Tears on a Sunday Afternoon (17 page)

Julie turned around to look me directly in the eyes. “You are serious.”

“I swear on my dead mother’s grave,” I said.

“Donald, what took us so long? I haven’t been able to even touch Brian since we made love. All I do is think about you, morning, noon and night.” She ran her hands over my eyebrows.

“So when are you going to tell Brian?” I asked.

“There goes the hard part. Brian is such a nice guy, but I want you. I’ve always wanted you. It took you a long time to realize that but at least you did. And with all of that, I’m not too sure about you,” she said.

“What do you mean by that?”

“Donald, you don’t even know if you can be faithful and I need that. It’s great that you can walk away from women right now, but what happens a year or two from now? What happens when the woman that you can’t get out of your mind comes along? Are you going to stay true to your commitment to me?” Julie’s face had become very serious.

“You’re right, Julie. I don’t know what will happen a year or two from now. I don’t even know what will happen tomorrow. Today is all I have and I’m telling you that you’re all I want.”

Julie was right. I couldn’t give any guarantees. I wanted her today, but tomorrow I might want Brenda or Donna. In an ever-changing world that was full of emotion and conflict, could anyone give a 100% guarantee? What happened when the sex became boring and routine? What happened when the arguments at home hastened your exit to work? Time is all lovers have, but time also changes a person.

“At least with Brian I know he’ll be there,” she said.

“You’re right about that. Brian is much more stable than me. I’m not even going to try to convince you that I’m the right one and that we’ll ride off into the sunset together.” I disengaged myself from Julie and moved toward the door.

“You are leaving?” she asked.

“Yes, I am. I’m going to give you time to make your decision. And, to be honest, I’ll love you no matter what decision you make. It’s up to you whether we live a life together or apart. It won’t change my love for you. You’ve already secured a place in my heart.” I turned around and kissed her on the lips. “In four days, I’ll be free, and with freedom comes choices. You can make yours then.” I opened her door.

“Donald,” she said.

I stood at the door with my back to her. “Julie, let’s leave it at that.”

“Can we talk tomorrow?” she asked.

“No,” I said. “Tomorrow I’m spending time with Emerald and my grandmother.”

“Does she know about us?”

I started walking toward the car. “Sort of.”

“What does that mean?”

I opened the car door. “Isn’t that how our relationship is right now? Sort of?”

“Bye, Donald.” She closed the door as I got into the car.

“E
merald, Grandma and I have to talk. You can go in the living room and watch your show. Please wash your hands and mouth before you sit down,” I said to my son.

“Okay,” Emerald said as he got up from the table.

Grandma gave Emerald a half-filled jar of cookies. “Here’s a jar of your favorite cookies. You can enjoy them while you watch television.”

“Thanks, Grandma,” Emerald said as he left the room with the cookies.

“Mama, you know you spoil Emerald,” I said. “He’s going to eat all the cookies.”

“I have one grandson and you used to do the same thing. I used to come home and a full jar of cookies would have only one left in it. And nobody ever saw you take one. They just disappeared in your stomach.” Grandma retook her seat at the table.

“Mama, can we go to a restaurant the next time so that you don’t have to cook?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.

“Boy, I tell you every time that I don’t have a problem cooking. Your grandma might have gone to a restaurant about five times in her life. Your grandfather always used to say why pay for something you could make better yourself? What restaurants you know that make better food than me?”

It was a winless fight so I changed the conversation. “You went to Doctor Charles yesterday. Is everything all right?”

“It’s as all right as it can be for an old woman. These doctors only know how to do one thing and that’s give people pills. They give you a pill for everything, even to make you sleep.” She paused. “I don’t take them on because, if you do, you’ll go crazy before you get sick. Now, what’s so important that you sent my grandson away from me?”

I put my head down on the table; not wanting to look at her. “In the next few days, a lot of things will be happening in my life. If everything goes as planned, life will be great and I’ll be able to get out from my present situation.”

“I told you not to marry that girl. But I hope you’re not going to do anything stupid to get out of it.”

