Temporary Father (Welcome To Honesty 1) (14 page)

At the door, he took her in his arms again and they stumbled inside. He shut the door, and the silence overtook need that had been inescapable.

“Oh, no,” she said. Just to be human tonight, to give in to temptation that would taunt her for the rest of her life if she didn’t spend one night with this man who made her want him.

“Don’t,” he said. “I wasn’t lying when I told Maria I cared about you and Eli. I have the staying power to make him see I’m not coming between you.”

“That’s too much confession. We’re about to—”

He nodded with wicked, sexy eyes. “But you don’t want promises?”

“I’ve never made love without them.” She grimaced. “They weren’t true.”

Silence came back into the room. Now was not the time to list her former husband’s failings. If Eli didn’t want Aidan in their lives as anything more than his computer-game friend, she couldn’t let Aidan think she was dreaming of a future.

“What?” Aidan said. Maybe he was offering her freedom. She could say right now that Eli was too big a problem to overcome.

“I’ve never heard that clock tick before,” Beth
said instead. “It must have been here. It belonged to my grandmother, but I’ve never heard it—”

He cut her off with a kiss that made her forget about clocks and grandmothers and bad emotional risks. His hands slipped beneath her shirt. She groaned because the pads of his fingertips felt so good.

He spread his hands across her waist and then her back as he kissed her. She held her breath. He was—she was—moving too fast. He trailed his fingers beneath her breasts, and even through her lacy bra, she felt his heat. She leaned into the pressure of his palms.

His thick laugh was all provocation. She reached between them and undid the button on the top of his jeans.

“You won’t say ‘oh no’ again?” he asked.

Suddenly, she didn’t mind feeling helpless. Aidan had the same problem.

“I’m staying awhile.” Pain squeezed her heart. She kissed the stern line of Aidan’s jaw. Tasting him, wanting him. “Eli hasn’t changed. If he knew I cared about you, he’d still be upset.”

“I need you. I think we can make things right.” He pulled her shirt over her head. She froze, expecting to feel shy. Cool air kissed her skin, but yearning in Aidan’s eyes made her hot. She reached behind her back and undid her bra. As it fell, she backed away. Aidan reached for her, but she turned toward the bedroom.

Aidan caught her at the door, dragging her hips
against him. His arousal pulsed at her back. Breathing hurt. He cupped her breasts, his hands tender, teasing.

She groaned and then felt the rumble of his voice against her throat. His pleasure deepened hers. His mouth followed the line of her shoulder, his patience both thrilling and frustrating her. At last, he turned her to face him and then he bent and closed his mouth around her nipple.

“Hold on to me,” he whispered as the moisture from his mouth chilled her. He pushed her skirt off her hips and she stepped out of it.

“I’m nearly naked.” In the grip of her body’s need, she’d hardly noticed. “I don’t know how you make me—no one else ever…” Admitting she’d never wanted anyone like this, even the father of her son, was too intimate. And too hard to take back.

“I’m glad.” Aidan stared down her body, content to savor. She was not.

She unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it off his shoulders. Then she finished lowering his zipper. She slid her hand inside his jeans and stroked him. He inhaled, his fingers coming around her upper arms. Need begged in his guttural tone. His eyes never left hers as he covered her hand, urging her to caress him again.

As she did, he pushed his jeans down. She helped, kneeling to pull them off. When she stood, he was wearing only boxers, and she peeled off her panties.
She tossed them toward her skirt and turned back, to discover Aidan’s boxers had joined his jeans.

Another moment of truth interrupted. If she didn’t turn back this would be a memory all her life.

Did she prefer sweet memory or regret?

She reached for him, and he urged her toward the bed. She sat, only to pull him beside her. He slid his hand down her thigh, exciting her with his possessive touch. But she’d had enough foreplay after the drought of a long, lonely time. Unable to find words, uncertain that her bare basic need wouldn’t turn him off, she tilted her head and kissed him—truly naked for the first time in her life.

“I hope you won’t think I’m—” she whispered, spreading her legs.

“Beautiful? Passionate? Hungry for me? I’m thinking of how many years I wasted, not knowing you.” He rolled above her, easing her legs farther apart, finding his way with his fingers first. “I don’t think I can talk anymore.”

“And I can’t wait.”

He eased inside her, his face tight, his eyes intense. Her body seemed to bloom. Desire, almost too acute, dragged his name out of her. His gaze was full of need. They found a rhythm as if making love were normal, not new and frantic.

Aidan leaned down again, kissing her breast, and she lost control. She closed her eyes as she abandoned herself to waves of pleasure, rousing only when he pulled away.

