Tears of the Broken (63 page)

David nodded and pressed his lips together. “And tolerance on
yours.”

“
Tolerance?”

“
Yes. For death.”

“
You
can’t ask a human to tolerate the death of another human. That
isn’t fair.”

“
But, your species kill each other all the time.”

“
I
don’t. Not personally.”

“
Okay, well, you tolerate the death of
animals for
your
nutrition.”

“
Spoken like a vampire.” I smiled ruefully, keeping my eyes on
the night sky.

“
Well, my love, I am a vampire. Get used to it.” He kissed my
temple.

“
Bite me,” I scoffed.

“
Don’t tempt me, young lady—your death wish may just become a
reality.”

I
rolled my eyes; he’s so melodramatic. “So…if you drank my blood,
and we made love after—I could get pregnant?”

“
What?” The word burst from his lips.

“
You
said, when you were washing the dishes tonight, that it isn’t
entirely true about not being able to have children with a
vampire?”

“
Oh.” His shoulders relaxed and he wiped his hand across his
jaw, shaking his head. “Well, it’s rare. You would’ve heard of it
in your much-loved mythology. The incubus and the
succubus?”

“
Is
that real?”

“
In
a way. It’s not like the horror stories, though. Supposedly, the
babies are mostly human—not immortal. They can survive on less
blood than vampires, but still require food. I’m not sure how it
works for female vampires. None of the girls I’ve ever known have
fallen pregnant, but for males, we can still—you know—” he
shrugged, “we can still give life. There’s a rumour among my Set
that my uncle has a son, born by a human girl.”

“
Why
wouldn’t you tell me about this, David?” I asked softly. “You know
my desire to have children is one of the reasons I can’t promise
you eternity.”

“
It’s not the only reason, though.” He stroked my cheek. “I
didn’t think it necessary to tell you.”

“
Like so many things.” I folded my arms and grinded my back
teeth together.

“
Yes. But, if you won’t promise me eternity, and you don’t
want immortal life, then what good would it be to have a child, and
have maybe five years together before you grow too old to be with a
teenager.”

“
It
would still be better than having only a few weeks.”

“
True, but after those five years, I would
lose you
and
my
children—not to mention they would one day out-age their
father?”

David? Father? Of my children? I really like the way that
sounds.

“
Besides, even if I was selfish enough to
take those five years from you, I’d be away for the first two of
them. I have to return to duty, and what then? You’ll be a single,
teenage mother, and you may have missed your chance at love—at a
normal, happy life. No.” He shook his head and held my hand against
his chest—over his heart. “I want you to have a good life,
Amara-Rose. I want you to be mine—for all time, and I
could
convince you to
come with me—eventually you would. But I will not let you give up
the things you want. Not while they still mean everything to
you.”

“
I
know. I guess. It was just a shock…to find out that you can still…”
I rested my hand in my lap. “I don’t know. I’m really
confused.”

“
Confused about what?”

“
About what I should do. I want to be with you always. Not
just until the winter comes. It’s not fair.”

“
Life’s not fair, Ara. Haven’t you learned that by
now?”

I
shook my head. “No, David. I refuse to believe that. Life is what
you make it. Sometimes things happen that suck, but it doesn’t mean
your whole life is unfair.” I shrugged and looked at the stars.
“Life is just life, and sometimes you just get played a different
hand to what you wanted.”

“
And
you don’t think that’s unfair?”

“
Yes,
situations
can seem unfair, but all
things considering, David, we’re still alive, still breathing—not
ill or starving or dying of disease. In that sense, I think we’re
kinda lucky, right?”

“
I
suppose.” I felt his body move around me in a shrug. “After all, we
did find each other against all odds.”

“
Right. And I wouldn’t be here—alive—if you hadn’t come
along.”

“
So you
were
suicidal.”

I
shrugged. “I don’t know.”

“
You
scare me, Ara-Rose.” I held my breath under his bear grip. “What’s
going to happen to you when I leave?” The silence hovered over us
for a while as the dark-blue horizon turned almost pale white and
the sweet smell of morning dew, resting on cut grass, mixed with
the perfumed air from the dying summer rose as it swept my hair
across my brow. David and I both took a long breath.

“
Are
you okay, David?” I asked, sensing a shift in his spirit—a kind of
aching disconnection.

“
Every day I wake,” David started with a breath of hesitation,
“And I tell myself that I’ll let you go—that it’s the right thing
to do. And then you say things like that to me—tell me that you’re
not sure about living—and I wonder if I should just convince you to
come with me, if I should just wish for you to suddenly lose your
desire to live life, to throw your arms around me and beg me to
change you.

