Authors: Tessa Dayne
Jonas sat beside her, watching her. He wanted her to say yes, he needed her to say yes. They were so close to getting back everything they had started to build.
“I can’t, Jonas.”
“Can’t or won’t, Paige?” he asked, throwing her question back at her.
“Can’t…I need to know it all, Jonas. I need to know why I left Darren for you and I need to know what happened New Year’s Eve. If you won’t tell me, then I either have to remember on my own or get Darren to tell me.”
“And if he lies to you about it? What will you do then?” he asked her, needing her to realize that Darren lying to her was a real possibility.
“Jonas, I know Darren will lie to me. He already has at least twice since I came home from the hospital. He told me I wanted his artwork in my home, which I don’t. It’s not my taste. I don’t like the paintings he does. He also said he was here, in the cabin with me, the week after Christmas. I know he wasn’t. You were here with me. I remember those quiet days here with you.”
Jonas just stared at her in disbelief. “You want him to lie to you? I don’t understand, Paige.”
“I need him to tell me lies, to dig himself into such a deep hole that when the memories I have of those periods of time come back to me, I will know the truth. You just have to trust me.”
Jonas stretched his hand out and cupped her cheek in his palm. “I do trust you. And what about Madrid?”
“I don’t know. I just got back to work and things are a little hectic right now. I can’t guarantee anything right now, Jonas.”
Jonas dropped his hand and nodded. He was disappointed with her decision, but he understood. She needed to find those lost days and until she did, she wouldn’t be happy.
~*~
Chapter Twenty-Four
~*~
Paige lay in bed, listening to the quiet of the cabin. She had said good night to Jonas hours ago, but could not sleep. She kept reliving the evening over and over, adding the memory to the ones she finally remembered.
Finally, everything was coming together in a string of recollections that made sense. She had met Jonas at the airport in Chicago and had flown to New York with him. They had spent the entire two weeks before Sara’s wedding together, falling in love. She remembered painting with Jonas at the loft, going to Broadway to see The Phantom of the Opera, and drinking hot cocoa at his mother’s house.
Her life during those weeks in December had finally returned to her, except why she had broken things off with Darren and the accident. Why couldn’t she remember those two days? Dr. Gates had warned her that there was a distinct possibility she would never remember the accident, that it was too traumatic, but why couldn’t she remember breaking up with Darren?
Sighing, Paige threw the covers back and slid from bed.
Her mind was too active to consider sleeping, racing from one thought to the next. She was also getting a slight headache. She hadn’t gotten one in a while; they seemed to have subsided once the memories started returning.
Slipping from her room into the hallway, Paige glanced at the closed door to the room opposite hers. The room she had made up for Jonas. She listened for him, but realized he must be asleep. There was no light shining from under the door. At least one of them was getting some much-needed rest.
Paige headed for the kitchen, wondering how Jonas had dealt with all this uncertainty. It had been difficult for her, but somehow it must have been even worse for him. To have known all along what she had forgotten and not be able to tell her, to show her how he felt. What torture it must have been for him, what torture he must still be going through.
She still was unsure where they stood. Could she abandon the rest of her missing days and return to Spain with him? Should she just live with not knowing what had happened with Darren and move on with her life? Would the missing hours suddenly come back to her, if she stopped obsessing over them?
Silently, she opened the cupboard and retrieved a glass. What she wanted was a drink, but a glass of water and some aspirin was what she would get.
“The headaches back?” Jonas asked, coming into the kitchen on silent and bare feet, causing Paige to jump.
Paige held a hand at her throat. “You scared the living daylights out of me!”
“I’m sorry. I heard you out here and was concerned. You can’t sleep?” he asked, coming to stand on the opposite side of the island.
“My mind is filled with so many things right now. I can’t get it to turn off. I wanted to remember everything so badly and now I can’t get my head to forget enough so I can sleep. Ironic, isn’t it?” she said, tossing two of the tiny pills into her mouth before sipping the cold water from the glass she had filled.
“I can help with that, if you’d like. Come on,” he said, holding his hand out to her.
Paige took his hand and allowed him to lead her into the living room. They sat on the couch, Jonas behind her and she nearly groaned aloud when his hands began to massage her tired, aching shoulders.
“You need to relax, Paige. My God, you are tight. It’s no wonder you have a headache. The muscles in your neck and shoulders are as hard as a rock. Close your eyes and clear your head. Everything is slipping away, easing from your body, just relax and let it all fall away,” Jonas whispered softly, massaging her muscles as much with his voice as with his hands.
