Temptation (5 page)

“Mom, don’t cry. Hey, have either one of you seen Malcolm? He promised he would be here.”

I see a look pass between my mom and dad. “What? He’s not here is he?”

“Ava, honey, I’m sorry. He called your dad earlier and said something came up.”

“Wait. Why would he call dad and not me? Dad?” I look at dad and he seems at a loss for words. I can see he hates that I’m being let down yet again by the one person who said they would be here for me.

“Ava, I don’t know what to tell you. He called and told me to tell you he had something to take care of. He wouldn’t go into detail. I’m sorry, baby.” Dad tells me as he pulls me to him and rubs my arms.

He’s comforting me, but he shouldn’t be the one doing it. I cannot believe Malcolm isn’t here. I know this isn’t the first time he’s lied to me. I’ve lost count of how many times he has said he would be somewhere and then never shows up. I never ask him where he goes instead, or what he does. A part of me knows I should stand up for myself, but the other part of me, is scared to death what he’ll tell me.

We start to walk out of the gym then my parents stop to talk to some of our neighbors. I nod and smile, not really listening to what they’re saying. I just want to go home and put this day behind me. It’s supposed to make me happy I just graduated, but all I feel is regret and sadness. I gaze around at my former classmates, seeing their smiles and hearing their laughter. I clench my teeth when I spot Casey with her clique of friends. She turns my way when one of the girls points to me and I realize what a cold-hearted person she really is. I stare as she rolls her eyes and says something to them. They hide no shame when they turn their gazes at me and start to laugh and point. I hate that I feel remorse about our friendship. I hate that she still continues to ignore me and talk about me as if I don’t matter. I turn away, finally realizing, Casey will never accept I’m different from her. I don’t come from money or talk down to others like she used to do. I hate I let myself be bullied over this past year, but now there’s nothing I can do to change it. I won’t regret making the right choice to have my baby and do what’s best for him or her.

The only thing I wish I could change is how Malcolm isn’t as excited or acting as if he wants anything to do with the baby. I want him to want to be here. As much as we fight, I still want him in our baby’s life. I sigh as I push my shoulders back pushing away all the guilt and I turn to mom as she touches my arm.

“Come on, honey. Let’s go home and celebrate. How does that sound?”

“That sounds great, mom. Thank you.” Mom grabs my hand and with dad following us, we make our way to their car and make our way to the home that I miss more than I thought possible.

One month later

“Mom, is this really necessary? I don’t think I need a baby shower. Can’t we just go pick out some things at the store instead?”

“Ava! There’s no way I’m letting my only daughter go without having a baby shower. Now, go change and I’ll see you outside. Everyone will be here in an hour.”

I groan and walk upstairs to my old room. I don’t know why mom is so persistent about having this baby shower. I mean, no one is going to come. I don’t have friends, and the only other people that I know would come besides my family is Malcolm’s mother. If it were up to me, she wouldn’t have been invited. I can already feel this day is going to be a total disaster.

I shut the door to my old room and look at my bag I brought with me. I’ve been staying here for about a week. It’s been relaxing and I’ve felt comfortable since coming back. I can always count on mom to make me feel better, no matter the situation. I love how things didn’t change when I asked to stay for a while. Both my mom and dad were happy to welcome me back with open arms, as if I never left.

Things with Malcolm and I have gone from bad to worse. I don’t know what’s happening to us. He’s hardly home anymore. I’m sick of fighting with him, and I have no clue what I’ve done for him to act the way he has been. Maybe it’s the pressure of being a young father. He didn’t even come with me when I found out the sex of the baby. He refuses to talk about it. I can’t even ask him what baby names he likes without him acting like a total jerk. I rummage through my bag trying to find something to wear. Most of my clothes don’t fit anymore. That leaves me with little to choose from and I highly doubt mom will like it if I decide on wearing my yoga pants. I find a teal dress and it will just have to do.