“Grandma, only time will tell whether or not what I’m about to do is stupid. An opportunity has presented itself and I’m going to try and take advantage of it. If things don’t work out, I’ve left a letter in your mailbox with a bank card with both of our names on it. It’ll enable you to live the rest of your life in a comfortable manner.”

“Son, you know you and Emerald are all I have left and I pray that God takes me away before He does either one of you. While I can’t tell you what to do with your life, I want you to think about the people who love you. Whatever happens to you will create a void that will never be filled.” Grandma reached out to hold my hand. “I supported you with your father and I will support you for the rest of my life, but be careful. I don’t need anything but you and my grandson.”

“I know, Mama, but in life sometimes you have to do something to get out of the pits. Otherwise, you’ll spend your life asking, ‘What if?’ I don’t want a life full of regrets. This is an opportunity for me to do what Donald wants to do. It’s a time for me to be responsible for my future. Like I said, only time will decide whether or not it was a mistake or the best thing I’ve ever done. I promise to be careful and I know that you’ll be there for me. Believe me, it helps a lot.” My eyes teared up as I surveyed the wrinkles on her face. She had been through a lot of wars and now she had to wait for the result of yet another one. “Grandma, I’m going to make you proud.”

“Son, you’ve already made me proud in more ways than one. Every time that I see you or Emerald, it makes me want to live longer and longer. I realize that you’ve made some mistakes but you’ve been a good son to me. There isn’t anything that I want that you wouldn’t give to me if I asked for it.” My grandmother was shaking.

“But, Mama, you’ve never asked for anything,” I said.

“Because, Son, there isn’t anything that I want. I have food on my plate and clothes on my back; tell me what else I could ask for,” she said. “Except for asking the Lord to guide and protect you two. This is it for me, Son. I’m on the final leg of my visit and you and Emerald have made it a wonderful experience.”

There wasn’t much more to be said. In my grandmother’s eyes I saw the confidence that had kept me strong for so many years. I got up and went over to her chair. I hugged her and kissed her on the forehead. “Thanks, Mama.”

I spent the rest of the day with Emerald. We went boating; then later in the evening we took in a Broadway play. Even though he enjoyed school and, ordinarily, I wouldn’t keep him out for the day, I considered it a worthwhile exception. We can see our past and our future in children, because they are a part of us. My son had my appearance and my heart; his life and his thoughts would shape his entity.

As we sat in the theater enjoying the play, his eyes fixated on the stage, I was overwhelmed with a love that neither time nor man could ever take away. I reached over and hugged and kissed him as he dismissed my intrusion on his entertainment. I sat back in my chair and watched as the actors and actresses put on a repeat performance of what was now routine for them. My life, especially the next few days, would in no part be routine.

I removed the gun from my waistband and dropped it down on Brian’s coffee table. “Here’s the gun.”

Brian picked up the gun expertly and pulled it apart by first dropping the sixteen-chamber magazine in his hand. He cocked the gun, then released the single bullet from the chamber. “I haven’t handled one of these in years.”

“How does it feel?” I asked, putting the clear, skintight gloves into my pocket.

“Uncle Sam taught me how to kill with weapons so thoughts of death accompany them whenever one is in my hands.”

“Well, Brian, I hope there won’t be any deaths on this mission because that would mean something went very wrong. If you have to come in gun-blazing, we’re all in trouble.”

“Do you have the torch?” he asked.

“Yeah, I bought one from Home Depot. I got one with a trigger; there’s no time to use a lighter.” I watched as Brian put the gun back together. I pulled the gloves that I had worn earlier out of my pocket. “I also got a pair of these gloves.”

“You need them with all this CSI shit they have these days. So, you want me to put the gun away now?”

“Naw, let me hold it. I have to meet with my father-in-law and I don’t know what will happen,” I lied.

Brian gave the gun back to me and I returned it to my waistband.

“When are you meeting with him?”

“Tomorrow, but he doesn’t know that yet,” I said. “I plan to surprise him.”

“Donald, I can’t wait for this to be over. Julie doesn’t want to have anything to do with me until we finish this. Did she tell you anything?” Brian asked.

