“I really don't want to play this game with you Aric. I really don't.” I heard my voice crack so I knew he had heard it too.
“What game?” he asked.
His voice had dipped an octave and it was working every nerve ending in my body right along with the way his eyes gazed over my face. It would have done me some good not to forget what this man had done to me.
“Aric, you are a married man and you've hurt me enough in these last past couple of months to last me a lifetime.”
“Okay, look. You're right. I've hurt you. I know that, but if this baby is mine, we will always be a part of each other's lives. You have to get used to that.”
“That, I can deal with. What I can't have is you thinking that it will be more than that. I can't carry on a relationship with a married man and I definitely can't have you putting your hands on me when you feel like it. I can't do that Aric and I won't.”
I quickly closed my eyes again to fight off his energy.
“Check this out,” he began. “I'm not making excuses for my behavior. I know I've got some things that I need to fix and I know what I've done to you is wrong, but me apologizing for it isn't going to erase your pain or make you forget it, so what's the use?”
I opened my eyes and turned to look at him. “No an apology won't erase it, but at least I'll know you feel some sympathy about what you've done.”
He licked his lips as he tilted his head to the side and quirked an eyebrow at me. The cocky disposition wasn't lost on me as I made my way to my bathroom. I was not about to go through the motions with him anymore than I had to. He had kept me on a string for months with this no title thing he was pushing around knowing full well he was married and had no intentions on taking this any further than where it had gone. My anger level shot up another notch as I turned the shower on and adjusted the water temperature.
I stood there for a minute and thought about my mother. Why had she done it? Why had she stayed with a man who'd treated her the way my father had? What had made her stay there day after day, month after month, year after year? What kind of hold had my father had on her that'd made her want to stay with him and be his punching bag? The things I'd seen, no child should have had to see. No child should've had to see their mother being dragged, kicked, and punched. I hated my father and I would forever hate him until the day I died. Hate's a strong word, but that's how I felt at that moment. Sometimes I hated my mother; hated her for allowing me to be subjected to such a broken home. I hated her for allowing woman after woman to disrespect her marriage and then to have my father act as if it was his God given right to have a wife and however other many women he'd wanted to have. I would not live my life that way. I refused to.
I'd gotten out of my clothes and had one foot in the shower when I snatched my robe on and walked back into my front room. Aric was on the phone and it was apparent from the snippet I'd heard he was talking to his wife. In a sense I felt bad for her, but then I kept remembering she sucker punched me and fought with me about her husband. He looked up at me when I stood in front of him. I balled my fists in anger and my patience was gone.
“Let me call you back,” he said into the phone and hung up before he could get a response.
“You are not going to sit in my house and disrespect me again. You want to talk to your wife then you do it outside and off my property,” I snapped.
I could tell he was surprised by the way his brows raised.
“I am not playing with you, Aric,” I snapped again as I slapped his hand when he reached for my waist. I walked over to my front door and snatched it open. “I want you to leave right now. I need to be alone.”
The cold air reminded me that I had no clothes on under the robe I was wearing. He stood slowly and made his way to the door.
“So that's how it is between us now?”
I let go of the door and pulled my robe tighter when he got too close for comfort.
“Yes, Aric. That's how it is. I'm no longer going to play this game with you. I have a child to think about and...”
I stopped talking and backed away a bit when he closed the gap between us and tried to avert my eyes when he used his finger to lift my face to his.
“I'll be back tomorrow so we can talk about what we are going to do about this child you're carrying. If it's mine, get used to me being around because I won't be going anywhere.”
I noticed he had put emphasis on the word
we
both times he'd said it and was mentally thrown off balance when he brought his lips to mine and kissed me. I didn't know what to do or think. I wasn't prepared for him to do that and was mad at myself for letting him pull me close to him, deepening the kiss.
“See you tomorrow,” he said before turning and walking out of the door. “Lock the door behind me. I want to hear you lock it so I'll know it's locked. Get some rest and we'll talk tomorrow.”