“No.” She grabbed at his waist. He groaned and tried to hold himself away from her, but compulsion was too strong and he began to move again. With a strange, fierce grunt, he pulled out and collapsed against her. She was unprepared for the savagery of his kiss, like being marked.

With any other man she might have minded.

Later, he turned her face to his. “I’m sorry,” he said. “We were both so fast, and I suddenly remembered we’d forgotten protection.”

“No, you were right. The last thing… We shouldn’t take a chance like that again.”

“We won’t.” He kissed her as if they hadn’t just made love, as if he wanted her again, and she could feel that he did.

“Wait here.” He slid off the bed. In the faint light that came down the short hall from the living room, she watched him dress. “I’m not trying to be crude,” he said. “I’d rather hold you right now and I want you to believe I can be romantic—but if I hold you in my bed, we’re going to…”

“I’ll wait.”

“Will you be all right alone?”

“If you’re not gone long.”

“I’m asking if you’re going to leave.”

“No. I should, but I’ll be here when you come back.”

“I’m not a guy who does this and then leaves the next day.” He pulled down the comforter and sheets and Beth slid beneath them, too wrung out to argue.
Aidan tucked the bedding around her, kissing her all the while. By the time he pulled away, she didn’t want him to go, and he was reluctant. “This is what I meant,” he said, cupping her breast through the sheet. “I need you.”

“Then hurry.”

He walked toward the door, trailing his hand down her stomach and her leg. When he reached the hall, his footsteps sped up. The door shut, and Beth pulled the sheets up to her shoulder, rolling over to burrow her face into the pillow.

She expected regret, but felt none. The house up the hill, empty and quiet, waited for her, but she’d rather be down here, sharing Aidan’s bed.

He could talk all he wanted about who he was—who they both were—but she had other responsibilities. And the future no longer felt like a safe place.

B
UYING
“
PROTECTION
”
after ten at night in Honesty, Virginia, drove the pimply faced boy behind the counter to offer a thumbs-up. Aidan took his package, turned down a bag for it and left the store.

He just hoped that kid didn’t know Beth or Eli. With Eli on his mind, he gave the gas pedal an extra push.

What was he doing? He couldn’t stay in Honesty, and Beth had said she wouldn’t leave with him. Was he playing a game that would hurt her?

This didn’t feel like a game. His need for her and his joy in her, had been powerful.

He’d made love with her. He had to have her again. He wasn’t giving her up.

What about Eli? Beth was right. He needed more than another father figure who’d leave him. Aidan was already sure he couldn’t stay away from Beth, but before Eli came home, he had to be able to tell her these feelings wouldn’t change.

He ran into the cottage, shutting the door and locking it behind him. Neither of them would leave
again tonight. He kicked off his shoes and padded through the house, unbuttoning his shirt.

Beth lay on her side, her eyes closed. Moonlight made her face pale against the pillow. Aidan set the box on the nightstand and finished undressing before he pushed the sheets down and slipped in beside her.

She turned to him, her arms opening.

“I thought you were asleep,” he said.

“Mmm-hmm.” Her mouth trailed across his chest, pausing to open, closing and bringing him delight.

“I like the way you sleep.”

“Did you find what you were looking for?”

Her nails slid down his back, whisper-soft, causing sharp chills. He cupped her bottom and pulled her closer. She stopped, apparently startled that she could make him want her so badly, so soon.

“I can wait,” she said, “but you go ahead.”

“I’d hate to rush you.”

“Like before?”

“You were rushed?”

“You were perfect.”

“Not exactly,” he said, “but this time…”

He turned over, pulling her across his body and she raised up, scooping her hair over her shoulders. Taking her breast in his mouth, he pushed her legs wider apart. She backed up, but he pulled her to him again, sliding his hands between them.

This time was different. Slower. And better.

I
N THE MORNING
, Aidan woke alone in a rumpled bed. He sat up, telling himself he’d lost her if she’d gone home. “Beth?”

She didn’t answer, but he heard her voice, faint, yet full of false calm. He already knew her well enough to sense when she was pretending.

Pulling on his boxers, he followed her voice to the kitchen. She turned, wearing his shirt. “Eli?” he asked, plucking at the collar.

She lifted her hand. He couldn’t tell what that meant, but he started coffee while she spoke into the phone.

“You’re sure he slept well?” She waited. “And I still can’t see him?” Another silence. “Two weeks is so long, Dr. Cook.” Silence again. “All right, but you can expect me to call again. No, I can’t wait. I’m sorry, but I can’t.” She turned to Aidan, her expression forlorn. “I can’t be the only parent calling.”

Aidan wrapped an arm around her shoulders, which seemed small and fragile. She leaned against him.

“I suspected the other mothers and fathers would be burning up the phone lines, too. Thanks, Dr. Cook.” She hung up. “They won’t let me see him.”

