Tear Down These Walls (31 page)

The alarm starts beeping and she yells, “Crap!” She starts to push the
buttons on the pad. The code doesn’t work and it continues to beep. “Crap!
Work, damn it!” 

There is a ping on her phone saying there is a voicemail. As soon as it’s
quiet, it’s starts ringing again. Teagan smacks the control box and swears to
herself. “Pound 6-9-4-3-2-7 Pound.”  It still beeps. “DAMN IT, WORK!” She
presses it again, and it finally works and stops. “Stupid alarm!” She cries,
smacking it.

Again her cell phone starts ringing. She answers and yells, “What!?”

“What do you mean what!?” Trent shouts back. “Where in the hell are
you!?”

“I’m at home,” Teagan sniffles. “I couldn’t get my alarm to turn off!”

“I know,” Trent replies. “It was sent to my phone. I was ready to call
the stupid police! Damn it, Teagan!”

She scowls, “I was doing it right. Pound, the number and then pound.”

Trent groans. “No baby, it’s pound and then the number, no second pound.”

“Well, I didn’t know that!” Teagan snaps. “God!”

“Whatever, that’s not important.
Why
in the
hell
did you
leave?” Instantly, Teagan starts crying again. “Oh god Teagan, what did I do?
Did I go too far? I’m so, so sorry.  I got lost in it. I should have known
better. You aren’t ready for any of that. I am sorry I pushed it.”  Teagan
falls to her knees and cries. “Damn it, what did I do?” Trent groans. “Are you
okay?”

“Yeah,” Teagan gasps. “It’s just……”

“You didn’t want to do that, and I pushed you. I’m sorry,” Trent states,
“So sorry.”

Teagan shakes her head, taking a seat on her couch. “It’s not that I
didn’t want it, but……it’s not like that with us. You said you didn’t want us to
be together like that.”

“Because you don’t want anything,” Trent sighs. “I get that, I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want anything?” Teagan whispers.

“Yeah,” Trent replies. “I promise. I will
never
try anything like
that again.
Never
. Do you forgive me?”

She starts to fiddle with the bottom of her hoodie. “It’s not something
to forgive you for. I wanted it.”

“You did?”

“Of course, I was kissing you back. I would probably have gone all the
way. I was ready to.”

“Okay….” Trent draws out cautiously.

“But, it’s not like that with us,” Teagan moans. “It would just
complicate things.”

Trent pauses and then says, “I won’t try anything again. No kissing, I
promise. What about touching you?”

“Trent,” Teagan sighs. “You can touch me anytime you want, and you can
kiss me, just no tongue.”

He laughs, “All right, deal. Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Teagan sniffles. “I’m sorry I freaked. It’s just….someone almost
walked in on us.”

“Sorry,” Trent mumbles. “Sort of has been a fantasy of mine.”

“Doing it in the shower?” Teagan giggles. “You have never done that
before, really?”

“No…” Trent starts. “More like public places.”

“Really?” Teagan giggles even more.

Trent laughs softly, “Yes, most pointedly my office.”

“Interesting. The naughty secretary thing?”

“Sure, why not,” Trent laughs. “I just need to find a girl that will go
for it.”

“After hours I take it?”

“Hell no, during the day,” Trent declares.

“What if someone walks in!?” Teagan exclaims.

Trent sighs, “I have a lock on the door.”

“Well then, make sure you tell your future girlfriend about that,” Teagan
snorts.

“I don’t know if I would share that right away,” Trent chuckles. “I need
to make sure she is pretty damn special before I risk my reputation.”

Teagan gets quiet. “Well, you let me know when a girl like that comes
around.”

He quietly whispers, “Okay.”

She frowns, “You know, we aren’t going to be able to be like this
forever.”

“Why not?” Trent asks.

“Because, you will meet someone, and…..well……we won’t be this close
anymore.”

With a heavy sigh, Trent says, “You will find someone too, but that won’t
change how I feel about you. You are the closest thing I have to a best friend
right now. I don’t think you quite understand that I don’t let people into my
life, especially girls.”

“Why not?” Teagan inquires quietly.

“Give me……a little more time. I promise I will tell you why. I’m just not
ready yet.”

“You know my darkest secret,” Teagan whispers.

“My not telling you is protecting someone else, Teagan.  Someone
that I hold very dear,” Trent assures her calmly. “One day, I will tell you my
secret, but….just….not yet.”