I nodded, closed the door, and locked it. Shaking my head and thinking about what had just happened I made my way back to the shower. Stepping into the shower I silently thanked God that the water hadn't turned cold. I stood there a while and let the hot water wash over my back. That hospital bed hadn't been my friend when it had come to my back. I cringed when I turned around and the water hit my sensitive nipples. Quickly washing myself, I finished up, oiled myself down, and crawled into bed.
There was a lot that I needed to think about. A lot I had to do. A sudden feeling washed over me; one minute I was scared to the point of tears that I was about to become a mother, and then the next minute I was jubilant thinking that God had blessed me with a chance to show the world that I could be a good mother. I was a ball of emotions all night, even as I talked on the phone with Justin and told him about all of the madness. He had wanted to come over and sit with me but I declined, stating that I wanted to be alone. I promised him that we could get together the following week and after worrying myself to death about being a mother, being pregnant by a married man, and being in love with a married man, I prepared myself for a sleepless night.
Aric
“Wow! So she's pregnant?” Gabriel asked me, shock written across his face.
It was Monday afternoon and we were in my entertainment room that had come custom built with the house. Three forty-two-inch flat screen TVs lined the wall as well as a movie theater style screen on the back wall. The left side of the room housed a bar that made the room appear more like a sports bar with a theater-style setting. The stained concrete floors and stoned wall gave it a masculine feel and the red and black leather sofas and chairs gave off a laid-back mood.
I nodded and took another swig of my Corona before racking the balls up for another round of pool. I'd won the last one. “Yes sir! Asked her for a DNA test though because like I told you, I saw the pictures of her and ole boy.”
Gabriel chuckled and sat down on the stool behind him. “Okay, this is what I don't get. You usually do your thing with these women and then you leave them alone. You treat Chy differently, like you want to be with her. Do you want to be with her? If not, I don't understand the possessive nature you have toward her. Doesn't make sense . . .”
It wasn't lost on me that he called her Chy, like they had gotten close enough to have pet names for one another. I still hadn't let him know that I knew he'd taken her to lunch. I made my first shot before answering him and besides, I needed time to contemplate my answer.
“Has nothing to do with that. Chyanne is different. You know what I mean? She's a different breed. I know she's young, but she's got her shit together. She knows what she wants in life. She's a hell of a worker and she's got pussy that Jesus would have sinned for.”
Thinking about being inside of her caused my manhood to stir around in my jeans.
Gabriel laughed out loud and the sound resounded in the closed off area. “Wow, Aric. You're a fool, man.”
I laughed with him. “For real though, Chyanne is different for me. I mean . . . let me put it to you like this,” I said to him talking with my hands standing my pool cue up in front of me. “Stephanie has a dominant personality. Chyanne is submissive. Stephanie will tell me to cook for my damn self. Chyanne cooks for me. Stephanie only asks me how my day is going when she wants to talk about something. Chyanne asks me how my day is going because she genuinely cares. Stephanie likes to take control when we're having sex or likes to tell me what she wants. Chyanne gives me her body like it's an empty canvas and I'm an artist free to do with it as I please. . . . See where I'm going with this?”
He nodded emphatically before speaking. “So Chy's giving you something completely opposite of what you have at home?”
I nodded. “Right and I kid you not being inside of Chyanne will have you caught up. I'm not even in my right mind when we're having sex. All I can think about is how much I don't want to come out! Shit, sometimes I don't think. I just feel.”
“Well you did say she was a virgin, right? I would think it would have that affect if you know what I mean.” he said, after I missed my last shot. He picked up his stick and started looking for a shot after he sat his beer down.
I nodded and picked up my beer again. “Yeah, but got damn. Like I said,” I continued after chuckling a bit. “I don't know, man. Something about Chyanne just feels different.”
“So, you're saying that you may want to be with her like that, then?”
