Tessa Ever After (11 page)

And today, seeing Tessa again, I realize I’m no better off than I was three days ago.

I pull her car into the garage and enter the house through the side door. Singing is coming from the TV in the living room, so I head in that direction. I come around to the front of the couch and nearly laugh at the sight in front of me. A very happy Haley looks up, chocolate crumbs all over her face, while at the same time a very guilty-looking Tessa meets my eyes, cookie halfway to her mouth.

“Jay! Guess what? Mama made cookies and that’s what we’re having for lunch!”

“Shh! You’re not supposed to
tell
him,” Tessa hisses at Haley.

I grin. “Is that right? Cookies for lunch . . . Must be a special occasion.”

Haley nods her head. “And I got to pick out the movie. See?
Tangled
!”

“You’re a pretty lucky girl.” Haley’s attention is already back on the TV, so I focus again on Tessa. “Did you save any cookies for me?”

She rolls her eyes. “We didn’t eat four dozen cookies for lunch.”

“
Four
dozen?”

“I told you I’d make extra.”

“No you didn’t, I just asked.”

“Yeah, well . . .” She shrugs.

“Shhh!” Haley interrupts, her eyes still glued to the movie.

I stare at Tess for a minute, her eyes meeting mine quickly before looking away. When she glances up again, I tip my head
toward the kitchen and head that way, Tess pushing off the couch to follow behind me.

Before I can say anything, ask how her date went even though I really don’t want to know, she asks, “So what’s the damage?”

I lean back against the counter, legs crossed at my ankles. “It was the starter, like he thought. Got it fixed, though,” I say as I grab a cookie from the cooling rack. Now that I can get a good look at her, I see Haley wasn’t joking with the whole pajama-day thing. I raise an eyebrow and gesture to her clothes. She’s in some wide-legged cotton pants with sea horses all over them, and she’s wearing a tank top that has to be from high school—maybe even middle school. The hem is tattered, the material thin and clinging and doing absolutely nothing to hide an ounce of her figure from me. A blink is all it takes for me to recall her in the pale pink shirt when the pipe burst—the
translucent
pale pink shirt—and I have to turn away. Clearing my throat, I tease her about her pants, though it sounds strained even to my ears. “Sea horses. Nice.”

She slaps the back of her hand against my stomach as she walks past me to the fridge. “Shut up.” She pours a glass of milk before setting it in front of me and putting the jug away. “How much is it gonna set me back?”

I wave her off, shaking my head. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Jason.”

“Tessa.”

She huffs, rolling her eyes. “Don’t do that. Tell me how much it is.”

“It’s roughly four dozen cookies.”

I hold her gaze as she stares at me, her jaw set. She crosses her arms, the act pushing her tits up, and—Jesus—that’s all it
takes for me to remember the exact shape of her nipples I saw through her shirt. Immediately, I lift my gaze to meet hers again, and she lifts her eyebrow. Caught. Fuck.

Rather than calling me out on it, she says, “Well, I’m going to be short on payment. This is our lunch, after all.”

“Okay, how about three dozen and a pajama day?”

She sputters, her eyes growing large as she gawks at me. “A what?”

I gesture toward her sea horse pajamas, then tip my head to the living room. “Pajamas. Movie. Cookies.”

“Oh, right. Yeah, of course.” She looks visibly flustered, and I wonder briefly what she thought I was referring to. “You’re not going back to school?”

I know I should. I should leave, if not to stay on top of my classes then to get some much-needed space between me and Tessa. Because I just keep digging myself further into this hole I’ve somehow found myself in where she’s concerned.

But instead of walking away, I shake my head. “Nah. I could use a little
Tangled
today. That Flynn Rider, he’s so dreamy.”

She laughs and turns around, leading the way into the living room. “You would go for someone tall, dark, and handsome.”

I watch her walk away, noticing the sway of her hips, and there is something seriously wrong with me if I’m actually thinking her ass looks good with fucking sea horses all over it.

“Don’t forget cocky, too,” I say.

“So you’re attracted to a mirror image of yourself? Nice.”

“Aw, Tess, you think I’m handsome.”

“Oh please, everyone in the state of Michigan thinks you’re handsome. It’s not a newsflash.”

Except it is coming from my best friend’s kid sister . . .
someone I never saw as anything more than that until recently. Someone I
still
shouldn’t see as anything more than that.

Tessa curls up on the couch, pulling the blanket over her, and Haley looks over at me. “Sit next to me, Jay!”

I snap out of my thoughts and do as I’m told, taking a seat to her right. She gives me some of the blanket, then frowns. “Your jeans are scratchy. You should be in jammies.”

“Sorry, shorty, I didn’t bring any jammies with me. Are you gonna kick me out of your pajama party now?”

She thinks about it for a minute, her brow furrowed as she seriously considers it, then she shakes her head. “You can stay. But you gotta be quiet.”

“Got it.”

I glance over Haley’s head and find Tessa’s eyes on me. I drop my gaze to her lips, and for some inexplicable reason, I want to lean over and find out what that full bottom lip feels like between mine, find out what her tongue tastes like. Shaking my head, I break my gaze and turn back to the TV, trying to get my thoughts under control.

As much as I hated the phone call Cade made to me, I can’t really blame him for it now. Not with the thoughts I’m having about his baby sister. And I could probably use another reaming, because it seems I didn’t get the message the first time.

TEN

tessa

“Mama, Auntie Paige is here!”

