Temptation (2 page)

I trudge down the stairs. I hear mom in the kitchen cooking dinner and the TV on the sports channel in the living room. I know dad’s in there. He always watches the reruns of the games he misses due to working throughout the week. My dad always works. He does it to provide for my mom and I, and I make sure to never take anything for granted. There are times that I hate he works so much and so hard, but I know he enjoys his work and as long as he is happy I will be happy for him.

I just hate that I ruined his perfect image of his little girl. This is going to kill him.

I peek around the wall seeing my mom humming over the stove stirring our dinner for the night. She’s still beautiful even though she’s pushing forty-five. To me, she still looks like she did when she was my age. The only difference is she has wrinkles around her eyes and mouth from smiling all those years and her hair has a bit of grey in it. My mom, Ella, is amazing. I couldn’t ask for a better mother. She’s always there for me no matter the situation.

Disappointment in myself makes me cringe. I cannot believe this happened to me. Of all people in our small town, I know I’m the last person anyone expected this to happen to. I’m a shy girl. I’m the quiet girl. The girl who never breaks rules. The girl who’s great in school and never gets into trouble. I’m the loner, the one that never goes to parties or drinks. I’ve never broken a rule or even gotten into trouble. But, one bad choice, one mistake, has changed everything.

I should’ve never have gone with Malcolm to that party. I should never have lied to my mom and dad about it either. The irony in that the first time I have sex, I fucking end up pregnant. Karma’s certainly a bitch.

“Ava, I know you’re around the corner. Come in here and help me finish dinner.”

I jump at mom’s voice. I’m scared to go into the kitchen with her. One look and she’s going to know something isn’t right. I don’t know how she always knows, but she does. How she didn’t know I was lying a few months ago about that stupid party, I’ll never know. Maybe she did know, but decided to trust me.

And I broke that trust.

“Ava?”

I shake my head, telling myself it’s now or never. I clear my throat and I walk into the kitchen. My mom turns her head and smiles at me and moves to the counter to make homemade biscuits. I already know what she wants me to do. This is our thing I guess you could say. She always makes the biscuits and I tend to whatever she has going on the stove. Tonight, she has green beans, corn, black-eye peas, and fried chicken going. My mouth starts to water, but not because I’m hungry. The food is putting off a weird smell and it’s making me feel sick. I try to play it off and try to keep down the vomit that’s trying to come up. I breathe in and out of my mouth and I think of something else. But no matter how hard I try, I know I won’t win.

I turn and run back down the hall straight to the bathroom. I barely make it as I puke. I vomit over and over. I don’t know how long retch, then I lay my head on the toilet seat when I’m finally done.

“Sweetie, are you alright? Are you sick?”

I wipe my mouth and I look at mom. I see nothing but concern and worry written all over her face. I can’t help myself when I burst into tears and I sob uncontrollably again.

“Oh, honey. It’s going to be fine. You must have caught a bug from school. You’ll be fine,” she tells me as she leans down and rubs my back. I bury my face on her shoulder as I continue to cry. I know this is the moment. I have to tell her. Fuck telling Malcolm first. I need my mom more that I need him.

“Mom …” I try to tell her what’s really wrong, but my sobs make it impossible for her to understand what I’m trying to say.

“What is it honey? Are you hurt?”

I shake my head and I raise my head up and I look her in the eyes. I take a deep breath in an attempt to get my tears under control.

“Mom, I … I need to tell you something. But …” My voice cracks as I try to tell her.

“Ava, you’re starting to scare me.”

“No, mom, I’m fine. Well, as fine as I can be right now. I just know you are going to be so disappointed when I tell you …”

“Oh honey, you could never disappoint me,” she says as she pushes my hair out of my face. I close my eyes wishing that were true. I want so badly to believe that, but I know this will kill my parents. They think I’m the perfect child and will go on to do amazing things with my life. Once they realize I lied to them and got pregnant …things will never be the same.

I look at my mom again and I say, “Mom, I’m pregnant.”

I sit on my bed, wondering what’s taking mom so long to come back. I know I shocked the hell out of her. I never meant to blurt it out like I had, but I needed her to know. I need her advice. I need her to tell me what to do. She didn’t say anything when she helped clean my face and led me to my room. I don’t know if she’s telling my dad. I don’t know what’s going on, but I do know I’m scared to death to see dad right now.

My phone starts to ring and I groan knowing it’s either Casey or Malcolm. I told Casey I thought I was pregnant, at school one day when I realized I missed my period. I have yet to say anything to Malcolm. To be honest, we haven’t been together very long, and he’s a three years older than me. I don’t know if he’ll think I did this on purpose, but knowing him, he will think just that. We only dated for six months before that party. He begged and pleaded for me to go. One of his friends from college was throwing it, and he said it was important that I go. So, being the dumb naïve girl that I am, I lied to my parents and I went. I knew I should’ve stayed home that night and studied for my test, but I didn’t. To be honest, the party was fun. Really fun actually. I got drunk for the first time. I danced like a wild and out of control girl but with the confidence I wouldn’t have otherwise. I was the life of the party, so when Malcolm told me he wanted to fuck me, of course I said yes. Under normal circumstances, I would’ve told him no. I always did before that night. But for some reason, I didn’t give it a second thought. I was having so much fun and just living life for once.