I shook my head. “Nah. I still feel she is a little too young for me to ever really consider being with her. You know? I'm thirty-nine. She's twenty-five. Big difference. I don't think she's ready. I was the first man she had been with, sexually I mean.”
I watched Gabriel take an angle shot and miss. “Damn. I can't believe I missed that,” he said.
I couldn't believe it either. That was his best shot, but it opened up a way for me to beat him at the game his father had taught us.
“So, what are you going to do about Stephanie? You know she called me cursing me out. I don't think I have ever been called so many sons of bitches in my life.”
Mentioning Stephanie brought my mood down as I positioned myself for a bank shot.
“I didn't even mean to put you in the middle of that,” I said to him.
“Hey, it is what it is right? All I'm asking is that you do the right thing by both her and Chy. You and Steph have history and Chy is a good girl.”
“How do you know she's a good girl?”
“I mean, come on Aric. I used to call your office almost every day to speak with you about something or the other. Chy answered the phone enough for me to have established that she is a good woman with a good heart. Not to mention the few times you've brought her out to business socials. She's a good girl,” he said talking with his hands.
“A good girl, with some great pussy.”
He laughed again although I knew he was trying to be serious. In college he was the only man on campus who could get a woman to fuck just by laughing. He and I continued to play pool and joke around. He lost the last game and called it quits. A few hours had passed and we were busy watching Sports Center and talking trash about who was going to the Super Bowl and I couldn't help but to mention how good Chyanne's sex was again when Stephanie walked in. I turned to look at her quickly before turning back to the TV.
“What's up Steph?” Gabe spoke to her.
She didn't respond. For them to be brother and sister, their relationship was a funny one. They both had different mothers and the same father. Gabriel's mother was their father's mistress back in the day. Stephanie never let Gabe live that down, but he didn't seem to care one way or the other.
“Aric, may I speak to you for a minute?” she asked.
I turned to look at her as she stood with her hands on her hip. I could tell she had been to the salon because of the way her hair cascaded around her shoulders.
“I'm busy,” I answered and turned back to watch the TV.
“You weren't too busy to be talking about how good some pussy was and you're only watching TV. This will only take a minute.”
“Can't you see I have company?” I answered her without even turning around to look at her.
“You call this bastard company?”
It seemed as if she lived to throw snide remarks at Gabriel. He was a good one because I would have told her a thing or two about herself a long time ago, sister or no sister. Some of the things she'd said to him had made even my ass itch so I knew he had wanted to say something a time or two, but Gabe was a southern gentlemen and he didn't believe in disrespecting women.
“That's okay Aric. I was leaving anyway,” he said as he tossed the empty beer bottle in his hand in the trashcan beside him.
I stood with him. We gave each other dap and the handshake to let others know we had pledged the purple and gold.
“I'll catch up with you later and don't forget about the meeting tomorrow. This will be big if we can get that merger deal on the table,” I said to him.
“I'll be there. Talk to you then.”
“Alright, man.”
“Have a good day Stephanie,” he said to her on his way out.
“Fuck off,” was her response.
I turned the flat screens off and walked past her out of the room.
“Damn, Aric. Can't we at least have a civilized conversation ?” she yelled at my back following me to the kitchen.
“You have to be talking to have a conversation Stephanie. You haven't said anything yet.”
She threw her purse on the counter and swept her hair up into a ponytail before folding her arms across her chest. I started putting dishes into the dish washer and wiping down the counters. I didn't want to give her anything to start griping about. She was a neat freak and I really didn't feel like arguing with her about anything. I had too much on my mind. I had to deal with Chyanne later because she wanted to talk and I also had to get some proposals done for tomorrow. Too many other things were going on for me to get into a petty argument with her.
“How was your day?” she asked in a huff.
“Same ole, same ole,” I answered.
I could tell she was trying her hardest to try and make conversation with me. She had been trying all weekend and I wouldn't say we talked like we used to do, but we talked.
“Would you like for me to cook dinner for you?”