I quickly change clothes, not wanting to look at my body. The dress is very snug and I’ll have to be careful how I move. I try pulling at it, to try and stretch it out some, but it’s not giving anymore. Since being pregnant, my body has changed drastically. I’m five foot two, and before I weighed barely at a hundred and ten pounds. Now, I’m pushing one-fifty and I’m all belly. I thank God I don’t have any stretch marks on my stomach, but I can’t say the same for my legs. It’s like overnight I grew this huge stomach and my entire body changed right before me. My feet are always swollen and my face is chubby. I don’t like it one bit and I vow to never to have another baby after this one.

I place my hands over my huge stomach and I smile thinking about my baby growing inside of me. “You better come out cute or all this will be for nothing.” I say to my belly. I’ve been talking to my baby more and more. I don’t know if it’s my maternal instinct coming out or not. But I have been feeling the need to talk to my baby.

My baby girl.

I smile thinking about having a little girl. I know I’ll try my damnedest to give her the best life. I want her to have the best of everything. I can see her in a little leotard dancing around at the same ballet studio I went to. I can see her smiling and playing with other children on the playground. I’ll give her all of that. My parents gave me everything they could and I never took any of that for granted. But now that I’m about to be a mother, I can see why my parents work so hard to give me everything they could.

“Ava! I need you down here!” Mom yells at me. I slip on my flip-flops and I quickly brush through my hair. It has gotten too long for my liking, and I end up putting it up into a bun. I don’t even bother wearing make-up. If it’s just going to be family, who do I need to dress up for?

I look over myself one last time in the mirror and I turn to walk out of my room. I make my way downstairs and I can already hear people showing up. I hear my aunt and uncle talking to mom. I know it’s my Aunt Lynn just by her loud and obnoxious voice. My poor uncle Danny. I see him trying to escape the kitchen but Aunt Lynn grabs his arm and continues to talk to mom.

I slowly waddle my way into the kitchen and when mom sees me smiles. “Ava, why don’t you take this and put it on the table outside with the rest of the food?”

“Okay, mom.”

I take the plate of raw vegetables and waddle to the door. I shut the sliding door behind me and when I look up, I stop in my tracks.

There’s pink everywhere.

It looks like someone threw up pink shit everywhere outside.

This is too much pink. Pink streamers, pink table clothes, pink paper lanterns, and oh let’s not forget the pink cake. I love my mom, I really do, but she really over did it with the pink. I shake my head and place the plate of food on the table just as I was told. I know mom’s just trying to help. I can’t even imagine what she actually got for the gift. Lord help me. Maybe I can pretend to be sick and skip this whole thing?

“Ava, come back inside and greet your guests!”

Okay, maybe not.

Following mom’s request I walk inside to see more of mom’s family coming in the door. Uncle Jake, Aunt Sara, my granny Linda, and my great grandma, Grace. Then dad’s family file through the door. Dad has five sisters and they all walk in carrying tons of gifts. I never figured out how he survived having so many sisters. There’s Tammy, Carol, Faith, Nancy, and Debra. I’m glad they decided not to bring their husbands. I greet everyone and spend the next hour talking to everyone. I still feel overwhelmed with all the people here. I know they mean well and just want to help out, but I can still see every one of them staring at my stomach. They try to be nice, but I know they are secretly judging me too.

When the doorbell rings, I take my chance for a breather. I take a deep breath wondering who else would be coming. I open the door and my day just literally went to hell.

“Tina? I didn’t think you were coming.”

“Of course I would be here. Anna, you’re carrying my grandchild.”

I don’t even bother to correct her when she calls me the wrong name again. I let her inside, resisting the temptation to slam the door in her face. She hasn’t spoken to me in months. Why would she even bother coming? She walks inside and I can see her looking at my parent’s home with disgust. Of course their home isn’t up to her tastes. She rubs her hands together like she’s trying not to get dirty. I really hate this woman. I also notice she’s the only guest that didn’t bring a gift. Not that I was expecting her to. That’s just how she is.

