Tessa Ever After (12 page)

“He sounds like a regular Prince Charming.”

“I know, right? But when I get around him? I don’t
feel
anything. No excitement. No butterflies. Nada.”

“Hmm, seems like a chemistry thing to me. And you know how mediocre sex can be when you don’t have it.” I nod in agreement, and she continues, “And you know how freaking awesome sex can be when you have amazing chemistry.”

Except I don’t. The small handful of partners I’ve had haven’t ever done much for me, save for Haley’s dad—my first everything, and I think that was probably just the excitement of everything being so new, not necessarily
him
. I just always assumed the problems I had with partners since then was me—body issues from pregnancy or something. It never occurred to me that it might be because we simply weren’t sexually compatible.

And then I think about what it felt like on the dance floor with Jason, how his body felt behind mine, all solid and strong, and how it sent tingles from my head straight to my toes and all the little places in between—places no one had been able to coax a reaction out of in a long time. And he was able to do it with a simple dance.

“What’s got you thinking so hard over there?”

Trying to hide the heat in my cheeks, I cover for the path my thoughts took and say, “I’ve never had that.”

“What?”

“That—I don’t know—that all-consuming
need
to be with someone. I’ve never had the urge to rip my boyfriend’s clothes off and screw him on the floor because I couldn’t wait to get to the bedroom.”
Until Jason
, I leave unsaid.

“Oh God, the floor fuck is my
favorite.
”

And for a minute, for one tiny minute, I’m jealous of my best friend. She’s everything I thought I’d be back when I was sixteen and dreaming about my future—college and sororities and boyfriends. Going to clubs on Friday nights and having hangovers the next morning and just being
young.
She has complete freedom over her life. No one to answer to. No one to be responsible for except herself. And she enjoys every minute of it.

And then I feel guilty for that jealousy because if I were able to experience all those things, I wouldn’t have Haley.

“So you’ve really never had that? What about the butterflies?”

“When I was younger, yeah. With Nick. But I think it’s because I was so young and he was so experienced. It was probably nervous butterflies instead of excited butterflies.”

“Not since? None of the guys you’ve met recently have given you even a little flutter?”

No, definitely not any I’ve met recently. That seems to be reserved completely for the man I’ve known the majority of my life.

Noticing the look on my face and the way I avoid the question, she presses. “Ohhh . . . what? Who? One of the online guys?”

I snort. “I wish.”

“Well,
who
? Jesus, the suspense is killing me.” She tugs a pillow into her lap and bounces on the couch.

“It’s nothing. It really isn’t. I just . . . I’m confused, I think, and trying too hard with these guys, hoping something fits, so I’m naturally gravitating to something completely different. And because of that, all this shit starts happening with Jason. It’s like my own mind is conspiring against me.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa . . . What shit with Jason?” She sits up abruptly, leaning toward me. “Girl, what’s going on? Did you sleep with him?” Her voice gets high-pitched, and she reaches out and grips my arm, shaking it back and forth. “Goddamn, if anyone could fuck the cobwebs out of your lady business, it’s that boy. Whew.” She fans herself and lies back against the couch cushions.

“God, Paige!” I stare at her, mouth hanging open. “Why the hell would you automatically assume I slept with him? You’ve got dick on the brain, apparently.”

“I can’t help it when it comes to him. He is
fine
, with a capital
F
. With his smile—Jesus, those dimples—and all his laid-back charm, but you just
know
he would throw you down and fuck the shit out of you.”

“Oh my God.”

“Oh please, like you haven’t noticed how extraordinarily attractive he is. Or how he’s been looking at you lately.”

Reluctantly, I get ready to agree with her about how hot I’ve found him lately when the second part of what she says finally registers. “Wait . . . what? What do you mean? How’s he looking at me?”

She stares at me for a moment, studying me. Then she gapes, her eyes going wide. “Holy shit, you actually didn’t notice.”

I definitely didn’t notice anything on his end, though, admittedly, that could be because I’ve been so preoccupied with everything going on in my own damn head. “No, I didn’t notice anything.”

“Well, I’m telling you . . . he looks at you different now. Not pervy or anything, but there’s a definite hunger there.”

“How long’s this been going on for?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know . . . couple months? I honestly thought you knew and were just ignoring it, that’s why I never said anything. You do like to put your head in the sand.”

Shaking my head, I look at my hands, having no idea what to do with this information.

“Okay, so if you didn’t sleep with him, what do you mean by shit happening with him? What’s going on?”

“I’ve . . . I don’t know. Lately, I’ve been thinking about him differently. Ever since Cade left, Jason’s been here a lot. A couple times a week, checking in and helping with whatever he can.”

“That’s sweet.”

I nod. “It is. You know about the burst-pipe stuff. And then he helped me get my car fixed the other day when it wouldn’t start. Then skipped classes to stay and have a PJ day with Haley and me.”

With each piece I tell, her eyebrows inch higher on her forehead until they’re lost under her bangs. “Okay, so . . .”

I blow out a deep breath. “So, I don’t know. I’ve just been thinking about him as something more than my brother’s best friend. And I don’t think it’s a very good idea.”

“Well, that could be the cobwebs talking, too. The thinking-about-him bit, not the bad-idea bit.”

“God, will you stop with the cobwebs already?”