I poke my head around the corner from the kitchen and see my best friend’s car pull into the driveway. I also see a hyper four-year-old jumping on the couch cushions, her hair flying around her. “Haley Grace, you know better than to jump on the couch. Down. Right now.”

She pouts, her bottom lip sticking out almost comically, before she drops to her butt on the cushions. I can’t see her anymore, but I don’t have to to know she’s got her arms crossed against her chest, a petulant look on her face. I roll my eyes and go back into the kitchen to finish preparing dinner for our weekly girls’ night, knowing Paige will let herself in.

Not even a minute later, the front door creaks open, then Paige says, “Hey, Haley girl. Did someone give you a fat lip?” And try as she might—and I know how hard she tries, stubborn
little thing—Haley starts cracking up, soft snorts turning into full-blown giggles, and just like that she’s good as new.

While Paige entertains Haley, I finish up. The spaghetti—yes, boxed noodles and jarred sauce—I’m serving is a far cry from when Cade used to spoil us on these nights with test recipes he was trying out, and that makes me miss him—for far more than just his stellar cooking. We’ve Skyped a couple times since the burst-pipe fiasco, and every time, he’s been a little off. Still asking questions about Jason and when the last time I saw him was. I don’t know if I’m giving off a different vibe or not, and the thought is disconcerting. I’m terrified that this sudden interest in Jason is seeping out to talks with my
brother
, of all people.

“Hey.” Paige snaps me out of my musings, and I smile at her.

“Hey yourself. How were classes today?”

“Awful, as always.” She pokes her head over my shoulder, peering down at the saucepan. “Smells good, whatever it is.”

“Spaghetti. And it only smells good because your standards have finally become lowered since Cade left.”

She snorts. “Well, you’re no professional chef, I’ll give ya that.”

Before I can flip her off, Haley calls for her from the other room, and with a grin in my direction, she’s off to play with dolls. In all honesty, I’m glad I’ve got a while to get my thoughts together before I tell Paige about what’s going on. We never really get into the meat of our discussions until after Haley’s in bed, and tonight, I’m thankful for it.

Mostly because I don’t know what the hell I should tell her. Mostly because I don’t know what the hell I’m feeling. I’m confused and overwhelmed, wishing for something with someone
who I’m not even sure exists, all the while wanting something with the one person I have no business wanting it with.

•   •   •

ONCE HALEY’S IN
bed, Paige pats the cushion next to her on the couch, and I plop there, my head resting against the back.

“You look exhausted,” she says.

“I
am
exhausted.”

“More than usual? What’s going on?”

I give a rueful laugh. “What isn’t going on?” I rub the heels of my hands against my eyes, groaning. “I’m just . . . so completely over my head, and I never realized it. How did I never realize it?”

“You mean since Cade left?”

“Yeah. I was so stupid, pushing him away, blowing off his concerns about how I was going to do it on my own. I was such a cocky shit.”

“Well, from where I’m sitting, I think you’re doing a damn good job.”

“You also didn’t see when I let Haley eat four cookies for lunch the other day.”

“Still not seeing the problem.”

Expelling a deep breath, I say, “I feel like I’m trying so hard to catch up, and I’m never going to.”

“You will. You just need to give yourself a little time.”

“Yeah, that’s what Jason said.”

She raises her eyebrows as she studies me, but instead of pressing me on it like I know she wants to, she says, “Well, he’s right. You’ll get there soon enough.”

“I hope so. I just feel like I’m letting Haley down left and right.”

“Oh please. That girl would be happy if she could play dolls all day and eat cookies for lunch, and it seems like you’re doing a stellar job of that.”

“But that’s the problem. I don’t know . . . Some days I feel like I’m trying so hard to prove that I’m the
mom
, you know? That I’m capable of doing this. And I feel like I’m failing.”

“Tess . . .” Paige shakes her head and reaches out to give me a quick hug. I accept it without fight, relaxing into it until we pull away. “You love that little girl more than anything. You pursued the best avenue to get yourself a good, steady job for her stability. You gave up the years where you were supposed to be wild and crazy and not worry about anyone but yourself. And you did that for
her
, so don’t tell me about you failing at being a good mom. You are the most amazing mom I know, and I know damn well you’re better than any other twenty-two-year-old with a four-year-old kid. You need to cut yourself some slack.”

I smile at her after she finishes her tirade. That, right there, is why she’s been my best friend for the last five years, ever since she transferred to a brand-new school as a junior, walking in like she owned the whole damn place. “Do you plan this stuff before you come over or just go off the cuff?”

She shrugs. “Off the cuff, mostly. You know how damn witty and quick I am.”

We both laugh and I relax farther into the couch as we munch on the bag of chips she brought out. Once we settle on a movie and get about ten minutes into it, she says, “You never told me about your date.”

Flashes of that night come to mind, except none of them are
actually of my date, but rather the fifteen short minutes I spent with Jason on the dance floor. I groan, resting my head against the back of the couch, and turn to face her. “It was fine.”

Laughing, she says, “For the record, that is not an appropriate response to something that is
fine
. That response is reserved for fucking awful and/or incredibly awkward and uncomfortable. So which is it?”

I force myself to think only about my time with Greg, not yet ready to divulge everything else that happened. “God, I don’t know. All of the above? I mean . . . I tried. I really did. And he is so sweet. He came to pick me up, brought me flowers.” I point to the dozen roses filling a vase on the dining room table. I
hate
roses. Paige knows this, and she scrunches her nose up as she looks back at me. Taking a deep breath, I say, “He helped me into my coat and held open all the doors for me and asked about Haley . . .”