“Come on this way. I’ll introduce you to my parents.” I tell her and I can see her shock at me telling her what to do. She rolls her eyes at me and lifts her nose. Where’s the rain when you need it?

I pull mom and dad aside and I introduce them. I stand a few inches away trying not to listen to Tina talk down to my parents. It really bothers me she thinks she can treat people this way. I look at mom as she looks at me and I mouth ‘sorry’ to her. She nods, seeing for herself how Tina is. I’ve told her so many times how Tina treats me and acts when she sees me. I know there’s nothing I can do to make Tina act differently. She was bred to be the way she is.

I’m so thankful to my Aunt Faith for suggesting we eat and then open gifts. I think she saw how horribly Tina was acting and was trying to defuse the situation before dad threw her out of the house. I wish I took after dad. I’m more like mom. We both tend to let people say what they want and act how they want no matter how hurtful or hateful they are. I know I’ve let the majority of people in my life walk all over me, but I don’t know if I have it in me to stand up for myself. Maybe one day I’ll grow a pair.

We all walk outside and I take a seat away from everyone. My feet are killing me and my back feels like someone’s stabbing it over and over. I never knew just standing for a few hours would hurt so much. Mom sees me and she walks over to take a seat beside me.

“You weren’t lying about, Tina.”

“I told you. That woman’s awful. I don’t know why she even came. Look at her, mom. She’s looking down at everyone here like they are bugs trying to attack her.”

“I know, honey. But people like her aren’t really happy with themselves. They act the way they do because at the end of the day, they want what we have. Money can’t buy you everything. I know it sure helps, but I wouldn’t trade my life with you and your father for all the money in the world.”

I place my hand in my moms and I squeeze hard. I’m trying not to cry at what she’s telling me. She’s right. I never thought of it that way and I’m glad mom pointed it out to me. I thought Tina just didn’t like us because we aren’t good enough to be around her. But it makes total sense the way mom says it. In a way, I feel sorry for Tina. She doesn’t have a loving husband like my mom has. She might have a son, but I know Malcolm could care less about anyone, other than himself.

I sigh thinking about Malcolm. Things need to change between the two of us. Knowing that my baby girl is coming soon, and the way Malcolm and I can’t even be in the same room together, will just make things even more stressful. For us and for the baby.

“How are you doing, Ava?”

“I’m alright, mom. Just worried about Malcolm and me. I haven’t heard from him in almost a week.”

“Oh, honey, he will come around. He just needs time to work through things.”

“I know. I just wish he would talk to me about it. I thought that’s why he asked me to move in and marry him. Isn’t that what married couples do?”

“Communication is very important. Give him time, honey. Sometimes it’s hard for a man to express how he feels or what he’s going through. They just aren’t programed like us.”

We both start to giggle at what mom says. I know she’s right about that too. “Thank you, mom.”

“For what, honey?”

“For everything. This baby shower. For supporting me during all this … this mess. I really don’t know what I would’ve done if I didn’t have you and dad helping me. I know both of you just want the best for me, but I do appreciate you and dad letting me make my own choice. I know at first I wanted you to tell me what to do about it, but now I understand why you wanted me to make this one on my own. I love you, mom.”

“Ava, honey, you don’t have to thank me. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what happens. Your father and I are so proud of you and the young woman you’re becoming. I love you too, baby. How about we open your gifts now?”

I nod, and we get up and mom puts me in a chair and makes everyone sit in chairs around me. Leaving me right in the middle for everyone to stare at. I know mom didn’t do this to upset me, but no matter how much I’m happy about having my baby, I still feel the shame at having people see me as the pregnant girl. It doesn’t matter what I was before. I was the perfect student. Never got into any trouble. All everyone sees is what I am right now. I try not to let it bother me that even my family gives me strange looks. I take a deep breath and push back my shoulders. From this moment on, I will not give a shit about what people think of me. I’m going to be happy for once about being pregnant and enjoy the rest of my very pink baby shower.