“I’m just sayin’. He wouldn’t be a bad one to get your groove back with. And what about the butterflies? Are there any when he’s around?” She asks the question, waiting for an answer, but from the look on her face it’s clear she already knows what it is.

And even though I don’t have to, I reply honestly, “So many it’s overwhelming.”

“Well, there ya go, girl. Go get you some of that.”

“Just like that?”

“What do you mean, ‘just like that’? It doesn’t have to be a whole production, Tess. Sometimes sex can just be sex.”

“Okay, first of all, you know that’s not true. Not for me. Not anymore. Not ever, really. And second, ‘just sex’ with my brother’s best friend? Do you honestly think that’d be a good idea?”

“Look, I know Cade would probably lose his shit, but who cares? He needs to finally cut the damn cord. You’re a grown woman with a
kid
, for fuck’s sake. I think you’re old enough to make your own decisions, including decisions about who you’d like keeping you company in your bed.”

She’s right. Of course she is. If I wanted to, I could call Jason up right now, invite him over, and get on with it. Except where would that leave me in the end? The last time I did that, threw caution to the wind and got involved with a bad boy simply because he made my stomach flutter, it led to a road I have no plans of traveling in the near future.

“He’s not what I need, Paige.”

“And what do you need?”

“Someone responsible. Steady. Someone who’s older and knows what he wants, which happens to include a relationship with a woman who comes with a built-in family.”

“So someone like your boring-ass match dude.”

“I just . . . I feel like I need to give it another chance. Maybe I had an off night?”

“Or maybe you’re completely delusional and talking yourself into it because you’re scared as hell of actually
feeling
something for someone who doesn’t fit into your perfect little mold. It doesn’t have to be a giant production, Tess. You’re allowed to have a little fun, even if it doesn’t lead to a white picket fence.” At my scowl, she raises her hands. “You do what you gotta do. Go on another date where you talk about the stock market and the price of gas. But when you come to your senses, let me know.”

ELEVEN

jason

If I thought I was fucked before, spending the day with Haley and Tessa, everyone piled on the couch all day watching movies, only made it ten times worse. And now I’ve turned into some sort of pansy-ass fucker who can’t get a girl out of his head. I’m thinking about the way she
smelled
, for Christ’s sake. I feel like Cade after he got all googly-eyed at Winter. No, worse. I feel like Adam. Bastard always was a sap when it came to women.

And the worst thing is that I can’t talk to either of them about it. Adam will shove me in Tessa’s direction, telling me all the reasons it’s a good idea, and Cade will . . . Jesus. I don’t even want to think about what Cade will do.

Which is exactly why I need to get her out of my mind. School isn’t working. Stressing about my impending doom with my father’s company only goes so far, and unfortunately has absolutely no bearing on what or whom my dick is interested in.

What I should be doing right now is calling one of the two dozen girls whose numbers I’ve got stored in my phone. I should be going out, hitting a bar, and finding someone to distract me. Someone to distance me from everything I’m suddenly desperate to have.

Instead, I’m going right back into the lion’s den.

I pull up outside Tessa’s house and just stare at the large picture window out front. Behind the drawn curtains, I can see shadows moving around inside, and for a minute, I consider just leaving without talking to her. Without doing what I need to and telling her what’s been constantly on my mind.

But I’ve never been a coward, so I take the keys out of the ignition, get out of the car, and walk up the front path while thinking of a hundred different ways to have this conversation with her.

What’s the best way to tell a girl you’ve known more than half your life that you can’t get her out of your head? That, suddenly, I see her as so much more than the pesky younger sister of my best friend?

Taking a deep breath, I knock twice on the door and wait for her to answer. And even though I have a few moments to compose myself, no amount of time would prepare me for what I see when she opens the door. She’s wearing a dress—black this time—that’s formed to her body and leaves her shoulders and arms completely bare and doesn’t cover nearly enough of her legs, unless she’s planning to wear this only for me. She’s changed her hair again since the last time I saw her a few days ago—purple streaks here and there amidst dark brown. And I love when she wears it like this, kind of wavy and tousled. Sexy. Like she just rolled out of bed. And that only makes me think of Tessa in a bed, her hair
spread out on the pillow and only a thin sheet covering her body, which isn’t helping anything.

Her lips—painted in a deep red—form an O when she sees me, her eyes widening in surprise. “Jason! What are you doing here?”

I shrug. “Thought I’d stop by. You going somewhere?” I ask, gesturing to her dress.

“I . . . um. Yeah. I am. Or I was.” Her phone rings from somewhere inside, and she opens the door wider before running off to grab it. “Amanda! Hi! No, thanks for getting back to me so quick.” She pauses for a minute, listening, then her mouth draws down at the corners, her eyes flicking to mine briefly before looking away again, her shoulders sagging. “Oh sure. No, I totally understand. It was really short notice. Okay, have a good night.” She hangs up the phone and tosses it on the couch behind her, muttering nearly every swear word in the book as she does so.

With raised eyebrows, I ask, “What’s up?”

She heaves a sigh and turns around to face me. “My babysitter got food poisoning this afternoon and called to cancel on me about fifteen minutes ago.”

Suddenly, the thought of postponing what I came here to talk about seems like the best idea in the world. What’s another couple hours when I’ve already waited weeks? Months, if I’m being honest. “I can watch Haley if you need to go somewhere.”