“This feels wonderful. Where did you learn to do this?” Paige asked, dropping her head to her chest.
“I have done a lot of action films. Doing my own stunts is murder on my body. I had a masseuse come in three times a week to work on my aching muscles. You’d be surprised what you pick up.”
“Why am I not surprised that a woman taught you how to do this?” she said, nearly laughing aloud. “Dare I ask what else she taught you to do with your hands?”
“I will have you know, Claire was very professional.”
Paige laughed. “I bet she was. Does she still work your muscles?”
Jonas rolled his eyes and continued massaging her neck and shoulders. He knew he was playing a dangerous game, touching her like this, but he had to be close to her.
“You had better be careful. I could learn to like this,” she said.
“Really? I’m not sure that would be such a hardship for me,” he said, dropping a feather light kiss in her hair.
Jonas waited for her to pull away, knowing that he was risking a lot if she rebuffed his advances. When she leaned back in his arms, he slipped his right hand into her thick hair and moved it aside, baring her slender neck. Gently, he dropped a kiss against her skin, his lips soft as a whisper.
Paige turned in his arms, placing her hands on either side of his head. She looked into his eyes and smiled softly. Leaning in, she touched her lips to his. The kiss grew from gentle and innocent to rough, demanding and sensual. Jonas wasn’t sure who initiated the intimate kiss, but he was enjoying every moment of her in his arms.
He felt her pull away and opened his eyes. “Are you okay?” he asked, searching her eyes in the moonlit room.
“What are we doing?” she asked, her fingertips barely touching her bruised and swollen lips.
“I thought we were kissing,” Jonas said, trying to lighten the moment.
“You know what I mean. We can’t get carried away; I can’t get carried away by these feelings.”
“Why not? We love each other, right? We are on the path of rediscovering everything we had that you lost. Why can’t we let ourselves be carried away by emotions?”
“Because as much as I want to, I want to be sure that what we had wasn’t just from being on the rebound. I have a chance to be sure of what I feel, not to be just swept up in a whirlwind romance. As much as I hate to admit it, I want to know what happened between Darren and me. I want to know that there is no way to repair whatever had caused the rift between us. Is that so wrong of me? To be sure?”
Jonas sighed and took her hand, holding it tight in his hand. “No, it’s not wrong to be sure. I understand, really, I do. I have to admit, I don’t like it, that you are going back to him. You are going back, aren’t you?”
“I need to know what happened, Jonas. I think I owe it to him to explain about the baby too. I know it was his, and I know we lied about it, you and me. I owe him some kind of explanation.”
“What about us? Is there still an us?” he asked, praying that she thought that there was a chance for them to be together.
“I don’t know where we stand, Jonas. I have feelings for you, strong feelings. I need to examine where they are going to take me. What I remember between us was something passionate, fiery, and uncontrolled at times. I just need to be sure that what we had will stand a test of time. I don’t want to rush into it again. The first time around was so fast. If it happens again for us, between us, I want to take things slower. Don’t you?”
Jonas nodded. He had known that there was a chance that once she remembered everything that she would take a step back and re-examine her feelings. Hell, he had been doing that since the accident, wanting to be sure that he hadn’t rushed into a relationship with her because of the emotional time that they had met. The holidays, the romantic wedding, the idea of a baby, all of it was a recipe for either disaster or something truly spectacular. He prayed that if they found their way back to each other, that their love would be something truly amazing.
“It’s late. We should finish this in the morning, when our heads are clearer,” Paige said, standing from the couch.
“I think it would be best if I leave in the morning,” Jonas said. “Hear me out. I was going to leave for Madrid on the 24
th
anyway. If I leave in the morning, it will give me time to go back to the city, pack my things and catch an earlier flight.”
Paige swiped at the tears that caressed her cheek. She didn’t want him to leave, but she knew that it was probably for the best. At least until she figured out what she wanted. She couldn’t ask him to put his life on hold for her.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
Jonas thumbed away a stray tear and kissed her cheek lightly. “I’m sorry too. Good night, Paige.”
Jonas headed back to bed, leaving her in the living room, alone.
~*~
Wednesday morning dawned chilly and grey, much like Paige’s mood. She had a headache and was exhausted. After their talk last night, she had sat in the living room and cried. Cried for the missing days, cried for the lost baby, cried for the mess she had made of her life. All she wanted to do now was hide, but she knew she had to deal with Darren yet and decide what she was going to do as far as her feelings about Jonas went.