“Julie and I only talk about the robbery. I think she wants to make sure everything goes as planned. I’ve never seen her so focused. Once this is over, I’m sure she’ll be back to normal.”

I started walking toward the door. I had gotten what I had come for. It was a little bit of insurance. In dealing with thieves, the only thing that could hurt you was trust. Trusting a thief was like believing a politician when it came down to the nuts and bolts. They would put your nuts in their bolts and tighten them. My cell phone rang and I signaled Brian to be quiet as I picked up.

“What’s up, Donna?” I adjusted the phone to my ear. I was expecting Donna’s call because she had to give me the keys to the handcuffs. I made arrangements to meet with her at Footprints, a small restaurant in Brooklyn and then I hung up the phone.

“Everything good?” Brian asked.

“Yeah, everything is on schedule,” I said as I walked out the door.

“Where do you find all these little West Indian restaurants?” Donna asked as she took a seat opposite me. It was 2:30 in the afternoon. The restaurant was empty because it was in between crowds.

“I’m always hunting for food in the evening so I keep asking around for new restaurants to try. I have a lawyer friend who lives in these restaurants. He got married a few years ago so maybe it’s not such a hot spot for him anymore. He said that Brooklyn is the only borough that has more West Indian restaurants than Chinese,” I said as the waitress brought us glasses of water.

The waitress was a young, white woman. I looked at her and wondered if she was bound by the sins of her father, and maybe her grandfather, for the infliction of slavery. Maybe in a quest to rid herself of that burden, she had come to ask for forgiveness from Blacks by resorting to servitude. We all had our burdens to carry.

“Would you like to see the menu?” she asked.

“No, give us a few minutes,” Donna replied. She watched the waitress disappear in the back of the restaurant, then she slid the key over to me. It was a small gold key that I quickly put into my pocket.

I looked over at Donna, a woman who could have been my wife if it weren’t for life’s circumstances. “You’re a beautiful woman.”

“But that’s not good enough for you, huh, Donald,” she whispered with a twinge of anger in her tone. “You added more bricks to the wall once I arrived.”

She was right. A beautiful woman could hold the key to many souls and, if kept too long in her grasp, those souls became wandering hollow shells. “Donna, I’ve been down your road too many times to get trapped in your web. Isn’t it enough that our bodies twist and turn in different directions as we give in to the pleasures of the flesh? We can’t dance into eternity together because we’ll both get engulfed.”

“And there, Donald, lies the essence of life. I don’t know if your thoughts of me were blinded by our passion. I have no problem with you wanting to be with someone else, but don’t act like I’m garbage.” Donna reached over the table and as our faces stood inches apart, she added, “The one you turn your back on may be the only one who can save you.”

“Donna, let’s not get all excited over nothing. You want me to fuck you, that can be arranged, but not until after we do the job. This is new to me and I don’t need pussy clouding my mind.”

She slid a white card with a magnetic strip toward me. “Here, Room 515 at the Marriott.”

“What’s that for?”

“We both need to work our stress out.”

Donna was good, but I was no amateur. She wanted to control me the way she had controlled all the men and women in her life. I took the card and twirled it around in my right hand. The waitress came over for the second time and we placed our orders.

After she left, I took the card and gave it back to Donna. “Not today.”

“Is she a blonde, brunette or down-home chocolate-looking sister?”

Donna was on a fishing expedition in the deep blue sea and right now nothing was biting.

“How is the family?” I asked.

Donna continued the piercing of my soul with her eyes. “They’re good. The bills are paid. We make love regularly and we hope to be together for the next twenty years.”

“Twenty years is a long time.”

“Yeah, well, you know, when the beauty fades, the companionship is what we take with us. Is that what you’re looking for Donald; companionship?”

Like every woman who had come before her, Donna wanted to make me a conquest. They wanted to look at me and say out loud or in hushed tones, “This brother is mine.” The same thing she had said about her husband and her boss.
Come, puppy, here is your feeding for the day.
“Give it up, Donna; not all mountains are meant to be climbed. And if you try, the consequences can be deadly.”

“Here we go, guys. Enjoy.” The waitress placed our food before us. I immediately started to eat. Donna bowed her head in a silent prayer before taking up her fork. Needless to say there was no more talk about the direction I had chosen to take with my life.