Cautiously, Teagan says, “You are in love with someone.”

He bursts out laughing.  “Ummmm, no, I’m not in love with someone,
not in the way that you are thinking.”

“Oh. So, there isn’t another woman?”

“No, there isn’t another woman,” Trent chuckles. “Can we please get off
the subject?  I will tell you someday when I am ready.”

“Sure,” Teagan exhales.

In a soft voice Trent says, “Teagan, I will tell you. I promise.”

“I know.”

“So, are you coming back for class?”

She frowns again, “No.”

“Teagan!” Trent retorts sharply.

“I’m not in the mood,” Teagan whispers. “I’m embarrassed as hell.”

“You need to know this stuff! And nobody saw us, I promise.” He exclaims.

Teagan cops a bit of an attitude. “You know, since I am so close to the
instructor that I nearly had sex with him in the shower, you would
think
that he would give me private lessons.”

Trent pauses a moment before replying, “You know….that’s a really good
point.”

“Yeah,” Teagan snips. “You should be giving me private tutoring, so to
speak.”

“And I will,” Trent replies. “When?”

“This week isn’t good,” Teagan sighs. “I have to cram so much together
before Thursday. Plus, I work Tuesday and Wednesday evening.”

“Are you staying at my house on Wednesday night, after you get off of
work? Our plane leaves at 9 am. That means we have to be at the airport at 7,
which means we have to leave early.”

Rolling her eyes, Teagan groans, “Only you would book a flight in the
morning.”

“I figured you would want to spend as much time with your family and
friends as possible.”.

“That’s true,” Teagan says. “I don’t know if I am going to be able to afford
to go home for Christmas.”

“Well, see, then it’s a good thing we will be there early. We are also
coming back Sunday night, on a late flight,” Trent states. “So, you can do the
gift opening and everything.”

“Have this all set up do you?” Teagan laughs. She heads into her bedroom
to straighten up while they talk on the phone.

With a snort, Trent says, “I’m always prepared.”

“Are you one of those guys that always carries a condom in his pocket?”
Teagan inquires slyly. “Always hoping for the unexpected tryst?” Trent doesn’t
say anything. “Oh my god!” Teagan exclaims. “You do!”

“Can we please not talk about this?” Trent moans.

“Is it in your wallet?” Teagan giggles laying back on her bed. More
silence. Teagan laughs harder. “If you haven’t had sex in two years, why do you
carry around a condom,
especially
if you don’t get drunk at the bars and
bring home random women!?”

“Teagan, I’m not talking about this,” Trent warns.

Now, she can’t help it.  “What are you expecting to happen? Have you
had the same condom in there for two years?”

“Listen,” Trent starts. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“
Tell me
,” Teagan pleads as she props herself up on her elbows.
“Come on, you know so much crap about me. Open up
Trent
.”

He whispers, “Call me by my name.”

“Trent? I just did,” Teagan retorts, totally confused.

“No, Kellen, call me Kellen. It feels weird when you call me Trent. That
really isn’t my name.”

“But isn’t that what you go by?” Teagan asks.

He sighs. “To everyone else, but not to the people that are close to me.”

“Okay…..Kellen,” Teagan murmurs. “That feels weird. You are
Trent
!”

“No, I’m Kellen. I am Kellen Grayson. The people that matter don’t call
me Trent.”

“Okay….Kellen,” Teagan replies. “Am I supposed to introduce you to people
with that name?”

After a second, he says, “Yes.”

“So, Kellen….”

“Yes, Kellen….does that bother you?”

“No,” Teagan replies, though she thinks it is a little weird.

He laughs, “It’s weird for you.”

“No, Kellen, I get it,” Teagan replies. “Kellen Grayson. I can do that.”
She starts to twirl a piece of her hair between her fingers.

“Good, it sounds good coming from you.”

“So, Kellen…..”

“Yes Teagan?” He laughs.

“Why do you have a condom in your wallet?” She inquires.

Groaning, he exclaims, “Will you get off of it!?”

“NO!” Teagan says. “TELL ME! Just why, come on. Has it been the same
condom for the last two years?”

In a rather irritated tone, Kellen says, “Just drop it.”

“What are you hiding?” Teagan teases. “Are you really having sex on the
side? Come on, you can tell me!” She heads into the kitchen, propping the phone
against her ear with her shoulder.

