Ten Days of Perfect (19 page)

“How is Monica? I half expected her to show up with you tonight.”

“She didn’t want to be around
Josh, obviously. You’ll probably see her at some point this weekend. We’ll likely be here tomorrow and Saturday; there’s
live music here Saturday.” I sensed I was beginning to ramble, so I took an indulgent sip of my beer.

“Yea, Cavanaugh’s
playing here Saturday, right?”

I spit some of my beer back in to my glass. “Uh, I guess so, he played here last weekend. He uses ‘Bo’ for music, though.” I shrugged impassively.
Confident, nonchalant honesty, Ember. Don’t show your whole hand just yet.

“Yea, that’s right. Is he any good?” His tone
was unreadable; my palms began to swea
t a little.

He’s amazing, his soul is deeper than any ocean. I’m fairly certain angel’s
weep at the sound of his voice , and sing his songs to those who are in pain.

“He’s really good. He knows his stuff, that’s for sure.” My palms broke into a full sweat. “Hey, let’s go sit outside.”
Fresh air.

Adrian grabbed two more beers from Josh before holding the door for me, guiding me outside with his hand on my lower back. His touch didn’t send electric shockwaves of passion through my body, but it didn’t feel horrible either - which was a bit disconcerting. I’d hoped it would bother me, to have Adrian touch me. It didn’t. It was grounding somehow - familiar.

“Um, let’s walk a little.” I was too unnerved to sit.

An air of familiarity walked us
down the beach. I didn’t feel like the emotionally wounded twenty-one year old who wouldn’t allow him to love her because she
was scared. I shared a couple of good years with
Adrian, and it was actually refreshing to see him. My heart, however, sat with a man named Bo, who had decided that
Adrian was a smug bastard. The thought made me chuckle out loud.

“What?” Adrian responded.

“Nothing. Just this.” I motioned between the two of us. “Here we are, walking on the beach in Cape Cod, potential business associates.  How are you Adrian? Are you happy?”

Adrian shrugged, “I’m happy. I have a great job, I get to work with a lot of great people and agencies, and I live mostly in Boston.”
This is news.

“Boston?”

“Yea, I travel a lot between the different agencies I help represent. Not a bad life having to travel all ov
er New England, if you ask me.” His tone sounded melancholy.

“What about your girlfriend? Does she mind all the travel?” I looked up at him expectantly.
Please tell me you have a girlfriend.

“
Nah,
no girlfriend for me, Ember.” He turned to the ocean and sat in the sand.

Crap.

“You OK?” I carefully positioned myself next to Adrian in the sand, intention
ally avoiding physical contact.

“Ember . . .” His voice was tight.

Shit.

“Hey, what’s wrong?” I immediately realized I was echoing his words from our last serious conversation. I couldn’t be cold with Adri
an. He’d given me no reason to.

“Ah, man.” He was wringing his hands tightly. “I’m just
, uh,
I just want to say I’m sorry.” He reached out and rubbed my knee for a second before clasping his hands back together.

He turned toward me with clouded eyes, biting his lower lip.

“Adrian, what could you possibly be sorry for?” I had an idea, but my pulse raced. My pulse had always raced around Adrian.

“I know it was a long time ago, but I shouldn’t have done that to you - told you I loved you because I was scared to lose you. I lost you anyway, and we were both hurt. You told me to stop, you said I didn’t love
you, but it
was all I had left to try to hold on to you.”

“Adrian.” I stopped him
.
I’d heard enough. “We were too young, that’s all. I got scared. I knew how I felt for you and it was unfair; you weren’t looking for a relationship.” My m
emory winced against the pain.

“Ember, I loved you
even before
we had sex for the first time, but I was too chickenshit to admit it.”
This is also news.

“Adrian, it’s in the past, OK? No need to drudge it up.” I stood and brushed the sand from my body. The charge that I thought didn’t exist between us threatened in the distance.

Adrian stood, and his soft fingertips grazed my hand without expectation as we turned to walk back down the beach. I considered grabbing his hand; it would be so easy, so us. Instead, I pretended not to notice and continued drinking my beer; his fingertips courting mine for the rest of the walk.

When we got back to the deck at Finnegan’s I was relieved to see Monica sitting there, out of her house.
Sitting there with a suspicious look on her face, but sitting there nonetheless.

“Monica, good to see you!” Adrian approached Monica and as she stood up to hug him, he lifted her and swung her around. She looked far less than impressed.

“Adrian. Boy, you know how to make an entrance,” Monica said flatly.

“Well, ladies, I’m going to head inside for another beer.” He squeezed my fingertips for a spli
t second before ducking inside.

“What the hell was that all about?” Monica regained her seated position.

“Friggen Adrian.” I gulped before telling her about our conversation on the beach.

Monica leaned forward, her eyes nearly bulgi
ng out of her head.

“He told you he
loved
you?!”

“Back
then, not now, Monica - relax.”

“No, Em, no man walks on the beach to tell a girl he was ‘just having sex with’ five years ago that he loved her
five years
ago.” She had a point, and I swallowed it hard.

I wanted Bo to come to the bar; I reached for my cell phone which Monica quickly snatched away.

“Hey, Asshole, what are you doing?”

“You may
not
call Bo until we address Adrian, Ember,” Monica’s
voice was clipped and serious.