“Hi.” Her voice was soft and sensuous. It was like a voice I had never heard before.

My right hand held the phone tightly to my ear. “What’s up?”

“I miss you.” She paused before continuing. “What have you been up to?”

I didn’t know the right answers to give. “Been trying to tie up some loose ends. The nights are long and there’s a craving in my heart, but soon it’ll all be over.”

“Donald, I know you said that you wanted us to wait until all this is over before a decision is made, but I can’t.” I could hear the trembling in her voice. “What I feel for you is a once-in-a-lifetime thing and I want you to know that.”

I switched the phone from my right ear to my left. I wanted to be with her right then but I resisted the temptation. “There are no guarantees.”

There was a hesitation before she said, “I realize that there will never be any guarantees. Life is about uncertainty and change. What looks good today could make you walk on the other side of the street and see tomorrow in disgust. Donald, I want the moment; fuck the season.”

“You cursed,” I said.

“Yeah, get over it. I do many things you don’t know about.”

I laughed; her truths were my ignorance. “Yeah, you’ve got me on that one. Love is like a soccer ball. It gets kicked around all over the place until someone scores; then it becomes an irreplaceable trophy. People are then willing to pay up to a million dollars for it.”

“Or twenty million,” she added, bringing the conversation back to our reality.

I didn’t feel like discussing the robbery that day. “You had to remind me.”

“Yes, I did, because our lives depend on it. Where we go from here is dependent on what happens in two days. Donald, I’m not going to be a kept woman. I want to be your wife. I want us to have a child in celebration of our love. Emerald is such a wonderful boy. Don’t you think he needs a sister?”

“I’ve thought about it.”

“Just thought about it?” The disappointment in her voice made the phone seem heavy.

“Julie, please don’t question my love for you. I have a lot of things on my mind. Some of it I can’t discuss with you. You know my life is complicated and the things I’ve done and I’m going to do will change my life forever. And it might not be in a good way,” I said. Julie’s being in my life for the past few days had started to wear heavily on me.

“Donald, what happened to the times when you would tell me everything? Isn’t our love based on friendship? Now you’re making me feel like an outsider; untrustworthy. I don’t like that feeling. Hold on; Brian is on the line.”

She clicked the phone over and I was left in silence. To protect Julie, I had to limit her information. I couldn’t tell her of my plans for Malcolm or the situation at home with Lauren. There was a beep on my phone and I looked at the incoming number. It was Malcolm. I had left a message for him to call me back.

“Yeah, Malcolm,” I said, knowing that he would be irritated with the way I was speaking to him.

The irritation was clearly evident in his voice. “I thought our next conversation would be the conclusion of our deal.”

“There’s been a change in plans. I’m leaving this place tomorrow night.”

“You’re picking up and leaving your child behind.” He sounded skeptical.

I paused before answering, making him think that his words were affecting me. “Do you have the money for me?”

“But I didn’t complete my part of the deal,” he said. “I was planning to take care of Annette in a couple of days.”

“I’m not concerned about you taking care of Annette. You have no choice in the matter. She will not let your daughter have another child for me. So, if you want your granddaughter, you’ll have to take care of Annette. I’m not doing this twice. Once was terrible enough. Will you have the money tomorrow?”

Malcolm paused for a second. “I could have it by the evening. But you won’t get it until I receive all the signed paperwork.”

“The paperwork is already signed, Malcolm.”

“So what happened, Donald? She wants you to leave New York and start a family someplace else?”

“Malcolm, it’s none of your fucking business why I do what I do. Just meet me by the park around eleven and bring all my money. Hopefully, that’ll be the last time we see each other.”

The phone clicked again as Julie hung up, probably in frustration.

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Malcolm said and hung up the phone.

I dialed Julie’s number and waited for her to pick up. She picked up after the fifth ring. “What’s up with Brian?”

“He isn’t happy. He wanted to come over.”

“Is he coming over?” I asked, not sure that I wanted an answer.

“Donald, how could you ask me something like that?” The anger was evident in her voice.