Tears of the Broken (54 page)

“
I
never will be human. I’m a vampire. I kill people—” he became
slightly louder. “You have to accept that, not just look the other
way.”

“
But
why? You can pretend to be human—to be with me. If you love me
enough.”

“
You
haven’t really thought this through, have you, Ara?” David
moistened his lips, then pressed them together, looking away. “I’m
not able to pretend all the time. It’s hard to be human, and one
day, I would slip up, do something I shouldn’t—and scare
you.”

“
So,
is it hard to be around me?” I snapped. “Do you have to pretend to
be David—is any of what I fell in love with real?”

“
Of
course it is, Ara. I’m still the same guy—” he ran his hands
through his hair, “but you don’t know the other side of me—David,
the vampire, and I want you to know that part. I want to share all
of myself with you. That should be okay—with the one I
love.”

“
What exactly is the other side of you?” I studied his distant
and pained stare until a cheeky grin replaced it.

“
Come hunting with me and I’ll show you.”

“
David!” I said with detest. “What a horrid thing to
say.”

“
You
see?” He smiled conceitedly. “You can’t accept me, at all,
Ara—you’re just hiding from the truth. I will never be able to
share my true self with you because you’re too sweet, too fragile,
and I never. Want you. To be afraid of me again.” He closed his
eyes in emphasis of each word.

“
Why? What’s the big deal about me being scared of you? I’m
not now, so—”

“
Because I felt dead inside,” he snapped. “I couldn’t touch
you. I couldn’t be the one to comfort you. I—I felt so helpless,
like you were screaming for me—standing behind a glass partition,
and I couldn’t reach you.”

“
Really?”

“
Do
you know what it feels like when you can’t touch someone—to be the
one who placed fear in their eyes, and be powerless to take it
away? I was terrified I’d lost you—” his voice dropped, “and I
couldn’t do a goddamn thing to make it all okay.”

“
You didn’t look scared—you looked
sca-
ry
.
Especially when you did that floating up to stand
thing.”

He
laughed softly. “Sorry, some habits are hard to break. But believe
me, Ara, you scared me—a hell of a lot more than I scared
you.”

“
So, you weren’t floating to
try
to scare
me?”

“
God, no. I didn’t mean to do that, but…” He scratched his
temple with his index finger in what looked like a practiced human
move. “In emotional situations, it becomes harder to keep up the
human facade.”

“
Is
that why you always run away when we fight or when I—” I cleared my
throat, “you know, the thing in the corridor at school?”

A
gust of laughter exploded from David’s lips and he leaned back on
his hands. “Yes. Exactly.”

“
So,
what were you about to do that day, then? Float away or
something?”

“
No.” He looked up from the ground and smiled. “I was about to
lift you in my arms and run, vampire-speed, to the closet-room
under the auditorium stage.”

“
You
would not,” I said, my tone ringing in question.

“
Ara—” he raised one brow, “I’m a guy. Not a
saint.”

“
Well, what…” I crossed my legs under me and asked nervously,
“What would you have done with me in there?”

He
left the long silence hanging, smiling down at the grass. “I
would’ve demonstrated my affections for you.”

“
And…” I played with the hem of my dress, “how exactly would
you have done that?”

David cleared his throat and sat back up from his lean,
dusting the grass and soil off his hands. “This is getting off
subject.”

“
Right.” I bit my lip. “Of course. So, I was saying I want you
to stay with me.”

“
Right, and I was saying that pretending to be human around
you is not possible long term. Either you become a vampire or I
have to leave you behind at the end of the summer.”

I
dusted my own hands off as I sat up properly. “Technically, you did
say you’d be staying until winter.”

David shook his head. “The time may come before that. I said
you could count on me being gone by winter—not that I’d stay until
then.”

“
So,
that’s it—no negotiation? Your way or the highway?” I
scoffed.

“
It’s not my way, girl. Do you think I want
this?” He pointed to his chest. “God, if I could stay with you
I
damn well
wouldn’t even think twice about it. But it’s not up to
me.”

“
Well, who decides, can’t we reason with them?”

“
No.
Discussion closed.”

“
Why?”

“
Ara, humour me, please—just stop pushing.”

“
No,
why can’t we reason with them?”

“
Because they do
not
negotiate the laws. Vampire’s
stick to their Sets—no matter what.”

“
Sets?”

“
It’s what we call the communities we belong to—clubs, sort
of.”

“
Vampire clubs?” My brow arched.

“
I said sort of like clubs. They’re there to
protect vampires from
your
society.”

“
So,
we’re
the dangerous ones, now?”

“
Yes. Do you know what could happen if vampires were
discovered? It could start a war.”

“
Would that not be a good thing? You guys would win—then you
could live in peace.”

“
That’s not the point, Ara. And we would never be in peace.
Fear can turn good people into an angry mob. And then…what if we
lost? We’d end up locked away or in a science lab being tested on
so humans could wield or recreate our powers.”

“
Oh.”

“
Yes, oh.” He smiled. “Without a Set you are exposed, out in
the open—no one to help cover up a bad kill, no one to assist with
identity change. I know better than anyone that vampires must be
kept under a tight rein—if not, they can become unruly. The law
applies to all. Not just those who feel special because they’re in
love.”

“
But, it would only be for eighty years—then you could go
back.”

“
It
doesn’t work like that. Once I leave—I’m out. That’s
it.”

“
Would that matter? You’d have me.”