I can’t say for sure if my sexual experience was good or bad. I’ve no one else to compare too. Malcolm took my virginity that night. I remember it hurting like a motherfucker, but it did start to feel … good? I don’t know. I just remember afterwards, we both lay there and I got sick. I think I must have passed out, because the next morning, I was at Casey’s house.

That was two months ago, two weeks before Thanksgiving break. I should’ve known something wasn’t right when I didn’t have a normal period that first month. When I saw the spotting, I was relieved and didn’t think any more about it. I thought everything was fine. As the next month came, I knew something was wrong when I didn’t have any sign of my period. Then the morning sickness started. That’s when I knew I had to take a test. I also knew I wouldn’t be able to hide it from my parents. Especially mom.

I’m such a fucking idiot. I thought having sex would’ve changed things between us, but it didn’t. He still calls and texts, but I haven’t really seen him since that night. Casey tells me it’s just him being busy since he’s in college, but I know the truth. He got what he wanted from me. I was the shy virgin conquest he wanted to check off his list. I feel ashamed I let it happen. I should’ve known better. I should’ve known he didn’t love me like I thought I loved him. Well, I still love him for some stupid reason. At least I think what I feel for him is love. How would I know what love feels like? Malcolm is the first guy I’ve ever dated.

My phone rings again and I give up and answer it without checking to see who it is.

“Ava! What the hell? You were supposed to call me the second you found out what the test said. What have you been doing?”

I roll my eyes wishing I’d ignored her call. Casey’s my only friend, but she really pisses me off sometimes. She can be really selfish, and I still have no clue why she and I are friends.

“Casey, get off my back. I was going to call you and tell you, but damn! I’ve been freaking the fuck out for the past three hours. My mom knows.”

“So, it was positive?”

I close my eyes, trying to get my emotions under control. I sigh deeply as I say, “Yes.”

“Wow. So, what are you going to do?”

I want to know the answer to that as well. “I don’t know yet. That’s why I told my mom. She’ll help me figure it out.”

“Are you going to tell Malcolm?”

“Yeah … I guess I need to.” She stays quite for a while and I have to check my phone to make sure she didn’t hang up.

“Casey? Are you still there?”

“Yeah. Look I have to go, Ava. Talk to you later.”

I look at my phone confused as hell. She just hung up on me. I shake my head and roll my eyes. Typical Casey. If it isn’t all about her, she gets a stick up her ass. She reminds me of Malcolm’s mother. Casey comes from a wealthy family as well and she’s sort of a brat. Like I said before, I don’t know why we’re friends. Come to think of it, she just showed up one day and told me we were friends. I guess because I really didn’t have anyone else, I just went along with it.

I hear a small knock at my door and I see mom come in. She looks as if she has been crying, but she gives me a small and sad smile. She walks inside my room and she shuts the door. She makes her way to the bed and sits down beside me. She takes my hand in hers and she squeezes my hand. I look up at her, and I see tears coming down her face.

“Mom, please don’t cry. I’m so sorry,” I tell her as my own tears start to fall again.

“Ava, I need to know what you plan on doing. Your father and I, well, honey, I just don’t see how we can raise a baby. What are you going to do?”

“I … I don’t know mom! Tell me what to do!” I say to her begging for her help. I’m just a kid still. I don’t know the first thing about taking care of a baby.

“Ava, listen to me. I cannot tell you what to do. This is your choice. You have to decide what you want to do. All I can do, and your father can do, is support your decision and help you as much as we can.”

“But, mom … I don’t know what to do. Please tell me what to do. Please!” She pulls me closer as she lets me cry and beg her to help me. We both sit for, what seems like hours, before she pulls me away from her and kisses me on my forehead.

“You need to tell Malcolm, and then you decide what you want. Okay? We’ll take it one step at a time. You call Malcolm and in the morning, I’ll call the doctor.”

Mom’s simple plan gives me some relief. “Okay.”

She gets up and walks toward the door. “Mom?”

“Yes, sweetie?”

“Did you … what … what about dad?”

She drops her head and she sighs. She walks back over to me and places my hair behind my ear. “You’re dad … He just needs a little time to let the news sink in, okay? It doesn’t mean he loves you any less. He just needs to have time to himself.”

I nod and she leaves. I sit on the bed in shock. I knew my dad would take it hard. And it kills me to know that I did this to them both. Mom’s trying to help as much as she can, but I can’t help but regret this.

If I could only go back.

If I could only change that one night.

My choice to wait to tell Malcolm about the baby until after my doctor’s appointment was yet another mistake. I sense him staring and I look up from my menu to stare right back at him. His sky blue eyes seem to look right through me. Like he’s trying to get into my head. I’ve always thought Malcolm was attractive. He’s tall, muscular, and has a great smile. His black hair is a mess and he needs to shave. Maybe Casey was right about him being busy. He looks tired and worn down. Maybe it was a mistake that I asked him to meet me at the local café so we could talk. I was surprised he agreed, and showed up on time for once. We have a staring match for a few more moments and I have to look away. His gaze is making me feel uncomfortable and to be honest, I don’t want him to know anymore. A part of me knew he would act this way. He out right told me this was all my fault and wanted to know what I planned on doing with ‘it’.

“Ava, look I’m sorry I’m being a dick, but why didn’t you tell me you thought you were pregnant? I thought we were together?”