“But they told you he’d be better off if you waited until he settled in.”

“I’m not better off. It’s hard to just let go.”

“He can probably say things to them that he wouldn’t put into words for you.”

She wrapped her arms around him. “Yeah.”

“Any regrets, Beth?”

“Not about last night.” She looked up. “But don’t worry. I’m not confused about the terms.”

“Don’t try to make me angry so I’ll go away. I was there. We never mentioned terms.”

“I did. You didn’t listen,” she said.

Not listening. “A problem we both need to work on.” He stepped away from her.

“Don’t get upset.” She wasn’t faking the annoying calm tone now. “Your life is somewhere else. We both felt alone, though I can’t imagine you lack for women wanting you. We took comfort from each other.”

“I’m not suggesting a man should live and die by stereotypes,” he said, “but aren’t those supposed to be my lines? Only, I’m not saying them.”

“As long as someone does.” She shrugged, and her hair cascaded over the shoulder of his shirt. She looked soft and sexy as hell and he wanted her, not just because her body had become vital to his happiness, but to make her admit that one night would not be enough. “I’d better take a shower,” she said. “Do you mind?”

Too ticked off to answer, he tilted his head toward the bathroom. She went down the hall, and he ached, needing her.

His head told him to give her room. The closeness they’d found last night was enough to scare any woman whose ex-husband had hurt her. She’d built natural defenses.

The shower started. He imagined her, standing
naked, his shirt at her feet as she adjusted the water temperature.

Damn it, there was one way to show her he wasn’t the only one who felt too much to walk away.

He swore. She’d probably assume he was weak. He definitely didn’t feel strong.

She jumped when he opened the glass door, and she started to say no, but he took off his boxers again, and she backed beneath the water.

He took that as an invitation, but when he climbed in, she climbed out. He swore again as the door snicked shut. What the hell now? He pressed his hands against the tiled walls and swallowed mouthful after mouthful of warm water.

The door opened again, and Beth stepped back in, slipping a condom on top of the shower wall.

“You’re a nice surprise.” Smiling, he pulled her into his arms and reached for the soap as he sat on the bench at the back of the cubicle.

He ran soap down the valley between her breasts, kissing one nipple as he soaped her waist. She stretched in his arms, moaning her satisfaction as he touched her everywhere she liked best.

Finally, she took the soap and began to return the favor. After one night, she knew how to drive him crazy. He was clutching the walls on both sides of him, when she started to straddle him.

She stopped and reached for the condom. She put it on him, and he writhed, barely able to wait. At last
he lifted her onto himself, and they both sighed, wrapping their arms around each other.

He had to slow her down, but she didn’t seem to mind, leaning back, opening her body to his hands and mouth. He held her by the waist and lifted her.

“You could walk away from me?” he asked.

She breathed deep, and he had to let her down. They both groaned.

“Could you, Beth?”

“Right this minute?” She caught his hands, but he freed them and lifted her again. “No,” she said.

“You want me to stop?”

“I want you to let me not stop.” She traced his straining muscles with her fingertips.

“You’re playing tough again this morning. I want you to be honest.” Once more, he let her slide down. Holding on to his waist, she writhed in a way that made him gasp.

“You be honest,” she said on half a breath.

“I honestly can’t let you go,” he said. “And I don’t want to sneak around.”

“We’re not dating, Aidan. You’ve saved my family from a series of escalating crises.” She rose and sank again. His legs trembled. Her eyes seemed to darken. Impossibly. “And you need to shut up.”

She left him no choice.

A
FTERWARD
, they staggered back to his bed and slept in each other’s arms. Beth woke, her first
thought, anxiety for Eli, her second, wonder at the rightness of Aidan’s arms around her.

Then she remembered Lucy, no doubt starving and dying to go out. She slid out of bed and called Mrs. Carlton who’d already taken care of the dog.

Afterward Beth hesitated beside the bed. She should go home. Aidan hadn’t been swept off his feet by unexpected love. She still believed in the possibility of happily ever after, but she knew reality from a castle in the air. Love at first sight didn’t happen between a man who owned more than his share of the world and a woman like her, who had a troubled son, too much debt and, at the moment, no place to call home.

Aidan didn’t live like other men with his assets. The thought niggled, trying to offer her hope.

“What’s on your mind?” he asked, patting the sheet. She lay back down, staring at the lightly tanned chest in front of her, noting each black hair. The bliss of his skin against hers. All temporary, like last night and this morning, each moment she’d share with him like this. It couldn’t be permanent.

“Beth?”

“You’re on my mind.”

“What about me?”

“I wonder why you’re—no, why I’m here. This is your place.”

“Because you went for a walk and I waited, hoping you’d show up. Because I care about you, and you care, too.”