“
Don’t you think that’s a little selfish, Ara, really?” He
shook his head. “I’ve worked hard—spent decades doing unspeakable
things to obtain my position on the council. I would lose all of
that to have eighty measly years with you—pretending the whole time
to be human, watching you age just a little bit more each day,
until every ounce of life withers away from your soul and I lose
you for good.” He stopped and watched the lake for a second.
“They’ll never take me back, sweetheart. You’ll be gone, the Set
will be gone, and I’ll be left with nothing.”

“
Well, can’t I just come with you—but stay human?” I asked
carefully.

He
shook his head softly. “No. It’s too dangerous for a human to live
among vampires. Someone would hurt you.”

“
I’ll risk it.”

“
No.” He shook his head again. “Look, I have no choice but to
migrate for the winter, Ara. I want to take you with me, but you
have to become a vampire—it’s the law.”

I
nodded, swallowing back the golf ball in my throat. Me, a vampire?
The idea makes me feel weak. “Don’t you love me enough to give up
your position—even if it is only for eighty years? I mean, I’d do
it for you.”

David stared at me for a moment, his jaw stiff and his upper
lip turned. “You would, would you? Like you’d kill—to be with me?”
He sighed heavily and ran both hands through his hair. “I explained
this to you, Ara. Staying with the Set has nothing to do with how
much I love you.”

“
I’m
sorry. Guess I just believed love would conquer all.” I looked down
at my hands.

“
No,
you thought you’d get your own way.”

My
mouth dropped, but my retort was subdued with realisation. He’s
right. I am being a little spoilt. I’ve heard what he’s said to me,
but I’m not really listening, because he’s not giving me the
answers I want.

“
So,
it’s a Mexican stand-off, then.” David snickered. “You want me to
leave my Set, but you won’t even consider becoming a vampire—to be
with me.”

“
I
just can’t, David.”

“
Isn’t being together all that should
matter? Blood and death aside—
love
is all that should matter.”

“
In
theory.” I shrugged one shoulder. “But then, the same could be said
about you—and your rules and your Set.”

“
Would you really ask me to give it up for
you, Ara?” One of his eyes narrowed. “Eternity is a very long time,
and the Set will
never
take me back. I’ll be dead to them—if I’m lucky enough to
escape prison.”

“
Prison?”

David nodded. “They never approve centenary-leave for council
members. I would have to run away.”

“
I’m
sorry. I didn’t realise.” I folded my lips in. “But it doesn’t
change things.” He has his restrictions, and I have my soul—I’d
have to risk that to follow my heart, while all he risks is
imprisonment. And what kind of life is that for me—tied down by
rules and restrictions? Am I willing to pay that price, too—to give
up my freedom or to kill a man, just to love David forever? I don’t
know if love is that strong.

David moved closer and pulled both of my hands toward his
chest, then held them there firmly. “Tell me something, my
love.”

“
Anything,” I whispered, feeling my heart cry with the gravity
of the shadows in his tone.

“
If I were to leave today and promise never
to come back—and you knew you would die an old, grey woman—that you
would meet your mum and Harry at the gates of heaven—” he breathed
out heavily through his nose, then looked into my eyes, “But you
would’ve missed an eternity with me—is that something you could
live with?” His hand tightened on mine. “Could you watch me leave,
knowing you’ll
never
see me again?”

The
thought filled my mind like a roll of film from a sad movie or a
Kleenex commercial: David, walking away—saying goodbye to him for
the last time, for forever. He’d drive down the long, winding road,
and when he disappeared over the distant horizon, I’d turn around
and walk away. My life would go on in the exact direction I planned
for. I’d marry, have babies and grandbabies, and a happy, full
life—but a life without David.

My
heart moved over to the centre of my chest and grew bigger,
squeezing through my lungs and my ribs—burning the blood in my arms
and face. It hurts. It hurts without David. He makes it all okay. I
love him so, so much. But it doesn’t change my desire to live, to
die—to see Mum and Harry again on whatever the other side
is.

“
Ara?” He slid his fingers along my chin, and turned my face
toward his. “You’ve got to stop making your life about Harry and
Eleanor’s deaths.”

My
heart jumped with the mention of my mother’s name. It’s been a long
time since anyone’s said
that
name. A tear fell onto my cheek where the cool
air around the lake took the warmth from the liquid and left a cold
line down my face.

David wiped it with his thumb. “Sweetheart, you don’t have to
live in my world, but if you decide to stay human—you do have
to
live
. I care
so much for you. But this sadness you keep inside will stop you
from finding happiness,” he said softly. “Your every thought, every
path you take is influenced by their death. It
has
to stop.”

“
But
you make it all okay. I can’t live without you, David, I’ve already
decided that.” David’s lips and chin doubled under my tear-shrouded
vision. I blinked once and the tears spilled out over my lashes.
“But, living with your lifestyle, that’s a different matter. How do
I do that?”

“
I’m
not asking you to kill anyone, today. But if you want the end of
the summer with me, then you have to accept that I do. You can’t
just look the other way—pretend it’s not real.” His other hand
rested on my cheek and he lifted my face with both hands. “And if,
at the end of the summer, you decide to stay human, you have to
accept that we can only ever love each other from afar. Do you
understand this?”

With
those words, my lip quivered and the reality of losing David
suddenly became so potent.

He
softened away from the harsh, factual person he’d become, and
touched the back of his finger to my trembling lip. “On the other
hand, sweetheart, if you choose to come with me,” he spoke
delicately, “we can take our time—plan for it—get you used to the
idea of killing.” He tucked my face into his chest and his voice
came through in a deep purr. “I won’t rush you.”