I moved past her and threw the trash away. I shook my head. “No, I'll pick up something while I'm out.”
“Oh you're going out tonight? On a Monday?”
In typical Stephanie fashion, she was trying to get me to give up information on my own instead of coming right out and asking. That was her thing.
“I have some business that I need to take care of. I'll be back when I'm done.”
“What kind of business do you have to handle atâ” she looked at her watchâ“seven at night?”
“I have to go and talk to Chyanne about the baby,” I told her, deciding to be as honest as I could in the situation.
She fidgeted around with the buttons on her shirt and I could tell by how her face had hardened that she was trying to choose her next words carefully.
“So, you're really going to let her keep this baby then?”
“Yes, Stephanie, I am.”
I finished wiping down the counters, crossed one leg over the other at the ankles and waited for her response with my hands resting on the counter behind me.
“So what does that mean? For us, I mean?”
“Nothing's changed for us. I still want a divorce.”
“Does that mean you are going to be with her? I mean, I know we've been having this fight about the divorce for almost two years now, but you have never been this adamant before. Do you love her?”
“No, I don't and this, the divorce, has nothing to do with her so stop trying to make it about her. This is our problem.”
I watched what seemed like a wave of relief wash over her when hearing that I didn't love Chyanne. Guess that made her feel better.
“So there is no way for us to work this out? Twenty years gone just like that,” she stated as she snapped her fingers to get her point across. “I love you Aric and I know that we have both done some fucked up things to one another, but please just think about this some more before you go through with this? You can't throw all we have away. We've built so much together.”
By now she had walked closer to me and we were body to body as she looked up at me. Her hands were lightly gripping my shirt on each side and she was searching my eyes for some semblance of hope.
“Can we talk about this when I get back? Let me handle this thing with Chyanne tonight and when I get back, we can talk,” I said to her.
Looking down at her, at that moment, I remembered a time when I was in love with her. There was a time when I would try to move heaven and earth to try and impress her, give her anything she wanted. There was a time when I wouldn't have thought of hurting her, had loved her too damn much to hurt her. Now, it was like she was an afterthought. I would do my dirt first and think about her later. So much had happened. I didn't know what we could do to fix a marriage that we both had done so much to destroy. At first Stephanie wanted a divorce as much as I, then all of a sudden, she changed her mind. I didn't know what had given her a change of heart, but it would take me some time to think about staying in a marriage that I felt was over.
Walking into T.G.I. Fridays made me realize I was hungry. I hadn't really had any real food all day and for some reason, Chyanne didn't want to meet at her house. I didn't argue with her. All I wanted her to do was agree to have the DNA test so I would know how I needed to proceed. The hostess led me to a section that had a mixture of chairs and a booth together that sat on the right hand side of the bar.
“Hello sir. My name is Rachel and I will be your server for the day. May I get you started with something to drink or an appetizer?” the waitress greeted, once she'd gotten to me.
I looked up at the waitress. “I'll take a Guinness, Foreign Extra Stout and the Jack Daniel burger with fries.”
“Okay. No appetizers for you today?”
“No, and a glass of water please.”
She nodded, took the menu, and walked off. My phone vibrated and I knew it was Chyanne before I even looked at the phone.
“Where are you?” I asked her.
“I'm coming in. Where are you sitting?”
“On the side of the bar in the booth nearest the kitchen.”
“Okay.” I could hear horns in the background and the wind blowing through her phone.
After she hung up the waitress came back with my beer. I only drank import beer. It was some of the purest and it fit my taste buds. Chyanne breezed in like a breath of fresh air and I would be lying if I said an easy smile didn't creep along my face. She did that for me. Chyanne relaxed me. Her hair was slicked back into a sleek ponytail and her skin glowed. She looked a whole lot better than she did last I left her. Now that I knew she was pregnant, I could tell. She sat in the chair and I stayed quiet until she finished with her order of a pecan crusted chicken salad and glass of water.