Temporary Perfections (16 page)

Third laugh. She put the car in gear and pulled out. I was looking straight ahead, but I knew that behind me, Pino Noir the Killer Canine was eyeing me, deciding whether to swallow me whole.

“What kind of dog is that?”

“The only officially recognized breed of Pugliese origin.”

“And exactly what is this Pugliese breed? Demon hound of the Murgia highlands?”

“He’s a Corso.”

“Which means …”

“… which does not mean dog of Corsica.
Corso
comes from the Latin
cohors
, for courtyard or enclosure. The Corso dog is a descendant of the ancient Pugliese Molossian.
Pino’s ancestors stood guard over the courtyards of the farms of Puglia, Basilicata, and Molise. Or else they fought bears and wild boars.”

“I’m pretty sure that neither the bears nor the wild boars were thrilled at the prospect. So you like little lap dogs?”

“Ha ha. A friend of mine gave him to me. She trains and re-educates dogs.”

“Re-educates dogs?”

“That’s right. Pino was a fighting dog. The Carabinieri seized him, and many other dogs like him, when they broke up an illegal betting ring.”

“Once I served as counsel in a trial for illegal dog fighting.”

“You defended one of those bloodthirsty bastards that run dogfights?”

“No, I was representing the civil plaintiffs, an association for the prevention of cruelty to animals—they were assisting in the prosecution.”

“Oh, that’s a relief. I was thinking of letting Pino loose so you could argue your case with him directly.”

“Are you sure that taking a fighting dog with you everywhere you go is wise?”

“My friend Daniela re-educates these dogs. The courts assign custody to her—she runs a kennel—and she very patiently deprograms them. She turns them into companion dogs.”

“She
deprograms
them? That’s what your friend does for a living?”

“She runs a kennel and a school for dogs: She trains them. Basic dog training—you know, sit, down, heel—or else trains dogs to work as guard dogs or for defense. And then she re-educates criminal dogs, which is what she calls them.”

“
Criminal dog
strikes me as a very appropriate description of this canine piece of work.”

“Pino is a very sweet, well-behaved dog. He wouldn’t hurt a fly.”

“Oh, I’m sure he’s not especially interested in flies,” I said, craning my neck to glance back at the big black monster, who continued to eye me as if I were a piece of raw steak.

We pulled up along the waterfront not far from my house. Nadia stopped on the roundabout near the Grand Hotel delle Nazioni and lowered her window. There was no wind, and it seemed as if the rain might be stopping. She lit a cigarette and smoked with such evident enjoyment that I regretted having quit. Then she started talking without looking at me.

“Maybe I put you in an uncomfortable situation tonight when I suggested leaving together. Maybe you’re not all that eager to be seen around town with a former prostitute. And there is no such thing as former, in this world. Once a whore, always a whore.”

“Say that again and I’ll get out and walk.”

She turned to look at me. She took a last drag on her cigarette and then tossed the butt out the window.

“So what I just said is bullshit?”

“I think it is.”

She registered my answer. Then she pulled out another cigarette, but didn’t light this one.

“The rain is stopping.”

“Good. I don’t like rain.”

“You feel like taking a short walk? It would give Pino a chance to stretch his legs.”

“As long as we don’t give him a chance to stretch his jaws.”

We got out of the car. Nadia opened the rear hatch and let Pino out. Unleashed, unmuzzled.

“You think it’s a good idea to let him roam free like that, off the leash? I mean, I know they can do miracles these days with prosthetic devices and everything, but still, if he tears an old lady or a little kid limb from limb, there’s going to be a lot of paperwork.”

Nadia said nothing. Instead she whispered something to the dog that I was unable to hear. Whatever it was, once we started walking, the beast followed close behind us, sticking close to his mistress’s left leg, as if he were on a tight, invisible leash.

His gait verged on the hypnotic; it was like watching a big cat prowl, rather than a dog out on a walk.

The dog’s head, missing almost an entire ear, was the size of a small watermelon, and muscles taut as bungee cords rippled and sprang beneath his glistening black coat. Altogether, the dog conveyed a sense of lethal, well-disciplined power.

We walked a few hundred yards without speaking, as the last few drops splattered down and then it stopped raining entirely.

