Panic flared to life.
Will she survive once she loses me too?
She
wrung her hands together
as she stood struggling to call forth the steely resolve she was so well-known for possessing.
Frantically, her eyes searched the circle but caught no sign of Dell.
She needed to see him, to know that he was there, that he’d always be there.
When she still couldn’t find him, she recalled his words. ‘You’re not dying Chloe, but being reborn. You’ll still be the same person, born of the same mother. You won’t be kept from your family, merely welcomed into a much larger one.’
She watched as
Briggs bent his head and whispered something to Cindy, then he shifted
into a large gray wolf
and disappeared into the black forest.
What must have only been minutes felt like an eternity as Chloe considered for the thousandth time the ramifications of
what would happen if she ran, if she walked
away from the family,
from
the pack
,
from
Dell.
When she thought of giving him up, a heavy weight settled on her chest and
made it nearly impossible to breathe. She frowned
as she forced her feet forward.
When she stepped into the clearing, no one seemed to notice, but then Mama
lifted her arms toward the
rotund
moon and everyone turned to stare at Chloe. She watched as Mama w
alked toward the fire, an eagle-
wing fan in one hand and the other hand balled into a fist. Whatever she held in her fist, she tossed into the fire and when the wind shifted and blew a slight breeze toward Chloe, she inhaled the unmistakable scent of burning sweet grass and sage.
Chloe didn’t take her eyes from Mama as she approached the stronghold. She was afraid
that Dell wouldn’t be there, that he’d changed his mind
, that he didn’t want her.
The music continued, and the circle parted as Chloe approached, allowing her access then reformed behind her when she stepped inside and walked confidently toward Mama. Mama’s knowing eyes twinkled in the firelight.
When Chloe was close enough, Mama grabbed her hand and then took Bea’s and pressed mother
’s
and daughter’s palms together. “
Your mother's lips were the first to kiss yours when you came into this world. Today, they’ll be last in this life as she sends you
, with her blessing,
on your journey
to your new life as a member of our family, a member of our pack, and as mate to our Alpha.”
Chloe couldn’t stop the tears that sprang forth and as she bent t
o gently kiss her mother’s lips.
Bea swiped her daughter’s tears away and whispered, “With my blessing baby, always with my blessing.”
When Bea stepped back and accepted Cindy’s hand at a place in the circle, Chloe was slammed with the weight of what was happening. She sawed in breathes as she tried to control her
fear
.
She would change tonight and be changed forever. Sac
rific
ing
her
way of
lif
e to accept the way of the wolf, and s
he would do it because she was bound inexplicably to the Alpha of the great Northwest Territory.
As if summoned up by her tumultuous emotions, the wind kicked up and twirled her hair and long flowing gown. She was staring at Mama when Mama’s gaze shifted to something over
Chloe’s shoulder. She turned to find Stevie and Cindy placing a buffalo robe, on the ground next to the roaring bon-fire
and in front of the entrance to the sweat lodge that had been erected in the center of the circle
.
From behind, Mama took her hand and led her to it. Mama knelt and rubbed a hand through the thick coat of the robe before locking her hand in the fur and pulling it up at the edge. On the underside, where the hide was tanned, intricate designs and symbols marked the robe.
“This marks the days of our
kind
,” Mama nodded, “
the winter count of our p
ack
.” She held up a small hand, “Come.”
Chloe knelt unsure of the protocol.
Mama eased her to a kneeling position in the center of the thick buffalo robe.
“
Kneel
,” Mama commanded.
When Chloe did as asked Mama retrieved her eagle-wing fan and used it to draw smoke from the fire. She brushed the smoke down and over Chloe before she turned to the circle and dipped her head once.
At the same time, all
pack member
s that weren’t already in wolf form shifted so that the entire circle, with the exception of her mother
and Cindy’s husband Michael
, was now shoulder-to-shoulder wolves.
The wolves stepped closer and closer until there was no space between them and they formed a tight circle
around Mama, Chloe, and the sweat lodge
.
A flash of movement caught her eye and Chloe locked her gaze on the scruff of gray fur that she could see circling just outside the gathering of wolves.
The gray wolf was larger than
the others, even larger than Briggs. It circled the gathering four times before Mama, still in human form challenged, “He
who
would claim this mate,
do so now!”
The circle broke and the large gray wolf stepped through. Chloe’s eyes found his and relief flooded her when she felt the warmth and serenity that only accompanied Dell’s gaze.
Mama crossed to pull open the flap to the sweat lodge and motioned for Chloe to enter.
Chloe looked at Dell and while he couldn’t speak to her, his warm eyes conveyed his love. She lifted a hand and smoothed it down his muzzle as he stepped closer to her and rubbed his face against her cheek.
Chloe’s fingers trembled in his fur and she whispered
, “Dell I’m afraid.”
Over his shoulder, Mama lifted her arms toward the moon and shouted, “
Mitak
u
ye
Oyasin
!”
Chloe had heard
the words
before
. The phrase
was often spoken by many of the
family
members in pr
ayer
before meals
. It meant, ‘we are all re
l
a
ted’.
To Chloe’s astonishment, once the words left her lips, Mama shifted. Why Chloe had ever assumed Mama wasn’t a shifter she didn’t know and seconds later she didn’t care as Mama threw back her
head and loosed a glorious
and triumphant howl
. Before Mama’s howl broke, one of the wolves in the circle joined in, then the next, and the next.