“Monica, did I miss something? There’s not anything to discuss.”
Nothing I want to discuss.

“Adrian ‘I fool around but love no one’ Turner admitted that he was in love with you. It may have been five years ago, but he’s still got it for you. I saw the way you two were walking back here. It was like you were wa
lking to class all over again.”

I shrugged, but my shoulders suddenly felt heavier. “So what, Monica, I’m not in love with him anymore.”

“How do you know?”

“What the hell are you saying? You know I’m in love with Bo. What’s your deal?” My voice ros
e
.
I was pissed.

Monica’s eyes filled with tears. “Look at what just happened with me and Josh. We fell hard and ma
dly
in love with each other two years ago and now - nothing. Josh says I might not be his core-shaker.
Ember,
I
know
that Bo told Josh that he feels like he’s known you for a
thousand
lifetimes, and I know that right now you feel that way too - but is it the smart choice?”

Her words tripped me. Monica was telling me to think about love, to think about my feelings for Bo. I’d spent the last week riding the waves of feeling and emotion, playing my friggen guitar on the beach, and
now m
y best friend was telling me to use my head. Hurt splashed across my face.

“Look, I’m sorry, but if you want to be sure about Bo, don’t you think you ought to be sure about Adrian first?” The words seemed to pain her as she spoke them.

“What the hell? You said that you’ve never seen me happier. I’m singing more, playing the
guitar
, I whispered to Bo that I loved him as he slept. I’m in
love
with him Monica and it supersedes any feelings of love I ever thought I had for Adrian. We made sense on paper five years ago, with our intellect and our ambitions. But that was it, just stats. I don’t really see how that translates to right now.” I stood up and huffed to the door.

“Em! Wait!” Monica followed me. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be doling out relationship advice when I’m still hurting. You’re right. I haven’t ever seen you so happy. I just
-”

“It’s too late, Mon, you’re already up here,” I said as I tapped my head.

As I stormed through the door, my knees nearly gave out at the sight of Bo and Adrian at the bar, drinking and chatting
with
Josh. All three of them looked up at Monica and me at the same time, a mix of emotions splayed across their faces. I looked back at Monica, who’s eyes amplified in a “what are we going to do?” sort of way. I grabbed her hand and headed for the far exit; quickly stomping out any residual anger I had toward her.

“We’re going to Lost Dog and we’re going to get drunk,” I said, loud enough for at least Josh to hear.

She smiled like she’d just won the lottery
.
We breezed past the three men who sat there with dumbfounded looks on their faces, each for their own reason
.

One finds themselves at Lost Dog in only the direst of situations.
It’s dark and more than a little dingy, but the liquor is cheap and flowing; exactly what Monica an
d I needed.

I was mad
.
Mad
at Bo for our pseudo star-crossed situation, mad at Adrian for showing up; really I was mad at Adrian for being involved at al
l.
I was mad at Josh for breaking Monica’s heart
,
mad that Monica made me think about what feelings I might have for Adrian
, and mad that I wanted to run away with Bo and play the guitar on every beach in America.

“Do you think they’ll follow us?” Monica sounded breathless, as if we were in an action movie.

“Who the hell cares? We’ve had a century’s worth of shitty days between the two of us this week.” We took my car to get there faster and we were at LD, as we called it, in less than two minutes.

The pounding wails of Lil Jon were the only reward
s
for muscling through the sweaty belligerence of the entryway. We tore up to the liquor buffet with purpose.

“Two shots please!” I shouted into the bartender’s pierced ear.

“What do you want?” He leaned in to hear my answer.

“Does it look like it matters?” Moni
ca shouted in to his other ear.

With a knowing grin, the bartender set up two shot glasses and urgently filled them.

“Here’s to us. We love each other unconditionally and would never screw each other over!” Monica shouted.

“Truth!” I tipped my head back, and let the burning liquid co
at my throat with indifference.

Monica and I rarely went out with inebriation in our sights. That was a pastime typically left in college. However, the past week
had
beaten the hell out of me, and I’d had enough. I fully intended to take it out on what
ever the bartender was pouring.

After our third shot Monica got a text message.

“What fresh hell is that?” I asked in a surly voice.

“Christ. It’s Josh. His first text to me in two days and he tells me that he, Adrian, and Bo are on their way here. Evidently they’re concerned
.
” Monica put air-quotes around the last word and I hooted loudly.

“Concerned are they? Hey, Blake, another round please!” Blake the bartender poured us each another shot.

“Monica, this is bullshit. I’m in loooove with Bo.” The fourth shot was finding its way in to my speech.

“Yea?”

“Bitch-of-it-is, I can’t jump all over him when he gets in here because Adrian mother
-
fucking Turner is with him. And Josh is a dick, Monica - a total dickless dick,” I garbled.

“Ha
ha ha. Yea.” Monica’s eyes started to gloss over and she was swaying to the beat of a song in her head. “And, don’t forget, Adrian still loooooves you!” She pointed at me and giggled before her eyes shot to the door.

“Super, the three musketeers are here!” I mocked. “Come on, screw them.” I dragged Monica to Lost Dog’s excuse of a dance floor.

I positioned myself so I could see Josh, Bo, and Adrian standing all cross-armed against the bar while Monica and I shook it like it was our last night to shake it.
It
took the last semi-sober look I had left
in me to gauge their reactions.