“So why did you name him Pino? That’s not a very common name for a dog, especially not this kind of a dog.”

“Daniela named him. She always gives human names to the dogs she re-educates. I think it makes her job easier, psychologically.”

“How old is he?”

“Three. You know why I really like having this dog with me?”

“Tell me.”

“He’s a constant reminder that it’s possible to change
and become something completely different than what you used to be.”

I nodded. She stopped and the dog, obeying a silent command, sat expectantly at her side.

“You want to pet him?”

I was about to make another joke about how dangerous the dog was, but at the last minute I stopped myself and just said yes. She turned to Pino and told him that I was a friend, and I could have sworn the dog nodded in agreement.

“Before I pet him, I want you to know that I refuse to call him Pino. I understand your friend’s ideas about naming dogs, but I really can’t call him Pino.”

“What would you rather call him?”

“Arthur Conan Doyle would have liked this fellow. I’ll call him Baskerville, if you don’t have any objections.”

She shrugged and cocked an eyebrow, the way people do when dealing with someone a little odd.

I stepped over to the big dog and stroked his head, which felt like petting a small boulder. My open hand couldn’t entirely cover it.

“Hi there, Baskerville. You’re not as vicious as you look.”

Pino/Baskerville looked up at me with a pair of eyes that were terrifying from a distance, but close up appeared to be filled with melancholy sweetness. I scratched behind his remaining ear, then slid my hand down toward his throat, soft and glistening. As I did, the dog closed his eyes and slowly lifted his muzzle, as if he were about to emit a doleful howl, offering up his throat to me, vulnerable and exposed.

And then, as a certain French gentleman once wrote, suddenly the memory revealed itself.

Raising his muzzle, offering his throat like that, was
something that my grandfather Guido’s German shepherd, Marcuse, used to do, more than thirty years ago.

It’s not like memories dissolve and disappear. They’re all still there, hidden under a thin crust of consciousness. Even the memories we thought we’d lost forever. Sometimes they remain under the surface for an entire lifetime. Other times, something happens that makes them reappear.

A madeleine dipped in tea, or a huge dog with melancholy eyes that offers you his throat to be stroked, for example.

That dog’s act of total, deeply moving trust summoned a tidal wave of memories that, as if following a very precise pattern, took no more than a few seconds to array themselves in a coherent and unified map of the long-ago past.

I am not usually able to conjure up memories from my childhood except as unrelated fragments, like so many indecipherable pieces of flotsam and jetsam, bobbing on the surface. But now everything was scuttling obediently into place as if performing some mysterious choreography of images, sounds, smell, names, and concrete objects. All together.

My old record player, ice cream bars, four-color-ink retractable ballpoint pens, Pippi Longstocking, Fruit of the Loom undershirts, “Crocodile Rock,”
Il Corriere dei Ragazzi
magazine, Rin Tin Tin, Ivanhoe, the
Black Arrow
TV show,
E Le Stelle Stanno a Guardare
with Alberto Lupo,
Hit Parade, A Thousand and One Nights
with the theme song by the Nomadi, cartoon superheroes with the theme song by Lucio Dalla,
The Persuaders
with Tony Curtis and Roger Moore, a yellow-and-orange dirt bike with a banana seat, tabletop soccer, golden Saiwa cookies dipped in milk, four at a time, the smell of cotton candy at the Fiera del Levante, popsicles that left your tongue various colors, coils of rope
licorice, Capitan Miki, Duck Avenger, Tex Willer, The Fantastic Four, Sandokan, Tarzan, tossing stink bombs into neighborhood shops and then running away as fast as your legs could carry you, spotting a green Prinz driving along was bad luck, Mafalda, Charlie Brown and the Little Red-Haired Girl, except she was real and didn’t have red hair and never noticed me at all, soft putty erasers, playing soccer after school with a Super Santos soccer ball, the Mickey Mouse Club, pinball, foosball, the little boy who was just like us but who never had a chance to forget all these things because his father fell asleep while driving the family home from vacation in their Fiat 124, winter hats with earflaps, Lego, Monopoly, trading soccer cards, one television station, and then two and that was it, kids’ shows, sticky paste, squares of pizza, milk delivery, the dim flickering light bulb in my grandparents’ kitchen, those single textbooks that covered all of our subjects, plastic book bags, pencil cases, the smell of other kids, the smell of snacks, of Play-Doh, the silence on the playground as we lined up after recess, Lego and toy soldiers, Rossana sucking candies, Super-8 home movies, slides, birthday parties with fruit juice and mini-pizzas, Polaroids, soccer cards, the roller-skating rink in the pine woods,
Carosello
with its ten minutes of advertising disguised as entertainment, baked pasta at my grandparents’ house on Sundays.