Cared too much. She had her son. He had his grief to recover from. “Did you love Madeline?”

His body went rigid. “Where did that come from?”

“I wondered. She’s on my mind a lot, too.” Why wouldn’t he relax into her arms again? How did Madeline still do that to him?

“Do we really want to talk about her right now?”

“What do you mean?” she asked, warily.

“When I’m making love to you, I’d rather not talk about my former wife.”

That shook her.

“Do you feel guilty?” She sat up, tucking the sheet around her breasts. “Are you still in love with her? I worried about you feeling guilty, but I didn’t think of that. Why are you in bed with me?”

His dark eyes glowed with satisfaction. “I’m in bed with you because I don’t want to be anywhere else.” His mouth, in a slow curve, made her want to sink against him. “My feelings for Madeline are complicated,” he said. “Would you believe me if I said they weren’t? But I didn’t think of her as a wife for a long time before she died. I tried to. I wanted to, but I spent so much time trying to protect her that our marriage changed for me.”

“That’s not specific. Do you still love her?”

“Are you jealous?”

“Worse than that,” she said. “Afraid. You’re not over her.”

“I am.” But he looked uncertain. “I saw a thera
pist for several months, and he said I should move on. Use my name to do something for people who suffer from depression.”

“You haven’t. I would have heard.”

“No, you wouldn’t. I’m not some teenage girl with a dog in my purse.” As she stared, he shrugged. “I’m not as interesting, but I’ve spoken to a medical group at home about building a center that offers the kind of care Eli’s getting.” He stopped, looking self-conscious. “For people who can’t afford to go away. At the worst, this would make it easier for their families to visit. At best they’d be outpa—”

“No.” Beth took the sheet with her as she stood. She found her shirt and underwear.

“Yes.” He propped himself on his elbows, slightly amused, and not as concerned as she about being nude. “I’ve been there. I know it’s moving forward.”

She leaned down to put on her panties. “I’m glad you’re helping, but I asked you about your feelings, and you switched to something you’re doing. When it comes to how you feel, you try not to answer.”

“Feelings.” He might have been swearing. “How can you doubt what I feel after last night?”

“That’s sex. It’s like wanting food. Or water.” Straightening, she flung her hair back. “Or absolution. Eli and I don’t need you to build a little health center for us in my brother’s cottage.” She looked for her skirt, found it in the doorway and scrambled into it. “I’m getting out of here. Why wasn’t I
thinking? I’ll get all attached to you. Eli already is, but you’re looking to cleanse your soul. I will never understand men. You all fool me.”

“You’re jumping to the wrong conclusions because I can’t find exactly the words you want.”

“It’s the only explanation,” she said.

“For what?”

“We liked each other on sight. We’re drawn to each other sexually. You found a couple of wounded creatures you could heal, and meanwhile, Madeline is still in your heart.”

“Heal?” He touched his chest. “Look at me. I’m the one who’s healing.” His eyes widened. “I forgot to be afraid I’d die.”

“Oh, my—” She caught her zipper on the hem of her shirt and tried to pull the zip back down. “Thank God, I didn’t think of it, either.”

“I mean, why would I be arrogant enough to think I could save anyone?”

“Because you lost your wife.” She jerked at her zipper and then her shirt and then let both go. “You’re trying to keep Eli and me alive as some sort of penance to her.”

“Wait.” He moved to the end of the bed, his eyes searching hers.

“I’m overreacting,” she said, “because I’ve just spent the night with you, and I don’t do that often, but you are still wrapped up in Madeline. You hardly say her name, and when I do you can’t talk about her.”

“Beth, you know me. I’m not just some guy.” He
grabbed the sheet and wrapped it around his waist. “I’ve admitted you and Eli felt like my chance to make up for Madeline, but everything changed the second I saw Eli in the woods. With Madeline I knew I was too late. I was—you can’t imagine.” Beth flinched because he still felt so much. “But I got mad at Eli,” he said. “I decided he wasn’t going to die. I hope he understands how fragile life is, that he has only finite moments allotted to him, because I learned it in a flash, looking down at him on the ground.”

“You’re killing me. I don’t want you ever to feel pain, but how did you make Madeline believe you loved her?”

He licked his lower lip and she wanted to sit down on the floor and cry. “I would have said anything to save her,” he said. “I couldn’t find the right words to make her believe, so I made some up—and that didn’t work, either.”

She exhaled as if he’d punched her in the stomach.

“You aren’t like her, Beth. You’re strong, and I don’t lie to you. You can’t trust that I’ll never hurt you because people do that accidentally, but you can count on the truth from me.”

“I lie, but never to you? That’s believable.”

“You’re looking for reasons to go.”