“
No
, this I can’t tell you,” he barely mumbles.

“Why?” Teagan quips, taking a can of soda out of the fridge. “It’s me!”

“EXACTLY,” Kellen exclaims.

“Huh?” Teagan retorts, taking a sip.

He growls, frustrated, “I have only been carrying one with me for a
little while now.”

Suddenly, realization smacks Teagan in the face, she spits the soda
across her kitchen. “Oh my god!”

After a moment of silence, Kellen says, “Yup,
now
things are
awkward.”

“You’re expecting to have sex with me!?” Teagan hisses in shock. She sets
the can down on the coffee table so that she doesn’t drop it. Her hands shake a
little.

“Not expecting…..it’s just……dear god why are we talking about this!?”

Teagan gasps, “You’re carrying a condom because of me!”

“Wouldn’t you have been happy that I had one today?” He inquires.

“Of course, but…..”

“Don’t worry. I’m not going to
ever
think that way about you
again,” he states.

“Trent,” she exhales.

“Kellen,” he reminds her softly.

“Kellen,” she counters. “Answer me honestly; do you want to have sex with
me?”

Kellen heavily sighs. “Yes, it does cross my mind….a lot.”

“I see,” Teagan whispers.

He laughs awkwardly. “Dear lord, you aren’t going to come within a hundred
feet of me now.”

“No…..that’s not true,” Teagan starts. “It’s just that….I have thought
about it before too.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, but I thought you didn’t do casual,” Teagan points out.

“And I don’t,” Kellen replies. “But with you, it would be far from casual.”
There is a heavy pause. “We really shouldn’t be talking about this. You don’t
want me to kiss you with tongue; that definitely means everything is off
limits. And you’re right, it could mess things up. So…no more sex talk. It’s
done.”

She opens her mouth and then closes it. “I guess.”

“I just think you should wait for someone special. Someone you love and
trust one hundred percent.”

A tugging on her heart makes Teagan pause. “I do trust you a hundred
percent.”

“I know, and I appreciate that. But you need to be in love. It needs to
be special. I don’t want to ruin that. You should view yourself as a virgin.
What you went through doesn’t count. It needs to be something beautiful that
you will never forget.”

Teagan snorts, “I think sex with you is something I would never
forget……in a million years.”

“Babe,” he says softly. “Just let this go. I don’t want to lose you or
ruin what we have in any way, so let’s just move on from this.”

“Okay,” Teagan exhales, disappointed, plopping down on her couch.

After a few seconds of silence, Kellen finally asks, “So, are you staying
at my house or am I picking you up?”

“I will stay at your house,” Teagan replies, mentally checking off the
things she needs to do before that night.

“Okay,” Kellen says. “I am going to be preoccupied this week with some
stuff, but you are going to be busy yourself.”

“Yeah.”

“All right, text or call me if you want to talk,” Kellen states softly.

“Okay,” Teagan whispers, checking the time.

“Have a good week.”

“You too,” Teagan mumbles. 

“Bye Teagan.”

“Bye Kellen,” she murmurs and then hangs up the phone, slumping off the
couch.

 Teagan sits on the ground, staring at the floor. “He thinks I don’t
want anything?  I thought he was the one who didn’t want anything. Maybe
he just wanted to have sex.” She pauses. “That is probably it. I guess that
doesn’t matter. That will never happen now.”  Standing up, Teagan exhales,
“All right, I have stuff I need to do.” She turns and walks back to her
bedroom. Her mind continues to race and think about Kellen. Teagan shakes her
head and tries to think of something else…..but fails.

*            
*            
*            
*             *

“Wake up beautiful,” Teagan hears murmured. “It’s time to get up.”

“Mmmmm,” she hums, pulling the blanket up to her chin. “Ten more
minutes.”

“You have said that twice now,” Kellen laughs  “You need to get up,
or we’ll miss our flight.”

She opens one eye and looks at him. “Next time I book the flight.”

“Okay,” he chuckles. He bends over and kisses her on the forehead. “There’s
coffee in the kitchen.”

“I need an energy drink,” Teagan yawns, as she stretches.

Scowling, Kellen says, “Those are horrible for you.”

“But they work so well,” Teagan whines.

“Eat something, and I will give you vitamins, which are much healthier,”
Kellen shakes the blanket on top of her. “Now, get up, or I will get you up and
throw you in an ice cold shower.”