“
And then I look at you, and I see you for
the sweet, young human girl, who has never lived a day in her life,
and I just can’t do it—I just can’t take your life from you. I have
to bite my tongue every time I’m about to say something that would
convince you.” He closed his eyes for a second. “I’m just a guy,
Ara. I’m not perfect. In fact, I’m more perfectly imperfect than a
human. I have this evil side in me that is
screaming
for me to steal you. It’s
only the angel on my shoulder that makes me wish a better life for
you.”

“
I
know, and sometimes I wish you’d just force me to do it, too. But
I’d hate you for it. It’s just so dumb.” I slammed my hands down by
my sides. “All of it. I wish it were different.”

“
Well, you know what they say?”

“
Yes.
They
say a lot of things that don’t really make sense.
But which one were you referring to
specifically?”

“
Wishing is good time wasted.”

“
Shut up, David! God, you’re so negative.” I
leaned forward to look at him, groaning aloud. “You know, you might
not, but
I
still
believe wishes come true.”

“
That’s because you’re still a child.”

“
Then what does that make you?”

“
Ha!
A sick-minded hundred year old who has a fetish for teenage
drama.”

I
laughed, too, and looked out over the treetops. “There is still
magic in the world, Mr. Knight. You don’t have to be a child to
find it. Even my dad believes in it, and
he
wasn’t a child when he taught me
to believe in wishes—taught me how to make one.”

“
How
can you teach someone to make wishes?”

“
There’s a special way to do it.”

“
There is?”

“
Yes. When I was a little girl, my dad would sit me in his
lap, right by my window.” I smiled and cleared my throat as I
turned to look at David, noticing the tiny silver reflections of
stars in his eyes. “He taught me that when I see the first star of
the evening or the last star in the early morning—to close my eyes,
cross my heart and make a wish. He told me if I keep it secret,
then it will come true, one day.”

“
And
you still believe that?”

“
Yes. I do. And no one is going to take that away from me with
borrowed philosophy about life.” I took a breath of the cool, dawn
air. “When you find that one of your seconds has been wasted on a
wish, and you think you could’ve really used that second—really
need it back—then I’ll agree it’s wasted time wishing. But not
yet.” I looked back to the sky. “Not while I still have
hope.”

“
My
only hope is that you see sense—realise that being a vampire isn’t
so bad, and let me bite you—to change you.” David sighed, closing
his eyes and crossing his heart.

“
And
there’s that evil side,” I noted with a smile.

“
Yes. But I will never stop wishing for it, Ara. I know that’s
wrong, but I can’t control my heart’s desires.”

“
As
long as you control your teeth, then I’m fine with
that.”

“
But
you asked me to drink your blood—what if I lose control?” he said
playfully.

“
I’m
not having this argument with you. I don’t want to be a vampire. I
just want to be with you. Nothing more.”

“
Okay. No more talking about it.” He kissed
the top of my head and held me into his chest. “When you’ve decided
you can’t live without me anymore,
then
we’ll talk about
it.”

“
But
I already decided that.”

“
Okay, well, when you decide you don’t want
to be a frail old lady and
die
, then we can talk about
it.”

“
Not
gonna happen.” I laughed.

David breathed out softly. “You know, I’ve never met a girl
so eager to die, in all my life.”

I
shook my head and folded my arms across my chest to block out the
chilly caress of the wind. “No, David—I’m not eager to die—I’m
eager to
live
.”

The
story continues in 2012. Don’t miss…

the
knight of the rose

Book
two in the

THE
DARK SECRETS SERIES

He
looked for her for a hundred years, and now he’s found her, David
risks losing Ara to the arms of another man. But these are not arms
of safety and love.

Ara
will be stripped of more than just her innocence, and the choices
she once had to make between life and immortality will be cruelly
taken away.

She
will once again need a rescue from her Knight, but this time, it
may be too late.

Acknowledgements

Special thanks to my first readers, who loved this book when
it was just a baby on a blog, and to my sister, Katie, my very
first fan, who saved David’s life more than once. I’d also like to
thank all my lovely proof-readers, especially Sharon Morton.
Special mention goes to Steve Ciupryk for his help with the cover
design, and to Emmanuel Fritsch for checking my French.

Last, but never least, a very big thank you to my husband,
who read all my rewrites and encouraged me to keep going when I
wanted to give up, and to my children, for tolerating a lot of
take-out.

About the Author

A.M. Hudson grew up moving all around
Australia, and started writing full-time after her third child. She
lives a more than ordinary life with her husband and children, and
sings in duo when she’s not writing or reading.