More and more wolves
loaned their voices to the cacophony of howls
and others started over until the frenzied howling grew deafening.
Chloe didn’t care. She was trying to keep her composure, to fight against her natural instinct to run.
Dell had
warned her that struggling
against the change wo
uld
only
bring her more pain. She’d resolved to not struggle at all, but
talking about
shifting and
actually
doing it
were two entirely different things.
He licked her cheek then pulled back to stare at her before nodding and nudging her with his snout.
Turning, Chloe slowly entered the sweat lodge and pulled the flap closed behind her.
Outside the wolves continued to howl and unsure what to do, she sat in the center of the empty sweat lodge and pulled her knees into her chest and waited.
The chorus of howls stopped abruptly and
she sat a little straighter, straining to hear what was happening. The night was cool with a soft breeze, but inside the sweat lodge was becoming stifling. Chloe pulled at the collar of her gown and suddenly wished she could take it off. The small space continued to grow hotter and Chloe eyed the ground around the edges of the lodge wondering if there was a space for air to get in.
Sweat was beading on her forehead and dotted her nose and she pushed her sleeves up and hiked up her skirt to reveal her bare legs. When the room continued to grow hotter she reached for the door wondering if anyone would notice if she lifted the flap slightly to allow in some cool air.
A growl on the other side had her hand stilling
. Then she realized that the heat was part of the change. She reclined back on her heels and stared at the flap dying to lift it. Instead, she lifted her hands and pulled on her dress. She heard material tear as she pulled at the collar and it was so hot that she didn’t care.
She’d only meant to open the collar a little to allow in some air but once the material was away from her skin she had to have it all away. Her body was fighting so hard to stay cool that she was rapidly losing the energy to do anything else. The last of her strength was spent on jerking her o
nce beautiful gown over her head
until she was lying naked, flat on her back on the
floor or the sweat lodge.
No wonder it’s called a sweat lodge!
She lifted a hand to fan herself, but it didn’t
help at all.
Her tongue darted out to wet her parched lips, but there was no moisture to share.
I’m so thirsty!
She was
laying
thinking about the gallon of purple kool-aid she was going to drink when she got out when a sharp spasm of pain tore through her.
She gasped and clamped a hand to her abdomen hoping it was just her thirst, but seconds later it happened again. It started as jolts of pain shooting through her, but they seemed to grow in intensity and frequency the longer she stayed inside the lodge.
At first she tried to quietly
breathe
through the pains.
God this must be what contractions feel like!
She rose to her knees to rock back and forth steeling herself against the pain.
It didn’t help, nothing seemed to.
The recovery time between spasms grew shorter and shorter until she was curled on her side into the tightest ball she could form. Panting, sweat dripped off her face and she moaned in agony trying to keep from embarrassing herself or Dell by screaming. She wished the wolves would start howling again so that it would muffle some of her pain-filled noises.
Finally, there was no break from the spasms as they lengthened into one steady searing pain centered in her torso. She tried to remember Dell’s instructions.
Relax Chloe!
she cursed herself, but was unable to keep from tensing against the agonizing
pain.
She was breathing so rapidly that she was certain, almost hopeful that she’d pass out. No such luck! The pain intensified and she couldn’t stop the scream of pain that was tore from her throat as the throbbing agony seemed to crescendo. She thought she felt a momentary breeze on her back but was too busy trying to keep from dying to give a fuck.
Sawing in another breath to let loose another scream it caught in her throat when hands lifted her head. She looked up and saw Dell kneeling over her. He lifted her head into his lap and smoothed her hair back from her face. He too was naked.
“Shhhh, baby. It’s gonna be okay. I know it hurts.” Tears welled in his eyes even as her own streaked down her cheeks. “Be strong Chloe, just a little bit longer.”
He pulled her up into his lap and cradled her rocking her back and forth in his arms. “I’m sorry Chloe! I should have never done this to you.” His voice broke when she screamed again, “I’m so fucking sorry!”
Her heart nearly broke at the regret in his voice. He was sorry for what he’d done to her. That he hadn’t asked her, that he’d simply taken her. Her body trembled as she fought against another scream, not wanting him to hurt knowing that she was in pain. She couldn’t suffer through it for herself, but she would for him. She loved him and she’d do whatever it took to be with him.
“It’s almost over,” his voice was raw with emotion as he kept his head buried
at
her throat. “It’s almost over.”
She felt a searing pain in her right forearm and lifted it to see what had happened. There was nothing she could see, but it felt like her arm was on fire. She shoved at Dell’s chest and tried to scramble away from him in a panic, but his solid arms locked around her holding her firmly in place. It was then that she realized he was there to help her. To keep her from running from the sweat lodge and embarrassing herself as she had suspected she would have if he hadn’t been there forcing her to stay.
A burning flare of pain exploded on her arm and she arched her back and howled in agony, her teeth ground tightly together to keep from screaming. Then something was happening. Her body was changing, she could feel it. Parts of her were becoming much cooler.
It started at her feet and shot up her legs. She lifted her burning arm and stared at it only to discover the three familial bands that the pack carried were now emblazoned on her flesh as well.