting Kara, who was in his arms, he twisted around quickly and landed so as to protect her from harm. Unfortunately, in doing so, he wrenched his back. “Are you all right, little gal?” he asked Kara. She nodded. Robert blushed in embarrassment in front of Kristen and grimaced in pain as he tried to get up.
Mark witnessed the fall. Kristen had been looking the other way. When she turned her head and saw him on the ice, Mark claimed, “He fell on purpose to get your attention.”
“He looks like he’s in pain. I should check,” she said.
“No, don’t fall for his shenanigans. Just skate right by.” Reluctantly, she did what Mark suggested. Robert looked at her in sorrow after she passed.
Miriam, though, stopped and said, “Are you two okay?”
“Kara is, thank God,” Robert answered, “but I landed awkwardly and hurt my back. I’m having some difficulty getting to my feet.” As Miriam and George helped him up, he groaned and grimaced. George skated with him to the nearest bench, and Miriam carried Kara. His concerned son joined them there. Robert found he couldn’t bend over to sit, so he got down on his knees and turned to sit on the snow to remove his skates. “Brian, I can’t bend over to reach my skates. Untie them and take them off for me, please.” Brian did as asked.
“Where exactly does it hurt?” Miriam asked. Robert pointed to his lower back a little to the left of his spine. Miriam probed there with her hand.
“It only hurts when I move,” he said. Turning to Brian, he said, “Now put my boots on and tie them, okay?”
“I think it’s just a pulled muscle,” the doctor stated. “Take a painkiller when you get home and relax for a few days. Do you need help to get home?”
“No, thank you, we’ll manage. If you could just help me to my feet.” George lifted him up. “Thanks for your help and concern, Miriam and, uh, I’m sorry, I don’t—”
“George,” said George.
“George. I appreciate it,” he said, as he glowered at Kristen, who was skating by, eyes averted. “I don’t know why you invited me. Obviously, she didn’t know I was coming and doesn’t want me here.”
“I invited you because I wanted to see if you’d come, and how she would react to you.”
“Well, you have your answers. She won’t even look at me, let alone help me when I’m hurt,” he remarked lugubriously.
“Yes, I have my answers,” she replied with a smile. “Don’t give up on her.” Robert returned a downhearted look, said goodbye, and left with Brian and Kara. Miriam then skated over to Kristen and asked for a private word with her. Mark joined her husband. Miriam opened, “Why in heaven’s name did you skate by him? He was hurt.”
“Mark thought he was faking it to get my attention. I wanted to help, but—”
“Why would such an impressive woman let a man do her thinking for her? I’m disappointed in you, Kristen,” she chided, as she skated off to rejoin her husband. The upset woman told Mark to take her home.
Three days later was Christmas Eve. Jennifer had earlier committed to visit, but had sent her regrets the day before. There was a live TV appearance she’d agreed to make on New Year’s Eve and rehearsals were scheduled for the week beforehand. It had, by then, been eight months since she’d seen her daughter.
Robert asked Kim if he could have Brian for Christmas Eve. He wanted to make his own little Christmas with both his children. Kim said okay, as long as he had Brian home early Christmas morning. Robert picked up his son that morning, and the three went out to saw down a tree. Then they went to the store and picked out decorations and gifts for each other.
While at the mall, they came across Lisa and Bill. Lisa was cordial. She smiled and said, “Well, hello.” She and Robert shook hands. Bill stood by, aloof. Lisa continued, “Krissy said you had moved back. Hi, Brian. Nice to see you again. And this must be Kara. It’s just like looking at Jenny twenty-five years ago, eh, Bill?” Bill nodded. “This is the first time I’ve ever seen my niece,” she mentioned in a subtle reproach to Robert. “May I hold her?”
Robert said yes, but Kara latched onto his leg. He sat on a bench and invited the Taylors to sit next to them. Lisa sat and kissed Kara, who was sitting on Robert’s lap, on her head. “What a beautiful girl you are,” averred Aunt Lisa.
After an uncomfortable pause, Bill said, “I want to know your intentions toward my daughter.”
“Bill!” reproved Lisa.
“No, Lisa,” Bill retorted. “After he abandoned her and all but demolished her, I have the right to ask.”
“Mr. Taylor, I don’t know what she told you, but she kicked me out.”
“She was angry and had good reason to be. You didn’t give her a chance to calm down. You left in a snit and never returned. I swear she hasn’t been the same since.”
“Bill, please! I’m sorry, Bob,” said Lisa.
“Don’t worry, Mr. Taylor,” returned the irritated young man. “I don’t even know her anymore, and I’m not sure I want to.”
“Look in the mirror for the problem,” said Bill.
Robert turned to his children and said, “Let’s go.”
“God, Bill, that was really ignorant,” reprimanded Lisa after the Owenses left. “You say she’s demolished, and she isn’t the same because of him. What if all she needs to become herself again is him? What if you just wrecked the chances of that? You make me so angry sometimes.” She walked away from him.
The Owens family went home and decorated the tree to Christmas music. Robert spent the rest of the afternoon cooking Christmas supper while the children watched a movie. As the family sat to eat the meal, Robert smiled and thanked a God he didn’t really believe in for granting him such fortune. But in the midst of his joy, he looked at the vacant chair across from him and thought wistfully of Kristen. Empty chairs can be so depressing.