The light that filtered through my bedroom door, left slightly ajar, the noises in the house becoming more and more muffled, and last, always, my mother’s light footsteps as I was dropping off to sleep.

The street was deserted and glistening with rain.

I don’t know how long my spell lasted, but it must have been a pretty long time, because at a certain point, in a worried voice, she asked me if I was all right.

“Fine, yes. Why, don’t I look fine?”

“Fine? Well, it was a like a scene out of
The Exorcist
. You looked as if you were talking to someone—you were moving your lips, changing your expression—even though you never made a sound.”

She stared at me for a few seconds. Then she asked, “You’re not insane, are you?”

She smiled as she said it, but there was at least the shadow of a doubt in her eyes.

“It really looked like I was talking to someone?”

“Uh-huh,” she said, nodding vigorously.

“When your dog lifted his head to let me stroke his throat, he reminded me of my grandfather’s German shepherd, who used to do the same exact thing—with the same motion—many years ago.”

“You know, even when he lets people pet him, he doesn’t usually expose his throat like that. He likes you. It’s pretty unusual.”

“Well, when he did, it brought back this flood of memories from my childhood. Things I haven’t thought of in thirty years. I’m not surprised to hear that I was talking to myself.”

We started walking again, in the same formation: Nadia in the middle, Pino/Baskerville to her left, and me to her right. The smell of wet asphalt hung in the air.

“I can hardly remember anything from my childhood. I don’t think it was particularly happy or unhappy, but that’s only because I can’t remember any moments of great sadness or great happiness. If I had sad or happy times, I’ve forgotten them. It’s hard to explain. There are things that I know happened, and so I say I remember them, but I really don’t remember anything. It’s as if I know about the things that happened at that time in my life only because someone told me about them. It feels like I have memories of someone else’s childhood,” Nadia said.

“I know what you mean. Sometimes I’m not sure if something really happened or I dreamed it.”

“That’s it exactly. I think my mother threw a couple of birthday parties for me, but I couldn’t tell you what happened at those parties, who came, or even what year it was. Sometimes it makes my head spin. It’s too much.”

“So, is there a part of your life that you remember more clearly?”

“Yes. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing, but I remember becoming a working girl perfectly.”

“When was that?” I asked, doing my best to preserve as neutral a tone of voice as possible. She ignored the question.

“You know, there’s nothing tragic about the so-called life choices I made. It’s pretty humdrum. More depressing than anything else.”

I made a gesture with one hand, as if to wave something away. It was a small, involuntary gesture, but she saw it.

“Okay, I won’t try to describe it. What I meant is that there aren’t people or events that I can blame for what I became. My family, for instance.”

“What did your parents do—or should I say, what do they do?”

“My father was an administrator in a middle school, and my mother was a housewife. They’re both dead. I can’t say that I had a great relationship with my parents. But they were probably no worse than the parents of lots of other girls who didn’t grow up to be prostitutes. I have a sister who’s a lot older than I am. She lives in Bologna. I haven’t seen her in ages. Every once in a while we talk on the phone. We’re polite and distant, like a couple of strangers. Which is, after all, exactly what we are.”

I admired Nadia’s straightforward honesty and the economy of words she used.

“Anyway, it all started when I was nineteen. I had graduated from high school with a bookkeeper’s diploma, and I enrolled at the university to study business, but I immediately realized that I had no interest in continuing my studies. Or maybe I just wasn’t interested in studying business, but it adds up to the same thing.”

As she was talking, I sorted through my mental files for her date of birth, which I had read in the documents from the trial for which I had acted as her defense counsel. I don’t know why, but I never forget anyone’s age—even people I barely know or know only on a professional level.